Like a Promised Sunrise

By: JWSmith
(© 2012 by the author)
Editor:  Rock Hunter

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 9

Mar 15, ' 02 Sat.

This is the first time I've been alone since Dad arrived. Jim wanted to go to the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena. I begged off, insisting that I had to get some writing done. Well, I do want to write down all that has happened, but I wanted time away from them to just mull over everything.

After Jace called Dad back last Monday night, he wouldn't say another word on the subject.

Tuesday morning, I let Jace go to the airport by himself to meet Dad's plane. I figured whatever it was that they were planning on laying on me, that they needed the time to get their strategy laid out first. Jim came in on Wed. the 12th.

I had a big pitcher of Margarita's made when they came through the door. I haven't had a drop of hard liquor since I'd tried to drink myself into oblivion and ended up nearly dying. However, I knew that Dad loves a good Margarita.

Dad dropped his bags when he came through the door and wrapped me in a big bear hug. It felt so good. As big as I am, Dad is bigger, two inches taller and about forty pounds heavier, wider shoulders with hips as narrow as mine and Jace's. I had never looked at him before as anything but my dad. He is one big gorgeous hunk. He is one of the gentlest, kind, yet strong, men I have ever met. Staunch is the word that comes to mind when I think of Dad. There is no wondering why Jim worships the ground on which he stands.

Anyway, Dad told me he loves me very much and to remember no matter what, I am his son. Well, that put me on edge even more. I poured him a big glass full of the Margarita, and poured myself and Jace a Coke while Jace took Dad's bags into the new bedroom area.

"All right, let's everybody find a comfortable place to sit to talk about this."

Jace sat sideways on a sofa across from the chair Dad chose. He motioned for me to sit between his legs and he immediately put his arms around me, and whispered, "I love you, Judd."

I was nervous. Dad sipped his drink and studied me for several minutes. It could have been just a few seconds, but it seemed like a long time.

"Judd," he finally broke the silence, my heart jumped to my throat. "There is only one person in this world that I love as much as you, Son, and that's Jim. I love your mother and your brothers dearly – and Jace and my other brothers. But you and Jim are the most precious to me. I want you to keep that in mind."

"There are two things that have happened that make me feel that I have to tell you this, Judd. Your mom went to Dallas with Nan Brandis, Jim's wife, and had a little too much to drink. She told Nan some family secrets. And the other thing is the Old Man's death.

"I don't think you know Nan, Son. She is a bitter woman. She lives in Dallas most of the time. When she was off at college she fell in love with a black fellow and got pregnant by him. He was willing to marry her, but her dad would hear nothing of it. He took her over to Houston and made her have an abortion. He gave the black guy a large sum of money and told him to get lost. Remember, this was Texas thirty years ago.

"Jim's dad had somehow found out that Jim and I were in a relationship. He was okay with Jim being gay, but he thought that for it to be acceptable, Jim had to be married. He knew the situation with Nan and her father, and arranged the marriage. Since it was only a sham marriage, Jim went along with it.

"Nan knew when she married Jim that he is gay. But she thought that she could change him. I don't believe that Jim has ever even slept in the same bed with her. When she discovered it was futile, she wanted an annulment. Her father convinced her otherwise.

"So the table got turned on us with the death of her father a few months ago, and her learning some of our family secrets, which she threatened to expose if Jim didn't give up his love for me. So we figured it was best for him to give her a divorce and for us to come out of the closet. Your mother has always loved and been close to her brother Jim. I think she loves him almost as much as I do, just in a different way. Since all of our sons are grown she decided it was time to step out of the picture, too.

"So we decided to come out with the truth before Nan could use it to do any malicious harm. Jace and I have been arguing about telling you since the funeral. Apparently, you convinced Jace to agree to my telling you the whole story."

"I basically knew all that, Dad. I kind of figured out years ago that you and Uncle Jim have a closer than normal relationship."

"Son, what I've just told you is only a prelude to the whole story."

"I don't understand."

"Have you ever wondered why I was married to your mother, and still have her brother as my lover?"

"I thought it rather curious. But I never thought more about it."

"Well, Judd, you are the reason."

"Me? What could I have had to do with it?"

