Things Aren’t Always
What They Seem
 by: Hankster

© 2011 by the Author

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

So a friend of mine told me this story the other day.  It reinforced an old adage…you know, the one about things aren’t always what they seem.  I found the whole thing to be a little unbelievable, but my friend swore it was true, and I have no reason to disbelieve him. 

He started out by telling me about Bill and Ted…two handsome gentlemen now in their early thirties.  It was difficult for him to describe their relationship, or to ascribe a name to it.  They lived together, slept in the same bed, and had fantastic sex together, but they didn’t think of themselves as a couple.  They had never made any commitments to each other, and they were not monogamous by any stretch of the imagination.  Either, or both, was very apt to come home with a trick.  When that happened, they used the spare bedroom, but it was not uncommon for them to sleep three to the bed as well.  Notwithstanding their somewhat strange relationship, they were best friends, who would trust each other with their lives.

They had known each other since they were born, just a week apart, Ted being the older.  They lived next door to one another.  They went all through school together, right up to the day they both graduated from State U.  They roomed together all through college, where they shared each other’s bodies and others as well.

They began to play with each other sexually in kindergarten.  One afternoon, they were alone in Bill’s room, playing with some toys, when Bill said he had to pee.  Ted followed him to the bathroom, where the two boys peed together.

“I wonder what it feels like to touch somebody else’s weenie,” Ted wondered out loud.  As he said that he reached out and fondled Bill.  Bill’s tiny cock swelled a bit and a moan came out of his pursed lips. 

“That feels nice,” they both said in unison.  Immediately Bill reached for Ted and gave him the same pleasure.  They retuned to Bill’s room, and played and fondled each other all afternoon.  Over the years, there ensued a natural progression.  First came mutual masturbation, then fellatio, and eventually anal sex (in college). 

These days, Ted is a reporter for the local newspaper, and like all good reporters, he is trying to write the great American novel.  Bill has been working in the accounting office of a major tool and dye manufacturer since he graduated college.  He is now the accounting supervisor, and has a staff of six.  Neither of the two friends ever came out at work, and they were very cautious about being seen in gay clubs, or gay events of any sort.  This drew them closer together, both as lovers, and as friends. 

About six months ago, a young man, just out of college, was added to Bill’s staff.  Bill strongly suspected that Fred was gay.  He made no moves on him, but continued to observe him closely.  His observations were centered on learning what Fred’s sexual orientation was, but in the process, he learned a lot more.  He determined to enlist Ted’s help in confirming his suspicions, and learning the truth about Fred Scott.

One evening, he and Ted were lying in bed, basking in the afterglow of some very memorable love making.  After Ted had cum in Bill’s ass, he never lost his seven inch erection, and was able to continue pumping until he came a second time.  Not to be outdone, Bill came in Ted’s mouth twice in quick succession also.

“You were really hot tonight, buddy,” Ted said.

“Good enough to ask you to do me a favor?” Bill asked.

“Anytime,” Ted shot back.  “What can I do for you?”

“Are you up for a little detective work?”

“Sure…sounds like fun.  Fill me in on the facts, just the facts sir,” Ted mimicked Sgt. Friday from Dragnet, an old TV detective show.

“About six months ago, I hired a young accountant fresh out of college.  His work is excellent, it really is, but there’s something strange about him.”

“In what way, strange?”

“Well, for one thing, I can’t figure out if he’s straight or gay.”

“So what’s the big deal?  Are you hot for him or something?”

“I could be.  He’s really good looking, and I caught a glimpse of his equipment once in the men’s room.  Wow!  Anyway, I wouldn’t make a move on a co-worker.  I’m in the closet at work.”

“So what do you want me to do?  Find out if he’s gay?”

