The Memory Ghosts by Hankster

The Memory Ghosts

by: Hankster

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Every memory is a ghost, a ghost that repeatedly haunts us. Sometimes the haunting leaves us saddened, bitter, even vengeful, but thankfully, the haunting sometimes leaves us with warm and comforting feelings as we remember only the good things.

As we age, and our memories increase, so do our ghosts. If we are to remain sane, we must learn to dismiss the ghosts with the light of day, and get on with our lives. It does no good to let the ghosts possess us. If they do, it can become disastrous. Take the case of Willie Smith, whose ghosts so haunted and possessed him, that after a while he could no longer discern past from present, fantasy from reality. His past memories were so painful, and the ghosts so unrelenting in their haunting, that his brain began to create a different past than the one he had experienced. It was all very sad for Willie.

Willie’s first ghost haunting occurred as a result of a high school incident. He had successfully concealed his homosexuality until late in his senior year. He dated girls (he was always the perfect gentleman). He played on the high school baseball team and endured the group showers after a game. He almost always began to erect, so he just cut his showers short and was able to dress while his team mates were still showering. Once, and only once, he let his desires get the best of him and he lived to regret it.

One day during practice on his eighteenth birthday, Willie was in the outfield, day dreaming about making out with his coach now that he was legal. Consequently he missed an easy fly ball which came right at him. By way of punishment, his coach assigned him to wipe down all the balls, mitts, and bats and store them where they belonged. By the time he got to the showers, he was alone, and was able to shower comfortably for a change.

As he left the shower and approached the locker room, he heard a soft murmur. Cautiously he peeked around a row of lockers. Seated on a bench between two rows of lockers he saw one of his team mates, Harry Spooner. He was whacking off and his moans were getting louder. His time was near. Willie was in a quandary. Should he disappear until his ‘friend’ was finished? Should he sit down next to him and join in the play? Should he offer to help him achieve his goal? In the end, he did not think straight (excuse the expression).

He sat down next to the masturbating young fellow, pushed his hand off his cock and proceeded to do the whacking for him. He met no resistance from Harry until the deed was done, and his spattered spunk was all over everything. Then Harry stood up and landed two hefty jabs, one on Willie’s right eye and one on his left. Willie passed out. When he awoke, he was alone. He could hardly see, but he was aware enough to know that someone had cleaned up the spunk.

Mostly by feel, Willie dressed, and ran blindly home. He quit the baseball team, but it was no big deal, since the incident occurred two weeks before graduation. Fortunately, his ‘friend’ did not report the incident to anyone or even whisper it to his friends for fear that they would think he was gay also.

The memory ghost would not let Willie forget the incident. Each time he remembered it, the hurt became greater. It became necessary for Willie to alter the memory in order to bear the pain. Little by little the events changed until finally Willie could remember the incident fondly and recall it as his first experience. In its altered state, when his team mate ejaculated, he said to Willie, “Oh dude, that was so good. We must do it again soon.” They dressed together and when they were dressed, his ‘friend’ kissed him full on the lips. It took about two years for this metamorphosis to occur, but in the end, the memory ghost brought only this updated vision to Willie. Willie was always left feeling warm and comfy inside. He totally believed in the reality of the revised memory.

This was only the first of many teen age memories which would haunt Willie, but always with the passage of time the bad memories changed to good memories and Willie was able to fool the memory ghost over and over. The very few good memories he had, got better and better, and finally bore no resemblance to what had actually happened. Unfortunately, after awhile, Willie couldn’t tell fantasy from reality and he ceased to function as a viable human being. He retreated into a world of make believe, because the real world was too cruel for him. No therapist could successfully reach through his shell and bring him back into the real world. He retreated more and more into his imaginary world where all the ghost memories were good ones. He survived in a comatose state of being. His parents could no longer care for him, and finally, they had no choice but to commit him to an institution.

