When I was fifteen, I accepted the truth about me.  I was gay and nothing was ever going to change that.  I lived in The Bible Belt, and my parents were strong fundamentalists.  When it came to religion, my kid brother was not only as bad as they were, he was very homophobic, and never hid his feelings.  I was determined not to shame my family, and I kept my secret until I graduated college. 

Even in college, far from home, I remained chaste.  The fear of discovery, and having to face my parents was too much to bear.  I made a decision, and I was determined to stick to it.  I had a college degree, and something to offer in the job market, so I decided to leave home, and simply disappear.  I was just too miserable to remain there.

I confided in nobody, and one Sunday morning, I pretended to be ill.  While my family was in church, I packed all my needful things in my car, and headed for New York City.  If there was ever a city I could get lost in, it was The Big Apple.  I didn’t even leave a note.  I just wanted to disappear.  I was young, and I never considered the grief I would cause my parents, and even my brother.

I had done my research, and I headed for a YMCA in Brooklyn.  I wanted to work in Manhattan, but preferred to live more quietly.  As soon as I got settled at the Y, I got out my lap top, and began my search for a job.  I had majored in MIS (Management Information Services) in college, and I had no trouble landing a job with a major brokerage firm in Manhattan.    They were located in lower Manhattan.  It was an exceptionally easy commute to Brooklyn, so I found a pleasant one bedroom apartment in a nice neighborhood, and began my new life with an apartment in Brooklyn, and a great job in Manhattan.

I gave some thought to changing my name, in case my family tried to find me, but my name was so common, I decided not to.  I am William Smith, Jr., middle name, Henry.

Greenwich Village was about a fifteen-minute subway train ride from my apartment.  While I was working up the courage to visit a gay bar in The Village, I was becoming friendly with a few of my fellow co-workers, and a miracle happened.  One of them hit on me.  I didn’t know how to handle it, but I readily agreed to have a drink with Marvin Weil on Friday night at a local bar in Manhattan.  It was a straight bar, but it was there that Marv admitted to me that he was gay, and had the hots for me.

I whispered in his ear that I was gay also.   He smiled and hugged me.  “I knew it,” he said.  “Next time we’ll go to a gay bar.”

“Yes, please,” I said.  “I’ve been too chicken to go alone.”

“You’re a virgin,” he smiled at me.  He didn’t say that facetiously.  He just made a statement.  I nodded, and he asked, “Could I have the pleasure of being your teacher?”

I must have turned ashen, because he said, “We don’t have to do anything the first time.  We can just talk, and get to know all about each other.  Just let me know when you’re ready.”

Marv must really have cared about me.  He didn’t just want to slam bam and fuck me Ma’am.  He wanted to get to know me and be my friend.  I relaxed and said, “I’d like that a lot.”

“I live only a few blocks from here,” he said.  “Why don’t you go home, pack a bag, and come to my apartment tomorrow morning?  We’ll have breakfast together, and spend the day getting acquainted.  Then tomorrow evening we’ll go clubbing.”

“It sounds like a great plan,” I said, “but why the overnight bag?”

“I was hoping you’d stay over, and we can have brunch together Sunday morning.”
As much as I liked Marv, and as comfortable as he was to be with, I was shaking in my boots.  Finally I said, “Of course I will.” 

We had a few drinks and then I headed for the subway.  Marv insisted on walking with me to the entrance.  He smiled, and said that he really hoped that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  With that devastating smile, I took a good look at him.  He had sandy blond hair, and beautiful big blue eyes.  He was very good looking, and easy to the eye.  “Goodnight handsome,” he said, and blew me a kiss.  Marv thought that I was handsome too.  The thought of it made me shiver.

As you can imagine I got very little sleep that night.  I kept getting erections, but refrained from jacking off.  Marv said that nothing would happen the first night, but I wanted to save myself, just in case.

