Surrogate Father II
By:
Morris Henderson
(© 2011 by the author)
The author retains all rights. No reproductions
are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
The marriage ceremony at Sherry’s church was brief. When it came time for the groom to kiss the bride, a perceptive observer would notice the lack of passion in the ritualistic expression of love. Corey, watching his lover kiss his mother, was suddenly weighed down with a variety of emotions. There was impatience that the charade would soon be over. There was sympathy for his gay lover and his mother having to endure what was surely unpleasant for them both. Or was it unpleasant for them? Could their kiss be more than playing a role? Disquieting tinges of jealously surfaced in his mind. He should be the one kissing the most important man in his life ... not a woman ... not his mother. The kiss, however, was almost mechanical. Neither Mike nor Sherry expresed any passion. There was a bond between them to be sure but it never rose beyond the level of respect and friendship that had matured during the many years that Mike filled the role of surrogate father to her young son. Still, Corey resented the apparent infidelity of his lover.
The marriage was a deception to create a façade of respectability. Sherry didn’t approve of her son’s gay relationship but grudgingly accepted it. And since her son professed to be gay, Mike would be an acceptable partner. He had virtually taken the place of Corey’s father who died when her son was an infant and had an admirable character. Recognizing the inevitability of her son living with the older man, she had no choice but to allow the homosexual union. She suggested, however, the pretense of a marriage and offered the basement apartment of her house to avoid scandalous gossip among congregants at her church if her son’s homosexuality were to become known. It was, she reasoned, better than having her son move in with Mike, which would arouse all sorts of suspicions. The newlyweds would never share a bed but would maintain the appearance of marriage.
Mike moved into the Hopkins house the day after the wedding ceremony. Mike and Corey’s first night in their new home was bliss, a consummation of their union as gay partners. Their thoughts and actions were concentrated exclusively on each other and on the intensely satisfying emotional and physical bond that each had craved.
The ecstasy enjoyed by the two lustful lovers contrasted sharply with the agony that Sherry was suffering in her upstairs bedroom. She knew, of course, what would be going on in the basement apartment but couldn’t bring herself to think of it in detail; it was too ... well ... abnormal and, in fact, disgusting. She had agreed to the homosexual relationship and even suggested that it take place in her home. But that was when her rational mind was in charge. Now, it was her emotions that tormented her. Her son, for whom she had such great expectations, was queer ... and now living in sin. Her hopes for grandchildren were dashed. Two floors below, her only son was engaging in forbidden and abhorrent behavior. Where had she failed as a mother? What could she have done to protect her son from the influence of a man who, in spite of outward appearances, was a degenerate sinner? Refusing to accept the reality of Corey’s inborn sexual preference, she put the blame on Mike. But there was nothing she could do about it. It was, of course, hypocritical to permit the deviant behavior while outwardly professing to be a good Christian but she squelched those thoughts. The sham marriage must continue to present a respectable image to all her friends. It was a trap of her own making and there was no escape. The only consolation was that she had made her beloved son happy, a thought that allowed her, after agonizing for hours, to fall asleep.
<><><><><>
It was midmorning before Mike and Corey awoke after a prolonged night of lovemaking. Their exploration of a wide variety of sexual stimulation provided pleasures that were punctuated by crescendos of orgasmic release. Technically, neither was a virgin but it was the first time either had enjoyed unfettered sex as an expression of mutual love. It was the fulfillment of a wish each had held in secret. Their relationship — a boy and surrogate father — had been a familial type of love for more than a decade but, as Corey reached the stage of youthful manhood, a new type of love emerged — imperceptibly at first — an undeniable romantic love — accompanied by primal lust. Both had yearned to express that love intimately but each for his own reasons had restrained himself from voicing what he most wanted before they confessed their mutual attraction to each other.
Reluctantly, they disentwined themselves to take care of the customary morning bathroom rituals that included their first time showering together. The affectionate and arousing attention to each other’s bodies inevitably resulted in their returning to bed where they made love passionately up to, including, and beyond intense orgasms. They had no thoughts of anyone other than themselves as they cuddled together in bed.
Corey’s mother, meanwhile, had left for work but she found it difficult to concentrate on her job. She guessed quite rightly what her son and his older lover had been doing the previous night but tried, unsuccessfully, not to think about it. She still regarded homosexuality as sinful and deviant. And still resented what she thought was Mike’s seduction and corruption of her son.
Sherry reminded herself of the agreement she, Mike, and her son had made. Their pact included all the situations they could think of. The door at the top of the stairs would be closed at all times. Although it was one house, it was two separate homes. She would not intrude into the two lovers’ home unless invited nor would the men venture upstairs uninvited. She understood that Mike and Corey wanted to live independently as a couple without intrusions from her in her role as mother, landlord, and sham wife. Her priorities were her son’s happiness and avoiding the scandal of her son’s relationship with another man. They had even agreed on a myriad of other details to ensure privacy but at the same time maintain the illusion of a new husband moving into a single mom’s house. Mike and Corey could come and go as they pleased through a separate doorway to the outside. There would be a separate telephone line to the downstairs apartment. Gas and electricity would remain on a single bill but were factored into the rent that Mike insisted on paying. Mike could use half of the two-car garage since it would bolster the neighbors’ perception of a “normal” marriage. They would have the same mailing address but would remove only their own mail from the mail box each day. And on and on.
