John Gets What He Needs
By: Hogan
(Copyright 2007 by the Author)
Editor: Gerry Young

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
 

Chapter 8

"The Lounger"

John's dreams were filled with happy thoughts of snuggling all night with his best buddy whom he loved very much.  Feeling Evan next to himself brought a sense of security and a sexual sensation he hadn't felt in a long time.  'Little Big John' began squirming and slipping and sliding against Evan's backside, without any helping hand from The Big Guy at all.  But then, soon, everyone eased into sweet, comfortable slumber.

During the night something felt wrong and John's subconscious woke him up. He had awakened to an empty bed.  Evan was nowhere to be seen.  He looked at the alarm clock and saw that it was just past 3 A.M.

John cleared his eyes and sat up looking for his bud.  He couldn't imagine Evan just up and leaving, without a word, in the middle of the night. Wondering if he'd had a hard time sleeping in a different bed, John got up and staggered down the hallway looking for any sign of Evan.  He entered the living room and saw Evan sitting on the couch, unaware that John had come into the room.

Evan was looking towards the lounger, speaking softly as if someone were there.  John couldn't make out what Evan was saying -- it was too indistinct and mumbled.  A cold chill ran up John's spine, and the hair on the back of his neck stood up.  He came up behind Evan and put his hand on Evan's shoulder.  Immediately, Evan flinched and spun around to see who, or what, was touching him.  A look of surprise and horror was noticeable on his face in the dimly lit room.

"Evan ... what are you doing?  Why aren't you in bed with me?  You ok?" John tried to maintain a sense of calm and concern, even as he asked the string of questions.

Evan looked over at the lounge chair and then back up at John's face and quietly explained, "Sorry, big guy ... I ... I was having trouble staying asleep, so I came into the living room so I wouldn't disturb you.  I know you have to go to work early in the morning."

John looked over at the empty lounger, then back to Evan and said, "Come back to bed and let's get some sleep before it's morning, already.  I can't sleep without you, Ev; I need you next to me, buddy."

They got up and Evan followed John back to bed, and John snuggled up to him, holding him closely when they got back under the covers.  Both were quiet but not sleeping yet.  The silence was finally broken when John spoke up and said, "Evan, turn over and look at me."

Evan slowly rolled over and was face to face looking into his big lover's eyes through the darkened room.

"Evan ... talk to me ... tell me the truth ... what's going on in your head?  Are you having problems with your illness, or are you having trouble sleeping with me, or in my bed?"

"NO ... no, it's not you, big guy.  Sorry I left the bed. I didn't want to disturb you.  I was just ... I mean ... my head was bothering me again, and I didn't want to wake you up."

"You ARE taking your meds, aren't you?" John asked, concerned.

"Yeah, John, I am, but they only help so much, and don't get rid of it completely.  For that to happen, I'd have to take much higher doses, and I'd be so sedated, I wouldn't have anything near like a normal life."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" John asked and then kissed him softly.

"You just did, yeah big lug," Evan said with a smile and a tighter hug, and then continued, "I still have some ... um well ... problems.  That's why I go to group every Friday to learn how to cope with them."

John kissed Evan softly and ran his hand through his black hair, away from his face, and began speaking again, "Ev ... I know you don't like talking about it, but you should let me help you if I can.  I want to be there for you when you need me."

"I know you do, big guy.  It's ... it's ... just not easy to talk about ... without looking like a complete loon," Evan said, resting his head against John's soft hairy chest.

"Ev, I saw you talking to the empty lounger in the living room.  Do you want to let me know what's going on with that?" John asked with concern and passion in his voice.

The silence and the semi-darkness grew heavy in the room, as Evan didn't say anything for several minutes.  He was trying to find a way of explaining what he was doing, without sounding completely insane.  Finally, he just decided to put his trust in John and tell him everything.

Slowly, with a deep sigh of resignation, Evan pulled away from John, and sat up, leaning against the headboard, still without saying anything.  He crossed his arms, his head dropped forward, and he gazed, unfocused, at his lap.  Another moment of silence; another deep sigh -- one of finality.  He raised his head, and, while looking around the room at everything EXCEPT his best friend who was lying next to him, he uncomfortably began.

"John ... , please, please don't think less of me when I tell you this, but ... I ... I ... was talking to Ari."  He paused, waiting for some kind of reaction from John, but all that John did was to sit up a little, resting on an elbow, and listen to every word and try to understand.

Evan continued.  "HE ... is one of the hallucinations I have.  It's hard to explain, but I'll try to."  Another huge intake of breath.  "Ari is one that comes around from time to time ... and ... uhhh ... there are others, too.  But mostly, my hallucinations are ... more like ... just ... little ... benign stuff, like ... shadows and ... voices ... sometimes."

It was obvious that Evan was having a difficult time finding just the right words, but he bravely went on to continue.  "The ones that interact with me are always the same people.  I know they're just in my head and aren't real, but I've learned in therapy that if I acknowledge their presence and see what they want ... then they don't bother me as often.  If I'm not going to be more medicated, then I have to learn to deal with them.  Do you understand, John?"

"Ok.  I can understand that ... but you should keep me in the loop, Ev. We're together now ... NO secrets ... REMEMBER?"

"I remember.  I just didn't want you to think I'm a freak, is all," Evan said sadly.

