The Loser
 by: Hankster

© 2011 by the Author

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Part One 

“Matt, you ARE a loser.” 

He had heard those words thrown at him since he was thirteen or maybe younger, and he grew to believe it.  He was constantly in trouble with his parents, the police and at school.  He resisted any kind of parental or teacher discipline.  It wasn’t that he was a bad kid.  It was more like he did impulsive things and never considered the consequences.  In case you are thinking that Matt was a victim of his environment, you’re wrong.  He grew up in an upper middle class suburb of West Palm Beach, FL. in a standard American family.  He had an older brother who never got in trouble, and who was a model son, most of the time.

He was only fourteen when he ran into his first battle with authoritative figures.  He and one of his friends filled two empty soda cans with vodka, which he had confiscated from his parents’ liquor cabinet.  They drank the stuff on the school bus all the way to school.  His friend Jeff actually downed the whole can.  As soon as the child entered the school, he collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital.  Matt, of course, was unaffected.  When Jeff was questioned in the hospital about where he got the booze, he implicated Matt, who was suspended from school for a week.  He had to attend a remedial school full of other offenders.  He sure didn’t like the company he was in, but it wasn’t punishment enough to change him. 

That summer, he was swimming in his back yard pool, when a young female neighbor started teasing him through the fence about his scrawny body.  He told her to knock it off or he would drag her over to the pool and make her suck his cock.  The girl reported his threat to her mother, who reported it to the police.  The police came to his front door, laughing as they spoke to Matt’s mother.  They reported the incident to her, and she told them to scare the shit out of him.  The police informed him that threatening minors with lewd and lascivious acts could land him in jail for a very long time and brand him forever as a pedophile.  He got scared all right, but it made no difference.  His social behavior seemed to be without constraints.

A year later his parents went away for a long holiday weekend.  Matt’s older brother was at the state university, and his parents felt that by now he could be trusted to stay home alone.  Wrong!  He had a party and there were drugs involved.  His parents came home to find the dining room table and his mother’s vanity scorched.  Also a valence had been pulled off the wall, and the dining room chandelier was hanging by a string, literally.  Matt swore that no drugs were involved even though the evidence was to the contrary.  The worst part is that Matt kept insisting that he wasn’t responsible for any damage because his friends did it, not him.  His brain could not compute the fact that he was responsible because he had been instructed not to allow anyone in the house without parental supervision.  He was giving his mother a nervous breakdown.

When he turned sixteen, he got his driver’s license, and immediately “borrowed” his mother’s car and took it on a joy ride without her permission.  He managed to squeeze six friends into a four-seater compact car.  He was driving wildly in and out of traffic.  Luckily the police stopped him before he could kill himself and his passengers.  They escorted him home, and he got his first ticket.  He saw nothing wrong with his actions because nobody was hurt and the car was undamaged.  He continued to wear blinders regarding appropriate social, moral and legal behavior through his high school and college years.  He never did anything to earn a police record, or go to jail, but he was constantly in trouble.    

His school records were, to be kind, barely passable.  His major was English Literature, which didn’t help him in the job market.  Much against his better judgment, his father was forced to give him a job in his real estate office.  Mr. Brady confined Matt’s activities to filing, but he did send him to real estate school to learn the trade.   In school, Matt paid little attention to instructors.  He was bored and could only think as far ahead as what party to go to that evening, and which cute little chick might be there.  It was no surprise to anyone that he flunked out of real estate school, much to his father’s disappointment and dismay.

The next day, at the advice of a psychologist, Matt was kicked out of the house.  The psychologist, who was a friend of a friend of the Brady’s, had advised them that it was time for some tough parenting.  Tough indeed!  None of Matt’s friends would put him up until he found a job.  He was literally out on the street.  He had a few dollars in the bank and he used them to get a hotel room.

The next morning he searched the newspaper ads under “Rooms for Rent.”  He found a likely looking place very close to the police station where he had been pulled in on more than one occasion.  The ad read:

Furnished room for rent in airy, bright 2 bdr condo apt.  Pvt bath, kitchen privileges, full access to the remainder of the apt.  Prefer a male. $500 per month.  First and last month in advance.  105 Sycamore.  Call 555-1212 after 5 PM.