It all seemed so workable but, over time, difficulties would arise that jeopardized what they hoped would be a happy accommodation of everyone’s needs. Not the least of these difficulties was Sherry’s lingering belief that Mike had led her son astray.
<><><><><>
It was lunch time when Mike and Corey finally got out of bed and dressed. Throughout the afternoon, they unpacked several boxes of personal items that Mike had brought from his old apartment — clothes, toiletries, dishes, cookware, some books and CDs — just the minimum to get by. His furniture and countless other boxes of things he wouldn’t need immediately had been put in storage.
Having finished that task, Corey said, “All my stuff is in my old room upstairs. I’ll go get it.”
“No, you won’t!” Mike said. Corey was stunned at the emphatic tone.
“And why not?” Corey asked in what sounded like a confrontational way.
“Because your mother’s at work and not home. Remember our agreement? Two separate living quarters. No roaming free in the other person’s home unless invited.”
“But she won’t mind,” Corey objected.
“Probably not,” Mike said more softly as he retreated from the role of surrogate father chiding a misbehaving child. “But a deal’s a deal. We can’t start down a slippery slope.”
“Okay,” Corey said with an expression that suggested both that he felt punished for his lack of judgment and resignation to the restrictions of the separate quarters agreement.
Mike sensed the disappointment; he had seen the same reaction many times when his young friend was growing up. He hugged his lover and explained, “If we want privacy from her then we have to honor our agreement. We both have to remind ourselves from time to time that we’re living in separate homes. We can’t just roam free in somebody else’s home. If we violate that agreement, then we’re risking our own privacy.”
“Sorry,” Corey said contritely. “You’re right, of course. I guess it’ll take some getting used to.”
“She’ll be home in an hour or so. You can get your things after supper. And I have a suggestion for when you do.”
“And that is?”
“Your mother’s been through some tough times. Having a gay son. His loving an older man. Our living here. Trying to maintain appearances of a proper family. She’s been wonderful but I suspect that deep inside she’s hurting. When you do get your things, take time to tell her how much you love her. I think she needs to hear that. She needs to know that you’re not abandoning her.”
Corey grinned. “That’s one of the reasons I love you, Mike. You’re always thinking of how other people feel and what they need.”
“Oh!” Mike responded with fake disappointment. “I thought all along it was my cock and ass that appealed to you.”
“That, too,” he said, chuckling..
“PROVE IT!” Mike exclaimed. “We’ve got at least an hour before supper.
Corey burst out laughing and Mike joined in. They walked to the bedroom and were both naked and hard in no time. If it were a competition to see who could pleasure the other more it would have to be called a draw. Although they were still learning the other’s most arousing treatment, they made the most of the opportunity to use hands and mouths to deliver the maximum of erotic enjoyment.
<><><><><>
That evening, Corey retrieved his clothes and personal items from his upstairs bedroom. Following Mike’s advice, he paused to tell his mother that he loved her. He was stunned when she began to cry. He couldn’t remember ever seeing his mother cry. (He was a mere infant when his father died and she cried for days.)
“What’s the matter, Mom?” Corey asked.
It took a lot of coaxing but the woman finally admitted the reason: her son had been lead astray by a pervert. By this time, she was shaking with sobs.
Corey hugged her and waited for her sobs to abate before saying, “Mom, Mike did nothing wrong. I’m the one who started it all. Remember when he took me to urgent care? And the conversation we had when you found out? The fact is, Mom, that I’m gay. It’s not something I chose to be; it’s what I am. I talked to Mike about it a lot. He helped me through the denial, the guilt, and the depression. I didn’t know then that he was also gay. It was only later — after my affair with Jacob — that I found out. By then, I realized that he was the kind of person that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I got up the nerve to ask him for ... well ... to have sex. He REFUSED! He’d have no part of it. But I persisted and continued to ask him. Eventually, I convinced him that I wanted him as a life partner. So there you have it. He didn’t seduce me. If anything, I was the one who first suggested it and, in time, overcame his resistance. So don’t blame Mike. And never forget that I love you.”
“Forgive me, Corey,” Sherry said through her receding tears. “I guess I jumped to a conclusion. Maybe because I still couldn’t fully accept that my son was queer ... oops, sorry, ‘gay’ is the politically correct term. Thanks for setting me straight.”
“One more thing,” Corry said. “I wasn’t around when you fell in love with my dad but I’m pretty sure that your love for him was like my love for Mike. Also ... I’ll put this delicately ... you and my dad expressed your love for each other at night and I’ll bet it was wonderful. Well, I feel the same way when I’m with Mike. I have the very best partner I could ever hope for. And the very best mom I could ever hope for. I love you both ... differently, of course, but I’m grateful for my good fortune.
A smile finally returned to Sherry’s face as she said, “I love you, too, son. Now get back to Mike. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?” Corey asked.
“Very! Now get back downstairs.”
<><><><><>
A week later, Sherry opened the door at the top of the stairs and called down, “Mike, can you come up? Pastor Thompson is here.”
Mike knew what that meant. He would have to play the role of husband for appearances sake. “Be right there,” he called back. Turning to Corey, he said softly, “Gotta go. Hope it doesn’t take too long.”
“You know why he’s here,” Corey said. “He’s going to invite you to church service to welcome you into the congregation.”
“It figures,” Mike replied ruefully. “But you know how I feel. I’ve got no patience for dogmatic interpretations of the Bible ... or I should say the misinterpretations by many denominations. I’ll try to behave myself but it could get ugly. Wish me luck.”