John sat up further, leaned over, and kissed Evan's forehead and ruffled his hair like he always liked to do, and spoke softly back to his mate. "Look, Ev ... you're MY freak ... my FREAKIN' bud, YOU understand? ... and I love you ... you hear me?"  John grabbed Evan's hair and moved his head back so that they were looking at each other, squarely in the face.  John gave his big, trademark grin.

"I love you, too ... you big hunk."

"Now then ... now that I know I don't have any ghosts sittin' in my chair in the living room ... tell me who this Ari character is, and why did he bother you tonight?  Should I be jealous that you're off talking to another man when I'm asleep?"  John chuckled.

"Very funny, John boy," Evan retorted.  "No ghosts ... just a hot Greek stud in my head named Ari that wanted to know about you."

"Oh, he did, huh?" John smiled.  Before Evan could answer, John had another thought, and asked, teasingly, "Can that 'hot Greek stud' ever materialize and become physical?  Maybe the three of us could have some 'hot' times together!  Huh?  Huh?  Huh, buddy?"

"You shit-head!"  Evan balled up his fist and drew it back to throw at John.

"Easy!  Easy, Ev.  Just joking.  Just trying to make light of the situation ... if that's allowed."

"Yes, it's allowed, and sometimes it helps, but not always, John.  Ok, you're forgiven.  We'll talk about ... ... ... THAT ... at some future point, but just let me ... uhhh ... keep on telling you about Ari, while I'm on a ... uhhh ... on a roll."

John smiled and nodded his head as a sign to Evan to continue.

"Ari is one of the good ones, John .... he kinda looks out for me ... he said you were 'hot,' but was concerned that I was going too fast with you."

"You tell him that that's MY job from now on -- to look out for you," John said, trying to sound firm.  This all's gonna take time for me to get use to, Ev; I can't say I totally understand, but if you're ok, then I'm fine, too."

John bear-hugged Evan, then they slid back down under the covers, cuddled, and finally fell back to sleep ...

... until the alarm woke John.  He untangled himself from Evan and reached over and turned off the irritating alarm.  Evan stirred some but stayed asleep.

He slowly and carefully got up and left Evan to sleep while he took a shower to get ready for work.  He was glad it was Friday, knowing he would have the weekend to catch up on some sleep himself.

John finished showering, dressing, then made some coffee and went into the living room.  He always checked the weather on the morning news and drank his coffee. As he went to get into his lounger he always sat in, he stopped, grinned, and spoke out loud, "Hope your not in my chair Ari ... or your getting squashed like a bug." He said as he sat down chuckling to himself. John reclaimed his chair and finished his morning routine.

Before he left, he went back into the bedroom and found Evan soundly snoring.  He hadn't noticed that he snored before.  He stood there for a few minutes just watching him sleep.  Eventually, John softly shook him awake and he slowly opened his eyes.  A big smile immediately came over his face as he looked up at his towering lover standing over him.

"Ev ... I gotta get to work, now.  You go ahead and go back to sleep if you want.  You have your key with you, right?"

"Yeah, I have it. Can you set the alarm for 9:00 AM?  I have group therapy on Fridays."

"Sure, Ev." John said as he quickly set the clock.

John bent down and kissed his lover good-bye and asked, "You gonna be here when I get back from work?"

"Yeah ... I might even have dinner ready for you, if you're lucky."  Evan smiled.

John smiled and tousled Evan's hair and then left for work.  His day had started off as a good one. For the first time in a while he was actually feeling more complete.  Once Jacob was home, he knew his life would be perfect.

While at work, John managed to get the next weekend cleared and was allowed to take the entire following week off on vacation leave.  His supervisor actually suggested it, after he found out what John was clearing the weekend for.  John decided it was also a good idea to be home with Jacob for that week to better help him settle into his new surroundings.  He thought it would be too traumatic to bring him home Sunday night, only to have to leave him with his grand-mother (John's mom) on Monday morning when he went to work.  This way he could spend some time with his son before he had to go back to work.

Once again the alarm went off, and Evan awoke and turned it off.  He sat up and hung his legs over the edge of the bed and stretched and yawned, trying to get awake.  After a few minutes he got up and went to leave the bedroom but stopped at the door near where the sketch was hung.  He looked at it remembering his younger John and realized he no longer missed his past friend.  He knew the John he now had, was the same kind person he always knew, just in a larger form.  There was no longer anything to miss.  He had him, and they were now together yet again.  Evan smiled and went into the bathroom and began his shower.

Carol, John's mom, was in his neighborhood to show a house nearby.  Being a real estate agent, she often was driving all over the town to show homes for sale to prospective buyers.  As she drove by her son's house, she slowed down, seeing there was a strange car that she didn't recognize, in the driveway.  She knew at this hour her son would be at work.

Half-curious and half-worried who was in her son's house, she decided to stop and see for herself who was there.  Having a key, she quietly unlocked the door and entered the house as she always did, un-announced.  Seeing no one in the living room or the kitchen, she began to go down the hallway and heard the shower running.  Being nosey, she put her ear to the door; she could hear someone moving around in the shower.  Curiosity getting the better of her, she knocked on the door and announced her presence. "Hello ... this is Carol, John's mom."

Evan was so started he almost slipped in the shower.  After regaining his balance and biting his bottom lip he finally yelled back, " It's me, Evan, Ms. Clark."

"Evan ... I'll let you finish and will be in the living room.  I need to make a few phone calls, anyway.  Come out and give me a big hug when you get done and dressed.  It's been so long since I've seen you," she yelled back over the sound of the shower.

