Jeff's New Life
By: Morris Henderson
(© 2009-2010 by the author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Part 1, 2,  3,  4,

In June of 1965 Jeff Swenson was looking forward to his graduation from the University of Minnesota with a Bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering. College had been extremely difficult for him; he had to spend far more time studying than other students. Coupled with a need to work part time to pay tuition, dorm fees, and meals, he had no time for a social life. Social life was also impossible during high school because he grew up on a farm in northern Minnesota and his spare time was consumed by chores on the family farm. Summers were dawn to dusk labor helping his father and older brother eek out an existence from the farm.

College was transformational for Jeff. By the time he was a junior, he had firmly made up his mind on two fundamental issues.

First, he would not spend his life in the frigid northern latitudes and certainly not in a rural community with its necessary but obsessive focus on the unpredictable weather and its effect on the corn and soybean crops. Therefore, he applied for jobs only in Sunbelt states -- jobs that were close to if not within a large metropolitan area. That decision caused a number of heated and stressful discussions with his parents. Although they had resigned themselves to his not wanting to be a farmer (largely because their eldest son had chosen to help with the farm and eventually inherit it), they hoped that Jeff would work nearby in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area. When Jeff announced his decision to relocate after graduation a thousand miles or more away from home his parents argued forcefully for him to reconsider. Their objections diminished over time to periodic expressions of disappointment that he was “deserting” his family.

Jeff’s second decision was never discussed with his parents. Since he would be beginning a new life -- far away from the repressive religious dogma of his extended family and community -- he would no longer hide his homosexuality. No, he wouldn’t broadcast it but neither would he deny it. He would discretely seek the kind of male companionship that he had craved for too long. Through puberty and into his teen years, he had gone through gut-wrenching periods of confusion, guilt, and a sense of complete isolation from “normal” young men. The hope that he might turn out, after all, to be straight had long since evaporated. But that, like his struggle to finish college, was behind him now. He had accepted his difference. The shame that had tortured him had faded away. He was, in effect, re-born; he was no longer sick or sinful, no longer an abnormal freak. He was an adult, a mature adult who knew himself and knew what he wanted in life.

And what he wanted most he had never had. He wanted a companion, a boyfriend, a lover. At 21, Jeff was a virgin and longed for pleasures of the flesh. More than that, he wanted a partner to love, honor, and cherish. Finding a like-minded person in the small, puritanical community where his family had lived for generations was, of course, impossible. He was eager to start his new life.

As he prepared for the arrival of his parents, who had traveled “downstate” to attend his graduation, he was both proud and fearful -- proud of being the first in his family to earn a college degree but fearful of renewed arguments to stay in Minnesota. He didn’t like disappointing his parents but had accepted a job with Hewlett-Packard in Palo Alto, California. Within his parents’ frame of reference, Palo Alto was as distant as Hong Kong and no amount of promises to return frequently for a visit would make up for what they regarded as the loss of a son.

***

By mid-August, Jeff had been on the job for several weeks and was thrilled with the challenge of the work and the association with experienced electrical engineers. He had made several friends at work; some were young, handsome, and personable but -- unfortunately -- straight with wives or steady girlfriends. He enjoyed occasional social evenings with fellow employees but he began to lose hope that he would be able to find the one thing missing in his life: someone who shared his need for intimate male companionship.

He lived in a furnished studio apartment -- one room with kitchenette and bath -- while saving his money to move to more comfortable accommodations. While there, he met a neighbor in the same apartment complex, Jason Harris, who was a student at Stanford University and working the summer months for a landscaping company.

The nodding acquaintanceship quickly grew into friendship as they discovered they had many things in common. Jason was from Vermont and, like Jeff, was happy to be away from the harsh winters. They were both farm boys transplanted to urban Palo Alto; they shared an interest in science fiction, a dislike for dogmatic religion, and a dedication to physical fitness. Jason became Jeff’s first good friend in sunny California. His friends from work were pleasant enough but the connection to Jason was qualitatively different. They joked and laughed, they frequently ate together at one or the other’s apartment, and they built a comfortable rapport.

Jeff admired Jason’s ready wit, his candor, and his character. And his body! The warmth of August dictated that shorts and no shirt was common attire in the evenings and on weekends. That revealed Jason’s broad shoulders, muscular chest, and firm legs. The effect that had on Jeff was both arousing (His admiration for Jason’s physique was tinged with lust.) and frustrating (He mourned the probability that Jason was straight and there would be no chance for any relationship beyond friendship.).

Jeff often found himself fantasizing about Jason as he lay in bed at night. He visualized him standing at the side of the bed in the nude. He imagined him crawling into bed beside him. When Jeff’s hand began its practiced stroking of his swollen cock, it became, in Jeff’s imagination, the hand of Jason. The fantasy brought him invariably to a satisfying climax.

There were times when he considered coming on to his friend -- very subtly at first and allowing for a way to retreat if Jason showed any signs of offense. But he promptly dispelled those thoughts when he considered the likely consequence: alienating a good friend. Yes, he reminded himself, he vowed not to hide his homosexuality in his new life. Still, the risk of losing a friend was too great.

Jeff’s caution was severely tested late one Friday evening as he and Jason sat in Jason’s apartment downing a few cold beers. Both men were shirtless and barefoot. Both were clad only in gym shorts. Jason’s were loose fitting. As they faced each other across the room, Jeff noticed that he could see up the leg of his friend’s shorts almost to the crotch. He fought to control his eyes and thoughts but in the middle of the third beer, he lost the battle. Whenever he thought his “perving” would not be noticed his eyes repeatedly darted quickly to the almost clear path to his friend’s private parts. His thoughts dwelled increasingly on what was almost visible but tantalizingly hidden from view. With dismay, he realized that his cock was hardening and, if left uncontrolled, would soon be erect. In desperation, he excused himself to go to the bathroom, hoping to channel his thoughts into something dull or complex so as to overpower the erotic thoughts that were about to be manifest between his legs. He had successfully used that ploy frequently in the past to divert his thoughts but it took extra effort this time.

Jason, meanwhile, had noticed Jeff’s gaze dropping indiscreetly a few times and detected what he thought was a flash of an embarrassed or guilty expression when Jeff realized he might have been caught looking where most men dare not to look too long or too frequently. A devious scheme formed in Jason’s mind.

When Jeff returned from the bathroom, the young men’s conversation resumed. A few moments later, Jason pretended to accidentally spill some salsa chip dip on his gym shorts. “Damn!” he muttered convincingly. He grabbed the bottom hem and lifted it up, ostensibly to inspect the stain. In reality, however, he was deliberately exposing his cock and balls to Jeff’s view and taking note through his peripheral vision of his friend’s reaction.

Jeff, confident that Jason’s attention was distracted, seized the opportunity to asses Jason’s manhood with a prolonged stare at the impressive tube of flesh. All those lustful thoughts he had expunged in the trip to the bathroom returned in a torrent and his cock twitched, tingled, and began its unstoppable growth in length and firmness.

