Dear God,
I don't know if you're out there; I don't know if you listen; all I know is that I wish to thank you. I wish to thank you for all that you have done and all that you have given me. You gave me a childhood – a childhood filled with people, people that I've loved. Though you took some away, I know that all things have a reason. I know I must trust you. I know that my childhood was hard on me; I suffered; I missed out on things that others did not. Even still, I know that I've gained things that few others have experienced; I grew up knowing love is not bound by blood, that family is more than just the name you are born to.
I grew into adolescence, learning the hard truth that people will always see things through shaded glass, that some people will never accept what they do not wish to. I saw so much, experienced so much. In my heart, I learnt to trust you, to see the good in the smallest grain of sand, to take joy in the smallest kindness shown to me and grant as much of that joy to those around me.
I was tempered and forged with the heart of some of the greatest sorrows, shaped by the events of such tragedy. I saw death; I saw blood, I witnessed some of the horrors and atrocities that man can inflict on his brethren. I have also seen, a woman who had little enough for her own family, reach out a giving hand to share all that she had, to offer to one who was cast out of his own home for being who he was. I saw friendships tested, bonds stronger than steel, pulled and twisted by fate forming structures of such beauty that they shall last for a lifetime to inspire me and, hopefully, countless others.
I've grown to adulthood, seeing such things; some I wish I had never seen; others, I cherish and wish I could share with those around me. From horrors, I've learnt to survive, to take all that is and make it into something better. The joys of birth, seeing the light in parents' eyes as they hold their child for the first time. I've seen love, such great love. I've also seen hate, twisting and souring souls to such awful ends. I've been beaten, battered, bruised and even shattered, in both body and soul; even still, you've been there for me, the whispering voice upon the wind telling me that all things happen for a reason. Everything I saw, everything I felt and endured, created the man I am today and for a reason.
I wish to thank you for giving me a heart, a heart that has been broken and then mended again and again. I've known sorrow; I've known loss. You brought a shining light into my life, a force that helped me to mend from some horrors of my past, dispelling demons from my soul. I cherish her memory, the love I had for her; I know that though she was but a glimmer of your love on Earth, though she was taken from me against her will, that you took her into your fold. I know that her love for me did not die with her body; you've let her talk to me, her lips whispering into my ears, saying that it's time for me to go on, to love again.
I have learnt the meaning of love, so vast and wide a word, encompassing such emotions and feelings of the heart and of the soul. A new light has entered my life, so warm and bright, nearly blinding, I can not take my eyes off; I would risk being blind than to look away. Every time I think of this love, a warmth fills me, engulfing me with such power that I feel as though I'll be swept away and drowned in it, a tide that crashes against the cliffs that have been built in me, for fear of being hurt again. It's hard for me to trust; it hurt so much to loose that last true love, I do not wish to loose this one.
Every time I fear losing this love, this tie, I feel, I turn to you, kneeling; I beg you to let it last, and I hear you whisper in the warm sunlight, "You will always have this love, no matter how long or short it may last on Earth, but you must trust in me, for there is a greater purpose to your life, in the end, you will always have this love."
Though these words should comfort me, I still fear losing this love, and that fear tells me that this is no crush, no mere trifling of the heart; this feeling is true, honest love. A love that I am ready and willing to die to protect.
I've known great joys; I've known great sorrows. I've seen such beauty, along with such horrors.
I've gained and I've lost so much.
I wish to thank you for my life, every minute of pain, every second of bliss.
Thank you … eternally.
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Posted: 05/23/08