"I'll be right out in a few," Evan managed so say.

'Shit!' Evan thought to himself, 'how am I going to explain this to John's mom?'  He quickly remembered, though, that they had spent nights-over at her house all the time, together.  'This wouldn't seem odd at all,' he thought to himself.

Still being nosey, John's mom went farther down the hall to his bedroom and saw that the bed was still unmade.  Smiling, she went into the living room and sat down.  Carol looked at the clock and saw that she still had twenty minutes before she had to show the house down the street. She called her office to check her messages as Evan finished up in the bathroom.

Evan got dressed and went to the living room to greet his childhood surrogate mom -- the one whom he always could talk to about his secrets, while John watched sports on the tube.

"Good Lord, Evan ...you look great!" Carol exclaimed as she smiled and hugged Evan with a big embrace.

"Good to see you again, too, after all these years."  Evan smiled.

"I see you and my son have reunited," she said with a devilish grin on her face.

Evan felt very uncomfortable as what to say.  He didn't want to 'out' John to his mom.  He figured John wouldn't be very happy if he did.  He knew he would have to choose his words carefully.

"Yeah ... we're friends again and hanging out.  I slept-over last night. You know, like old times," Evan said nervously.

Evan noticed that Carol had the same grin on her face that her son had, when he was being devilish.  She spoke up and said, "It's good to see you again, Evan, but I have to run.  I have a house to show in a few minutes. I'll see you tomorrow, here at the cookout, sweetie."

"Yeah ... I'll see you then.  I have to get going in a few minutes, too.  I have an appointment to go to," Evan smiled back.

The day went on and John came home to the aroma of dinner cooking.  He grinned at the thought of this being a norm, soon, in his life ... pieces falling together as if they were all part of a greater design he had no control over.  John blurted out the famous line, "Honey, I'm home!" with an uncontrollable chuckle afterwards.

"Oh, God, how corny," was all he heard come from the kitchen where Evan was.  John tiptoed up behind him and smacked him hard on the ass with a loud 'smack' sound.  Evan jumped and protested as John chuckled again but only louder than before.

"What the hell was that for, you bruiser?" Evan tried saying without laughing.

"You know what it was for, mister.  But I got something else for you, too." And without anything else being said, John grabbed Evan and kissed him deeply, nearly picking him up and lifting his feet off the floor.

"I missed you, Ev." John said softly in his ear as he embraced Evan with a tight squeeze after their kiss.

"Missed you, too.  Dinner will be ready in a few; you have time to take a shower, before, if you want to ... or you can wait 'till afterwards, and then, I can help you with those hard to reach parts," Evan said with a coy grin.

"You PERV ... you just want to see me naked."  John grinned back.

"Hey, you seen it once, and then it's no biggie after that," Evan teased.

"You really askin' for it, tonight; aren't you, mister?" John teased back, squeezing Evan's ass again.

"You better be nice to me or I'll tell your momma," Evan threatened.  "That reminds me ... she caught me in your shower this morning."

"No way ... are you serious?  Tell me what happened," John questioned Evan with a serious tone. "What did she say?"

"Well, it wasn't WHAT she said as much as HOW she said it.  She had your trademark devilish grin on her face when she was talking with me.  I know that look all too well, and know she has figured us out."  Evan stared into John's eyes for any sign of reaction to the news.

John just sat down and uttered, "OH SHIT!"

He sat there, quietly, for what seemed like minutes before Evan interrupted his thoughts.  "I wouldn't worry about it, John.  Your mom didn't seem to be displeased at all.  In fact, she seemed to be happy about it. She didn't say anything, but I know her well enough to know when she's happy about something."

John still sat silently at the table and looked down at the empty plate that his dinner was soon to be on.  Evan left him to his thoughts and finished dinner and began putting the food on the table.  When he was done, Evan sat down quietly and looked at his big friend, still sitting there, all quiet and appearing to be deep in thought, though without showing any emotions.

Evan spoke, breaking the silence, "John?"

John looked up and stared into Evan's eyes and said, " Yeah, bud ... sorry ...  it just hit me ... um ... kinda weird that my mom now knows.  I was going to tell her tomorrow at the cookout, along with telling everyone else.  It's just ... now that she knows ...  I don't know how to feel ... or behave ... without having seen her reaction to the news."

"John, I wouldn't worry; you know your mom is very liberal and only wants the best for you.  She really didn't look surprised at all.  She actually looked happy," Evan remarked.

"To be honest, Ev, I think she knew before I did," John smirked as he filled his plate with Evan's home-cooked meal.

"Why do you say that?"

"When I showed her your sketch, and what you wrote on the back of it, she then told me that you had told her about being gay and being in love with me.  A remark was made about me questioning my sexuality.  I didn't answer it ... EXACTLY ... at the time.  But I got the feeling she knew what I was thinking."

"It's hard to hide anything from either of our mom's.  They both are damn witches," laughed Evan.

John smiled and agreed to Evan's observation.  "Hey!  Speaking of our 'moms' ... what do you say we go out and see your parents after dinner, for just a few, and let them know about us?  I'd also like to invite them to the cookout," John said, looking into Evan's eyes for a reaction.

"Sounds like a plan ... but there's no need to tell my parents about us ... they already know."  Evan smiled.

"You already told them?" John asked, puzzled.

"Of course!  We talk everyday on the phone."

