An Improbable Love
By: Morris Henderson
(© 2008 by the author)
 

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Chapter Nineteen

It was nearing the time when TJ’s mother said she would be home so the boys dressed and went downstairs. They decided to sit out on the deck overlooking the pool.

“It’s been a wonderful day,” Neil said.

“Oh? Is that because you got to see all that boy flesh at swimming practice?”

Neil laughed. “That was interesting but it was nothing compared to the boy flesh I enjoyed this afternoon.”

“It was wonderful, wasn’t it? It’s just too bad that we can’t do it more often.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, TJ, ... about your comment that it would be as much as six years before we can be together. That concerns me, as well.”

“You said we would have to be patient and careful and you were right. You also said that we can do it and I think you were right about that, too. It won’t be easy but, together, we can tough it out.”

“I hope so,” Neil mused as he stared off into the distance. “But I’ve read some research about gay relationships and it’s not encouraging.”

“Research? What did it find?”

“The median length of a gay relationship is about the same as it is for the first marriage of straights -- about seven years. But a lot of straights go on to second marriages and they last longer. Overall, gay couples break up almost twice as often as married straight couples.”

“Don’t be misled by averages,” TJ warned. “I don’t believe that we’ll break up,”

“I didn’t think I would break up with my first partner, either. But he walked out on me and I was devastated. That’s why I was so reluctant to admit to myself that I loved you. I was afraid of losing another lover. You said it might be six years before we can really be together. That’s bumping up against the average length of a relationship. When you consider the difficulties we will face during those years, the odds are against us.”

“We’ve already beaten the odds!” TJ countered. “What are the odds of two people falling in love as quickly as we did? Pretty slim. But it happened. We beat the odds once and we can do it again. Maybe it’s improbable but it’s not impossible.”

“I hope so, TJ. I wish I shared your optimism. Don’t get me wrong, I love you and I want more than anything for us to stay together. But right now, the thought of losing you frightens me.”

“It scares me, too, Neil, but I will do whatever it takes to be with you. Did the research offer any suggestions on how gay couples can stay committed to each other?”

“Some. It found that gay couples are less belligerent when they argue. They use more humor when they argue. That sounds like a good thing but gay couples that exhibit more tension over arguments are more satisfied with their overall relationship. So I suppose the suggestion would be to avoid trying to be nice during an argument and to let your feelings out.”

“But wouldn’t that just escalate the argument?”

“It might ... unless both partners recognized that it was healthy to be honest about their feelings. And there’s another important part of arguing. The research found that gay couples are not as good as straight couples at making up after an argument to repair the damage. So they have to learn how to patch up any possible hard feelings.”

“Never go to bed angry. Kiss and make up.”

“Easy to say,” Neil laughed. “But seriously, I think it takes a lot of empathy, a lot of understanding, a lot of compassion, and a lot of thinking about the partnership instead of personal ego.”

TJ was quiet for a while, thinking about what Neil had said, and then wondered out loud, “I can’t imagine arguing with you. We get along so well with each other.”

“It can happen. It WILL happen! Let me give you an example. Suppose I said that I really admired that tall blond boy on your swim team. Suppose that I said I would like to go to bed with him. I wouldn’t do it, of course, but I wondered out loud what it would be like. Now suppose ... stay with me on this ... you thought I was serious and you got jealous. That could start an argument.”

“I don’t think I would be jealous because I would know you were not serious. But, to go along with your hypothetical example, suppose I did get jealous. I don’t think I would risk a fight with you.”

“Ah!” Neil exclaimed. “That’s exactly what you should do! You should let me know how you feel. We should talk about it, maybe argue about it. We should never keep resentment or anger bottled up until it poisons the relationship.”

“But how can two people in love argue? I mean, how can they be mad at each other?

“There’s a difference between anger and argument, a big difference. If we argue ... WHEN we argue ... we must be honest with each other. We must be assertive without being aggressive. We must listen as much or more than talk and, most importantly, we must try to understand each other. And then, of course, we must make up. If the research tells us anything, it is that we have to tolerate the tension of an argument and work to repair any damage to the relationship.”

“I suppose you’re right,” TJ said.

“Do you mean that? Is that what you really think?”

TJ’s experience with his father’s cross-examinations allowed him to immediately recognize the real meaning of Neil’s questions. “You’re testing me, aren’t you? You’re trying to find out if I’m just trying to avoid an argument. Okay. Here’s the truth. Everything you’ve said is logical. I can’t disagree with any of it. But I’m not sure I can follow your advice. I’m competitive in sports and even in dealing with my father but I’m not confrontational. I shy away from challenging people when I disagree with them, especially when I value their friendship. You’ve convinced me that I should be more open about my thoughts and feelings but, to be truthful, I’m not sure I can do it.”

Neil smiled and said, “You’ve just done it! I had to prod you but you opened up. You revealed something about yourself that I suspected but didn’t know for sure.”

TJ grinned and said, “Will you help me? Will you remind me whenever you think I need reminding?”

“Only if you’ll do the same for me.”

“It’s a deal! If I was sure that nobody could see us, I would seal the deal with a kiss.”

“We can do that later,” Neil laughed. “Count on it!”

“Did you find any other gems in the research?” TJ asked.