I guess I was really anxious to be with him.  I was at his door early the next morning, way too early.  I rang the bell several times before Marv answered.  All he was wearing were boxer shorts, and I stole a peek.  I could tell he was well hung.

“You’re really early,” he said.  “I was just going to jump in the shower.”

“I can leave and come back later,” I muttered.

“Not on your life.  Care to shower with me?”

“Not this time.” I mumbled shyly.

“Okay.  Get comfortable on the sofa, and I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

About five minutes later, he came out of the shower.  He was naked, and drying himself with a big bath towel.  “Take a good look,” he said.  “It’s part of the process of getting to know each other.”

So I took a good look.  Marv was about four and a half inches flaccid.  “It grows to about seven and a half inches when I get aroused,” he answered my unasked question.  “When I whack off, it doesn’t grow to more than seven inches.  I guess I can’t arouse myself.”  That must have struck him funny, because he roared with laughter.

Before coming to New York, I had never seen a circumcised cock in my life, but I knew that he was cut.  As you can imagine, none of the men in my family are cut.  I had seen some naked boys in the locker room, but they were all intact.  I had gone to a very conservative Christian college.

“Come into my bedroom while I dress,” he said.   “I decided to make breakfast and lunch for us, rather than to go out.  Maybe we’ll go out for dinner before we go to The Village.”

While Marv was making us poached eggs on toasted English muffins, he asked me to tell him all about myself.  I told him about my fundamentalist family, and the shame I would have caused them.  “So I ran away one morning.  I didn’t leave a note because I intended to disappear,” I confessed to him.

“You mean your family has no idea what happened to you.  That’s cruel, Bill.  You should have told them.”

“My father would have killed me.”

“You don’t know that.  Maybe his love for you would have been greater than his religious beliefs.  Maybe your family had a suspicion about you, especially your brother, and they were just waiting for you to tell them.  I don’t even know your folks, but I feel sorry for them in the way you handled things.”

“I realize I handled it badly, but it’s too late now.”

“Shouldn’t you contact them?”

“Never!  I have to keep my secret.  Do your folks know?”

“Of course.  I told them before high school graduation.  You know what my father said?  He said, ‘Don’t fool around and get sick.  Find a nice Jewish boy and settle down.’ ”

“You’re Jewish?” I asked.  I guess I was flabbergasted.  I had never met a Jewish boy in my life.  As I told you, I went to a Christian college, and I don’t think that there were any Jews in my small town.

“Yeah, didn’t you know?  Not only Jewish, but I have black blood in me.”

“What do you mean?’ I asked.  I didn’t want to admit it, but my conservative Christian upbringing was getting me upset.

“I figured I was one hundred percent Eastern European, but out of curiosity, I did one of those DNA ancestry tests.  I was partly right.  I’m eighty-five percent Eastern European, and fifteen percent African.  Close your mouth, and don’t ask questions, because I don’t have a clue where that came from.”

“Wow,” I said.  That was about all I could muster up.  Then I started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Marv asked.

“I was just wondering what my conservative Christian father would say if he knew that I was dating a Jewish boy with black blood.”

“Are we dating?” Marv asked as he put our breakfast on the table.

I don’t know what came over me.  I jumped up, and enveloped him in my arms.  Marv was an inch taller than I am.  I reached up and placed my lips on his.  I knew nothing about open mouth kissing, but I learned quickly, when Marv parted my lips, and started tickling my tongue with his.

When we separated, he whispered in my ear.  “I fell in love with you the first day you walked into our office.”  He put his cheek against mine, and it was wet with tears.

“You told me to tell you when I was ready,” I said.  “I’m ready.”

“That was fast, but I’m starving.  Do you think we could have breakfast first?”  We laughed and dug into the poached eggs,

After breakfast, we put the dishes in the dishwasher, and Marv grabbed my hand.  He pulled me into his bedroom, and we both stripped.  He pulled me onto his bed, and began to kiss me passionately.  “No matter what you think you want to do,” he said, “we are still going to go slowly.  Let’s fondle each other until we are both good and hard.  Then we’ll go down on each other.  If you are comfortable with that, we’ll move on to anal, probably tomorrow.”