After cordial greetings, the minister and the “married” couple settled into the living room. The pastor began the conversation. “I just stopped by to get acquainted. Sherry has told me so much about you ... how good you have been to young Corey as he grew up without a father. I’m delighted that you can be a full-time father to him now.”
“As I am,” Mike replied. “He’s been a joy to me over the years and I’m proud of the admirable young man he’s become.”
“You and Sherry make a fine couple,” the pastor said. “I pray that God will bless all of you.”
In an attempt to steer the conversation away from religion, Mike said, “Nobody can replace Corey’s real father but I’ll do my best to continue to be there for him.”
“I’m sure you will,” the cleric mused, “As you always have since his father was killed. No doubt he’s looking down from Heaven and is pleased with what you’ve done for his son ... and that Sherry now has a loving husband. I want you to know that we’re all pleased to have you as a new member of our church and we look forward to seeing you at worship service Sunday morning.”
The comment irritated Mike. It wasn’t an invitation; it was presumption that Mike WOULD attend. There seemed to be no way to avoid what Mike had feared. He glanced at Sherry with his eyebrows raised as if asking, “Shall I tell him?” She gave a slight nod of approval so he confronted the situation directly. “Well, Pastor Thompson, I’m afraid I’m not a regular church-goer. Don’t get me wrong, I live a Christian life ... to the best of my ability ... but I much prefer to do so on my own.”
Sherry, who had also feared the initial meeting with the pastor because she and Mike had discussed his views of organized religion, spoke up, hoping to avert an argument. “Mike and I have discussed this at length. We’ve agreed that he needn’t attend church. I hasten to add that he’s one of the finest Christians I’ve ever met. He has more compassion for others than anyone I’ve met. If the measure of a Christian man is ‘do unto others’ then Mike is at the top of the scale.” (She tactfully chose not to say — “better than many in the congregation who forgot about compassion, love, and honor as soon as they resume their weekday lives.”)
“It was a sticking point,” Mike quickly added. “As we contemplated marriage, we examined very closely the role that religion would play in our lives. Sherry takes great pleasure in the camaraderie with members of your church and is inspired by your sermons. Consequently, I fully support her continuing active involvement in the church. She, on the other hand, understands that I will not accompany her to services.”
The pastor was speechless for a moment but then said, “The Lord has said that salvation is ...”
“Pardon me for being blunt. Or should I say honest?” Mike interrupted. His patience was quickly evaporating and his irritation surfaced when he continued, “If my failure to attend church services condemns me to the fires of Hell, so be it. If, however, my good deeds earn me a place in Heaven, I’ll accept that.”
“But the Bible tells us....”
Mike interrupted again. “I don’t want to get into a theological discussion. I left the only church I ever belonged to because of its explicit policies that discriminated against African-Americans and subjugated women ... all founded on the alleged revelations to the church leadership. I’ve not found an organized religion that consistently teaches love of God and love of mankind. So I will be guided by my own faith in a Divine Creator and not by someone else’s interpretation of scripture. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go back downstairs and continue helping Corey with his homework.”
Sherry and the pastor sat uncomfortably as Mike walked out and down the stairs. The pastor was bewildered by what he had heard. Sherry was disappointed with Mike’s forceful tone and even more with his abrupt exit from the room.
“Please forgive him,” Sherry said. “He’s a good man. He’s a good father and a good husband. We have our differences but doesn’t every married couple? I’m lucky to have him and am willing to overlook a few things because of all of the wonderful things he does for both Corey and me.”
“Well...,” the pastor said thoughtfully. “Several other women in the congregation attend services without their husbands. It’s a shame, really. A family that prays together... as they say. I hope your husband will see the light and have a change of heart.”
Now it was Sherry whose patience had been tested beyond limit. “With respect, Pastor Thompson, Mike is more deserving of salvation than some in your congregation who pretend to be God-fearing on Sunday morning but don’t practice Christian principles in their daily lives. He has his flaws but don’t we all? The fact of the matter is — and will continue to be — I will attend worship services and Mike will not.”
“I see,” the pastor said with an expression that suggested either disappointment or disapproval. “And Corey?”
“Corey is a young man now,” Sherry replied assertively. “He’s capable of making his own decisions. I will encourage him to attend church, of course, but I will not pressure him to do so. I will respect his decision and I ask that you do the same.”
Feeling chastised by a parishioner, the pastor said, “I’ll be on my way now but I’ll pray for salvation for all of you.”
Mike later apologized to Sherry for his rudeness, which disarmed her temptation to scold him for being uncivil. After some discussion, she conceded that it was better to get it over with and that no gentle phrasing would have been likely to make the point.
<><><><><>
For the next several weeks of summer, things were idyllic. Corey spent his time outdoors working for a landscaping company, which tanned his upper body and toned his already well-developed muscles. That, of course, increased his sex appeal and kept Mike’s arousal at peak level. Corey did not complain; the frequent sex met the needs of a virile teen perfectly. Neither lover spent time thinking of the distant future when Mike’s drive and ability would decline much sooner than his younger partner. They lived in the moment, thoroughly devoted to each other and relishing the many intimate encounters in bed.
Yes, life was good! But the seeds of trouble, temporarily dormant, would soon sprout unexpectedly and threaten their relationship.