Jason had the answer to the question that had puzzled him, a question that seemed to demand an answer as he caught Jeff’s frequent glances at his crotch and his friend’s nervousness when caught ogling. All doubt about the answer was eliminated when Jason saw an unmistakable bulge forming in Jeff’s gym shorts. Jeff’s awkward attempts at hiding his erection only confirmed the answer Jason sought.

“No harm, I guess,” Jason muttered more to himself than to Jeff. “It’ll wash out.” Turning his attention back to Jeff, he said, “I’m not usually a sloppy drunk, you know.”

Jeff replied, trying to sound casual, “Hey! It happens. Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

Jason then looked very intently at Jeff, debating with himself about whether to pursue what was on his mind. Jeff grew uncomfortable at his friend’s prolonged, serious expression and said, “What! So you spilled some salsa. What’s the big deal?”

Jason didn’t answer immediately, which alarmed Jeff. Finally, Jason said, “You’re gay, aren’t you?”

The bluntness of the question, coming out of the blue, stunned Jeff. In spite of his resolve to be open about his homosexuality, his first impulse was to deny it as he had been accustomed to doing throughout his teen years. Several thoughts flashed through his mind in the blink of an eye. He could tell the truth and risk losing a friend. Or he could lie and protect the friendship but betray his decision to be open. He chose a middle ground and said, “What makes you think that?”

Jason grinned and said, “You’ve been looking at my crotch whenever you thought I wouldn’t notice. You got an eyeful when I lifted the hem of my shorts -- quite a long eyeful at that. And the clincher is that bulge that sprang up in you shorts when I showed you my cock. So ... am I wrong or are you gay?”

“No,” Jeff said hesitantly. “You’re not wrong. I’m gay. Are you disappointed in me? Do you hate me now?”

“Disappointed?” Jason exclaimed. “Hell no! I’m not disappointed. I’m delighted.”

Jeff was astonished as the implication of Jason’s reaction set in. Fumbling for words, he blurted out, “Does that mean...” Somehow, he couldn’t finish the question.

Jason chuckled and said, “Let me answer your question with another question. “How would you like to spend the night here with me? Tomorrow’s Saturday. We can sleep late in the morning. Will you stay? Say yes!”

“Before I say yes,” Jeff said, “I need to be clear about something. You’re inviting me to have sex with you? And you’re gay, too?”

“Yes and yes,” Jason laughed. “Now it’s your turn. Say yes. Please.”

“YES!” Jeff replied with a broad smile that reflected his elation over finding not just someone to have sex with but someone for whom he already had a strong affection for.

Jason stood and took Jeff’s hand, guiding him up out of the chair.

Jeff rose but got suddenly very nervous. Jason noticed and said, “Something wrong? Are you sure you want to go to bed with me?”

“I want it more than anything,” Jeff replied. “But I ... I’ve ... well ... I’ve never done this before. And I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you.”

“You’re a virgin?” Jason exclaimed. “That’s wonderful! The first time is always special. And I promise you, I’m going to make this VERY special for you. Just relax and let me take the lead. We can do anything you want ... and won’t do anything you don’t want to do. This will be a night to remember, Jeff. And hopefully, the first of many nights.”

Jason quickly pulled out the hide-a-bed sofa, lay down, and said, “Come join me, Jeff. I want to take you where you’ve never been before ... someplace wonderful.”

Hesitantly and still unsure of how to proceed, Jeff lay down next to Jason who wrapped his arms around his guest and pressed their almost naked bodies together in an embrace.

Jeff’s mind was a flurry of thoughts, each competing for dominance. This was the realization of a wish he had had for so long: in bed with a man who was ready and able to satisfy his carnal needs. More than that -- a man whom he had grown to respect and admire; a man for whom he felt a deep affection; a man who might even become the partner he could love for a very long time. But might this be a one-night stand for Jason? Does he only want a sex partner or is he also interested in a committed relationship? At the moment, Jeff decided, it didn’t matter. The warmth of Jason’s body pressed against his, their hard-ons grinding against each other through their gym shorts, and the anticipation of his first sexual encounter cast those long-term concerns aside. Lust consumed him. He would seize the chance to fulfill his fantasies if only for one night.

His thoughts were interrupted when Jason said softly, “I’d like you to relax and enjoy yourself, Jeff. I promised to take you to a place of infinite pleasure. And I will. Just tell me if I do anything that you find uncomfortable. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jeff replied. “As I said, this is all new to me. You’re in charge.”

“No, Jeff. We’re in this together. My only concern is to give you what you’ve always wanted.”

Jason quickly removed his gym shorts, revealing a half-hard cock that immediately captured Jeff’s attention. The sight of Jason’s totally nude body was infinitely more arousing than his earlier masturbation fantasies. His heart was pounding. His mind was reeling but exclusively focused on the still unbelievable realization of his years of dreaming and hoping for this moment. It was a moment of carnal lust, made almost unbearable by the fact that he was with a man he admired who was willing to give him the ultimate in sensual satisfaction.

Still overwhelmed by what was happening and feeling very insecure about how to handle the situation, Jeff asked hesitantly, “Can I touch it?”

Jason suppressed a laugh and said tenderly, “You can do anything you want, Jeff. Tonight is all about your pleasure.” He then straddled Jeff’s chest to allow a close-up visual inspection of his genitals and put them within easy reach for fondling.

Nervously and with an eagerness (tinged with fear because of the constant prohibitions against invading another man’s privacy), Jeff placed his trembling hand on the first cock other than his own that he had ever touched. It was beautiful to behold but electrifying to feel its warmth and extraordinarily arousing as he felt it grow harder and rise to full erection. He fondled it, tentatively at first but then with a growing confidence as his own arousal soared. He then cupped the pendulant ball sack with his other hand and manipulated the orbs inside carefully so as not to cause any discomfort or pain. After what seemed to be a very long time to patient Jason but a short time to an enraptured Jeff, the virgin murmured almost unconsciously, “It’s beautiful!”

“Thanks,” Jason replied and then grinned, “but it’s just a penis and testicles. Every man has ‘em.”

“But yours are special,” Jeff said before he realized that his friend was joking. Voicing a feeling from deep within himself, he added, “Maybe that’s because you are special to me.”

The comment touched a nerve in Jason and made him feel uncomfortable. It awakened memories that he didn’t want to spoil his enjoyment of the present so he forced himself to think only of the present. “I promised to take you to the heights of pleasure.” He moved down and began to remove Jeff’s gym shorts, noticing in the process a distinct wet spot at the top of a prominent outline of Jeff’s erection in the cotton fabric.

With the gym shorts cast to the floor, Jason admired what was revealed to him and set about immediately to deliver on his promise. He kissed and licked Jeff from the neck down to his nipples and gave special attention to them by sucking and gently biting each in turn. Jeff was surprised at how good that felt. Jason then licked and kissed his way downward but controlled his urge to swallow the twitching rod of firm flesh. Bypassing the trembling cock, he licked and kissed the inside of Jeff’s thighs until he reached the hairy scrotum. He took each ball into his mouth and teased it with his tongue, which caused Jeff to writhe and moan with pleasure.