“Whatever you say,” I murmured.  “It’s all new to me.  I’m just content to be lying here in your arms.”  Marv smiled at me and took my cock in his hand.  He kissed me again and started stroking, so I did the same to him.

“Look at your uncut cock,” he said.  “Now that it’s hard, it doesn’t look any different than my hard cut one.”  I actually did look, and I smiled.

“Look at your cock,” I parroted him.  “It’s way bigger than seven and a half inches.  I guess I really arouse you.”

“You do,” he said.  Then I heard him yell, “Fuck, I can’t wait.”  He leaned over me and took my cock into his mouth.  This was my first blow job.  I didn’t know what would happen, but I didn’t expect it to be so erotic.  I lay back, screaming, “Oh God,” over and over.  I wanted to tell Marv that I was cumming, but I couldn’t talk.  I exploded in his mouth, and he wouldn’t release me until he swallowed every last drop.

“I’m sorry,” I cried.  “I didn’t expect to cum so fast.”

‘Please don’t cry,” he said.  “This is only the first time.  I’m sorry I didn’t save any cum for you”

“Then I’ll just have to drink yours,” I said.  I went down on him, and I’m sorry to say that he had to warn me about my teeth a couple of times, but I learned quickly, and he came inside of me.  I drank every bit of his essence, as he had drunk mine.

Afterward, we lay side by side.  Marv had his arm around my shoulder, and was fondling my cock very gently.  In my thoughts I heard myself saying Thank you God for letting me glimpse a little bit of heaven.

It wasn’t even lunch time, but we both fell fast asleep.  When we woke, Marv said, “I’d like us to fuck each other when we come home from the club tonight, but not unless you are ready.”

“I’ve been ready all my life, my love.” 

I had called him ‘love,’ and I was shocked at myself.  I always knew that I wanted to have sex with men, but I never thought that two men could love each other, like that.  In that moment I realized I loved Marv, just exactly like that, and I held him tight to me.

We had a great time that night at the gay bar.  I was in a jovial mood.  Since we had come by subway, we drank all we wanted.  Marv introduced me to some of his friends who were at the bar.  We stayed until almost closing.  When we got home, Marv said that we would fuck in the morning.  We were both three sheets to the wind, and he wanted me to be fully aware of the intimacy we were about to experience and share.

In the morning we showered together.  We soaped our cocks constantly.  At one point, Marv took a condom off a shelf and opened it.  He rolled it down my cock, and I nearly came.  He turned his back to me, and said, “Go for it sweetie, fuck me, and don’t be gentle.

Notwithstanding the fact that he didn’t want me to be gentle, I went in slowly.  When I was all the way in, Marv began to moan with pleasure.  “Now,” he said, and I began to pump.  I came way too quickly, and Marv wasn’t shy about telling me that he was disappointed.  “Don’t worry,” he said.  “You’ll get better and you’ll learn to delay your orgasms.”

He grabbed another condom from the shelf and rolled it down his blood filled, throbbing cock.  I expected him to enter me, as I had entered him, but he prepared me better.  He rimmed me for what seemed like hours, and then he inserted one soapy finger.  It felt wonderful, especially when he started to stretch me.  The second finger wasn’t bad, but the third hurt like hell.  He didn’t withdraw.  He just kept wiggling his fingers and trying to stretch me out.  At some point the pain left me, and I told him so.  Suddenly his fingers left my ass, and his cock started to enter.  I was taking him without difficulty.  He wasn’t in all the way, when he yelled, “Fuck,” and he came.

“So much for delaying our orgasms,” I said with a laugh. 

“We’ll get better.  I promise you,” he said.  “It’s just that I have been dreaming of this moment since I met you, and I couldn’t restrain myself.  I’m going to get tested as soon as possible, so we can give up the condoms.”