Mike and Corey were finishing their supper in the dining room of a mountain tourist lodge after having spent the day fishing in a crystal clear lake. They were on a weekend outing to enjoy the fading summer, realizing that when Corey began his freshman year of college less than two weeks away there would be little chance for such a break from the demands of daily life. They had done this before when Corey was thirteen and Mike was his surrogate father. This time, however, was infinitely more enjoyable because of their new relationship as lovers.
Before returning to their room in the lodge, they decided to walk down to the lake, sit on the end of the dock, and watch the sunset. As the sky turned from blue to crimson, Corey said, “I’ve never been happier. And it’s all because of you. I love you more than you can imagine.”
“I feel the same way about you,” Mike replied.
They were 200 miles from home, which had eroded their customary caution over showing their affection for each other in public. Because their inhibitions had been pushed aside, Mike leaned over and gave his young lover a lingering kiss on the lips that Corey returned. They wrapped their arms around each other and watched the final rays of the sun dip below the horizon.
Moments later, they heard a voice calling from behind them. “Mike! Corey! Is that really you?”
The lovers turned around to see Margaret and Harry Wilson who attended Corey’s mother’s church. “Shit!” Mike mumbled. “I hope they didn’t see us kiss.”
“They’re coming toward us. I guess we’ll soon find out,” Corey said softly.
“What a surprise to see you here,” Harry gushed. (A thoroughly UNWELCOME surprise, Mike thought as his mind raced to think of an explanation for the inappropriate kissing of his stepson.)
“Just taking a mini-vacation before Corey starts school,” Mike said, still unsure if the Wilson’s had seen more than he wanted.
There were a few minutes of casual conversation before Harry said, “Corey, you’re a very lucky young man. I’ve noticed over the years that Mike has been like a father to you. And — I must say — the strength of your bond has never been more obvious than when seeing you here tonight.”
The final comment was ambiguous but suggested the unexpected appearance of home town acquaintances had divulged the real nature of their bond. It triggered panic to well up in the two lovers. Mike marshaled his senses and said, “Yes. Corey is a fine young man and I couldn’t ask for a better stepson.”
With no discernable expression as a clue to his meaning, Harry said, “I can see that you two get along very well together.”
Mike knew that Harry Wilson was a lawyer and skilled at drawing admissions out of witnesses with subtle comments and questions. He sensed that the attorney was setting a trap.
“Of course,” Mike replied. Then, to divert the suspected direction of the conversation he said, “It’s a real coincidence that we meet here ... so far from home. You must enjoy getting away from the city as much as I do.”
The ploy was successful; Harry abandoned his interrogation (if, indeed, that’s what it was). After a few more minutes of casual conversation, Margaret said, “Come on, Harry. Let’s get back to the lodge. I think we should leave these two alone.”
When the intruders were safely out of earshot Corey said anxiously, “They know, Mike! They know! They saw us kissing. They’re gonna blab it all over church. What’ll we do?”
Although Mike harbored the same fear, he said, “Settle down. We don’t know that they know. We don’t know for sure that they saw us kissing. And even if they did, they may just think it’s unusual for a stepfather and son to show affection that way. Okay, they may suspect but it’s not proof that we’re gay.”
“I wish I could be sure of that,” Corey said.
The specter of Harry Wilson — or, more likely his wife — spreading scandalous news throughout the congregation about the kiss and the sinful behavior it revealed presented a dilemma. After careful analysis and discussion Mike and Corey decided some type of preventative measure was necessary and they formulated a plan. It was risky and may not succeed but it was worth a try.
Mike dialed the front desk that transferred the call to the Wilson’s room. Harry answered the phone. “Harry,” Mike said. “I know this is an unusual request but I’d like to talk to you for just a little while. Can you meet me in the bar downstairs for a drink?”
“Is it important?” Harry asked.
“I’m not sure,” Mike replied. “But I would value your opinion on something. I promise it won’t take long. Can I buy you that drink?”
Ten minutes later, they were sitting in a corner booth. “So what’s up?” Harry asked.
“I’ll get right to the point so as not to waste your time. In return, I’d like you to be completely honest with me. Earlier this evening, you and your wife saw Corey and me on the dock. Would you tell me exactly what you saw? I mean before you spoke to us.”
Harry cast his eyes down for a moment as though trying to remember — or perhaps trying to decide what to say. Looking up, he said. “You asked me to be honest so I will. Margaret and I saw you on the dock. She recognized you before I did. And then ... well ... we saw you two kiss. We were shocked. That’s not the sort of thing men do. And certainly not a grown man with a teen. We discussed ... argued, really ... whether to even speak to you. I convinced her that we could only confirm our suspicions by talking to you. No doubt you recognized my courtroom demeanor because you abruptly changed the subject. I was going to press the issue a little more bluntly but my wife put an end to that by saying we should leave you alone.”
“So my assumption was correct, “Mike said. “You saw us kissing and concluded that we’re gay.”
“Yes, we did. Are you?”