Willie was in the fourth year of his hospitalization, if you will. It was his twenty-sixth birthday, and his parents arranged for him to have a birthday party. Poor Willie had no idea what was going on, but the nurses and attendants were wonderful. They provided cake, soda and party favors. They even played contemporary music for the few guests who were at the party. The attendants had singled out four young men and two young women who were all near Willie’s age, and recruited them to comprise the birthday guest list. The guests generally ignored Willie, concentrating their efforts on the non-institution style food which was so generously provided. The party was just about over when a small miracle occurred.

James Lavery was one of the guests at the party. He was twenty-four and had been a patient at the institution for three years. In all those years, a diagnosis of his illness still remained a mystery. The psychiatrists had ruled out autism, dementia, suicidal tendencies, schizophrenia, and a myriad of other mental diseases. All they knew for sure was that James operated on the fringe of reality. He walked a fine line along a high fence. Unfortunately most of the time he fell over the fence into some world the doctor’s could not penetrate, and being unable to penetrate the world he lived in, they were unable to help him, just as they were unable to help Willie.

As the other guests left without acknowledging Willie’s existence or thanking him for inviting them to his party, James sat down in a chair next to Willie. He took Willie’s hand and began to shake it. There was no response from Willie, but James continued to shake Willie’s limp hand.

“I’m glad to have met you,” James said. “Will you be my friend? I have no friends.” That having been said, Willie finally turned to look at James. His limp hand closed more firmly around James’ hand. He said not a word, but he smiled at James and nodded his head. James smiled back and started to run back to his room. The attendants were pleased to note that James was operating on the reality side of the fence this afternoon, and attributed this good fortune to the birthday party.

That night as Willie lay in bed trying to sleep, the memory ghost came to him. He remembered James shaking his hand and asking to be his friend. The memory of course became altered.

“Of course, I’ll be your friend,” Willie says as he labors to recall the incident. “You’re really hot,” he adds.

“You’re hotter,” James answers him. “Let’s make love.” With that, he takes Willie’s hand and pulls him to Willie’s room. The two young men strip naked. They admire each other’s genitalia and proceed to play a hot game of sixty-nine. Neither cums, and instead Willie fucks James and then James fucks Willie.

Thank you, memory ghost, Willie thought. Then he realized that he had masturbated and his abdomen was slimy and sticky. Willie hadn’t walked or talked in months, but he got out of bed, found a wash cloth and cleaned himself off. The memory ghost did his alteration job very well, and Willie fell peacefully asleep.

The next day, one of the attendants took Willie outside in a wheelchair. Willie was comatose and totally unaware of the beautiful summer day.

“Sit here and enjoy the sum” the attendant told Willie. “I’ll come back for you in a little while.”

No sooner was the attendant out of sight, then James came running up to Willie. Again he shook Willie’s limp hand, but it wasn’t limp for long, and Willie squeezed James’ hand harder than was necessary. Willie tried to talk, but he hadn’t talked for so long, he couldn’t form the words.

James wheeled Willie close to a bench and he sat down on the bench facing his new friend. “What would you like to do today?” he asked Willie. “I have some video games in my room if you would like to play with me.”

Willie was trying hard to make sense of the words. James wants to play with me, he thought. As soon as he figured out that James wanted to play, the memory ghost came to him and he saw the two of them playing sixty-nine.

He tried desperately to talk. It had been such a long time. Haltingly, gutturally, he croaked out, “Let’s play sixty-nine.”

“Yes, yes,” James screamed from the reality side of the fence. He grabbed Willie’s wheel chair and raced it back to his room. He closed the door, but there were no locks on the door. He helped Willie stand up. Willie was grinning broadly. When James started to undress Willie, Willie actually helped him. Finally he stood naked and James helped him onto his bed. James stripped more quickly and lay down next to Willie. Willie somehow expected James to turn and assume the position, but he didn’t. Instead he wrapped his arms around Willie and began to kiss him on the lips. At first Willie remained his usual unresponsive self, but finally he began to respond. He felt his prick thickening and throbbing, and he was consumed with a healthy man’s lust.