"Let me tell you the whole story. Jim and I were nineteen at the time. We were both going to Baylor and we'd just gotten home for the summer.

Your mother, Betty Jean, was seventeen and had just graduated from high School. She had a huge crush on me. She wasn't aware that her brother Jim was also in love with me, and that we had been in a monogamous relationship since we were sixteen. Actually, I don't think anyone knew at that time. We were just best buds rooming together at college.

On the day that set our fused futures on its course, Jim and I had gone horseback riding out to the springs. Being apart for a full week after spending a whole year living together, we were a horny couple of young studs in heat. We couldn't wait to get our hands on each other.

Betty Jean showed up at the ranch looking for me. She wanted to invite me to a party one of her girlfriends in town was having. The Old Man offered to drive her out to the springs to see me. Back in those days you could only get within about a half mile of the springs in a vehicle. So they had to hike in the rest of the way. Jim and I extended the road down to the springs since then, so there would be no more surprises like the one we had that day.

Needless to say, Jim and I were naked and wrapped in each other’s arms when they showed up. Not to give too detailed a picture, Jim had my legs in the air servicing me well. Betty Jean acted like she was horrified, but the Old Man was enraged. He told Jim to get his butt off his ranch and never set foot on it again. He said he would deal with me when I got back to the ranch.

He and Betty Jean hightailed it back to the pickup. Jim and I got dressed and raced back to the ranch.

Jim was so mortified that he jumped into his pickup and left without even saying goodbye. When the Old Man and Betty Jean got back to the ranch I was sitting in the barn wondering what the old son of a bitch was going to try to do. Betty Jean got out of the pickup, kissed him on the cheek, scampered over to her Ford Convertible and left. I watched the Old Man smirk as he watched her car disappear in a trail of dust and he turned and walked into the barn.

He stood in the dusky interior, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light. I was leaning against a post not ten feet in front of him. The ol' bastard hadn't smiled in the last four years that I could recall. The way he looked at me, with kind of a predatory sneer – he had an animal magnetism I've never seen in another man. I felt like I could almost have dropped my pants for him then and there. Then I recalled the last time I had seen a similar smile on his face. It was the day I caught him molesting Hank.

"Grandpa molested his own son? Jesus!" My mind was going a mile a minute putting things that I had suspected into order with this new information.

"Yes," Dad said. "Yes, he did. As I look back on it, I can see how it happened. But since Hank was only twelve, the son of a bitch should have had enough control to keep his hands off him."

"Hank had been a sickly child. He's smaller than the rest of us and at twelve years old he looked like a pretty little six year old boy. The Old Man had always given him extra love and attention. Hank was always hanging onto him. If he sat down, Hank was trying to get onto his lap.

I'd overheard Mom telling the Old Man that it was time to make Hank stop hanging on him like that. His reply was that it was all innocent, not to worry about it. Mom warned him that it was going to get out of control.

He never tried to change Hank's ways. I think he really enjoyed having the boy cling to him like that. I'm sure that at first, it was fatherly love, but he let it get out of hand to the point that finally, he gave into his lust and had his way with the boy.

Dad told us the sordid story of discovering it happening and how he’d come close to killing his own father. He ended with: “He had been exiled from his family's love. I think a lesser man would have succumbed to the guilt and taken up drinking, or something, but not that old man. He was so good at forgiving himself. He hung in there asserting his right to be head of the family, even if no one loved him any longer."                                                           

"I continued to love him until the day he turned on me," Jace said. "I never knew what he had done to Hank. After I got over the anger and hurt from what he did to me, I just didn't love him anymore."

"Well, I guess I got off the track a little. But it is really part of the whole story." Dad let out a big sigh and then said, "Let's take a break and get some dinner."

We all agreed. When we stood up, it just seemed the natural thing to do, to seek security and approval in each other’s arms. We stepped into a group hug. For several minutes we just clung to each other. When we broke apart, Dad kissed me on the forehead like he has always done, and I kissed him on the cheek, and then he kissed Jace on the lips. I was momentarily taken back, but Jace was okay with it, as if they had always done it. And as I watched Jace return the kiss, it just seemed the natural thing for them to do. I felt okay with it. And then Jace turned and took me in his arms. When he kissed me, it wasn't like he had kissed his brother. No, this kiss was filled with his passionate love for me. I thank God daily, sometimes hourly, that He saw fit to let Jace and I love each other.