When he licked up and down the shaft of the rock-hard cock, Jeff’s moans grew louder and his hands were clutching the blanket beneath him. Jason took pleasure in lavishing attention on another man’s cock and also satisfaction in knowing that he was giving Jeff such delight.

To intensify Jeff’s arousal and to make the inevitable orgasm more intensely gratifying, Jason licked the precum that was oozing out of Jeff’s cock and continued by teasing the head of his cock with his tongue.

Jeff’s extreme joy consumed him. The singular reality in his consciousness was the intense sensation in his groin; nothing else existed. However, his ecstasy was starting to be tinged with agony from an urge to ejaculate and relieve the tension that was growing to an overpowering need.

When Jason’s lips encircled Jeff’s cock, Jeff began to instinctively buck his hips, which forced his engorged cock deep into Jason’s mouth. Jason recognized the signal and began to stroke the base of his friend’s shaft while synchronizing his sucking on the tip to Jeff’s rhythmic thrusts.

Moments later, several volleys of hot cream blasted the back of Jason’s throat accompanied by Jeff’s primal screams.

Jason savored the gift from his friend and tenderly milked the last few dribbles of cum from the deflating cock before him. He then lay down beside his guest and draped and arm and a leg over his limp body. He laid his head on Jeff’s chest, hearing the ker-thump, ker-thump of his friend’s heart gradually slow to a normal beat.

Several minutes later, Jeff said, “I’m sorry, Jason. I really am.”

“For what?”

“For shooting off in your mouth. I should have warned you. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t? I’ll take that as a compliment. It means I took you to the peak where all that mattered was enjoying the experience. Besides, I wanted your cum. I wouldn’t have pulled off if you had warned me.”

“How can I ever thank you, Jason? I can’t even begin to tell you how good it felt.”

“First of all, my friend. No thanks are necessary ‘cause I enjoyed it, too. Secondly, I think I know how you felt. My first time was not that long ago.”

Jeff, after a prolonged recovery, replicated on Jason what he had received -- not as skillfully but with enormous delight.

***

Jeff awoke in the morning to find himself alone in Jason’s bed but hearing the sound of the shower. He lay there reflecting on what a wonderful turn of events had befallen him the night before. His first gay experience couldn’t have been more satisfying. Not only was it intensely gratifying but it was with a man whom he liked as a person, one who he felt might be the kind of man he could share his life with.

Jason emerged from the bathroom wearing boxers and said, “Good morning!”

“Same to you, Jason,” Jeff replied cheerfully and hopped out of bed to rush to the bathroom and pee. Upon returning from the bathroom, he was disappointed to see that Jason was dressed; he had hoped to cuddle with his friend in bed for a while and to repeat their encounter of the previous night.

“Got a lot of errands today,” Jason said as he folded up the hide-a-bed. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Dunno,” Jeff replied. “Guess I’ll just hang out ... maybe do some shopping ... for groceries and stuff.”

“Sounds like as much fun as my day,” Jason said dryly and immediately added, “I’ll fix us some breakfast while you dress.”

Jason’s casual attitude with no mention of their coupling the night before worried Jeff. As he dressed, his euphoria over finding a partner began to unravel. Was it, after all, a one-night stand for Jason? Was he disappointed in the nervous, fumbling efforts of a novice lover? Had Jason made his conquest of a virgin and would then go on to other men?

Jeff dressed and sat at the table in the kitchenette. “Thanks for last night,” Jeff said. “It was wonderful.”

“Glad you liked it,” Jason replied without looking up from the eggs he was scrambling in a fry pan. “It was fun.”

Jeff’s mood grew darker. Fun? Is that all it meant to him? Fun? That’s something one would say after a roller coaster ride and later think, ‘been there, done that.’

Part 2

Jeff moped around all day. Although memories of the previous night brought him brief periods of joy, he would soon lapse into extended periods of worry. His friend’s behavior that morning was polite but not cordial. It was certainly not what could be expected after their intimacy the night before. By early afternoon, Jeff had convinced himself that his first sex with Jason might also be his last. He recalled Jason saying something about that night being the first of many but why was he so cool and distant in the morning? Equally troubling was the fear that they could never again enjoy the camaraderie as good friends. Whatever it was that caused his friend to be so chilly in the morning must have something to do with the sex play the night before and it could poison the camaraderie they had enjoyed before their sexual encounter. His mood grew gloomier. He tried to distract himself by reading but his mind seemed to be possessed by the mystery of Jason’s apparent loss of interest in further intimate encounters. Before long, he nodded off, having had little sleep the previous night.

The ringing of the phone startled him awake. Still drowsy, he picked up the receiver and said, “Hello.”

“Hi, Jeff,” a perky voice said. “Whatcha doing?” It was Jason.

“Nothin’ much,” Jeff mumbled.

“Good! Why don’tcha come over? I’ve got a couple of beautiful steaks. I thought we could grill them out on the patio. With some cold brew. Wanna join me? Say yes.”

Jeff was puzzled by the exuberance in Jason’s voice that was such a contrast to his demeanor that morning. What the hell was going on? “Okay,” he said with little enthusiasm.

In the twenty minutes it took for a quick shower and to slip on fresh clothes, Jeff made a decision: he would confront Jason -- tactfully but directly. He simply had to know the reason for his friend’s indifference that morning and get some clue as to the possibility of a continuing relationship or, if that was not to be, at least a friendship. But reverting to their former friendship after having had sex was unlikely

Jason opened his door, grinning, almost immediately after Jeff knocked. “Come in,” Jason said cheerfully. “I’ve just started the charcoal. It’ll be a while before they’re hot enough to grill. I thought we could talk while we wait.”

“Sure,” Jeff replied, wondering whether he should question Jason before or after the meal.

They went to the patio; grabbed a beer, and sat in deck chairs.

Before Jeff could say anything, Jason looked at him intently and said, “Something’s been bothering me, Jeff. All day. I want to apologize to you.

“Apologize? For what?” Jeff hoped the apology would be for that morning’s indifferent behavior, accompanied by some sort of explanation.

“Two things, actually. One, for taking advantage of you last night. We weren’t drunk but ... well ... I’m afraid I wasn’t thinking straight when I asked you to spend the night. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed it. But then I got to thinking. And worrying. Maybe I shouldn’t have tricked you into bed with me. I felt guilty this morning. I hated myself for what I did. So that’s the second thing. I apologize for brushing you off this morning.”

“You didn’t trick me, Jason. You invited me to stay the night. I knew what I was doing. I knew what I wanted ... wanted more than anything. ”

“But I DID trick you. Remember when I spilled salsa on my shorts? That wasn’t an accident. I did it on purpose. It was an excuse to show you my cock. Why? To see how you would react. You stared. Your cock got hard. That made me horny. After that, I’m afraid I came on to you too fast and too strong. I’m sorry!”