Mike then related the lie that he and Corey had agreed upon. “No. But I can understand why you would think so. Let me explain. It all started when Corey was about four years old. I was tucking him into bed and kissed him on the forehead. He insisted on a ‘REAL’ kiss — on the lips. ‘Like you mean it!’ he said. I humored him, thinking it was a passing fancy. It wasn’t. In fact, it became almost routine. Over the years, however, I found out that his emotions run deep and when he was happy or grateful for a favor or lonely and depressed he would spontaneously kiss me or ask me to kiss him. When he entered puberty, I discouraged it, knowing that it was inappropriate. In fact, I refused to do it. Tonight, he was telling me how much he appreciated my substituting for his real father and that he loved me like a ‘real’ dad. Well, I loved him like the son I’ll never have and told him so. ‘SHOW ME!’ he demanded. I declined. He pouted. He began to cry. As I said, his emotions run deep. To settle him down, I kissed him. That’s when you saw us. So you see, it may be improper for a man to kiss his stepson like that but I had to give him what he needed at the moment. I hope you understand. And I thank you for meeting with me. I’m hoping that you can explain it to your wife so she won’t spread rumors about us.”
Harry sat quietly for a few moments, causing Mike to worry that his lie was not believable. His fears were confirmed when the lawyer said, “That’s a very creative story, Mike, but I don’t believe a word of it. You’re a lousy liar. You see, in my profession I have to be able to detect bull shit when I hear it and that’s just what I heard from you: BULL SHIT! The kiss we witnessed was not a loving peck. It was a long — one might say passionate kiss —the kind that only two lovers would exchange. If I were cross examining you in the witness box I’d have the jury convinced in a short time you’re not telling the truth. That leaves only one conclusion: you and Corey are engaged in a homosexual relationship.”
Mike’s heart sank. He broke eye contact and stared at his half-full mug of beer, which only provided more proof that his explanation was a lie.
“Don’t be concerned, Mike. I’m very open-minded. I don’t condemn homosexuals like most people do. I recognize that it’s not common but neither is it a sickness or a sin. Love should be celebrated in all its forms. It is love, isn’t it? It’s not just carnal gratification?”
Mike hesitated for a long time before responding, weighing the consequences of admitting something that he had vigorously concealed for years. His primary concern was for Corey and Sherry. Did he dare jeopardize their reputations? All of the consequences seemed disastrous. Still, there was no way to avoid the truth. “Yes, Harry, it’s love, genuine love. Both Corey and I are gay and we’re committed to each other as lifetime partners.”
“Thanks for the honesty,” Harry said soothingly. “That leaves just one problem to be resolved. What about Sherry? What about your marriage vows? How can you be true to Corey’s mother while maintaining your relationship with her son?”
In for a penny, in for a pound, Mike thought. “She knows all about it, Harry. She doesn’t approve but she accepts the reality of having a gay son. Our marriage was her idea ... just a phony marriage to maintain appearances ... to avoid the shame and scandal ... and to ensure her son’s happiness. That — as I’m sure you’ll recognize — is the truth. I can only beg you now to keep the secret. Think of the pain and anguish Sherry would suffer if you were to tell others. It would rob her of something that is central to her life: membership in the church.”
“I have no intention of telling anyone, Mike. As I said, true love ought to be allowed and cherished. Even when it’s not generally accepted by society. My wife, however, is another matter. She’s quite dogmatic in her conformance to the church’s teachings. However, I’m sure I can win her agreement not to reveal your secret. I may use a more credible variation of the bull shit story you told me. Or I may argue that knowingly hurting someone by spreading rumors is not the Christian thing to do. In any case, I think you can be reasonably certain that neither of us will disrupt the lives of you, Corey, or Sherry.”
“Thanks for understanding, Harry. I’m grateful to you for protecting the happiness of three people.”
They finished their drinks and returned to their rooms. Mike would relate the conversation to Corey. Harry would persuade his wife not to spread gossip — or so both Mike and Corey hoped.
<><><><><>
The next two weeks passed uneventfully. It appeared that Harry and Margaret were keeping the secret. Corey began his freshman year at college unaware that his life would be disrupted half way through his first semester.
The crisis of conscience began innocently enough. Corey befriended Matt, a very personable and handsome fellow student. They had a lot in common: only son of a single mom, interest in social sciences, not gifted in either athletics or academics during high school, a preference for country music, and more. They often did their homework together but found time to joke, laugh, and become very good friends.
Mike was glad Corey had found a friend but neither of them suspected how the friendship would progress. Corey, although he never gave so much as a hint to Mike, was attracted to Matt and caught himself in unguarded moments admiring his lean but solid frame, his ass, and the distinct bulge in his crotch. But he always came home to the man he loved and never tired of the sexual intimacy they shared nearly every night. Gradually and imperceptibly he caught himself imagining Matt nude. But he inevitably reminded himself that Matt was straight. After all, he had frequently mentioned Julie, a girl he dated steadily in high school.
One Friday evening, Corey went to Matt’s house, which he sometimes did to study for an exam. When the two tired of reviewing their notes and the text, Matt suggested that they kick back over a beer. “One beer” turned into three and they were both slightly buzzed. Their conversation took an unusual turn when Matt said, “I gotta tell you something. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I like you a lot.”
“Same here, buddy,” Corey replied. It was not a glib comment. He meant it. He genuinely liked Matt.
Matt stared at his friend for a while as they sat on the sofa but moved closer, placing a hand on Corey’s thigh, saying, “Mom’s out of town visiting her sister. Can you stay the night?”
“I don’t think so,” Corey replied. “My folks expect me home soon.”
“Call ‘em. Tell ‘em you’ve had a few beers and don’t want to drive.” Matt’s hand slid an inch or two up Corey’s thigh.