James was not immune to these human feelings and he began to respond as well. At last the two men began to spin around until their cocks were inches from their mouths. They took themselves in, and their tongues and lips started to stroke intuitively. Their lust increased as they came close to their orgasms. At least for this short while, they were both firmly planted in the real world. This was neither fantasy nor wishful thinking and they both knew it. For those precious moments as they made love and gave each other the ultimate of all pleasures, they were whole and healed. They were healthy men in a real and bewildering world.

When it was over, they faced each other again. They held each other tightly and let their wasted cocks rub together. Finally, without any help from James, Willie got out of bed and dressed. James also dressed and then took Willie outside again in his wheel chair, just as Willie’s attendant came running over.

“You scared the shit out of me,” he said. Even though he believed Willie to be comatose, he asked, “Where the hell were you two?”

“Getting acquainted,” Willie answered.

“Holy shit!!!” the attendant said. “You talked. Wait until I tell Dr. Walton. Watch him, James,” the attendant yelled and ran off into the main building.

Willie got out of the wheel chair and James took his hand. Together, hand in hand, they walked back to the building and headed for Dr. Walton’s office. Willie pushed his own wheelchair with nobody in it. As they approached the doctor’s office, the doctor and the attendant literally flew out of the room, and nearly knocked the two young lovers over. Dr. Walton kept Willie from falling and the attendant kept James upright as well. The two of them guided the young men into the doctor’s office and sat them on chairs.

“You can leave now, Sam,” the doctor said. “I’ll call you if I need you. Sam left the room and closed the door behind him. The doctor turned his attention to Willie, who had retreated further into the darkness than James.

“What is your name?” the doctor asked softly.

Willie smiled, a Mona Lisa smile. He knew what the doctor was doing. “My name is William Smith,” he said in a monotone. “I live in Buffalo, NY and I was twenty-six years old yesterday. My parents are Jennie and Henry Smith. They love me well enough, but I haven’t told them yet that I am gay. I wonder if they will love me then.” Willie’s voice cracked at that last remark and he stopped talking. For a moment he seemed to have retreated into his fantasy world, but then he looked up, smiled at the doctor, and took hold of James’ hand.

Willie had found his voice, but Dr. Walton was speechless. He became aware that now James was talking to him.

“I’m gay too, Dr. Walton. I was at Willie’s birthday party and I fell in love with him. The very next day Willie spoke to me. I know he hasn’t spoken in months and months, but he spoke to me. He asked me to make love with him and we did. Nobody ever loved either of us before. It’s wonderful, doctor, to be loved.

“In school, I was everyone’s patsy. I can’t tell you how often I was beat up. I guess it was the same for Willie. But none of that matters now. We have each other and nobody is going to hurt us again.”

There were tears in Dr. Walton’s eyes. “No,” he said, “Nobody is ever going to hurt you again, not on my watch anyway.”

He stood the lovers up and embraced them in a group bear hug. When they were finished hugging each other he said, “Sit down. We need to talk. What do you envision will happen to you now?”

James spoke first. “This is so new to me. I haven’t thought about anything except I want to get well now.” He grabbed Willie’s hand.

“I guess I feel the same way,” Willie said. “I want to get well and then we can plan our future.”

“It’s my job to get you well and your job is to plan where you go from here,” the doctor said. “From now on I want to meet with you separately, and when I think it’s appropriate, we’ll all meet together.” The doctor looked at his appointment book. “I’ve got you down for 2PM, Willie, and James you’re on for 3PM. I’ll see you both then.”

The men got up to leave and the doctor called after Willie. “If you’re not going to use the wheel chair, Willie, please give it to Sam to return to the supply room.” Willie smiled at the doctor and wheeled the chair outside where Sam was waiting.