“As long as we seem to be in a confessional, Jason, let me tell you something. Last night was the best night of my life. But this morning when you were so ... I don’t know what to call it. Casual? Distant? I thought I had been a disappointment. A failure. I thought you’d never want to do it again with me. That hurt. I’ve brooded about it all day and convinced myself that I was just a one-time conquest and had even lost you as a friend.”

“I’m even more sorry now, Jeff, for causing you to worry. Let me assure you; you were not a piece of ass to me. I value our friendship and want it to continue ... in and out of bed. So let me apologize ... again ... for how I acted this morning. Are you mad at me?” Jason said plaintively.

“Hell no! I’m grateful. For last night. For what you just said. I’m so grateful, I could kiss you!”

Jason smiled, cocked his eyebrows wickedly, and said, “Well ... why don’t you?”

Several long kisses later Jason said, “I hate to stop this but I think we’d better grill the steaks and eat. Then we can go inside and see what comes up. Okay?”

“Mine’s already up,” Jeff laughed.

Their love-making that night was a departure from their customary routine. Instead of engaging in enough foreplay to assure arousal and then turning their attention to giving and receiving erotic pleasure, by unspoken agreement the focus seemed to be on foreplay. They cuddled, caressed, massaged, kissed, and periodically voiced their love for each other. That went on for so long that their erections faded but neither seemed to mind. They each discovered a new and very pleasant way of fulfilling their need for companionship, a companionship that transcended what they had felt before, a companionship that signified an unqualified devotion to each other.

“This is nice,” Jason whispered contentedly. “It’s something that ...” He stopped short, having suddenly realized the inappropriateness of what he was about to say.

“That what?” Jeff cooed back.

“Nothing,” Jason replied. “Just a random thought, is all.”

Jeff looked at Jason’s face and thought he detected a sorrowful or painful expression there. “Now you’ve got me curious,” he said. “Tell me what you were thinking.”

“I don’t want to spoil what we’re doing, Jeff. I love being close to you, holding you, knowing that we’re meant for each other.”

“We are that,” Jeff said, still puzzled by what Jason refused to say. “And we’ll be together forever. But being together means we can’t hold anything back. Tell me what you were thinking.”

Jason hesitated but eventually spoke. “Okay. But first I want to apologize to you. I was thinking about a former boyfriend and how we never just lay in bed, enjoying being close. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been thinking of him when I’ve got you.”

“Hey. That’s okay,” Jeff said. “It’s only natural that you think of him. I’m not offended or insulted. Why? Because I know that we have each other now.”

“Infinitely it’s infinitely better,” Jason said and gave his lover a long, passionate kiss.

They cuddled for a short time before Jeff said, “Wanna know what else I was thinking?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued, “I was thinking how nice it is just to lay down with you knowing that I’m yours and your mine. I can’t really explain it -- and don’t get me wrong -- but snuggling up to you is a joy as good as sex. It’s a different kind of joy for sure but it means a lot to me.”

Jason chuckled, which confused Jeff. He reached down to fondle Jeff’s limp cock and said, “Would little junior down there agree with you?”

Cracking a grin, Jeff replied, “Ask him. But you know he can’t hear or talk so you’ll have to coax it out of him with your hand.”

Jason laughed, “I’ve got a more direct method.” He quickly scooted down and put his face directly above Jeff’s groin. “Talk to me, Junior,” he said and promptly took his lover’s cock into his mouth where it responded by engorging.

Jeff’s amusement at Jason’s silliness was soon replaced by a wave of erotic tension. He willingly let Jason have his way and was soon moaning as the sensations of an impending orgasm radiated throughout his body. The moans culminated with a scream as his juices erupted into Jason’s eagerly awaiting throat.

When Jeff recovered from his massive climax, Jason said, “Junior obviously likes that better than snuggling.”

“Well I say they’re both good!” Jeff replied. “Even better when I can enjoy both. Let me show you.”

Jeff went down on Jason who, like Jeff, lay back and enjoyed the ride.

***

Four weeks later, Jeff hurried home from work on Friday, eager to spend time with Jason. They had been together every night since that first night when Jeff surrendered his virginity to Jason. Sometimes it was in Jeff’s apartment, sometimes in Jason’s. They had spent nearly every evening and weekend together and their emotional bond grew daily.

Jeff was sublimely happy; he had in Jason a perfect mate and he treasured every minute they spent together. Jason was also happy but harbored a fear that he felt he couldn’t discuss with his new lover.

They planned to grab a quick supper that night and take in a movie, one of the few splurges in the Spartan life they’d been living. They were eager to see “Lilies of the Field” that had been nominated for an Academy Award the previous year but the principal reason for their anticipation was to see Sidney Poitier who won the Best Actor Oscar for his role in the film. Both Jason and Jeff felt he was a fine specimen of masculinity and they were saddened by the prejudice of most people at the time that couldn’t see past skin color. After the movie, of course, they would go to bed and enjoy each other’s company for an hour or so of pleasure before cuddling up to go to sleep.

During supper, Jason said, “I’ve got an idea and I want to know what you think of it. I started wondering if it made any sense to have two apartments. After all, we’re as much as living together anyway. It wouldn’t cost us any more to share an apartment. We could get a bigger one ... with a separate bedroom and a real bed. What do you think?”

Jeff laughed. “I’ve thought the same thing. But I hesitated to mention it because it implies a commitment. I don’t mean just sharing rent. I mean a commitment to each other. I wasn’t sure you were ready to make that kind of commitment.”

Jason’s exuberance over a new apartment faded quickly because Jeff had raised an issue that had bothered him since their first sex. Could he acknowledge to himself and admit to Jeff that he was in love? Could he overcome his fear of repeating a mistake?

“To be honest,” Jason finally said. “I was reluctant at first. Scared, actually. I liked you when we first met. I’ve come to like you even more as I got to know you better. So that’s not the problem. The problem is with me. I’ve got some baggage. I haven’t told you and you’ve been good enough not to ask but I was in a serious relationship that turned out badly. Let me explain. I had a few boyfriends through high school and college but nothing more than occasional sex. Then I met Carl at the end of my sophomore year. We seemed to get along very well so this past school year, we shared an apartment. I thought we would be together forever. But I caught the bastard fucking somebody else. The confrontation was ugly. He told me he had two other bunk buddies and if I didn’t like it, I could go to Hell. And Hell is what I went through. I was an emotional wreck for weeks. So you see, I’ve been torn. I would like to be your life partner but I’m scared of being hurt again. Once burned, twice shy, as they say. Let me lay it out. I think I’ve fallen in love with you. I want you to be part of my life. You mean that much to me. I’ll take the risk of losing you just to be your lover for as long as you’ll have me.” Jason paused to assess his lover’s reaction.