At that point, Corey realized what his good friend must have in mind. In spite of himself, he felt a tingle in his crotch. But reason prevailed. “Don’t think so, Matt. I appreciate the invitation but I think I’d better be going.”
“Come on, buddy,” Matt cooed. “We both know what we want.” The roaming had moved even higher on Corey’s crotch. “I’ve seen the way you look at me sometimes. And other guys as well. You’re careful but guys like us notice that sort of attention. You’ve never talked about a girlfriend. That’s unusual. It has to mean you’re like me and want the same thing I want.”
Corey suddenly felt his cock being fondled through his jeans with the unwanted but natural reaction: he started to sport a hard-on. Far more troubling, the combination of alcohol and blatant advances from someone he genuinely admired launched him toward a fully horny state. He heard himself say, “No. We shouldn’t,” but his body didn’t move as the fondling became more assertive and his cock rapidly responded. Did he want sex with Matt? YES. Would it really be so bad to have just one tryst with a good friend? NO. Could he give in to the temptation and be unfaithful to Mike, the love of his life? NO! HELL NO! The thought of cheating on his lover gave him the courage to stand and say, “I can’t let this happen. I want to stay good friends because I really do like you but what you’re asking for is out of the question. Let’s both forget that it ever happened. Okay?”
“Oh,” Matt exclaimed. “It’s somebody else, isn’t it? You’ve got another lover.”
Corey almost said yes but stopped himself because that would be an admission that he was gay. Most certainly he couldn’t tell his friend that his lover was an older man and his stepfather. Instead, he said, “I think I’d better be going now. But before I do, let me assure you that what just happened didn’t happen as far as I’m concerned.”
Matt didn’t say anything as Corey gathered his things and left. The still horny, confused, and slightly tipsy young man drove home very carefully while fretting over the possibility of losing a friend and trying to decide whether to tell Mike about the evening’s surprising conclusion. In the end, he decided that honesty is vital to a lasting relationship and he resolved to tell his partner — but not right away. The most important thing to be done when he got home would be to demonstrate his love with as much erotic and sensual attention as he could.
Their cabin on the luxury cruise ship was on an upper deck with a balcony that provided a spectacular view of the icebergs and snow-capped mountains of Alaska. It was an expensive extravagance but Mike would settle for nothing less as a 25th anniversary gift to his long-time partner, Corey.
They spent a considerable amount of time on the balcony engaging in casual conversation ("Wasn't that a wonderful dinner?" "What's the plan for tomorrow?" "I'm looking forward to the hike along the glacier." "I can't get over the grace of that stud diving into the pool this afternoon; he could win a medal in the Olympics."). Often, the conversation would be interrupted by total silence as they admired the spectacular scenery (It was such a contrast to life in Manhattan where they had lived for nearly ten years.) or were lost in their personal memories of the many wonderful times they had enjoyed together - not the least of which, of course, was the erotic intimacy they still found irresistible. Mike was now 60 and Corey had just passed his 44th birthday. Sex was no longer a daily pleasure as it had been 25 years ago but the less frequent episodes were nevertheless delightful.
After one of the long periods of silence Mike said, "You know we may have set some kind of record."
"What do you mean?"
"We're probably the only couple – gay OR straight - that's never had an argument in 25 years of living together."
Corey thought for a few minutes and said, "I can think of several. Like after Mom died and I wanted us to come out ... to be honest with ourselves and everybody else ... to live like an openly gay couple. You were adamantly against the idea. We disagreed for more than a week before I finally gave up."
"I remember that well," Mike mused. "But it was not really an argument. It was a disagreement."
"What's the difference?"
"Two people can disagree because they have different opinions or know different facts. They state what they believe to be true but – and here's the critical difference — they also listen to the other person. Not just HEAR. They LISTEN. The objective is to UNDERSTAND the other person and not to force an opinion the other. Then they either amicably agree to disagree or come to a compromise based on an expanded understanding of each other's point of view. In an argument by contrast, each person gets emotionally involved and the goal is to WIN and have the other person concede defeat. Think back. Did we disagree or did we argue about coming out?"
"Well," Corey began. "Neither one of us got mad. We talked about it a lot. In the end, I saw that it was not a good idea. But I was disappointed. Does that mean you won the argument?"
"Not at all ... or at least I hope not. I hope that by exploring all the consequences, you gained insight and changed your opinion. That's not losing. And it doesn't preclude disappointment either. Besides, in the long run you won - if you want to think of it that way - because when we moved to New York, we didn't hide our relationship or our love for each other."
"And I'm glad we made that decision," Corey conceded.
After a short period of silent reflection, Mike said, "Evaluate the last few minutes of our conversation. Was that a disagreement, an argument, or just a discussion?"
Corey thought a moment and replied, "It started as a disagreement; I thought we'd argued but you didn't. We discussed it. I changed my mind. It wasn't an argument because neither of us was out to score a victory, to defeat the other ... or at least I wasn't."
"Nor was I," Mike grinned. "When you were a very little boy, we may have argued. For example, when you wanted to stay up past your bedtime. You gave me all kinds of silly reasons. You fought to get your way and win the argument. I had to get firm with you. I wanted to win, too. You pouted and cried. I have to admit that I got angry. Neither of us felt good when it was over. But since our relationship changed, I can't think of a single instance of arguing. Do you suppose it's our love that lets us disagree, talk about it, and remain friends?"
"Yeah."
A long silence followed. (That's the beauty of a close relationship; one doesn't have to fill conversational voids with unnecessary talk.)