Matt called his dad, who weakened and agreed to stake him to the $1000 fee because he just couldn’t bear to see him out on the street.  But he warned him that this was the last time.  He also asked not to be called again until Matt had a job. 

Matt waited anxiously until 5 PM and dialed the number.  A deep masculine voice answered the phone and Matt asked if the room was still available.

“Yes,” the voice said.  “When would you like to see it?”

“Is it available for immediate occupancy?” Matt asked.  “I’d like to see it right away.”

“Are you far away?  You can come over now if you’d like.  It’s still available.” 

“I’m at a hotel in downtown West Palm.  I have no transportation but I could probably walk over in about fifteen minutes,” Matt said eagerly.

“What’s your name?” The voice asked.

“Matt Brady.”

“Mine’s Jim Harrison.  I’ll see you in a bit.”

Matt’s hand shook as he rang the bell to apartment B-1.  The door was opened quickly by a tall, husky guy who appeared to be about 28 to 30 years old.  He had straight black hair and blue eyes.  He was built like a football player, and Matt actually felt threatened by his imposing stature.  His bodily appearance did not match the soft, sexy voice Matt had heard on the phone.  All he was wearing was a pair of gym shorts and sandals.  His hairy, ripped chest was exposed for all to see.  He stuck out his hand.

“Matt, I presume,” he said, and he proceeded to shake Matt’s hand vigorously.  “Come in and let me show you around.”

Matt liked everything he saw in this cheery apartment.  He would have taken the apartment even if he had hated everything he saw.  He was desperate.

“Matty likes it,” he said to Jim, who beckoned him to sit down on the living room sofa.

“Let’s talk,” Jim said.  “You must have some questions and I have some rules.”

“Why did you say males only?” Matt asked. “You’re not gay are you?”

Jim’s face got serious and he said, “The reason I want a male room mate,” he answered, “is just that my last roommate was a female, and I found her to be a royal pain in the ass.  The place reeked of her cosmetics, which by the way she smeared all over the vanities, and I couldn’t walk around my own apartment without covering up.  I like to prance around nude if the mood strikes me.  I figured another guy wouldn’t mind and might even like to do the same things I do.”

“Right,” Matt answered, “I wouldn’t mind at all.”  He lied.  A man in the nude was definitely not his cup of tea.  It bothered Matt that Jim did not really answer the question regarding his sexual orientation.

“Was she a room mate with benefits?” he asked boldly.

“No,” Jim answered simply.  This also bothered Matt, but he didn’t know why exactly.

Before Matt could think further on it, Jim asked bluntly, “Do you make enough money to afford the monthly rent?”  He was concerned about Matt’s youthful appearance. Matt still dressed like a high school teen ager.  It was his way of telling the world that he and Peter Pan were never going to grow up.

“Of course,” Matt lied again.  “I really like the place.  How soon can I move in?”

“There are only three days left to the end of the month.  If you come by tomorrow evening with your stuff and a check, you can move right in, and these last few of days of the month are on me.  I’ll prepare a month to month tenancy lease for you to sign.  You are over eighteen, aren’t you?” Jim asked as an afterthought.

Matt laughed.  “I’m twenty-three.  How old are you?

“Twenty nine.  What do you do for a living Matt?”

It was necessary for Matt to lie again and he told Jim that he worked at his dad’s real estate firm. 

“What do you do?” Matt asked Jim.

“You’ll like this,” Jim told Matt.  “My job requires me to keep crazy hours.  A lot of the time you’ll have the place all to yourself.  I’m a cop.”  

Matt was stunned.  If he lived here, he would be living with his arch enemy, a figure of authority.  “That’s terrific,” he said, and wondered how many times he had lied this evening.  “Will it be all right if I have a friend over occasionally, and maybe a girl?” he asked.

“It’ll be OK as long as they do no damage and as long as you and your girl friends confine your activities to your bedroom, and keep the noise to a minimum.  I promise to do the same.”

***

Matt moved in the next evening.  Jim greeted him and gave him a key to the apartment.   “I’ll be out all night on a stake out.” Jim explained.  “You have to buy your own food, but until you do, you can make some coffee and toast tomorrow morning if I’m not home yet.”  He left abruptly.