"Shit!" John blurted out.

"Don't worry ... I told'em not to tell anyone until we said it was ok. They already knew about me, so it's not like a big deal with them."

"Yeah, I guess so ... So much for the big announcement at the cookout I was planning for tomorrow."  John grinned and then tried to act disappointed.

"Don't worry, there's always your sister and Andy to tell tomorrow.  You can still make your big announcement of your ... undying love ... for me," Evan tried to say without bursting out laughing.

John gave Evan a stare and said, "Laugh now while you can ... 'cause TONIGHT your ass is mine."

That devilish trademark grin came over his face and Evan knew exactly what John was planning on doing with him, soon.  Evan smiled and wriggled his eyebrows in quiet agreement to the plan.

"Eat up, so we can go see my parents as soon as we get done, and you clean up the dishes," Evan smirked.

"I thought the rule was ... the one who cooks ... also cleans up?" smiled John.

"How about we do them together?" Evan questioned.

"Deal!" John said with a smile, "As long as you wash my hard-to-reach parts in the shower afterwards," John smiled coyly.

"I don't think your cock is hard for you to reach ... but I'll wash it for you anyways," Evan quipped.

John smiled and only blurted out, "YOU PERV!"

John and Evan carried out their plans of kitchen detail and the shower afterwards.  Then they were on their way to Evan's parents' house in the countryside, just outside of town.  During the drive, they made plans as to what they needed to do to get ready for their guests on Saturday.  They'd have to stop at the market, on the way home, for the food and party supplies they needed.  Both wanted to sleep-in, since it was a weekend, and Evan of course was planning on spending his second night in John's bed. Buying everything they needed, early, would allow them to relax and enjoy the following day.

They arrived at the big house and pulled into the drive, and immediately they could hear Tyler barking.  Evan began to warn him about Tyler, but John stopped him and reminded Evan that he had already been out there when he found out about Evan's illness and had his talk with his parents.  He was well aware of Tyler and his size.

 As John parked the truck, Tyler and Evan's dad came out the front door to greet them.  Tyler took off running, as fast as he could, as he saw Evan getting out of the truck.  The dog went totally berserk and hardly even registered that John was there at all.  All John received was a quick sniff and Tyler was back to Evan, jumping up on him and licking his face.

Evan lit-up like a little kid with a new toy and was talking to Tyler, telling him how much he missed him, even though it had only been a few days since Evan had come back home to visit for a while.  The two walked over to Evan's dad, and Evan hugged Louis, and then the 'boy-and-his-dog,' both, went out into the yard and played.  John shook Louis's hand and they greeted each other, watching Evan and Tyler roll around on the ground playing with one another, and were laughing at the sight. Vicky (Evan's mom) came out and gave John a big hug and a big kiss on his cheek.

"Let's all sit on the front porch and keep an eye on those two so they don't run off and get hit by a car," snickered Louis.

"There's a nice breeze up there, and I'll bring out some cold lemonade," Vicky said with a smile.

"Sounds great to me, Mrs ... I mean, Vicky."  John corrected himself and she smiled at him.

At the same time John and Evan were visiting Evan's parents, Andy was in his sheriff's patrol car at Tom's trailer court paying an unannounced visit.  Andy knew where Tom was living from when he pulled him over earlier and had his driver's license info written down.  Andy was unofficially just going to check on him to see how John's friend was getting along.  But personally, Andy was secretly having sexual desires and fantasies about Tom ever since he had met him on that unfortunate pull-over. Andy remembered how he had felt as he searched and frisked Tom, rubbing his hands all over Tom's body, looking for weapons as part of 'S.O.P.' -- Standard Operating Procedure.  He had caught himself being a little more thorough than usual and began to feel tightness in his uniform in an awkward spot.  He had then stopped himself and tried to hide his situation from Tom as best he could by continuously asking questions.

Andy finally drove up to the correct lot number of Tom's trailer and stopped and turned off his cruiser.  Then, he found himself knocking on Tom's door.  Surprised at seeing Andy standing there, Tom opened the door with a look of shock on his face.

"Hello, officer ... wha ... what can I do for you?" Tom managed to say with a bit of concern, wondering if Andy had changed his mind about arresting him.  Once more, thoughts of going to jail quickly went through his head and gave him a sickened feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Hi, Tom.  Can I come in and talk with you for a few minutes?" Andy asked in his best official voice and knowing his uniform would have its usual effect on Tom as it did on most people.

"Um ... ahhh ... sure, I guess.  What's wrong, officer?" Tom managed to stammer out as he let Andy enter his home.

Andy sat down on Tom's couch and adjusted his radio's volume down so that he could have a conversation without being interrupted, but still be able to hear if he was needed while on his break.  Andy motioned for Tom to sit down, also, and said, "Tom ... I just wanted to drop by and see how you were doing.  John told me that you were a bit rattled, when I talked to him while he was at work today.  He also told me you were keeping your promise to stay clean. That's good.  I just wanted to make an unofficial stop and see for myself how you are getting along."

Tom began to relax some knowing now that Andy's visit wasn't anything serious and replied, "Yeah, I'm done with that shit for good, officer."

"Please call me Andy ... Tom.  I'd like you to consider me a friend and not someone who gave you a hard time and threw you in jail," he said with a smile as he went on. "After I knew you were a friend of John's, I had no intention of arresting you.  I just wanted you to sweat it out 'till John got to the jail to pick you up. We both thought it was what you needed to come to your senses and stop smoking that shit.  Andy smiled.