Mike broke the silence. "Say, what ever happened to Lisa?"
"Lisa who?"
"Lisa Conners. The lesbian that you dated in college. Well, not really 'dated.' You both were putting on a show, pretending to be straight so nobody would suspect you were gay."
Corey stared off into the distance before saying, "Oh yeah. After we graduated, she went home to Oregon. I never heard from her again. I thought about her once in a while after graduation, hoping that she found a companion as great as I did. NO! That's not right! Nobody could be as wonderful as you!"
"I disagree!" Mike said forcefully. Corey was taken aback. "I found someone more wonderful: YOU!"
Corey laughed and said, "Okay. We'll agree to disagree. Anyway, I haven't thought about her for years. She was a really nice person. Good looking - for a girl! Smart. Great sense of humor. I always enjoyed being with her. She seemed to like me, too. If we had both been straight, we may have wound up married."
"And had eight or ten children, no doubt," Mike joked.
"Nah," Corey shot back. "Two or three maybe. That's why they invented condoms."
"That and to prevent disease. Remember way back then? The packages always stressed avoiding venereal disease and not birth control. I'll bet they never even thought about how gays use them to avoid having to clean up a messy cock after love-making."
"I don't think we’ll ever see that in an ad," laughed Corey.
Mike stood, leaned down, and kissed his lover. "Since you brought up the subject of condoms, why don't we go inside and use a couple?"
"What!" Corey exclaimed in mock surprise. Teasing his companion, he continued, "And miss enjoying more of the beautiful scenery while it's still daylight? Look! There's an iceberg that just broke off the glacier. Impressive, isn't it?"
"There's another scene that's more beautiful - your naked body. I never tire of admiring it. And making love to it. How about it?"
The two lovers often enjoyed sex at night before falling asleep in each other's arms. They regularly delayed breakfast on weekend mornings for the same reason. But the kind of spontaneous sex that Mike suggested had a special appeal that Corey could not resist. Hand in hand, they walked inside to the bed. Wordlessly, they progressed through passionate kissing, disrobing each other, and extended foreplay. They had learned long ago precisely how to arouse and please each other - sometimes with familiar behavior but often with the added spice of something unexpected. On this occasion they spoke to each other - to reaffirm vocally their unwavering love and dedication - only after explosive orgasms.
<><><><><>
Two months after returning from the Alaskan cruise, Mike awoke in the morning with pulsating sensations in his abdomen and pain in his lower back. More troubling was the pain in his scrotum. He decided to go to work and hope the problem would pass. But it didn't. It steadily got worse. By midmorning he was in a taxi on his way to the hospital emergency room. There, the physician on duty ordered a number of tests, which resulted in a diagnosis of an Abdominal Aorta Aneurism, a ballooning of a major artery just below the kidneys. If it ruptured, it would likely be fatal. The doctor arranged for immediate access to a surgery suite. Mike wanted to call Corey, an architect, but remembered that he was out of the office all day visiting a building site with his client. Half an hour later, Mike was prepped for a very delicate operation.
He woke up in the recovery room with an IV in his arm, electrodes pasted all over his torso, and a large bandage taped to the site of the incision below his navel. Groggy though he was, he signaled for a nurse who promptly appeared. "What time is it?" Mike asked.
"Six thirty," the nurse replied. "How do you feel?"
Ignoring the question, Mike said, "I need to ask a favor. Nobody knows I'm here. Can you telephone someone and tell him why I won't be home for dinner?"
Upon hanging up the phone, Corey rushed to the hospital. He'd been told virtually nothing about his partner's condition or even why he had emergency surgery. In spite of his insistent questions, the nurse refused to divulge any information because of privacy regulations. He was overcome with concern for the most important person in his life, concern that bordered on both panic and dread.
By the time he reached the hospital, he was frantic, a nervous wreck. He ran inside and asked the receptionist at the front desk where his "friend" was. The question was more of a demand because his civility had been extinguished by his distress and by having adopted the New Yorker's assertive, callous attitude in the preceding few years.
The receptionist began tapping keys on her computer while Corey waited with growing impatience. Finally, she said, "I don't show that name in my files. Are you sure you're at the right hospital?"
"YES!" Corey barked, his irritation bordering on rage. "The duty nurse phoned me half an hour ago after the surgery."
The receptionist glared up at the distraught visitor and coldly replied, "Then he's not been transferred to a regular room or it's not in the system yet."
"Call the nursing station in post-op," Corey insisted. "Find out his whereabouts."
"That's against the rules."
Corey laid a twenty dollar bill on her desk and growled, "Screw the rules! DO IT ANYWAY!"
The intimidated young woman glanced around the lobby. Sure that nobody was watching, she cautiously slipped the bill into her bra and picked up the phone. In a few moments (which seemed much longer to Corey) she hung up the phone and said softly, "Room 342."
Corey hurried to the elevators and after some frantic searching found the room. Rushing in, he blurted, "Mike! Are you all right?"
"Still a little groggy," Mike replied. "But I'm fine."
During the next twenty minutes, Mike related what had happened. Corey's anxiety was only slightly reduced by Mike's artificially upbeat tone and attitude. The spirits of both men, however, were dashed by what happened next.
The surgeon came into the room to check on his patient. After pleasantries and deciding that the recovery was progressing well, he said, "I have some good news and some bad news for you. But maybe your visitor wouldn't mind stepping out in the hall for a minute."