“That would be nice, but only incidental,” Bill answered.  “I can’t figure him out.  He hardly ever talks.  If you want someone who’ll listen to you, and never talk, he’s the greatest.  I also find him to be very snoopy.  On the rare occasions that he does say something, he asks some really probing questions…way beyond the scope of an intern learning a new job.  I’m really suspicious of his motives.  Even my assistant, Julia, thinks he’s a little creepy.”

“I still don’t understand what you want me to do.”

“Well, last Friday after work, I stopped off at Skippy’s for happy hour, and my weekly TGIF drink.  The crowd at Skippy’s is primarily gay, but it isn’t strictly a gay bar.  Plenty of straights go there too.  That’s why I wasn’t afraid to be seen there, and it’s near my office.  When I walked in, the first person I saw was Fred sitting at the bar.  His back was to me and he was talking to another guy.  The other guy handed him an envelope and Fred stuffed it in his pocket.  I high tailed it right out of there. I didn’t want him to see me.”

“That doesn’t prove he’s gay,” Ted pointed out.  “You said yourself straights hang out there too.  Are you beginning to suspect industrial espionage maybe? This is like a fucking movie.”

Bill ignored Ted.  “I want you to wait for him to leave my office next Friday, and follow him.  If he stops for a drink, I want you to cruise him.  Please try to turn on all your charm, flex all your muscles, and maneuver him into bed, not ours, his.  People talk too much when they are in bed with a lover.  Maybe you can learn why he is constantly probing and asking crazy questions.”

“And how will I recognize this lucky fellow who is about to enjoy my body?”

“I’ll leave the building with him and wish him a nice weekend before I go in the opposite direction.”

“You’re mad, you know,” Ted said with a snicker, “But this little caper could be fun.”  He turned over and kissed Bill.  “I’d like to fuck some more, but I’m bushed.  G‘Night.”

During the week, Ted got more and more excited about doing some sleuthing for Bill.  He was a good reporter, but he rarely got a shot at investigative reporting.  That gave him more food for thought.  What if Bill’s suspicions were correct, and there was a story in all this, one that could get him a by-line and an exclusive?  He couldn’t wait for the work week to end.

On Friday he stationed himself across the street from Bill’s office, a good fifteen minutes before quitting time.  He was glad the early spring evening was warm, because he waited almost a half hour before Bill and Fred emerged.  There was a quick goodbye, and the two men went in opposite directions.  Ted followed Fred right into Skippy’s bar.  It was the first time he had ever been there.

The bar was fully occupied, but there was a free area at the end, where the bartender took orders.  Fred went there and Ted stood right behind him.  There were two other bar patrons in front of Fred.  Ted pretended that someone jostled him, and his sexy body rubbed up against Fred.

“Oops, I’m sorry,” he pretended to apologize.  “This place sure is crowded.”

“It always is, especially happy hour on Friday night.  I guess you don’t come here often.”

“Right.  This is my first time.  I don’t work anywhere near here.  I was supposed to meet a friend, but at the last minute he texted me that he couldn’t make it.”

“Well, I’m here alone too,” Fred lamented.  “Let me buy you a drink, and then neither of us will be wallflowers.”

Ted could not believe his luck.  Fred was coming on to him.  This was going to be a piece of cake, and the bonus was that Ted was very, very physically attracted to Fred.  He didn’t seem ‘strange’ at all. 

“Thanks,” Ted said.  “You’re very kind.”

Two drinks, and an hour later, all Ted knew was that Fred was seven years younger than he was, had graduated from State U, and worked in the accounting department at Bill’s firm. 

“I’m still at my first job after college,” Ted told Fred, “and I love it.  Most people hate their first job as much as they hate their first sexual experience.  How about you?”

“I loved my first sexual experience, but I’m not crazy about my first job.”

“How come?” Ted probed.  “Tough boss?”

“Oh no.  My boss is great.  I just can’t explain it.  It’s a story for another time.”  (Bill is going to love that when I tell him, Ted mused.)  Ted got excited.  Even if there was to be no sex tonight, Fred promised him ‘another time.’  Then Ted’s luck continued.

