Trials and Triumphs I
By: Morris Henderson
(Copyright 2012 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 5
A MYSTERY WRAPPED IN AN ENIGMA

Eric waited for Brian to shower, wondering and then worrying about what was taking him so long.  He was about to go check on his friend when the sound of the running water stopped.  He waited some more.  He wanted to talk to his buddy and thank him for the wonderful experience they had shared.  Perhaps Brian would open up and disclose why he was so blasé about their sex and so curt when he immediately got out of bed.  After several more minutes, he saw Brian — a bath towel wrapped around his waist — walk past the open bedroom door.  He was utterly confused.  Why was the guy with whom he had shared the ultimate in sensual experience and the most intimate expression of affection seemingly avoiding him?  Did he feel guilty for some reason?  Was he dissatisfied with the experience?  And why was he not returning to bed when he had claimed earlier that he was tired and needed some sleep?  He had no answers to those questions, nor even any logical theories.

Twenty minutes passed as Eric’s confusion increased.  He had to find out what the hell was going on.  He slipped on his boxers and went downstairs.  Brian was slouched in an armchair in the living room staring at nothing in particular.

Eric chose to start the conversation on a positive note.  “Hey, pal,” he said cheerily.  “I just wanted to thank you again for an awesome experience.  It was infinitely better than I expected.”

Brian glanced up and mumbled, “Yeah.  It was okay.”

Eric was stunned.  “OKAY?  Is that all you can say? 

Brian ignored the question and stared again at the wall..

“Come on, Brian!  Tell me what the hell is wrong.  It’s not like you to sulk around.  Especially after the great time we had in bed.”

Brian glared at his friend and snarled, “I don’t want to talk about it.  Just leave me alone!”

Irritation joined the frustration and bewilderment in Eric’s mind.  It made him even more determined to find out what problem was upsetting Brian.  He sat in a chair near his brooding friend and said, “If it’s something I’ve done, I’m sorry.  If there’s anything I can do to help, you can ....”

Brian erupted angrily.  “DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME?  LEAVE ME ALONE.”

Feeling abused by the violent outburst, Eric left.  The mystery was not only unsolved but it was greatly expanded and even more emotionally distressing.  He returned to the bedroom and lay down.  But sleep was to elude him for several hours.  Memories of the exhilarating experience of his first sexual encounter with a guy — something that he had yearned for — contrasted sharply with Brian’s inexplicable behavior afterwards. The joy of sex had been ruined, forever corrupted by Brian’s antipathy and anger.  It seemed that unless Brian overcame whatever it was that caused his very uncharacteristic behavior there would be no more sex.  Even the friendship that had developed slowly but recently blossomed seemed doomed.  It was well past midnight when Eric fell into a fitful sleep.  Alone in the bed.

Brian also found sleep to be impossible as he struggled to sort out his emotions.  He had been pleasantly surprised when Eric’s behavior confirmed a definite sexual preference.  All the planning of a seduction strategy was unnecessary but it had been a challenge he couldn’t resist.  He had enjoyed hatching and refining his scheme and he had enjoyed the prospect of achieving an unlikely goal.  The thrill of the hunt had motivated him.  In fact, he had been almost obsessed with the hope of conquest.  His first sex with a guy would be the realization of a dream.  That it was unlikely — because of his looks and inability to socialize — only made the effort more interesting.  The sex was thoroughly exciting and satisfying: the free access to a naked male, the exploration of a handsome body, the feel and exquisite taste of a cock in his mouth, the salty-sweet taste of cum on his tongue, and of course the overpowering sensations of receiving his first blow job.  His conquest was hugely gratifying, which paradoxically presented a huge problem.

As he sat brooding in the living room, he was profoundly worried about something he hadn’t sufficiently considered.  And he punished himself for not doing so.   He knew he was unattractive and had no interpersonal skills so his chances for finding a partner were slim.   But then he became good friends with Eric.  He developed a genuine affection for him.  And they had sex.  The euphoria of the sex amplified his attraction to and affection for his friend.  It could easily grow into love and a committed relationship.  He wanted a sexual partner and a loving relationship with a man — specifically, with Eric.  But he also wanted an education and a career.  He would be enrolling in MIT, a prestigious university in Massachusetts, in the fall and major in electrical engineering with, perhaps, graduate work to earn a PhD.  It was just the sort of life that he knew would be appropriate for his interests and his personality.