"No need for that, Doc." Mike replied. "Corey Hopkins is my partner. He'll be taking care of me while I recuperate."
The surgeon raised his eyebrows, unsure what "partner" meant. "All right. First, the aneurism is completely repaired and you should have no problems in the future. However, during the operation a nerve from your spinal column to your genital area was severed. As a result, you're most likely to be impotent. I don't suspect you plan to father any children at your age but attaining an erection and achieving an orgasm will be impossible. Sometimes nerves regenerate but in this case, given the location of the nerve damage, it's not possible."
Both Corey and Mike were speechless, each trying to digest the bad news in their own way. The doctor continued, "I expect you can go home in a few days but I want to see you in two weeks just to make sure you're recuperating satisfactorily. My secretary will call to make the appointment." With that, the surgeon left.
The next afternoon, Corey escorted the recovering patient home in a taxi. Neither of them said much on the way. Neither of them would admit it but they were still thinking about the sudden disruption to their sex life and that was a conversation not to be overheard by a cab driver. Mike's thoughts centered on giving his younger partner permission to seek other men to satisfy his sexual needs. Corey's thoughts, however, were more confused. He was still worried about the man he loved and whether his impotence would propel him into depression. He also feared future health problems for his older lover. His fears were not for himself but entirely caused by a fervent wish that Mike would not suffer some unpredictable infirmity of old age.
When they went to bed that night they limited their love-making to snuggling up to each other, kissing, and re-asserting their love and their devotion to each other. For the next month, that's all they did. Mike was still in too much pain from the surgery. When the pain was gone, Corey sucked Mike’s permanently flaccid cock with no effect. Mike was upset that he couldn't perform while Corey, sensing his partner's concern, did nothing from that time on to suggest sexual activity.
<><><><><>
Upon returning from the follow-up visit with the doctor with permission to return to work, Mike said, "Corey, we need to have a serious discussion." Corey was sure of the topic and was not mistaken. "The doctor was right. I've tried to masturbate when you were at work. I can't get hard even when watching a porno video. You know that I usually leak precum watching porn but even that doesn't happen any more. So the sad fact is, our sex life is over. Knowing that, I've come to a conclusion. It's not fair to you. You have years of — shall we say … vitality … ahead of you — and you deserve to have the opportunity for sexual enjoyment. Therefore, I want you to feel free to find other men to satisfy your needs."
"NO!" Corey interrupted.
"Hear me out, Corey. I'm asking that you enjoy sex out of a genuine wish for your happiness. I won't mind. I really won't. In fact, I'll be pleased. Go out on the town. If you find a bed partner and want to spend the night with him, please ... please do it. For your own satisfaction and - believe it or not - for mine. All I ask is that you let me know when you won't be home so I don't worry about you. If I know you're hitting the sack with a stud, I'll be happy for you."
"Are you finished?" Corey growled, complying with their agreement to be free to disagree. "If so, here's my final answer: an emphatic, unequivocal, and unchanging answer. I WON'T DO IT. I've had a week to think about it and I've come to realize that our sex, great as it has been, is a tiny fraction of why I love you, why I’m devoted to you, and why I cherish your companionship. You've made my life unimaginably happy and that won't change just because we can't express our love physically. Moreover, there’s an old-fashioned notion. Some think it's corny or Victorian but it’s very important to me. It's called FIDELITY. When we first got together, it was a commitment to love, honor, and cherish until death do us part. I gladly accepted that obligation because you meant everything to me. You still do. I'm not about to break the promise I made to you and to myself!"
"But, Corey...," Mike began.
"But nothing! I won't do it! You want another reason? If I'm with another man, I'd be thinking of you, the one man in all the world I've loved for years, and still love. Imagine. Trying to fuck some stranger. Trying to enjoy it when all I can think about is my great man at home. And all the joy he's given me. No, Mike, I won't do it!
"I think you're being unreasonable," Mike said.
"And I think with that comment, you've turned a disagreement into an argument. Remember when you taught me the difference? You said that a disagreement can end either in an argument, a change of opinion based on new information, or a compromise. Let me propose a compromise. I'll keep your offer in mind. But I guaran-damn-tee you, it won't happen! Fidelity is much too important to me.
EPILOGUE
There was no sex for the next thirteen years but there was an abundance of love and joy.
Mike, at age 73, died of a cerebral hemorrhage. Corey was heart broken and mourned for weeks. During the ensuing years, he never stopped grieving for Mike's comforting arms and loving heart. His emotional pains scarred-over until they became bearable, but they never became so tough that he hurt or closed-out others. But each time he heard a certain song on the car's radio, or the malls' overhead "elevator-music", or when he watched the movie, "Ghost" (for the hundredth time!), there were tears — WARM tears of loving memories — SAD tears over Mike's afflictions that no one had seen coming (and always wondering if maybe there were something that he, Corey, might have been able to do to prevent the sudden attacks) — and COLD tears, aching with the emptiness of his own arms wrapped around his own chest and sides as he mouthed the words of the song, sometimes sending them TO Mike, and sometimes hearing his one and only love silently singing them to him even though no one else was able to hear the familiar words:
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me!
Lonely rivers flow
To the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh
"Wait for me, wait for me"
I'll be coming home, wait for me!
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me!
Unchained Melody (1955)
music by Alex North
lyrics by Hy Zaret.
The End
Posted:04/29/11