"I don't know weather to be pissed at you two or thank you both for helping me quit," Tom sneered. "Man ... you guys are FUCKING ASSHOLES ... I was shittin bricks in there. Tom said as he pouted for a few minutes. Andy could see Tom's outburst was more show than actual anger and continued to speak.

"Well, I also came by to make sure there was no hard feelings between us, since we're both gonna be at John's cookout tomorrow.  I didn't want it to be awkward and cause any tension and maybe ruin John's day," Andy admitted.

"There's no hard feelings, Andy, but I have to admit something, and that is ... that ... uhhh ... you do make me nervous in that uniform of yours, even though I have no ill feelings for what you assholes did to me that night," Tom said with a smirk. "I know you did me a huge favor, and ... I owe you one."

"Tom, listen ... I don't want you to feel like you owe me one ... I'd just like us to be friends, since we're both John's friends.  We're bound to keep running into each other, here and there," Andy said with a laugh and a smile.

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that, Andy.  But ... I'm not sure that John and I are ... um ... well ... never mind," Tom said as he broke eye contact with Andy.

"You're not mad at him for the whole WEED thing are you?" Andy inquired.

Tom didn't answer but continued to stare at the floor.  "John didn't tell you that he didn't want to be your friend or anything, did he?  He didn't seem to be mad at you when I talked to him on the phone, earlier today.  He said you were gonna be at his cookout," Andy stated, wondering what Tom was not saying.

Tom just shook his head 'no' but didn't speak.  He was recalling John telling him about how that he and Evan were a couple now.  He still couldn't believe that his life long buddy was gay ... bi ... or what ever he was.  He still worried that John would find out about the two encounters between himself and Evan.  He knew he couldn't 'out' John to Andy and let him know the truth about their relationship, but at the same time, he wanted to talk to someone about it.

Tom's knew that his own suppressed urges could no longer be ignored or be blamed on Evan in any way. They were there, and now he had to deal with them.  Even seeing Andy sitting there, across from him, in his uniform and with that macho look of his, made Tom have thoughts he didn't want to have, but he couldn't deny they were still there.

Tom finally came out of the discussion that had been ongoing in his head, and answered Andy by saying, "No, nothing like that, Andy ... it's just something he told me that night that caught me off guard is all."

"I hope he wasn't too rough on you.  I just wanted him to scare you out of doing that stuff before you really got into REAL trouble for it," Andy said, being sincere.  "I think you're a good guy, Tom; you'd have to be for John to hang out with you."

"It's not about that ... it was something personal he told me ... that I can't repeat ... and I hope you understand?" Tom quietly pleaded.

Andy couldn't help himself, but he immediately went into cop mode.  He began thinking of what he had already suspected about John and Evan from that night at the jail when he first met Evan.  He saw how Evan looked at John and how he stayed close to him.  He also recalled the way Evan first looked at him, enabling him to know that he was subtlety being checked-out.

"John didn't tell me anything ... but I have a feeling I already know what he told you, Tom."

Tom looked up at him with a shocked look on his face and wondered if they were on the same page.  He couldn't 'OUT' his friend, but at the same time, if Andy already knew ...???  He really needed to talk about it with someone.  He had to think of a tactful way of finding out what Andy knew ... or didn't know.

"Why you say that ... are you just being a cop, or did John tell you anything? Tom questioned.

Andy laughed and said, "Well I'm a COP so its hard not to think like one, plus ... being an ex-Marine, I guess I just have a way of reading people better than most."

Tom just looked at him hoping he would just up and tell what he knew, as Andy continued talking.

"Tom ... I haven't told John this, so I'm trusting you not to tell him 'till I'm ready to tell him myself."

"Ok," is all Tom managed to say before Andy continued.  "Tom, I'm gay ... and I keep it to myself ... being a cop and being in the military before, I have no choice but to keep it quiet, or it could cause me many problems I could do without."

Tom only looked at Andy and loudly said before he thought, "SHIT! ... NO WAY ... A FAG? ... Umm I mean gay ... sorry Andy ... You just shocked me is all."

"Its ok, and Yeah ... WAY ... and being GAY... well ... we can sometimes tell by looking at other guys if they're also gay.  I could tell Evan was. Not as much as he looked like he was, but the way he looked at me, and mostly the way he SWOONED around John. It's obvious to me that Evan is in love with John.  I don't know if John knows it or not, though," Andy revealed.

Tom realized that Andy only knew part of the situation and wasn't going to press it any further and 'out' John, he decided.  It was the second time in two days that two people he knew told him they liked guys instead of women. It was a lot for anyone to absorb in such a short period of time. He briefly yearned to smoke a nice big fat joint, and escape all the shit in his head that he had to think about.  Tom eventually got his thoughts together and said, "Andy, I would've never guessed ... um ... well ... you know ... a guy that looks like you ... would be gay.  But now that I think about it ... that search you gave me ... well ... was a bit thorough.  "Tom forced a laugh out trying to diffuse the tension he was feeling and make a joke.

"Shit!  Sorry about that, Tom."

"Don't worry about it, dude ... Hell ... I would've let you feel me up all you wanted to ... or maybe even let you blow me for that matter ... to get out of going to jail," Tom smirked.

Andy looked at Tom and gave him a wicked grin and said, "That's good information to know ... for the NEXT time I arrest you.