“I’d like that a lot,” I stammered.

One month later, I gave the required thirty days notice on my apartment to my landlord, and I moved in with Marv.

§§§§§§§

We were in our fifth year together, and we loved each other more every day.  With all that love, I don’t know how it happened, but I began to think constantly about my family, and the desire to see them overwhelmed me.  I concluded that only one of two things could happen.  Either they would kick me out, or welcome me home.  If they kicked me out, I could find closure at last.  If they welcomed me, I would have my family back.  It was a win-win situation.

Marv became aware of my growing consternation.  Of course, he did; he loved me. He could read every emotion in my face, and in my love making.  I had to confide in him, and when I did, he urged me to try to reach out to them.

“Call them,” he kept urging me.

“No, I can’t do it that way.  I need to knock on their door and come home just as I left, without a word of warning.”

“Then do it.  When will you leave?”

“It’s, ‘When will we leave?’  I won’t go unless you’re with me.”

“Do you think that’s wise?” Marv asked.  “It’ll be tough enough for your folks to hear that you’re gay, but what’ll they do when they find out you’re shacking up with a black Jew?”

“Well, Jewish, yes, but hardly black.”

We arranged to go on Labor Day weekend.  Our flight was scheduled to arrive at 10 AM.  We would rent a car at the airport and head home.  Our return flight was for Monday afternoon, but if need be, we could re-book.

Fortunately, my folks, Marie and William Smith, Sr. were at home.  They were expecting my brother, Jimmy, and his new bride, for lunch.  When the doorbell rang, Mom said to Dad, “They’re way too early.  Keep Jimmy occupied, and Janet can help me in the kitchen.”

My dad opened the door.  For a few seconds, he stared, trying to get his senses back in gear.  Then he screamed out, “Marie, Billy’s home.”  He grabbed me, and smothered me with kisses.  My mother came running, and she too started crying, hugging and kissing.  They pulled me in, and saw Marv, “Come in, come in, whoever you are,” Mom screamed.

Inside the house, they kept hugging me and crying.  Not once did they reprimand me for the way I left home.  They just kept telling me how wonderful it was that I was home, and that they could hold me in their arms again.  Finally I introduced them to Marv as a co-worker, and my best friend. 

“I was afraid to return alone in case you wouldn’t want to see me, so I brought Marv for support,” I explained.

“How could you ever think that we wouldn’t want to see you?” Mom asked.  I couldn’t answer, so I asked them about Jimmy. 

“He’s married, Honey,” Mom said proudly.  “We’re expecting him and his wife, Janet, for lunch any time now.  If you see a little tummy bump, don’t comment.  Janet is pregnant, but they’re not telling anybody yet.”

“That’s wonderful,” I said.  “I can’t wait to see him and meet Janet.”

“William,” Mom ordered my dad, “Set two more places for lunch.  It’s like I always told you, Honey, God is good.  He brought Billy back to us.”  I could only wonder what would happen when I introduced Marv as my partner.”

There was one thing I had to do in advance.  I took my dad aside, and told him that Marv was Jewish.  I didn’t want him to say anything inappropriate at the lunch table.  Of course, my dad rushed over to Marv, and said the most stupid thing.  “I never met any Jewish people before.  Welcome to my home.”

“You’re mistaken sir,” Marv said.  “According to Billy, you are intimately acquainted with Jesus and his disciples.  They were all Jewish, so you have known Jews all your life.  You’re familiar with that infamous last supper, but are you aware that Jesus was celebrating The Passover?  It was a Seder dinner.  The cup that Jesus dipped the ‘bread’ in was Elijah’s cup.  We fill a cup for him at every Passover dinner.  I think that not only have you welcomed Jews into your home, but into your heart as well.”

“Thank you for pointing that out to me.  I knew, of course, but I forgot.”  Dad, gave Marv a big hug, and said, “So welcome into my home, young man.”