Prior to having sex with Eric he regarded the event as nothing more than gratification of primal urges.  He would seduce his friend (or a mutual seduction he now wondered).  He would enjoy further physical pleasures before he went away to college.  But his emotional attraction to Eric irreversibly changed everything,  An imponderable dilemma struck him completely unexpectedly like a bolt of lightning at the worst possible time — just as Eric had begun to suck his cock.  He feared that the mouth on his cock, the mouth of a person he had developed a deep affection for, might jeopardize his important goal of an education and a fascinating career.  Maintaining and nurturing a gay relationship while in school would be a distraction from the arduous task of earning a degree from a very competitive university.  Worse, given the rampant intolerance and persecution of homosexuals throughout society [in the early 1970s], his career opportunities would be severely limited by bigoted recruiters and employers.

He faced two unacceptable alternatives: loving sex or long-term success in a career.  He saw no way to have both.

He continued to struggle with his problem as the young man who had stolen his heart was upstairs.  He regretted his thoughtless comment (“Don’t just fool around down there.  Get me off!  I need to cum!”).  He regretted forcefully pulling Eric off his cock and complaining about the cum that leaked into his pubic hair.  But the torment of possibly having to choose between a lover and a career disrupted his normally rational thinking.  He HAD to leave the bedroom abruptly (another thing he regretted), shower, and go downstairs to think through his dilemma.

When Eric came into the living room with a cheerful greeting it was an unwelcome intrusion into his thoughts and he reacted angrily.  That, he soon realized, was yet another mistake and he cursed himself for being so irritable and rude.

After agonizing over the dilemma for a long time, he chose education and career.  He would have to sacrifice the other, less important goal of companionship with a gay partner.  Living with his secret identity but achieving success in a career he enjoyed was clearly the best choice.

Before finally allowing himself to go to sleep, he had made a painful decision.  He had to terminate his friendship with Eric because it would be too much of a temptation to continue having sex.  It would risk becoming what he considered to be a slave to his lust and he would be controlled by his growing affection for a lover.

<><><><><> 

The next morning, Eric was still alone in the bed.  He went downstairs and found Brian asleep on the sofa, covered with a blanket.  Quietly, he fixed himself a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice.  He lingered over breakfast, hoping his buddy would awaken and be willing to talk about what was obviously bothering him.  Nearly an hour later, however, he went upstairs to get dressed.

Eric tried to study for a test but it was useless.  He could think of nothing except Brian’s mysterious behavior.  Two hours later, Brian walked into the bedroom wearing only the towel from last night’s shower.  Eric greeted him with a pleasant, “Good morning.”

Brian did not answer but gathered his clothes and walked out, leaving Eric even more puzzled than before.  The befuddled teen became increasingly angry at his friend’s inexplicable attitude.  His anger displaced what little affection remained for his friend.  After a few minutes, he decided to get some answers.  He went downstairs where he confronted Brian who was finishing a bowl of cereal.  “Enough of this silent treatment, Brian!  I think I deserve an explanation.  What the hell is your problem?”

Brian glared at Eric menacingly for a long time, summoning up his previous resolve to sever the friendship.  There was no gentle way to do that, he had concluded.  “You don’t deserve anything more than you’ve already got.  You’ve got a place to stay ... three meals a day ... and a bit of sex.”

Reigning in his anger and adopting a calm tone of voice, Eric said, “I’m grateful for all of that.  I’ve told you that a hundred times.  But I don’t understand why you’ve changed so quickly.  You’re not the guy you normally are.  We were good friends.  For a long time.  What happened?”