Matt put away his meager belongings in his closet and dresser.  He put his toiletries in the bathroom and found himself with little else to do.  He took stock of his situation and made the first adult decision of his life.  He would make sure to be gone in the morning before Jim got home.  Jim had to think he had gone to work, and what he would actually do is look for a job, any kind of job.

He watched television for a while in the living room, but he soon grew bored.  Immediately his thoughtlessness, regarding appropriate social and even moral behavior, kicked in.   He decided to examine Jim’s bedroom to see what he could learn about his new room mate.  He saw nothing wrong in his actions.  He never came close to realizing that he was invading Jim’s privacy, and much worse, his trust.

When he entered Jim’s bedroom, he was shocked.  The bed was neatly made.  Something Matt never did.  The only thing left lying around was the TV guide section of the Sunday newspaper.  It was on Jim’s night stand.  Jim’s TV faced his bed.  It sat on a three tiered dresser.  Everything in the room was ship shape and revealed nothing.

He continued his investigation in Jim’s bathroom.  He figured that a man had no secrets in his bathroom.  How right he was.  He opened the vanity drawers and the medicine cabinet, and amidst the usual bathroom items and toiletries, he found condoms and KY jelly.  His only thought was that now he knew where he could “borrow” some when needed.  That still did not confirm Jim’s sexual orientation.  Then he saw what he was looking for.  There it was out in the open.  Next to the commode there was a magazine rack.  The rack contained several magazines.  He took them out to examine them.  On top was the latest issue of People.  Below that there were two other magazines.  He rifled through them.  They both contained lots of ads for gay bars and restaurants and other gay businesses; doctors, lawyers, masseurs, escorts, etc.

Matt’s eyes grew wide.  Both magazines contained pictures of lots of naked and near naked men.  Not just any men; hunky men, young men.  Lastly, he found a newspaper in the rack, The South Florida Gay News.  He was totally flabbergasted.  This macho cop he was renting from was gay.  He had signed a month to month lease, and he was stuck here for at least a month.  This was quite a dilemma.  Well, he wasn’t going to lose $1000.00.  He vowed to stick it out and not let Jim come near him.  He made the same stereotypical mistake that most straight men make.  He assumed that Jim would come on to him even if Jim knew that he was straight.

He was very upset.  He had lots to think about.  Of more concern than worrying about Jim’s sexual orientation, he was worried about finding a job.  He set his alarm clock for 6:30 AM with the intention of getting showered, dressed and out of the apartment before Jim got home.  Actually, Jim got home at 6 AM.

When the alarm went off, Matt was unaware that Jim was home.  Jim was in his room undressing.  He intended to make some breakfast, then shower and take a nap.  The stake out was to continue for at least one more night.  Jim saw that Matt was still home, so he put up coffee for two.  He also put some fresh, nearly hot rolls on a plate.  He had picked them up on his way home and thoughtfully he bought enough for two.

When Matt left his room, he was shocked to see Jim in the kitchen.  Jim was just removing the coffee pot from the coffee maker.  He turned to pour himself a cup, and as he did, Matt got a full frontal view of a very naked cop.  He could only gawk.  Jim’s cut cock was flaccid, and Matt figured it was at least five and a half inches long.  It was pretty hefty around also.

“You might as well take a good look, and get it over with,” Jim said.  “You’re going to see a lot of it.  Sit down and have a cup of coffee and a fresh roll before you go.”

Matt had put on a new sport shirt, and a fresh pair of trousers, which he had barely worn in the past.  Matt’s adult attire prompted Jim to remark, “You look very nice this morning, Matt, very professional.” 

Matt didn’t like that the faggot cop had said he looked nice.  What did he mean by that? Was he coming on to him? Maybe, maybe not.  All he could do was stay cool and play out the month.  He would give Jim thirty days notice on the last day of the month. 

The two men drank their coffee and ate their rolls in relative silence.  When Matt asked how the stake out went, Jim said he couldn’t talk about it.  They both put their dirty dishes and utensils in the dishwasher.  Then Matt left the apartment and Jim went to bed.  In bed, Jim thought about the good looking young man he had rented a room to, and he began to harden to a firm seven inches.  He stroked himself until he climaxed.  When he had satisfied himself, he vowed never to come on to Matt.  He was straight and Jim intended to respect Matt’s privacy and his sexual orientation.  Still, he couldn’t help wishing that Matt was gay as he fell asleep.