“What are you doing for dinner?” Fred asked.

“Well I was supposed to go out with my friend, so I guess I have no plans.”

“I live really close by.  Why don’t you come home with me, and I’ll whip something up.”

Ted’s groin was now fully atingle.  “You don’t have to get fancy,” he said.  “There’s only one thing I’d care to eat right now.”

Fred smiled, took Ted’s hand and led him out of the bar.

As soon as they entered Fred’s apartment, Fred removed his jacket, tie and shoes.  His carpeting was plush and thick, so Ted removed his shoes also, and as an afterthought he removed his jacket.  He was not wearing a tie.

“I’ve got some baked chicken breasts in the freezer,” Fred said.  “I’ll defrost them, open a can of peas, and we’ll have a meal.  How does that sound?”  Without waiting for an answer he said, “Come into the kitchen with me while I get everything ready.”

“I need to pee first.”

Fred pointed to the john which was at the end of a tiny hallway.  Ted was surprised to see Fred’s college diploma hanging in the hall.  He glanced at it quickly.  Something was wrong, but he didn’t realize just what at first.  When he came out of the bathroom, he took another good luck at the certificate.  Fred had lied to Bill.  He told him that he graduated just before he came to work at Bill’s office.  The certificate clearly showed that Fred had graduated more than three years ago.  If he had graduated a little over six months ago, he would probably be ten years younger than Ted, but he was only seven years younger.  Maybe Bill had a right to be suspicious after all.

He returned to the kitchen, and he and Fred made small talk while dinner warmed and they set the table.  As each minute passed Ted got hornier and hornier for Fred.  Fred was hot to trot also, but he seemed more restrained.

When they finally started to eat, Ted asked, “What is it that you hate about your job?  If your boss is great, that’s ninety percent of the battle?  Is it boring or what?”

“I can’t really talk about it,” Ted said, looking uncomfortable.  Maybe another time.”

When they finished eating, they cleaned up and put all the dishes in the dishwasher.  Fred took Ted’s hand.  “If you aren’t in a big hurry, I’d like it if you stayed on for awhile, or all night, if you’d like.”

“I’d like,” Ted answered, and Fred steered him toward the bedroom.

They sat down on Fred’s bed.  “Don’t do anything,” Fred said as he started to unbutton and remove Ted’s shirt.  Ted made minimal movements, merely to assist Fred in taking off his shirt.  When Ted was naked from the waste up, Fred began to play with his nipples.  He rubbed and pinched them softly and then he suckled them as gently as a baby suckles his breast-feeding mother.  Ted was amazed.  Nobody, not even Bill, had begun foreplay so sensuously, so lovingly.

He had to say it, in between his moans of pleasure. “Do you do this to all your boyfriends?”

“No,” Fred said, interrupting his suckling tongue, “only to the ones I really dig, and who turn me on.”  In that moment, Ted forgot his mission of detection, and became Fred’s lover, completely and without any reservations.  As he resumed playing with Ted’s nipples, Fred rested his palm on Ted’s crotch, which was still encumbered by clothing.

“I can’t stand it,” Ted yelled out.  “Please, let’s both of us undress fully.

“Yes, yes,” Fred said as he began to tear off his clothes.  They both stood up to admire each other, and Ted found his heart beating so fast, he was afraid he might pass out.  Standing before him was an Adonis of Olympian proportions.  Fred stood six feet tall.  He had short, tight, curly black hair that was truly Grecian.  It lacked only a wreathed crown to complete his statuesque look.  His deep blue eyes were accented by his pale complexion.  His biceps bulged, and his abs were wavy and taut.  Ted doubted that Fred had any extra body fat at all.  His legs and calves were so muscular, Ted wondered if Fred was a dancer among his other talents.  Finally Ted’s eyes wandered to where they wanted to go all along.  His eyes feasted on Fred’s magnificent cock.  It was erect, and at least nine inches at the time.  But what Ted most admired was the girth.  He wondered if he could get his entire fist around it.  He reached out to try, and he made it, but barely.  Fred was uncut, but his hard member was protruding through the foreskin, exposing a purplish-pink head.  Ted could tell that Fred had very little foreskin, and he liked it that way.  He loved a foreskin that only went as far as the piss slit, and allowed a glimpse of the slit.  His own cock was like that.