"Next time?  Let's hope there's NOT a next time.  I can't afford to keep getting into any trouble.  I can barely afford to live in this shit hole as it is.  It's rough paying all the bills living alone."  Tom frowned.

"Sorry to hear that, man ... I have an extra room at my house to rent out if you ever need to move.  Would be a lot cheaper than paying for everything by yourself," Andy said with concern in his voice.

Tom looked at Andy with a weird expression thinking it was odd that he offered to rent a room to him since they barely knew each other.  He didn't think he was ready, yet, to live with a gay guy. He was still trying to get use to having his best bud tell him that he was bi and in love with another guy.

"Um ... thanks, dude, but I'm not so sure that would be a good idea," Tom said defensively.

Andy grinned at Tom knowing what he was thinking and said, "Look ... don't worry, Tom ... I was only offering you a place to live cheaper ... if you needed it.  I wasn't coming on to you."

"Sorry Andy ... I didn't mean no offense ... I just ... well ... I'm just not use to being around gay guys yet, is all," Tom lied.

"Don't worry about it, Tom, I understand; but the offer still stands if and when you ever change your mind.  I'm sure with us both being John's friends, we'll get to know each other better, soon," Andy offered.

"Yeah, thanks ... I guess we'll see each other tomorrow at John's cookout?"
Tom asked.

Andy took out one of his sheriff's cards and wrote his cell number on the back and handed it to Tom.  Tom took it and Andy told him, "Keep this and you can get a hold of me anytime."

With that said, Andy got up and said he had to get back to work.  His break was over and he needed to get back out on patrol.  Tom shook his hand and they said their good-byes.

After Andy left, Tom's thoughts went into overtime ... especially for himself ... thinking about all that was going on around him.  He told himself again, that John and Evan's being together really didn't bother him, as long as they were happy and he still had John as a friend.  Andy's being gay didn't bother him, either, since he really didn't know him very well.  He had only met him twice.

But Tom's real dilemma was the one of his own turmoil going on in his head.

He knew without a doubt, he loved to be with women.  He loved all things about them.  He was totally satisfied sexually with the opposite sex.  The problem was why he couldn't figure out why, once in a while, he enjoyed entertaining the thought of letting a man give him oral sex.  He assumed it was more a power trip than a sexual one, but there were still thoughts that bothered him.

The answers weren't coming to him, and that frustrated him even more.  His own fantasies confused him, but that didn't make them any less powerful in his wanting to act on them.  Seeing Andy, brought some of those fantasies back that he had entertained in his head before.  The thought of dominating a guy like Andy ... to do whatever he wanted with him, or make Andy do whatever he (Tom) wanted ... was a powerful turn-on for Tom.  The turmoil in his head wasn't gonna get worked out anytime soon -- that was for sure!

From time to time, Tom would pleasure himself, thinking of those secret fantasies of his, and after coming to a thunderous release, they would go away to haunt him another day.

But for now his mind had been rebooted from sex to other things.

John and Evan stayed at the country home with Evan's parents for over an hour.  John talked with his parents while Evan worked in the gardens doing some weeding and pruning.  Tyler stayed by his side the whole time listening to Evan talk to him as if he were another human being that understood every word.

John was going to go join him in the gardens at one point, but Vicky explained that Evan usually enjoyed being in his sanctuary alone. He used the time to be at peace with himself and to find his center.  To Evan, the gardens were almost a holy place to be one with nature and with God. Usually, Tyler was only allowed to be among the beautiful blossoms and foliage when he worked in them.  Evan was always happy to take visitors around, showing and naming the different plants and flowers when he wanted to show them off, but working in the gardens, getting his hands and knees dirty, and occasionally communing with the nature spirits, was a solo effort he enjoyed to the fullest.

John was grilled by Evan's mother as to how the two of them were working out so far.  She never asked about their personal relationship.  John figured that Vicky thought that was Evan's own business as long as she could see he was doing ok; she wouldn't dive into his personal affairs.

Louis mostly just chatted about the weather and how much he liked John's truck.  Louis was a vehicle buff and loved to talk about cars.  He and John also had carpentry in common to talk about, and the conversation went back and forth about projects that each had done.

Louis and Vicky both agreed to go to the cookout, and Vicky insisted on bringing some summertime dishes.  John enjoyed sitting on the large covered porch, and could see himself and Evan living in a similar place, in the quiet and peacefulness of the countryside, someday in the future.

Evan finally returned from his gardens, and Tyler came galloping along side him with a long-stemmed flower in his mouth that, obviously, Evan had given him to carry.  It was adorable.  Tyler dropped it onto Vicky's lap after he regally pranced up the steps to the shaded porch. Evan's mom smelled the flower, and then thanked him with a pat on the head.  This seemed to make him happy as he jumped around the porch before settling down at their feet. Evan had surely trained him to do this since neither Louis nor Vicky acted as if it were at all unusual.

The day grew short and John and Evan had to say their good-byes so that they could get their shopping done before it got much later.  Louis and Vicky said they would see them at John's house for the cookout.

On the drive back into town John asked Evan if he had a good time.  Evan said he always enjoyed going to his parents' house.  John thought it was strange he didn't spend more time with them while he was there. John asked him about it and Evan explained that he talked to them on the phone everyday and that he'd gotten a bit behind in the gardens since he'd been spending time with John.  Evan explained that his parents understood and would think nothing of it.  Besides, he would spend some quality time with both of them the next day, at the cookout.