***

Matt bought a newspaper and sat down in a nearby Starbucks.  He was determined to get a real job and apply at the fast food restaurants only as a last resort.  It was a tough economy and not too many jobs were available.  Yet one ad caught his eye.  It was for an editor, with experience, in a publishing firm located in West Palm Beach.  No address was given.  Matt had edited both his college newspaper and college yearbook.  He figured that, and a degree in English literature, counted as experience.  He called the number given and was granted an interview at 2 PM that afternoon.  He was given the name and address of the publishing company, and the name of the person to ask for, Mark Wells.  He didn’t know what to do with himself until then.  He couldn’t go home in case Jim was there. 

The firm was not exactly walking distance from his apartment, but it was a short bus ride away.  Matt decided that he had so much time before his interview that he would walk to the publisher, scope out the neighborhood and maybe eat a light lunch there.  He left Starbucks and started his trek.  On his long walk, the strangest thing happened.

With each step he took, Matt’s confidence began to wane.  He grew certain that nobody would hire him.  Even his father, who loved him, felt that he was unemployable.  His body began to sag and he began to look like the loser he was.  Suddenly Matt began to imagine that Jim was walking beside him and giving him a pep talk.

Matt heard Jim say, “You’re only a loser if you believe it yourself.  Go into that interview with a spring in your step and a confident look in your eyes.  Tell yourself that you want that job, and that it’s the perfect position for you.  Repeat over and over again that you want the job and it’s yours.”

Matt stood straight.  His walk became jaunty.  Before he knew it, he had reached his destination and it was only 9:45 AM.  “See if you can get an earlier interview,” he thought he heard Jim say.

If nothing else Matt was good at lying.  God knows he had lied to his parents often enough and more recently, quite convincingly, to Jim.  He entered the building and looked at the building directory.  He found Sterling Publications:  Underneath and indented were the names of several publications.  Each was located on a different floor.  He had not been told what floor to go to so he looked for the name Mark Wells on the directory.  Sure enough he found Wells on the ninth floor.  Matt looked back at the Sterling directory.  The ninth floor listed a publication called Glitter.  It sounded to Matt like Glitter was a magazine rather than a paper.  It made no difference to him.  He just kept repeating to himself this job is mine and I’m going to get it.

He took the elevator to the ninth floor.  As soon as he got out he saw the receptionist’s desk.  He went over and asked for Mr. Wells.

“Do you have an appointment?” the young attractive girl asked.

“Yes, at 10 AM,” Matt lied.  It’s really not fair to say that Matt lied.  In his mind, he was telling the truth.  He made every one of his lies real within seconds of uttering them.  The receptionist buzzed Mr. Wells and he came out in a few minutes.  He was a few years older than Matt and just as good looking.  He extended his hand to Matt. 

“There’s been some mistake,” he said.  “Our appointment is for 2.”

“I am so sorry,” Matt lied, “I could have sworn you said 10.  If you’ll excuse me, I’ll come back this afternoon.” 

Mark literally ogled Matt.  “No,” he said, “as long as you are here, let’s do the interview.” He took Matt into his office.  He sat Matt on a chair facing his desk.  While Mark was circling around to sit at his desk, Matt had a chance to look at his surroundings.  Mark’s walls were covered with framed pictures of naked young men.  To say the least, the hangings were all well hung.  Matt was shocked, but to his credit he kept his cool.                Is it my bad fortune to be surrounded by fucking faggots in my new life? he thought.

“Tell me a little about Matthew Brady,” Mark asked Matt.  From that question Matt knew immediately that Mark was gay.  His voice was very effeminate, and Matt didn’t like the way he was looking at him.  Matt was distinctly uncomfortable, but Jim’s voice kept repeating, I want this job.  This job is mine.