“You are…” Ted started to say, but words failed him.

Fred was also staring at Ted.  The man was in his early thirties, but his body was that of a twenty year old.  Every inch of him was muscled, but not in an ugly way like a body builder’s.  His long, brown, slightly wavy hair covered his ears.  His dark brown eyes were warm and sensual, causing Fred’s cock to jerk.  His butt was a perfect bubble, giving Fred very carnal designs on it.

They stared at each other for a very long time, until finally Ted weakened.  He could stand it (nor stand up) any longer.  He fell to his knees and took as much of Fred’s cock into his mouth as he could.  At the same time he played with Fred’s balls, brushing them lightly with his finger tips, and occasionally with his tongue.

He could hear Fred’s cries of ‘aaahh’ and his ecstatic moans.  It was music to his ears.  He knew it was not his imagination, when he began to feel Ted’s cock growing even larger, and his balls growing smaller.  Fred was about to burst his dam, and Ted steeled himself for it.  He swallowed what he could, but Fred’s cum production overwhelmed him.  Most of it ran down the edge of his mouth.  Fred stayed put for quite a while.  Amazingly his cock was not softening, but eventually he pulled it out.  Ted stood up and the two men began to kiss, sharing Fred’s seed.

Fred reached into his nightstand and extracted a condom and a tube of KY Jelly.  As he handed it to Ted, Ted said, “OK, but I want you to suck me a little first before I fuck you.”

“Not a problem at all.”

They shared a shower after the love making ceased, and while they cleansed themselves, Fred asked Ted to please spend the night.  Until now Ted’s life had consisted of a series of one night stands, but he never stayed the entire night.  He came home to sleep with Bill.  No commitment there!  Now he hesitated.  He desperately wanted to stay the night, but he was afraid to give Fred the wrong idea.

“Not tonight,” he said.

“Maybe next time,” Fred sounded a little hurt.  Ted had mixed emotions.  He wasn’t sure he wanted another time.  It wasn’t his MO.

Even as he dressed to leave, Fred asked him once again to stay.  He just shook his head.  “I’ll call you,” he said and took his leave.

Bill was waiting for him when he got home.

“Well???” he asked.

“Well, what?”

“Shit, I’m going to kill you.  You know fucking well, what.”

“OK, slut,” Ted said.  “I learned two things.  First off, he thinks you are a good boss.  He actually likes you.  He must be crazy.”  Bill gave Ted a really dirty look, in jest of course.

“The second thing is a little suspicious.  You said he came to work for you a short time ago right out of college, but I saw his diploma, and he graduated over three years ago.  It’ll be four years in a couple of months.”

“Did you fuck him?” Bill asked. 

“Yes I did.”

“Next time, try to find out what the discrepancy is all about.”

“I don’t think there’ll be a next time.”

“Why not?” Bill demanded to know.  “Wasn’t he hot enough?”

“That’s not the problem.  The problem is I like him too much, and I’m afraid about what I might find out about him.”

“You’re being a jerk you know.  A good fuck is a good fuck, nothing more, nothing less.  Call him.  Pretty please, call him for me.” 

Ted made the call, and they met at Skippy’s the next evening.  It was a Saturday evening and they both secretly hoped that they would spend the night together.  Of course they did.

This time Fred fucked Ted, and Fred sucked Ted.  As they lay in bed afterward, their legs and arms hopelessly entwined, their kisses sharing Ted’s cum, Ted dared to ask, “Fred, honey, you told me that your job is the first job you’ve ever had after graduating college, but you graduated three years ago.  What happened in between?”