We all agreed that showers and fresh clothes were in order. Dad showered first and then Jace and I showered together... simply showered. We went over to Old Town to Philippe's for tri-tip sandwiches and beer. Well, Dad and I enjoyed a beer. Jace had a Coke. It must be discouraging to be so alcohol intolerant that you can't even enjoy a good cold brew. After dinner we strolled down Olvera Street playing like we were tourists. Dad got his first look at Union Station. It is a magnificent building.

By the time we got home it was nearly eleven. We all agreed that some slumber was in order. We went through the same ritual of a group hug and then kissing each other good night. I think I must be twisted. I felt a strong surge in my groin watching the brotherly kiss between Jace and my dad.

I lay in thought long after Jace had gone to sleep. I had a fearful feeling that I knew where Dad's story was going. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. I was comfortable with the status quo. I thought about Hank and the torture he has surely put himself through over the years. In his innocent love for his father, he had lost it all because his father wouldn't stop Hank's way of wanting to show his love for him. I, now, understood why Dad had made him stay away from me. I hated my grandpa at that moment. Simultaneously, I felt sorry for him, for I knew he regretted what he had done. No, I didn't hate Grandpa, I hated what he had done, because not only he, but we all, lost out because of his actions in a moment of weakness.

I was awakened Wednesday morning by my hair being brushed from my forehead. I knew instinctively that it was not Jace's touch. I lay there with my eyes closed enjoying the loving caresses. Dad must have thought I was still asleep, I heard him say in an almost whisper, "Judd and you have always been my favorites of all my boys. He's so much like me. I am so glad that you two found each other." I knew he was speaking to Jace because Jace's hand across my chest tightened, pulling me against him.

I contemplated for a moment on how Dad really did think of his brothers, as well as his sons, as his boys. I opened my eyes and looked into Dad's smiling face. Here sat a man I love almost as much as Jace and I felt I was seeing a side of him he had never before let me see. It touched me to my core.

"G'morning, Dad."

His smile brightened

"I brought you boys some coffee." He motioned toward the night stand where two mugs were steaming. "I think I fixed them like you each like it."

"Thanks, Dad." I turned and looked at Jace who lay on his side against me with his head propped up on his fist. He pecked me on my lips and grinned. We sat up and took the mugs, grinning at Dad.

"I talked to Jim this morning. He'll be flying in this afternoon."

"It must have been hard on you all these years only getting to be together eight weeks out of a year," Jace said.

"Yeah, it was hard, but it was a lot harder on Jim. I had my family. We spent a lot of time together in between our hunting trips, even though we didn't touch or show our love in front of others. And Betty never resented our time together. As a matter of fact, she went out of her way to give us more time. Looking back on it, I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Yeah, I see what you mean."

"Betty and I have had a good life together. Neither of us have any regrets."

"So why is Mom getting a divorce, Dad?" I asked.

"Bobby's flown the nest now. She's giving me back to Jim."

"So what are your plans? I'm sure that Jim is not going to move in with you on the ranch. Are you going to move in with him?" Jace asked.

"No, the Deason Family investments is buying Jim's ranch. Tommy and Jimmy are going to run it. Bobby is studying to be a doctor. We're also giving Nan a substantial amount of money. She is, by the way, over in Palm Springs at the Betty Ford Clinic. I hope it works for her. She has had a shitty life. But then she's responsible for most of it. She could have done so much with it, but she chose to be bitter and drown herself in alcohol. Maybe things will be better for her now."

"You'll have to tell us her story sometime," Jace said.

"Not me, but maybe you can get Jim to tell it sometime."

"So what are your plans?" I asked.

"Well, when Jim gets here we'll probably be making some decisions. We're not in any big hurry, you know."

We got up and showered. I was pensive as we ate breakfast. After we'd cleaned up the kitchen, Dad asked if I was up to hearing the rest of the story.

To be continued...

Posted: 06/22/12