“Will I have you?” Jeff replied. “How ‘bout for the next 50 or 60 years? I think I fell in love with you within a week after we met. Okay. That’s an exaggeration. At first, I was attracted to you because of your good looks. Then I grew to like you as a good friend. I guess love took root the first night we spent together. And it’s been growing ever since. This sounds strange but I was afraid to tell you that. I was afraid you’d reject my love and say that I was confusing our nights together for real love. I worried about that. I wasn’t sure that I knew what real love felt like. Was I in love with you or with the sex we were having? There’s no doubt any more. I would want to be your partner even if we didn’t have sex. Wait. What I mean is that the sex is great. It started as just that -- sex --and was wonderful. But it’s different now. Sex is a way of showing you my love. Does that make any sense? Or am I just being corny?”

Jason took several swallows of beer and looked off into the distance for a while before turning to Jeff and saying, “I think you’ve diagnosed my relationship with Carl. To him, sex was just sex. But I thought I was in love. Maybe I was. Maybe I just loved the sex. But now I know that Carl wasn’t in love with me. He never said he loved me. When I told him I loved him, he would laugh or change the subject. Now -- too late -- I can see a lot of little things were missing -- like showing concern for my problems, being happy to just be with me, doing favors for me, stuff like that. I was too blind to see it at the time but I got smarter after we broke up. You’re different. We enjoy each other’s company -- even when we’re not in bed. You show a genuine interest in what I do. You’re sensitive to my moods. You try to cheer me up when I’m down. You’re always doing little things to please me. Add that up and you’ve got the reasons why I love you and am pretty sure that you love me.”

“PRETTY sure?” Jeff said. “You can be VERY sure. And very sure that I’ll be true to you forever.”

That night, their sex was special because it was a consummation of their partnership.

***

They moved into a one-bedroom apartment just after Jason started his senior year at Stanford. They bought a minimum amount of furniture at first. The first priorities were a bed and, from a second-hand store, a table with two chairs for the kitchen and a chest of drawers for their clothes. The barren living room didn’t matter because they were actually living together. As partners. And extremely happy.

Their first real argument arose over breakfast one morning when Jeff said he wanted to buy furniture for the living room -- sofa, arm chairs, end tables, and a bookcase.

“I can’t afford it!” Jason objected with uncharacteristic force that shocked Jeff. “Not with tuition, lab fees, and textbooks. The bedroom furniture cleaned me out. I just can’t do any more!”

“You don’t have to,” Jeff replied. “I’ve got money saved up and a steady paycheck. I’m not asking you to share the cost.”

Jason continued to protest, arguing that, as partners, they should share equally in their living expenses. Jeff insisted that it was something he wanted to do ... “for both of us.” The dispute went on for some time, gradually getting more heated until Jason blurted out, “Dammit, Jeff! Don’t you know by now that I value my independence? I won’t take your charity just ‘cause you need a bed partner! That would make me a whore, wouldn’t it?”

Jeff instantly realized that his lover’s outburst was irrational and the both of their comments had been inflamed by hyper-emotion. He sat silently for several moments, thinking of ways to cool down the argument. Finally, he very calmly said, “If you don’t want me to do it, Jason, I won’t. Why? Because I love you and your happiness is far more important than anything else. I won’t deliberately do anything to make you unhappy. Yes, I know that you’re independent. I didn’t think of that when I suggested getting furniture. I’m sorry. As for being a whore, nothing could be further from the truth. You’re my lover. We’re partners. We moved in together not for the sex. Not ‘cause it’s cheaper than two apartments. We moved in together because we love each other.” Jeff leaned over to give his lover a kiss but Jason turned his head away.

Jeff, still hoping to put their argument behind them, continued, “Now, about the furniture. It’s something that I’m able to do. It’s something I want to do ... for US -- as a couple. The last thing I want is to make you unhappy so if you don’t like the idea, I’ll forget about it.”

Jason sulked for a few minutes. Jeff wisely gave him time to absorb the appeasement and the expression of love.

Finally, Jason said, somewhat defiantly, “Bit of a dilemma, isn’t it? One of us will be happy; the other unhappy. What I mean is: you buy the furniture and I’m unhappy; don’t buy the furniture and you’re unhappy. Which of us will win, Jeff? Which one of us will be unhappy?”

Jason abruptly rose from his chair, gathered his dishes, and put them in the sink. “I’ll wash our dishes later,” he said. “I’m going to campus. See you when you get home from work.”

“Jason,” Jeff called as his lover walked out the front door without acknowledging his partner’s implied plea to continue the conversation.

Jeff sat brooding for a few minutes. He had obviously upset and angered Jason, which he hadn’t intended but deeply regretted. Appetite gone, he scraped the remainder of his breakfast into the disposal and flushed it down the drain. He went to the bedroom to dress for work while fretting over how to make amends to Jason.

He managed to make it through his day’s assignments at work only with great effort. Any idle time was consumed by worrying about that morning’s argument and unsuccessfully trying to find a way to repair the fractured relationship.

When he arrived home, Jason was not there. Where was he? He was always home preparing supper unless he said beforehand that he would be late. Jeff searched for a note; there was none. He checked the bedroom; the bed was unmade, which must have meant Jason had been gone all day. Where was he? Was he still angry? Might it mean that their argument had caused an irreparable rift between them? How could such a trivial disagreement jeopardize the idyllic life they had found together? How could he get along without the man he loved so deeply? His anxiety was rapidly growing. He was working himself into a depression.

Part 3

Jeff waited for more than an hour, hoping that Jason would come home. It was not like him to be gone and not leave a note. He began to wonder if his lover had met with an accident. He feared for the safety of the man he loved but it might explain his mysterious absence. Or did that morning’s argument upset him so much that it jeopardized their relationship? Had he lost the most important thing in his life over a simple argument? He sat at the kitchen table, wondering, worrying, on the verge of tears. As time passed, he became more emotionally drained and despondent. Where was Jason? Was he even angrier than it appeared as he walked out the door that morning? Was he all right?

He was about to call the hospitals in the area to see if Jason had been treated or admitted when he heard a key in the front door lock. He sprang from his chair, knocking it over, and rushed to the door in time to see Jason entering the apartment.

Ecstatic to see his lover, he threw his arms around Jason and buried his head into his shoulder. A gusher of disconnected thoughts fought to be expressed. In rapid succession, they all came out. “Jason! Are you all right? I love you, Jason. I was afraid you’d had an accident. Did you? Are you angry with me? I couldn’t bear that! Forgive me. Please. I’m sorry. I love you. I’ve been miserable all day. You mean everything to me. We can forget about the fucking furniture. Please. Please. Don’t leave me. All I really want is you. To be with you. To make you happy.” Jeff couldn’t continue because his tears had given way to sobs. All he could do was cling to his lover tightly as though that would prevent losing him.