Fred took a long time in answering.  Finally he said, “My grandpa left me some money, and I decided to use it to see the world before settling down, so I backpacked across Europe and then South America, until I ran out of money, and had to go to work.  That seemed plausible enough to Ted, but there was something unconvincing in the way Fred said it, so Ted tried one more ploy.

“I’m really glad to hear that,” he said.  “I thought maybe you were in prison or something.”  Fred started to laugh so hard that Ted had to kiss him to shut him up.

Fred and Ted continued to see each other a couple of times a week over the next month.  Each time they dated, they met at Skippy’s and Ted spent the night at Fred’s.  He learned nothing more from Fred, and he stopped suspecting that anything was wrong.  One Saturday morning before Ted left to go home, the two men made a date for Monday night, and Fred dropped a bombshell.

“Don’t meet me at Skippy’s,” he said.  “By noon on Monday, I’ll be out of where I am working.  We can meet anywhere that’s convenient to you.”

Ted was shocked.  Bill never said a word about Fred’s leaving.  “When did you decide to leave?  Why?  How much notice did you give?”

“I didn’t give any notice,” Fred answered.  “I’m leaving under special circumstances.”

“Please tell me what’s going on.  I’ll never last until Monday night.”

“Ted, honey,” Fred said, “I really care for you.  I’ve fallen in love with you, and now I’m scared.”

Ted wasn’t shocked by Fred’s confession.  He was more than certain that he loved Fred also.  “Why are you scared?” he asked.

“Because I’ve been lying to you.  I didn’t want to, but I had to.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to torture it out of you?”

“The owners of the company that I have been working for began to suspect that someone was embezzling funds.  My real boss is a private investigator.  I’ve been working for him for three years.  I get placed in various positions, so I can learn the truth about what’s going, on from the inside.  I wish I had known you sooner.  I could have given you a few scoops over these years.  You can have this one, if you want.  I now know who is embezzling the funds, and how.  On Monday morning, the cops will come to the office to take the suspect to jail, and I’ll be on to my next assignment.  It’ll make the newspapers, but I’d like you to have the exclusive.  It’ll be my gift to you for having lied to you.  Now that you know what I do for a living, I’ll never lie to you again, I swear.”

Ted jumped up and embraced Fred.  He was blinded by the offer of a scoop, and he never thought beyond his ego.

“Where’s your computer?” he asked.  “I want you to give me all the gory details, so I can have the story all typed and ready to go the second they make the bust.”

“Does this mean you’re going to stay a while longer?” Fred asked and grabbed Ted’s crotch.

“That’s an affirmative,” Ted laughed.

Before actually starting to type, Ted sat Fred down on the sofa and conducted a professional style interview.  He got the whole sequence of events from his first day on the job to his point of discovery.  Fred kept referring to the thief as “The Perp” and Ted asked him to explain how the crime was committed.

“The Perp,” Fred began his narrative, “applied for and obtained a corporate name from the state.  Then it was easy to obtain a federal ID number from the IRS.  With that in hand, The Perp opened a corporate checking account, at a bank other than where the real business had its accounts.  The thief printed invoices with the phony company’s name and a PO Box address, and then sent invoices, in moderate amounts, for goods and services, to the legitimate business, on a regular basis.  The Perp approved the invoices, and they went through the company’s payment process.  The Perp deposited the checks in the phony checking account.  Every week on Friday, our suspect cashed a check made out to the phony company’s president and wrote ‘salary’ in the memo section.”

“How much do you figure he has embezzled to date?” Ted asked.

“What makes you think it’s a man?”

“I just assumed,” Fred stated.

“The auditors have pulled all the records out of the archives, and the first payment to the phony company occurred over five years ago.  They estimate the fraud to be slightly over $750,000.”