“Mostly the expected stuff,” Neil replied. “It’s easier for gay couples to break up because there are no kids and no need to hire divorce lawyers. Disregarding the emotional toll, it’s often as easy as moving out. Gays are more liberal and less likely to adhere to a monogamous relationship, which decreases the stakes for staying together. And one more thing. Because gays have had to suppress their feelings, they want more passion when they finally get into a relationship.”

“Is that the academic way to say they want hot sex?”

Both boys laughed and TJ continued, “Well, I have no complaints about sex with you.”

“Thanks for the compliment. But I have to tell you something. You were an inexperienced virgin when we met but sex with you is nothing short of awesome.”

TJ looked at his watch. “Damn. Almost six o’clock. No time for more hot sex before my parents get home.”

“You’ve cum twice this afternoon!” Neil said incredulously. “And you still want more?”

“You said I should be honest,” TJ replied with a grin.

The boys talked for another 15 minutes and then heard TJ’s mother call, “TJ. Would you take my shopping bags from the car up to my bedroom? I’ll put the lasagna in the oven. I’m starved.”

TJ went for the bags and Neil went into the kitchen. “I’m glad you can stay for dinner,” Mrs. Ryerson said to him. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m looking forward to a good meal instead of what they call food in the cafeteria at school.”

“Before TJ gets back, Neil, I want to tell you how much I appreciate your being friends with him. He’s been a different boy since he met you. He’s happier and even gets along with his father better. You’re a good influence on him and I appreciate it.”

“I enjoy his company. He’s very bright and mature for his age and...” Neil paused and said, “Listen to me! He’s only two years younger than I am. But he’s not like most 15 year olds.”

“Almost 16,” Mrs. Ryerson added. His birthday is in two weeks, on the 24th. He’s really looking forward to it -- mostly, I think, because his father and I are giving him a car for a present. He insisted on a hybrid so that’s what he’ll get.”

“What can I get for him?” Neil asked. “Is there something that he wants?”

“I didn’t mention his birthday to suggest you get him a present, Neil. And I’m sure he doesn’t expect one from you. Say. Here’s an idea. The 24th is a Friday. Would you like to come by for supper? I’ll ask Isabel to bake a birthday cake and we’ll sing ‘happy birthday’ to him. That will embarrass him but he would enjoy it anyway ... especially if you’re here.”

“Thank you. I’d love to come.”

Just then, TJ returned to the kitchen and his mother said, “I’ve invited Neil for dinner on your birthday. I thought it might make your birthday a little more special.”

“Indeed it would,” TJ gushed.

The boys then went downstairs to the media room to play a video game until dinner was ready.

Ten minutes later, TJ’s father came home, clearly in a grumpy mood. “What’s the matter?” his wife asked.

“Everything!” he said. “I’ve got a case load on my desk and now the US Attorney in Cincinnati wants me to go there to help with an investigation. Hell, that’s what he’s there for! Why does he have to call for help?”

“Are you going?”

“I have no choice. My boss told me to be there Monday morning. I’ll have to fly out of Dulles tomorrow afternoon.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“A week. Maybe two. Maybe more. I won’t know until I get there and find out more about the status of the investigation.”

“Will you be back for TJ’s birthday? I’ve invited Neil to dinner.”

“Damn! I forgot about his birthday.”

“It would mean a lot to him to have you here. He’s warming up to you and it would be a setback if you weren’t here.”

“You’re right. If there’s any way possible, I’ll be here...even if I have to fly home and then fly back to Cincinnati.”

During dinner, TJ’s mother said to him, “Your father has to go to Cincinnati for a week or two but he’s promised to be home for your birthday dinner. I leave on Wednesday for rehearsals in Albany and won’t be home until Sunday. That will leave you and Isabel here by yourselves for most of the coming week. I hope that’s all right.”

Both TJ and Neil welcomed the news because it would be a perfect opportunity to be together but they concealed their delight. Isabel would be in the house but the boys’ pact with Isabel meant they would have lots of private time. TJ said simply, “I’ll be all right.

TJ’s father then said, “I know you will, son. And I promise to be here for your birthday ... because I love you.”

TJ grinned, extraordinarily pleased that his father was keeping his promise to say ‘I love you.’

“And I love you, too, dad.”

Then TJ’s father grinned as though he had forgotten the unpleasantness of the forced trip to Cincinnati.

After dinner, Neil offered to help clear the table but Mrs. Ryerson said, “Thanks but you two go back to your video game.”

The two boys had barely reached the bottom of the stairs when TJ said, “Is that a stroke of luck or what? My parents will be gone for a few days. Do you think you can come see me? Maybe spend the night?”

“I think so,” Neil replied. “I have an exam on Thursday and I’ll have to cram for it Wednesday night. I have two classes on Friday but maybe I can work out some way to miss them. If I can, it would give us Thursday night until Sunday. I’ll have to talk to my profs about it but I’ll let you know. The worst case would be that it will be only Friday and Saturday night together.”

“Call me as soon as you know,” TJ said.

“You know I will. Right now, I have to get back to campus. I’ve got a ton of reading to do and another paper to write. I was dreading having to leave you but the thoughts of being together next week makes it a little more tolerable.”

TJ took Neil’s hand and led him into a corner of the room where they could not be seen from upstairs. They locked in a long, passionate kiss. Reluctantly, they broke it off, they went back upstairs, and Neil left.

To be continued...

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Thanks to Baruch for his valuable suggestions on this chapter.

 

Posted:05/09/08