“Here’s a present for you,” he said jovially, and he and James ran off holding hands. They headed straight to Willie’s room which was the closer of their two rooms. They made love for almost three hours, exploring every opening in their bodies. When they were through, they both dozed off, and the memory ghost came to Willie. He recalled every moment of the past three hours, but he wasn’t in a fantasy world, he was in his bed, naked, hugging James. He smiled at the memory ghost and dozed off. He slept until he was awakened by James.

“Hey, love, you better get dressed. It’s almost time for your appointment with Dr. Walton. We missed lunch, but I’m not hungry. Are you?”

“No,” Willie answered. “It’s true what they say. I’m living on love.” With that, he kissed James passionately.

In the next few weeks, Dr. Walton elicited from Willie every memory the ghost had brought him. But Willie did not recall the altered version. He told the doctor about each evil incident, just as it had happened, and as he recalled each one, the memory seemed to fade rapidly, or at least, it ceased to hurt. Willie was healing. James was going through the same process and he was healing also.

After six months Dr. Walton determined that both men were capable of living viable lives in the outside world. Both sets of parents wanted their son to come home where they could take care of them, but the lovers, and Dr. Walton, knew that they needed to stand on their own two feet. Nobody could help them more than each other.

Both young men had graduated high school and each had completed one or two semesters of college, but neither had been healthy enough to continue. With their parents help, they rented a studio apartment near the University of Buffalo. The job hunting went well. Jamie got a job in the mail room of a large manufacturer, and Willie got a sales position at a nearby Walmart. When asked what they had been doing since high school, they both gave the same story, “Doing the grand tour before settling down.”

One of the first things they did was to come out to their parents. They all took it rather well, since it was no secret to anyone (thanks to Dr. Walton) that it was their love for each other, which started them on the road to wellness. They not only had their parents’ moral support, but their financial support as well, if it would be needed.

Then one significant day, hand in hand, they entered the registrar’s office at UB to enroll into the night school. Records were pulled and James received credit for two semesters and would enter as a sophomore. Willie settled for one semester and entered as an upper freshman. James knew it was risky as a profession, but he wanted to major in journalism and creative writing. He figured that all his years in fantasy land would serve him well. Willie chose to major in education with a minor in world history. They were on their way to a bright future. The best part of it was that they were aware of it, and they were not afraid. They had each other for support and the support of some very friendly memory ghosts.

The day that they enrolled in the university they celebrated by making love all night. When they got home, they stripped. They made some coffee and sipped it in the nude. The cup of coffee served as their dinner. They showered separately. The shower was two small for one person, let alone two. When they were squeaky clean they opened the sleep sofa in the small apartment and crept under the sheet.

“Let’s do something we’ve never done before,” James said in a pleading voice.

“What did you have in mind, sweetie?” Willie asked.

“I want to rim you and stick my tongue up your ass. I can’t think of anything more intimate than that.”

“You’re on, baby,” Willie reacted. I’ve always wanted to do that, but I was afraid to ask.”

“Never, ever, be afraid to confide anything to me,” James said, and he sounded angry. “I love you too much to deny you anything.”

“Well then, it’s OK to rim me, but it better end with a good fuck,” Willie said as he turned on his back and raised his knees to his chest. James went right to work. He was so horny thinking about what he was about to do, he wasted no time. Willie thought he was flying to the moon when James’ tongue entered his asshole for the first time. James couldn’t go terribly deep, but it drove Willie wild nonetheless. In fact, he felt himself cumming and he pushed James off of him.

“Reverse positions,” he said kindly. “I want to show you how great this is.” James happily complied. He tried hard not to cum when Willie’s tongue lapped playfully at his asshole and then entered it, but he was way over the top and he spattered his abdomen, chest and even his chin with cum. Willie moved up and licked James’ cock clean. Then he did his abdomen and chest, but James had already eaten clean his own chin.

“Oh God,” James said. “That was soooo good! Did I tell you lately how much I love you?”

“Yes,” Willie answered, “but I never get tired of hearing it.”