“Wow.  Yes, this is going to be one hell of a story.  Leave me alone for an hour, honey so I can write the story.  I’ll refer to the embezzler as The Perp just as you did, but when can I know who it is?”

“I’ll let you know as soon as the bust is made.  Then you can insert the thief’s name and let the presses roll.”

“So nobody in the tool and dye office knows anything about this yet?” Ted asked.  “Monday’s events will shock the pants off everyone, won’t it?”

“It sure will.  I know you are a reporter, Ted,” Fred said, “but can I trust you to keep quiet about this until it breaks?  I’ve already told you too much, and only so you could get a scoop.”

“I would never betray your trust.  Now will you get the fuck out of my hair so I can write the story?  By the way, I love you.”

Fred smiled broadly, kissed Ted on his forehead and left the room.  Ted was dismayed.  Did he really tell Fred that he loved him?  The words just flowed out of him.  It came out naturally, without any thought processes.  He smiled to himself, finally admitting that it was true; he did love Fred. 

He opened a new document in Fred’s Word Program and started to write.  About halfway through, a thought came to him.  Between Fred and Bill, he was familiar with the full cast of characters in the accounting office.  Assuming that the thief worked in the accounting office, and he figured that was probably the case, he believed that he should be able to identify The Perp.

So who could approve the phony invoice and get it into the payment system with as few people as possible seeing the invoice?  Hell, it was a small office.  Anybody could be the culprit.  But then the light finally dawned.  A few years ago, he went to Bill’s office to pick him up after work.  Bill’s car was in the repair shop for a couple of days.  When he got there, Bill was not ready for him.  He asked Ted to wait a minute while he signed a few checks.  There was a pile of about six invoices in front of him with paperwork and a check attached to each packet.

Bill carefully checked the invoice to make sure that the receipt date was stamped on it, and that someone in the receiving department had initialed the invoice indicating that the quantity of material noted on the invoice was correct.  He made sure that the check was drawn for the correct amount after allowable discount rates were applied.  He then placed the check, and a copy of the invoice in the mailing envelope provided, and put it in an outgoing mail box.  Then he stapled together all the back up documents and placed them in a box for the file clerk.

It struck Ted like a lethal lightening bolt.  The only one who could get all this through to the mailing process without arousing suspicion was Bill.  He could sign the check without the necessary receipt documentation.  Ted felt sick.  He ran to the bathroom and vomited.  All the evidence led to his best friend, his brother, his fuck buddy, the guy he would lay down his life for. 

He cleaned himself up, and ran out of the house, leaving the unfinished story in a Word Document file.  He knew that he couldn’t go home, but he had no idea where he would go.  Fred heard his front door slam, and ran around his apartment looking for Ted.  He could only wonder what happened and where Ted had gone to.  His stomach sank.  He had confided way too much to Ted.  Could he really trust him?  Did he just blow six months of undercover detective work, because he believed that Ted loved him as much as he loved Ted?  He wanted to scream, knowing that he had surrendered his professionalism to love, and that was a pretty dumb thing to do.

Ted ran to a nearby park, found a bench, and sat down in utter despair.  The embezzler was his Bill.  He knew it to be fact, but he could not believe it or accept it.  He started to cry, but nothing came to his mind by way of a solution.  If Bill was the culprit, what was he doing with the money and where was it all going?  He wasn’t living any differently, or high on the hog, than he ever had in the past.  Ted’s unhappiness was mixed with confusion.  He didn’t know what he could do or where to turn.  He sat for hours on the park bench, and finally decided on a course of action.

With red and swollen eyes, he returned to Fred’s apartment.  Fred had given him a key to his place the week before and he used it to get in.  He barged right in without knocking.  Fred ran to the door and Ted was shocked to see that Fred’s eyes were as red and swollen as his.  The two men fell into each other’s arms.  They began to kiss and proclaim their love for each other.

“Why are you crying?” Ted asked.

“I was so afraid you would blow my cover prematurely.  I’m so sorry I mistrusted you.  But why did you run out like that, and why have you been crying?”