Jason had been tortured all day over the dilemma of the furniture. But, dammit, he wanted to share the cost of the furniture and couldn’t. He attended his two morning classes but found it difficult to pay attention. Thoughts of Jeff and the joy they had found with each other thrashed about in his mind together with his potent need to be self-reliant. When he thought of the argument, the memories of Carl awakened the pain he had suffered through when they broke up. Would his relationship with Jeff end and plunge him once again into bitterness? He loved Jeff and wanted to be his life partner and he knew that every couple had their disagreements. But his independent streak would not allow him to capitulate in every argument. He recalled his question to Jeff: “Which one of us will be unhappy? Who will win?” Gawd, how he wished he could reconcile his love for Jeff and his self-reliance!

He skipped his afternoon class, thinking it was pointless to try to pay attention when his mind was in such turmoil. He spent the afternoon roaming aimlessly throughout Palo Alto, trying to solve the dilemma. By late afternoon, his dominant thought was regret for rejecting Jeff’s idea.

He suddenly realized the time -- well past the time when Jeff would be home from work. Would he wonder why dinner was not ready as usual? He had been paying little attention to where he was and looked around to get his bearings. He had walked to Mountain View, miles from home. He thought about calling Jeff to say that he was on his way home but he had left in such a hurry that he had no money for a pay phone. “Shit!” he swore aloud. It would be another 30 minutes to walk back home even at a brisk pace.

He finally arrived home to be met by his lover’s surprisingly emotional outburst. There was only one thing he could do. He hugged Jeff and said, “Calm down. I’m all right. And I love you. Come with me. We can talk about it.”

He led Jeff from the entryway into the empty living room. Then he stopped and said, “You know, if we had a sofa in here, we could sit on it and talk.” He pointedly looked around. “We could sit in the kitchen and talk. No. That’s no good. Can’t very well hold my lover and talk to him if we’re on separate chairs. Guess the only place we can sit and talk and hold each other is on the bed.”

He led Jeff, who was still distraught and who had missed the significance of Jason’s reference to a sofa, into the bedroom. He sat Jeff on the edge of the bed and sat alongside him. Putting his arm around Jeff’s shoulder, he said, “I’m sorry. I was an asshole this morning. I let my pride get in the way of recognizing what you wanted to do and why. It occurred to me that if I want to love you, I’ll have to accept your love. I wish I had thought of that this morning. I’d never have objected to your buying furniture. Forgive me? I’ll try to be better.”

Jeff wiped away his tears and said, “If you’ll forgive me. I didn’t mean to make you mad. I should have been more sensitive to your feelings.”

“Kiss and make up?” Jason asked with a grin.

They did. Adoringly. Their emotional hunger for each other’s companionship easily overcame their hunger for dinner. Clothes were strewn all over the floor. They threw themselves at each other, pressing their naked bodies together to reaffirm their union. The reconciliation soon gave way to eager love-making that was almost aggressive in its intensity. Both young men were obsessive in showing their love in the most vigorous ways. It was as if they were competing with each other to demonstrate their dedication to the other’s pleasure. A detached observer would think their behavior was animalistic but would fail to perceive the selflessness that powered their drive to express their love. They energetically kissed and probed the other’s mouth with their tongues, exchanging saliva and sweat, symbolically merging into one entity: a dedicated and loving couple.

Each became aroused to a level that neither had experienced before and their cocks ached for gratification. Jason repositioned himself, straddling Jeff and offering his cock to his lover’s mouth while mouthing the full length of Jeff’s throbbing manhood. Both love-struck young men used their accumulated knowledge of what would most please the other as they licked, teased, and stroked the other’s rigid rod. Their orgasms were not simultaneous but were immensely gratifying and once more validated their inseparable union.

As they snuggled together in post-orgasmic bliss, Jason asked, “Would you do me a favor?”

“Anything, my love.”

“The next time we disagree about something -- and it’s bound to happen -- remind me what an asshole I was this morning. Help me discuss things without getting angry.”

“I’ll try,” Jeff said. “But I don’t know if I can. For that matter, I don’t know if I would even want to.”

“What the hell does that mean -- why would you not want to?”

Jeff grinned, gave his lover a kiss, and said, “’Cause making up is spectacular.”

They both laughed.

****

During the next several months the young men’s bond grew tighter. They had a few more disagreements but learned how to discuss and compromise. They were blissfully happy so it was unusual when Jason turned suddenly morose after reading a letter from his parents.

“Problem at home?” Jeff asked.

Jason was silent for a while before saying, “No. The problem is on the horizon. I don’t know how to handle it.”

“So what’s the problem? Can I help?”

“My parents want to come to my graduation. I’d like that; I haven’t seen them for two years. But they don’t know about me. About Carl. About you. I just don’t know how they’ll react when they find out I’m queer.”

“They don’t have to find out if you don’t want to tell them. They know we share an apartment ... as room mates. They don’t know we’re lovers. We can be straight while they’re here.”

“It won’t be that simple,” Jason said ruefully. “For one, they’ll see that we have a double bed and not twin beds. For another, I’ve got to break the news to them sometime. Whenever I do, it’ll be ugly. Might as well get it over with and come out to them when they’re here. Besides, when they meet you, I know they’ll like you. That just might soften the blow.”

“It’s your decision, Jason. But you know I’ll support whatever you want to do.”

“I’ve thought a lot about coming out to them ... when, not if, to do it ... how they might react ... how to tell them ... and all that. Now, with their coming here, I suppose I’ll have to work up the courage and plan a strategy.”

“Are you sure this is the right time?” Jeff asked. “I mean with graduation. Maybe you should let them be proud of you. If you tell them about us, they may be upset or angry. That’s not a sure thing, by the way, but it might spoil what should be a happy time for them and for you.”

Jason thought about that for a moment and said, “Good point. I’ll have to think things through a little more.” He paused, smiled, and added, “Thanks. You’re always thinking of others’ feelings, aren’t you? Do you think we can pull it off? I mean acting straight while they’re here.”

“If that’s what you want, Jason. But remember, I’ll go along with whatever you decide. Will they be staying here with us? We can figure out sleeping arrangements if they do.”

“No. They’re bringing my little brother along so they asked for recommendations on a hotel in the area.”

“Jacob is coming, too? That’s great. I’d like to see if he’s as handsome as his picture.”

“Hey!” Jason exclaimed with obviously faked indignation. “Keep your hands off him. For one thing, I don’t want to lose you to him. For another, he’s the definition of a prude and he’d beat you bloody if you tried anything.”

Playing along, Jeff screwed his face into an exaggerated pout and said, “Ah shucks, Jason, I was hoping for a little taste of fresh meat.”

Jason laughed and said, “The only fresh meat you’d get from him is a knuckle sandwich!”

****

Jason’s parents and brother were due to arrive on the day before the graduation ceremony. Jason was eager to see his family again. He had decided not to tell his parents -- at least for the foreseeable future -- that his room mate was, in fact, his gay lover. Still, he harbored a lingering fear that they would suspect more than friendship. His mother was particularly perceptive and had always been able to tell when her son was hiding the truth. He learned from an early age that it was futile to lie to his mother. Consequently, he was more than a little nervous about hiding his relationship with Jeff.