After an hour of shopping and driving home, both were spent after putting away the food and party supplies.  John and Evan lay on the couch together, snuggled up against each other, watching TV.  Neither talked much; just the feeling of their bodies together was enough.

John could smell the scent of flowers and something else he couldn't recognize from the garden Evan had been working in.  John finally asked him what the smell was, and Evan told him it was lavender.  He told John that he always used lots of lavender plants.  He explained they were always the first to grow in the spring and the last to stay green until a winter freeze got to them.  He added that the aroma of the lavender helped to keep pests away from other plants, the same way as marigolds did.  John had to admit to Evan he knew nothing about gardening.  And to prove it, all Evan had to do was to see his own sparsely planted yard.

After a while, Evan stopped watching TV and turned around, facing John, and pressed his face into John's shirt-covered chest.  John ran his hands through Evan's hair, as he always did, and Evan snuggled closer, gradually laying full-body on top of John's.  John could feel Evan's erection against him and knew Evan wanted to do more than just cuddle.  John spoke up and asked, "You ready for bed, Ev? I'm beat."

"I am if you are, big guy?  I know you had a long day since you had to go to work early and didn't get a good full night's sleep last night," Evan said with some disappointment in his voice.

"You better go take another shower since you stink from working out in your garden, and I'll get the bed ready," John said with a smirk.

"STINK? A while ago you said I smelled good, you asshole," Evan quickly rebutted.

John gave Evan his devilish grin and said, "Speaking of assholes ... make sure yours is cleaned out reeeeeeal good tonight ... if you know what I mean?"

Evan looked like he was in shock as to what John was suggesting.  All he could do was smile widely and began pulling off his clothes in the living room, giving John a personal strip tease show.

John watched intently and felt his own member begin to stir.  Evan was enjoying the tease, and when he walked up to John completely naked, he then, quickly, and seductively, turned away to walk towards the bathroom, but not before John could lay a quick slap to one of Evan's butt- cheeks with a loud, "SMACK" echoing through the room.

Evan yelped, and ran into the bathroom and started his shower.  John stripped off his clothes in the living room, also, and left a pile of both their clothes strung all over the floor. Casually naked, he confidently walked into his bedroom and got the bed ready.  He felt as nervous as if it were his first time ... again!  In reality, it would be his first time having intercourse with another man.  This was the much anticipated 'next step' that he had firmly decided to commit to.  He had been thinking about it, more and more seriously each time, since that first time he'd had lunch with Evan in the park.  And the more frequently he thought about it, the more the resulting grin crossed his lips, and the more the tent in his pants grew, and the more the palms of his hands began to sweat, and the more he knew his love for Evan was real.

John retrieved a condom and some lube from the drawer next to his side of the bed, and put them on the edge of the nightstand so that he could get to them quickly and easily.  He turned off the lights, slid into bed and pulled the sheet over him. He heard the shower turn off, and a few minutes later, he heard Evan walk into the room and then felt him slide into bed.

Evan kissed John softly and the firm intensity between them grew.  Evan wanted John more than ever.  He was finally going to let someone have intercourse with him.  He had used toys before, but never the real thing. He had always wanted to wait for the right guy, and with the love that John had declared, he knew that John was that guy -- the one he had always wanted from the time he first realized the nature of his own sexuality -- the "love that dare not speak its name."  [Author's note: See Footnote at end of chapter.]

"Hey, Big Guy, are you sure you're ready to do this?" Evan questioned, ever so quietly, though not really wanting to hear the answer.

"If you don't want me to ... I'll understand, Ev.  It's OK.  I don't have to," John said softly.

"John, I want you inside me more than anything; I just want YOU to be ready.  Don't do anything you're not ready to do, just because you think I want it."

"Oh, I'm ready, Ev ... been ready for this.  I want to make LOVE to you," John said, almost growling like a lusty animal.

Evan had tears of joy dripping from his eyes and falling onto his lover's face.  John raised his head a little, and licked off the salty droplets of love and happiness and ... yes ... surrender.

"I love you, John."

"I love you, too, Ev."

Evan made the first move and went down on John getting him ready to enter him. He loved making love to John's erect cock and hearing him moan in pleasure.  Every once in a while John would arch his back and almost lift himself off the bed pushing himself further into Evan's mouth.  Evan knew he was ready, so he slid up next to John facing away from him as John rolled over onto his side taking Evan's lead.  John wrapped his arms around Evan and began to rub his hard member against Evan's backside. Evan was moaning with pleasure with each movement. John began kissing Evans neck and ear lobes.

"Evan loudly shouted, "OH, SHIT!" as John ran his teeth over Evan's ear lobes.  John was startled, and asked, "What was that for?"

"My ear lobes are very sensitive; you can make me cum just by doing what you were doing," Evan gasped.

"Mmmm ... that's good to know," John grinned to himself.

"John grabbed the lube and the condom and started to put it on when Evan said, "Wait, John ... I want you inside of me ... without a condom.  I know I'm clean and haven't had sex in over a year, except with you.  I want your cum inside of me.  I want a part of you in me," Evan pleaded.

"Are you sure, Ev?" John questioned.

"Yeah, but still use the lube," Evan chuckled.

"You got it, lover." John excitedly said.

It took some fumbling and a few tries, but John finally got the hang of it and slid gently into Evan until his pubes were pressed against Evan's bare cheeks.