“Oh, Fred!  You have every right to mistrust me.  I have deceived you.   I’m crying for a lot of reasons.”

“You’re not making sense.  Please talk to me.  What’s going on?’ 

Ted took Fred’s hand and led him to the sofa.  “We’d better sit down and I’ll explain.”  Just then Ted’s cell phone rang.  He looked at the caller ID.  It was Bill.

“I need to take this call.  I’ll make it short.”  He opened the phone and said, “Hello.”  He listened for a second and then said, “Look Babe, I can’t really talk now.  I’m spending the rest of the weekend with Fred.  I won’t be home until Monday after work.”  He hung up.

Poor Fred was confused.  Ted was talking to someone he called Babe.  It sounded like Ted had a lover.  Did he just make a fool of himself?  No, he couldn’t have.  Ted kept telling him how much he loved him.  All he could do was remain silent.

Ted started to cry again and Fred took his hands into his own, but he remained silent.  Finally Ted regained his composure, and started to talk.

“That was my room mate,” he stated in a very matter of fact way.  “We have literally been friends since we were born.  We are best friends, as a matter of fact.  I admit we have sex together, but it isn’t love like you and I have together.  It’s fuck buddy lust, and nothing more.  I don’t consider us to be lovers, but until today, I considered us to be best friends forever, the kind of friend you would lay down your life for.”  Ted hesitated, not certain how to continue.

Fred,” he said, “you are my life, my love.  I can’t conceive of going another day without you.  Do you believe me?”  Fred was confused.  All he could do was nod, so Ted went on.

“A few weeks ago, my room mate told me that one of his staff was acting strangely in his office.  He wanted me to get close to that person and learn what I could.  Of course, I told my best friend that I would do that.  How could I know that he was your boss, or that I would fall madly in love with you?”  Ted broke out crying again, and Fred sat there with his mouth hanging open.  He was still holding Ted’s hands, and he didn’t realize that he was squeezing them harder and harder by the moment.

“Are you telling me that Bill is your room mate, and that I am such a rotten detective that he got suspicious of me?”

“Well, I don’t think you would have raised suspicion if Bill wasn’t guilty.”

“But that’s the point, honey.  Bill isn’t the guilty one.”

Ted’s eyes grew to saucer size.  “He’s not?”

“No, he isn’t, but your BFF has another fault that you may or may not be aware of.  He’s a very lazy man.  He has been assigning more and more of his responsibilities to his assistant, Julia, over the past few years.  One of the things she has been doing is reviewing the checks for payment.  She would separate the paper work, and all Bill got was the mailing envelope and the check to sign.  He’s guilty of a serious breach of internal control.  I’ve already spoken to the authorities.  They’ll give him a slap on the wrists, and admonish him to go back to doing his job description.  He may even get passed up for his next raise, but he won’t lose his job.  I’ve put in a good word for him, and told them that he’s a good guy, a talented guy, and a very loyal employee.  I told you that I liked him.”

Ted began to laugh hysterically.  “You did tell me not to assume The Perp was a man.”

“I can see now why you were so upset.  Well you can relax now.  Your BFF is a good guy.  But tell me, how do I stand in your life now?”

Ted jumped up and grabbed Fred.  He wrapped his arms around him and squeezed his ass.  “You’re at the top of the heap.  How would you feel about surprising Bill and going over there?  We’ll tell him about us, but not what’s coming down in the office on Monday.  I’ll need to start bringing my stuff over here, if we are going to live together.”

“When did we decide that we were going to live together?” Fred asked.

“The moment I saw you at Skippy’s.  Anyway, respect your elders and don’t argue with me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it?  Would it be alright if we went over to Bill’s a little later?  Right now, I have something more interesting in mind.”

So, it’s like I said at the beginning.  Things are not always what they appear to be, and we should, all of us, stop making assumptions.

Posted: 09/23/11