Jeff, however, was almost beside himself with nerves because he knew he would have to make a good first impression. He knew that Jason planned to tell them he was gay at some time in the future and he wanted very much to win their respect and confidence so they would be more likely to accept him into the family.

The young men had made what they hoped would be adequate preparations. In the apartment they hid the condoms, lube, and dildos. They bought pajamas and planned to “accidentally” leave them in the bedroom where they could be seen to demonstrate their modesty and chastity. They also alerted a few friends who knew they were gay of the utmost need for discretion in any conversation with the visiting relatives. Fortunately, they understood and promised to go along with the deception. One good friend, Janet, a lesbian, even offered to pretend to be Jason’s former steady girlfriend. Jason liked the idea but then declined the offer, fearing that neither of them could convincingly play the roles.

Mr. and Mrs. Harris arrived at the San Francisco airport, rented a car, and followed the map Jason had mailed to them to reach the apartment in Palo Alto by four in the afternoon. When Jason let them in, his mother gave him a long hug, his father and brother shook his hand, and they exchanged the customary greetings after two years apart. Jeff stood back until Jason said, “Let me introduce my room mate, Jeff Swenson.”

Jeff stepped forward, shook hands with all three visitors while saying, “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Harris. Welcome to California. Mrs. Harris, I feel like we’ve met already; Jason has told me a number of very flattering things about you.” (Jeff’s mother grinned and blushed) “And Jacob, I understand you’re a star football player; I hope you attend college in California so I can see you play.”

In spite of Jeff’s nervousness, he managed to sound warm and cordial, which, he hoped, would make a good first impression.

They all went into the living room where the conversation was carried entirely by Jason and his family, filling in details about each other’s lives that had been left out of their periodic letters. Jeff sat quietly, feeling at times quite left out but took the opportunity to learn more about the personalities of Jason’s family. After almost an hour of lively talk among the Harris family, Jeff said, “If you folks will excuse me, I’ll go start dinner. I imagine you’re hungry after the long trip.”

“You’ll do nothing of the kind, young man. We’re taking you both out to eat. But we’ll have to rely on your recommendations for a restaurant.”

“It’s no bother, sir,” Jeff said. “That is, if you don’t mind eating in here. We have only two chairs at the kitchen table.”

“All the more reason to go out to eat,” Mrs. Harris said. “Perhaps you could make reservations for us while we check into the hotel and freshen up. We can pick you up here in ... say ... about an hour?”

When their guests left for the hotel, Jeff said, “Reservations? Does that mean they want a ritzy restaurant?”

“Exactly!” Jason replied. “Dad is not the burger joint or corner cafe type. It’s best to let him splurge. Which, by the way, is about the only way he shows his affection. You noticed that Mom hugged me and he only shook my hand? And Mom would occasionally call me ‘dear’ but he always calls me ‘Jason’ ... not even ‘son.’ He’s a great Dad but just can’t seem to show affection in any touchy-feely way. I sometimes wonder what Mom and Dad do in bed.”

Jeff chuckled and said, “Well, they must do something. They have two sons.”

****

Dinner at an elegant restaurant was a real treat for Jason and Jeff whose rare dining out had been at pizza parlors and fast food places. The food was excellent and the conversation was lively. Midway through the main course, Mrs. Harris said, “Forgive us, Jeff. We’ve been so involved in family talk that I’m afraid we’ve left you out. Tell us about yourself.”

Jeff was caught off guard and didn’t know what to say that would earn Jason’s family’s respect. Gathering his wits, he briefly summarized his growing up on a farm, he had one older brother, his degree was in electrical engineering, and he worked at Hewlett-Packard. “Quite an ordinary life, I suppose,” he concluded.

“University of Minnesota, you say,” Mr. Harris commented. “Scholarship?”

“No, sir,” Jeff said, wondering why the man was interested in that particular detail. “I got some help from my Dad but I paid most of my own expenses by working part time in a grocery store and full time during the summers in construction.”

“Admirable!” Mr. Harris exclaimed. “You should be proud of your achievement.”

To reinforce his father’s positive reaction, Jason said, “Jeff left out a couple of things. He’s the first one in his family to complete college. And he’s been at HP for only a year but is already a team leader ... what other companies would call a supervisor.”

“Congratulations, young man,” Mr. Harris gushed and returned to eating his filet mignon.

Jeff made a mental note to thank his lover later for the assistance. It seemed -- at least for the moment -- that he had achieved a degree of respect, which was his primary goal since it would eventually soften the blow when Jason’s told his parents that he was not just a room mate but his gay lover.

That night, after Jason and Jeff were dropped of at their apartment, Jeff said, “That seemed to go quite well. Do you think I made a good first impression?”

“Indeed you did,” Jason gushed. “That bit about putting yourself through college clinched it. You see, Dad has this hang up on self-sufficiency. He admires people who work hard for what they want and can’t tolerate those who won’t carry their own weight.”

“So that’s how you got so damned independent?” Jason grinned.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jason shot back.

“Have you forgotten the spat we had about the furniture?”

Jason laughed and said, “Oh that. Well, I guess a little rubbed off on me. But I’ve become very dependent in one way. I need you by my side. I love you.”

“That’s sweet, Jason. How about we shower and hop into bed.”

“Isn’t it a bit early to go to bed?” Jason asked.

“I didn’t say go to sleep, dumb ass.”

“Oh!” Jason exclaimed as he slapped his forehead. “After as long as we’ve been together, you’d think I’d know what you meant.”

Their hot shower together turned rapidly into a love-fest that morphed into an orgy of sexual pleasure as they filled each other with hot, creamy seed. As they dried each other, slowly and adoringly, their passion was re-ignited. By the time they made their way to the bedroom, each was sporting an emergent erection, which, of course, had to be taken care of with prolonged foreplay and another exchange of delectable nectar.

They cuddled together in post-orgasmic bliss until Jason said, “I promised to show my parents the campus tomorrow. Wanna come along?”

“No,” Jeff replied. “I thought I’d spend the morning getting ready for the party here tomorrow night. I’ll join your family for the graduation ceremony in the afternoon if that’s all right.”

“Okay,” Jason said. “I’ll tell them you’ll meet them at the bell tower at one thirty. Do you have everything you need for the party?”

“I think so. There’ll only be us, your parents, and about five friends. Many of the friends we invited sent their regrets.”

“Understandable,” Jason said. “Are you sure everyone knows to be careful about what they say? When my parents find out about us I want to be the one to tell them.”

“They’ve all given their word. I’m sure it will be fine.”

Jeff’s confidence was misplaced.

Part 4
 

The graduation party in Jeff and Jason’s apartment started out slowly but, as the various guests arrived, it became more lively and congenial. Jeff had done a magnificent job in decorating the apartment and in preparing trays of snack foods along with sparkling cider, coffee, and soda for the guests. Each of the invited guests presented Jason with a gag gift but, in compliance with the couple’s previous warning, none were suggestive or sexual.