Just then, Jimmy and Janet walked in.  They never bothered to knock in what had once been Jimmy’s home.  Jimmy’s first thought was that our father was hugging some handsome guy he didn’t know.  He wondered if it could be a long lost relative.  Then he sighted me.  He gave out one strange screech, and ran over to me.  He hugged and kissed me on the lips, which surprised me greatly.

He too told me how wonderful it was to see me, and that I had come home at last.  There were no words of anger or recrimination at what I had done.  I wondered if my loved ones were true Christians after all.  I introduced Marv to Jimmy and Janet as a friend and co-worker.  Jimmy introduced me to Janet.  He was too excited to keep their secret.  “We’re going to have a baby,” he told me and Marv.  I hugged them both, and Marv shook Jimmy’s hand.  We were enthusiastic in our congratulations.

I waited until after lunch to speak to everyone.  I still could not believe that none of them had asked why I left.  They were all just happy to see me come home.  I was reminded of the parable of The Prodigal Son.  I wondered if that was why my dad invited me home with loving arms, and no recriminations.   Surely, he was acquainted with the story.

When everyone was comfortably seated in the living room, I took Marv’s hand.  “I have to tell y’all why I left home,” I began.  “I became aware that I was gay.  I was able to keep my secret for years, but one day I realized that sooner or later it would come out.  I knew how ashamed y’all would be.  I just wanted to save you the embarrassment, so I just left.

“Marv is more to me than a friend,” I continued.  “As hard as it is for me to say this to y’all, we love each other.”

The room was terribly silent until Jimmy said to our parents, “I told you so.”  I didn’t think that was funny, but everybody roared with laughter.

“We’ve been kicking that theory around for years,” my dad said.  “Look, Jesus didn’t like all the terrible things his children did, but he loved them just the same.  I may not condone what you two do, but I love you.  Nothing can change that.”

By now I was sobbing like a baby.  Marv hesitated, but he put an arm around my shoulder.

“Does this mean that we can come for Christmas?” I asked in a blubbering voice.

“You better,” Dad said.  “How long are you staying this trip?”

“We’re leaving Monday afternoon.”

“If you are to be part of our family, Marv,” Dad asked, “would you mind going to church with us Sunday morning.  I mean, if it won’t offend you.”

Marv smiled.  “Let me quote from the letters of your own St. Augustine; ‘When you are in Rome, do as the Romans do.’ ”

“You are a far better man than I.” Dad said.

“Your son is not Godless, Sir.  He practices his religion, and it rubs off on me.  I wish I could say that I practice my religion, but I don’t.  I understand how important your religion is to you.  It’s important to my parents also.  The only thing Billy and I do, which makes them very happy, is to have Sabbath dinner at their house every Friday evening.  Billy can even say some of the prayers in Hebrew.”

“I’ve also celebrated Passover with the Weil’s, Dad,” I said.  “I got to experience the last supper just as Jesus would have celebrated it.”

I don’t think my dad knew just what to say, so he just smiled.  Jimmy and I got busy filling each other in on our lives for the past five years, and we were ignoring Marv.  My father took him aside, and asked a favor of him.

“I won’t be comfortable with you and Billy sharing a bed for the two nights you’ll be here.  Would you mind taking Jimmy’s old room?”

“Of course not.  Billy and I have already discussed it, and that’s what we decided to do.  I know this whole situation is a lot for you to absorb, and I appreciate your candor.”

“Do your folks know about you and Billy?”   

“Oh yes, and they are crazy about your son, even if he isn’t a Jewish doctor.”  The two of them laughed so hard they couldn’t stop.

Finally my dad called everyone to order.  “Listen,” he said, “I feel like celebrating.  I’m taking y’all out to dinner tonight.  Janet, call your folks and see if they can join us.  If they ask what we are celebrating, tell them that my prodigal son has returned.

Posted: 09/23/16