In spite of Brian’s lingering affection for the one guy who had been his friend for years and who could become a lover, he felt compelled to play the role of villain.  “Yeah.  We WERE friends.  But it can’t continue.  Is that plain enough for your feeble mind?”

“And why not?” Eric asked incredulously.

“Think about it, shithead!” Brian growled and walked out of the kitchen.

The rest of the day was punctuated by occasional frosty exchanges between the two young men.  Each of Eric’s attempts to engage Brian in conversation, even about neutral subjects, was ignored or met with scorn.  Brian disliked having to do that because, at the deepest level, he still liked Eric.  But his determination to dissolve the friendship was paramount.  Eric disliked even more the treatment he was getting.  Disappointment, frustration, irritation, and an increasing sense of hopelessness dominated his thinking and depressed his spirits.

By evening, he gave up trying to reach out to Brian.  Without saying “Good night” to his friend (Was he still a friend?), Eric got ready for bed, wondering whether he would sleep alone for another night.  He lay in bed reviewing the events leading up to his buddy’s sudden change in behavior and attitude but found no clues that would suggest a reason.  Before falling asleep he made a decision.  He would give Brian more time to reconsider and at least show signs of returning to his normal self.  If he didn’t open up — even a little bit — to thaw the icy atmosphere, there was only one thing to do: tolerate the situation for as long as he could.  He briefly considered another option, leaving his new home, but rejected it because he didn’t want to live on the streets.

He woke up Sunday morning alone.  Apparently, Brian had slept again on the sofa.  That strongly suggested that the troubled teen didn’t want any contact.  Was it because of guilt over the sex they had?  Eric simply didn’t know ... and had been unsuccessful in all attempts to find out. 

<><><><><> 

Brian’s parents were due to arrive home just past seven that evening.  Eric wondered what their reaction would be to their son’s dramatic transformation from a happy young man to an aloof person whose antipathy toward his friend was obvious.

Mrs. Winston called in the early afternoon to say that their flight from Sacramento had been cancelled, they would try to get another flight, and don’t expect them home until possibly very late ... or even the next day.  Eric deduced the message on the basis of Brian’s side of the conversation but nevertheless inquired, “Your parents have a problem with the flight home?”

Brian grunted, “Yeah.  As if you cared!”

“Of course I care, Brian.  I don’t want to see people I like having trouble ... just like it upsets me when you obviously have a problem with something and won’t talk about it.”

“HAD a problem!” Brian snarled.  “But I’ve solved it.  And I don’t need you pestering me about it!”

“Have it your way, then.  But know that I’m willing to help if I can.”

Brian erupted.  “I don’t need your help, shithead!  I can get along perfectly well by myself!  WITHOUT YOU!”

The implication of the last sentence was like a dagger in Eric’s heart.  He had been clinging to the hope that Brian would get over whatever it was that upset him and the damage to their friendship could be repaired.  “What’s that mean — without me?” he asked.

“It means what I said!” Brian snarled.  “It means I’m better off without you.  But you’re here so I guess I have to live with you being around.”

Eric suspected but refused to believe that he was the cause of his buddy’s problem.  He couldn’t think of anything he had done to cause the irritability and angry outbursts.  But what he had just heard was undeniable proof that he had done something ... he did not know what — to alienate Brian.  Without anticipating the consequences, he asked, “Do you want me to leave?”

“YES!  The front door is right over there.  I don’t give a flying fuck where you go but don’t come back.”

Eric, stunned into speechlessness and emotionally devastated, went upstairs.  And sobbed.  His best friend — the one who rescued him for his drunken father, the one with whom he had developed such a rapport and affection, the one to whom he had eagerly given his virginity — was effectively ordering him out of the house that had become his home.  He faced the dismal plight once more of homelessness.

Brian retreated to the basement recreation room and released a torrent of tears.  He hated himself for being so cruel to Eric.  Unsuccessfully, he tried to justify his unforgivable actions with the logic he had used to choose education and a career over the one guy who might have become a loving partner. 

To be continued...

My thanks to Iatia for his consistently meticulous editing and for his continuing encouragement.
 

Posted:07/27/12