Jason’s parents were polite and friendly to the guests but didn’t engage any of them in extended conversation. Jacob, however, joined in the festivities as though he were among long-time friends. Before long, he was flirting with Janet, a very attractive lesbian, who was amused by the teen’s attention but who nevertheless discouraged it. At one point, Jacob asked if she had a boyfriend. Janet, having tired of fending off the young man’s amateurish flirtation, said very casually, “No. But I have a girlfriend.”

Jacob was puzzled by the response until the implied meaning sunk in. He excused himself to visit the snack table but the thought of an attractive female in a sinful relationship bothered him for quite some time.

Jason’s parents were seated on the balcony when Mrs. Harris said, “I’ll refill our glasses. Back in a jiffy.”

She walked into the kitchen and waited, unnoticed, for two young men to finish opening a new bottle of sparkling cider.

“Too bad there’s no beer,” the tall, blond man commented.

“Yeah,” the dark-haired one replied. “But you know how it is when parents visit. Can’t have any alcohol.”

“Right,” the blond agreed. “And watching what we say about their being gay kinda limits the joking around.”

“The dark-haired man planted a kiss on the other’s cheek and said, “I know it’s difficult for you and you’ve been an angel, my love. I’m proud of you.”

Mrs. Harris immediately turned around and returned to the balcony with empty glasses in hand. Her husband noticed she was extremely upset and asked, “What’s the matter? Do you feel all right?”

Still incredulous over what she had heard and not wanting to trigger her husband’s infrequent but volatile anger, she replied, “I’m fine. But can we talk about it later?”

Ten minutes later during which she tried to cope with the unintended revelation in the kitchen and her husband’s increasing concern for her, she said, “I think I’d like to go for a short walk. Would you stay here and explain to the others that I’ll be back soon?”

He reluctantly agreed but grew more anxious about his wife’s health and mood.

Mrs. Harris found Jason and said, “I’m going for a short walk. Come with me so I don’t get lost in the neighborhood.”

Jason recognized that it was not a request but a gentle command. He also sensed that something was bothering her. Once outside the building, Jason asked, “Are you all right? Is something bothering you?”

She didn’t reply immediately but walked about fifty feet and stopped in the shade of a tree. She turned to her son, and said, “Tell me about you and Jeff.”

Jason guessed at the real, unvoiced question. It seemed to be the beginning of a conversation he was not ready to have. But he needed confirmation of his suspicions so he said, “What do you want to know, Mom.”

“I think you know what I want to know, dear. And you also know that you can’t lie to me and get away with it. Is Jeff homosexual? Are you? Is that why you live together?”

Jason yielded to the inevitability, gathered his courage, and said, “Yes. I’m gay and so is Jeff. We love each other dearly. There’s nothing I want more than to live with him for the rest of my life. I’m sorry if that disappoints you or upsets you but I am what I am. I’ve known it for years. At first, I tried to fight the feelings. But it didn’t do any good. They just got stronger. When I got to know Jeff, I knew that I’d found what I wanted ... what I needed ... a companion to love. You love Dad and he loves you so you might understand how Jeff and I feel about each other. The only difference is that we’re two men.”

Jason paused to gauge his mother’s reaction. It was as he feared: her eyes were filled with tears. He started to hug her to demonstrate his love for her and to comfort her but she pushed him away and said in a shaky voice, “How could you do this? We didn’t raise you to be queer.” She started sobbing.

When Jason tried to hug her again, she pushed him away again and started walking back toward the apartment building. Jason followed but his pleas to understand were ignored. Instead of going into the apartment, she got into the rental car and said, “Send you father and bother out. We’re leaving.”

“Mom, please,” Jason implored.

“I said we’re leaving, Jason! Go get your father!”

Like an obedient and thoroughly chastised child that had been sent to his room, Jason went into the apartment. Finding his father still on the balcony, he said, “Two things, Dad. First, Mom’s in the car and wants to leave. Second, no matter what you may think of me, never doubt that I love you and Mom.”

His father, puzzled at his son's mysterious comment, hurried to get Jacob and rushed to the car, fearing that his wife had taken ill. It was the last time Jason saw or heard from his family.

Jason then found Jeff and said, “I’m not feeling well. I’ll be in the bedroom. Make my excuses to the others.”

“What’s wrong, Jason?”

“Later,” Jason said as he turned and walked into the bedroom before his tears came.

The party broke up soon after. When the last of the guests had gone, Jeff rushed to the bedroom to check on his lover who had been crying. He listened sympathetically as Jason related the confrontation with his mother. “How did she find out?” Jeff asked.

“I don’t know. My guess is that she overheard something at the party. But then maybe she noticed something we were unaware of. I thought we were very careful but she’s very perceptive. Mothers are like that. We may never know.”

Over the next several months, letters to Jason’s parents were unanswered. Phone messages were not returned. When someone did answer the phone, even his brother, the call was immediately disconnected.

****

In September of 2005, two old men sat in deck chairs by the side of the swimming pool at their spacious home in the hills overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The last glimmers of the sun were fading as it slid down behind the blue horizon. The men had just returned from their summer home in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and were pleased that their gardener and housekeeper had kept their winter home immaculate. They began to reminisce

“It’s been a great life, hasn’t it?”

“So far. It gets better every day.”

“Retirement is everything I could possibly hope for.”

“I agree. I was fed up with the corporate rate race.”

“I know. Was it the pressure or the politics?”

“Both. Mostly the politics.”

“You could have been a Vice President, you know.”

“Sure ... if I was willing to compromise my principles.”

“It’s a shame they wanted to keep our relationship out of the press. The guy who got the job was a real jerk.”

“That’s right. But you’re far more important to me than any corner office.”

“Hmmm. Maybe one day society will be more accepting.”

“It is getting better. There’s even a gay congressman.”

“More than one, I suspect.”

They both sipped on their Margaritas and entertained their own thoughts for a while.

“Would you have done anything differently?”

“Nope!”

“Surely, there’s one do-over you’d like”

“Yeah. That cruise to Antarctica was a mistake! About froze my balls off!”

“Agreed. The Mediterranean was much better. Especially the clothing-optional beaches.”

“[Ha Ha.] I’ll never forget that. You sported a boner half the time. And drew the attention of most of the women and a few men.”

“Well ... if you got it, flaunt it.”

They chuckled over the memory and sipped some more on their drinks for a while.

“How ‘bout you? Any regrets?”

“Sure. Losing touch with my family. But given the choice of having them or having you, I’d choose you in a heart beat.”

“I suppose I’m luckier. My family got over their disappointment eventually.”

They watched the final rays of sun disappear as the garden lights automatically came on around the pool.

“So we’ve had a great life together.’

“And years ahead of us to enjoy.”

“Speaking of enjoyment, why don’t we soak a while in the hot tub and crawl into bed.”

“Let me guess. You’re horny again”

“Whenever I’m with you.”

“You want top or bottom tonight?

“BOTH!”


The end.


 

Posted:05/28/10