"John, don't move ... I just want to feel you in me for a few," Evan begged.

"God, you feel so tight and warm inside.  This is so ... WAY better than pussy," John exclaimed.  "Are you ok?  I'm not hurting you, am I?" John asked.

"Yeah I'm good ... I mean, yeah, I'm ok, and, no, you're not hurting me ... actually I'm fucking great.  You just popped my cherry, big guy; you DO know that, don't you?" Evan cooed.

John smacked Evan's butt-cheek and began slowly making love to his best friend ... his partner ... his lover.  He picked up his pace and louder moans could be heard from both, as their lovemaking grew more intense. John wrapped his hand around Evan's bouncing hard cock and stroked it as he fucked him in rhythm.  John could feel Evan leaking all over his hand as he stroked him.  They both began to sweat as the passion grew more intense. Evan began moving his hips and thrusting back onto Little Big John.  A loud moan came from John's lips as Evan was impaling himself with John's hard cock.

The feeling was so great; Evan began cumming all over John's hand and the sheet as John's cock continued to pound his ass with hard slapping sounds as his cock went all the way in and out.  Gasping and whimpering sounds came from Evan's mouth as the last dribbles of his cum oozed onto John's hand.

John began to breath very erratically and started exclaiming," OH, FUCK! ... I'M CUMMING INSIDE YOU!"  And with that, John pushed as far as he could inside and held it there, pulsing and squirting his seed into his lover.

Both just stayed in the same position and tried to regain their breaths. John was the first to speak with, "Wow, Evan! ... that was awesome, bud."

"I don't think I've ever had an orgasm that hard," Evan chuckled.

John slowly began to pull out of Evan, but stopped when Evan said that he wanted him to remain inside 'till he went soft.  John smiled and took his cum-soaked hand off of Evan's deflating cock and brought it up to his own lips to taste his buddy's cum for the first time.  John reasoned to himself that if his seed was in Evan, then Evan's should be in him.  He licked it off little by little, tasting it, and deciding the taste was tolerable.  A bit salty, but ok, just the same.  The smell was what he enjoyed more than the taste.  He inhaled deeply with each breath as he cleaned the rest off his hand.

John's soft cock finally slid out of Evan, and then Evan turned around to face John. They kissed softly and ran their hands over each other's bodies without saying a word.  Each looked into the other's eyes and kissed and smiled at one another.  John tousled Evan's hair like he always did, as Evan snuggled to John's soft, hairy chest with an arm coming around him as he did.

The absence of talking and the feeling each other's body was broken when John began laughing and rolled over onto his back.  Evan sat up and looked confused asking, "Why are you laughing; what did you do?"

"Sorry, Ev, I just noticed your side of the bed is a bit wet and I'm sure you're not going to like sleeping on those wet spots," John smirked.

Evan looked at the bed to see that one of his own bodily fluids, combined with their heavy sweating, and Evans cum leaking ass, had made a mess on his side of the bed.  He smirked, then jumped up onto John's body, laying on him quickly, and almost knocking the breath out of him.  "That's ok, I'll just sleep on top of you, big guy."

"Yeah, I bet you would," John said as he bear-hugged him.

"Hey, Ev?" John started.

"What, big guy?"

"Be honest with me ... how did I do for my first time fucking that hot ass of yours?" John smirked as he continued to play with Evan's hair as he laid his head on his chest.

"John, ... you were great ... you've always made me feel good when I'm around you, but you being inside of me was ... well ... there just simply aren't any words to say how good it felt.  How was it for you, John?"

"Kind of the same for me, Ev.  I've had sex with women lots of times, but this was the first time I've done any anal sex.  It's pretty fucking incredible, bud.  But I know it was even better for me, because it was with you, though," John explained.

They held each other for another hour, and then they got up and changed the sheets and took a shower together quickly to freshen up to help them sleep.

John reminded Evan to be sure to take his bedtime meds.

John's last thoughts before he fell asleep were of his son, Jacob, and how happy he was going to be, having him home, soon.  He'd have to discuss with Evan if he could go with him to pick Jacob up.

Evan fell asleep shortly after John did.  His nightly meds were starting to kick in and sleep was inevitable.  His backside still felt as if the big guy was yet inside him.  He wondered if he would still be able to feel him there when he woke up.  The sounds of John breathing beside him lulled him to sleep.

END CHAPTER 8

FOOTNOTE ON "The Love that dare not speak its name."

ORIGIN: The first recorded instance of the use of the phrase is in the poem, Two Loves, by Lord Alfred Douglas (1870-1945), from his book of poetry, Chameleon, published in 1896, four years before Oscar Wilde's death.

MEANING: More than likely, this probably refers to homosexuality, though Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), the noted author / poet / playwright in the late 1800's denied it in his defense when he was charged with public exposure and indecency.

They met in 1891, when Douglas was 21, and Wilde was 37.

Douglas and Wilde were, from 1891-1898, known to be lovers, but had to be careful about how open they could be with their relationship, for homosexuality was a CRIMINAL offense in Great Britain in the 19th Century.

Special Thanks goes to Gerry Young for all his help, encouragement and guidance in making my story come to life.

I always respond to all the emails I get, and enjoy hearing from you. Please be sure to put the Title of the story into your subject line so I know it's not Spam, and please let me know where you're writing from.  There are many more Chapters to come. Hope you enjoy all them as much as I do writing them.

Hogan