“I promised you a good fuck after rimming you,” James said to Willie, “so assume the position.” Willie lay on his back again and raised his knees. James reached into a drawer and removed a tube of KY Jelly. He generously greased Willie’s asshole and his own still erect rod and entered Willie easily. It took him longer to cum this time, but Willie didn’t mind at all. James was gently massaging Willie’s gland with his cock. Willie knew he could not last as long as James and felt that he had reached the point of no return. He began to moan and groan, and his body began to buck. This action by Willie so turned James on, that they actually came simultaneously. That was something that didn’t happen often, and they both knew that this registration day was very special.

By now, James was not haunted by any bad memory ghosts, but Willie had one bad memory left. Every so often, he would remember the beating Harry Spooner had inflicted on him in the locker room. The hurt was so great, that he would turn himself off from the world and from James. When that happened, James would hold Willie and soothe him until the hurt passed and he returned fully to James and to the world.

One day after a late Friday class, the lovers went to a gay bar not far from the campus. They were sipping their beers and listening to the loud disco music when Willie happened to glance up the bar. About four seats away he spotted a man about his age talking to a young twinkie. He knew that he knew this man, but couldn’t quite place him.

When the bartender brought over a second beer, Willie pointed out the man with the twinkie and asked the bartender if he knew him.

“Sure,” the bartender answered. “He’s a regular here. He goes for the really young meat. His name is Harry. I’m not sure but I think his last name is Spinner or Spooner, something like that.”

Willie almost choked on the swallow of beer he was downing. That son of a bitch, who almost ruined my life, is as gay as I am, Willie thought. So why did he attack me so viciously?

The answer was obvious. Harry had his own ghosts to hide, and by attacking Willie, he was proving to himself that he wasn’t gay. He was probably whacking off because he too became aroused in the showers. With this realization, Willie forgave Harry. He actually felt sorry for him. Best of all, and Willie didn’t know it yet, the memory ghost which brought the memory of Harry back to him so often, was officially buried.

Willie could have walked away, but he just had to say hello to Harry. He and James gave up their seats at the bar, and walked over to him.

“Excuse me,” Willie said. “Aren’t you Harry Spooner?”

Harry turned to look at the guy who questioned him, and as he did so, the twinkie scooted from the bar. Obviously this was his opportunity to get away from the older man, who was being obnoxious. Willie quickly took the vacated seat. Harry stared at him without any recognition.

“I’m Willie Smith,” Willie said. “We went to high school together and we both played on the baseball team.” A big grin broke out on Harry’s face, and he held out his hand for Willie to shake. If he remembered the locker room incident at all, he either thought nothing of it, or he was pretending that it never happened.

Willie couldn’t resist. “You don’t remember beating me up after I whacked you off?” Willie asked in all innocence.

“You’re pulling my cock,” Harry said incredulously. “It’s not in my nature to commit a violent act.” He was so sincere that Willie believed that Harry really didn’t remember. Maybe he too had altered his memory ghost.

“Anyway,” Willie continued, “that’s water under the bridge. I’d like you to meet my partner, James Lavery.” The two men shook hands.

“Are you in a relationship?” James asked Harry.

“Hell no,” Harry said emphatically. “I’d never be satisfied with one guy. I love cock, every color size and shape, cut and uncut, and I’d hate to see the same penis every time I went to sleep at night. How do you guys do it?”

We have a secret ingredient,” James told Harry. “It’s called love.”

“It’s been great running into you Harry,” Willie said, and he extended his hand. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Great seeing you,” Harry said, but his eyes were already searching for the twinkie that got away.

That night as they lay cuddling in bed, Willie said, “Darling, I don’t think we ever need to worry about my slipping away from you again. My memory of Harry’s beating has lost its punch.” He hadn’t intended the pun and he broke out laughing when he realized what he had said.

Somewhere out there, a particular memory ghost was laughing also.

Posted: 07/10/09