“Well,” Matt began, “I graduated from FSU in May, and for the past few weeks I’ve been working in my dad’s real estate office, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do.  I left him just two days ago and struck out on my own.  I don’t have a résumé prepared yet, but with a quick telephone call I could have my college transcript faxed over in minutes.  In high school and college I edited both the newspaper and the year books.  I can give you the names and telephone numbers of the teachers and professors in charge who can attest to my editorial abilities.”  Matt figured that he had said enough and stopped talking.  He then flashed Mark a devastating smile.  Mark’s gay heart skipped a beat and his gay cock started to rise.  Matt had every intention of playing the gay card in reverse.

“That’s great,” Mark said, “but what about the private Matt Brady?  What does he like to do for recreation?”

“Can I be perfectly honest?” Matt asked.  He waited for Mark to nod.  “I have been pretty much a party animal, but I’m really trying to settle down.  I just moved in with a great guy.  (Mark looked disappointed.)  He’s sober and mature, nothing like me.  We aren’t a couple or anything like that (Mark perked up) but I admire him and I want to be more like him.”  And the Oscar goes to Matt Brady.  Matt smiled inwardly at his cunningness.

There was a pause in the conversation while Mark was conjecturing how to get Matt into bed.  After an uncomfortable silence, Matt asked what the salary was.  That sobered Mark, and put him back on track.

“You are the only college grad who has applied, and you have editorial experience.  That’s a big plus,” Mark smiled at Matt.  “The job is yours, if you want it.”  They then discussed salary (Matt was more than pleased) and Mark agreed that Matt could start on the first of the month, which happened to be this coming Monday.  Payroll was always on the fifteenth and the last day of the month.  Mark described the company benefits, sick and personal day policies etc. 

Finally Matt asked the question he should have asked early on.  “Just what is Glitter?”

“So glad you asked,” Mark beamed.  “Glitter is my idea and my baby.  It’s an urban magazine for gay men on their way up the ladder of success.  We feature the latest men’s fashion trends, and seek advertisers who will appeal to young gay men.  We also include short fictional stories about gay relationships, and our news stories and editorials keep our readers informed about the latest advances in the gay community, like what states now allow gay marriage, etc.”

Matt was scared.  It was a faggot magazine, but he really needed the job.  You can do it he thought.  “That’s wonderful,” he lied.  “It will be my honor and privilege to be a part of that effort.”

“With your help, we’ll get the inaugural issue on the stands in less than a month.  Then it will be deadline after deadline.  Can you handle it?” Mark asked the question half in jest and half earnestly, and with undisguised innuendo.

By the time they were finished talking, it was lunch time.  Mark stood up, embraced Matt and shocked the shit out of him by kissing Matt on the cheek.  “How about lunch with the boss?” he asked.  Matt could hardly say no. 

It was a tough lunch.  Mark kept putting his hand on Matt’s thighs and knees.  Matt did not reciprocate, but he felt that he had to allow it.  He did wonder if he could claim sexual harassment if the job didn’t work out.  In the meantime, Matt had to continue to make Mark believe that he was gay, and he had to ward off Mark’s advances.  He wondered if he could ask Jim for advice and decided that he would.  He would delay giving Jim notice for another month.  He could use the older man’s advice even if it meant admitting that initially he had told him little white lies.

After lunch a smiling Mark finally let Matt go.  He immediately ran to his father’s office.  Timothy Brady was in the middle of a closing and Matt waited patiently for his father to finish.  When Matt told his dad about his job, Tim was incredulous.  He embraced his son and wished him the best.  Inside he was thinking please God, don’t let him fuck this one up.

“What kind of magazine is it?” Tim asked.

Matt smiled his winning smile as broadly as he could.  “It’s a fashion magazine for young men.”

“I’ve never thought of you as a fashion plate,” Tim said.  “Maybe this will change how you dress.  I can’t wait to see the first issue.”  Matt shuddered.  He hadn’t thought about that.  I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it he thought.

***

Matt hurried home, hoping that Jim was still there, and hadn’t left yet for his stake out.  When he entered the apartment, he could hear the water running in Jim’s shower, and he hoped that Jim would have enough time for them to have a short conversation.  The bedroom door was open and so was the shower door.  Running true to form, Matt went into the bedroom and sat on Jim’s bed waiting impatiently for him to finish his shower. 

Jim walked out of the shower and grabbed a towel.  He started to dry himself and jumped a country mile when he heard Matt’s voice.  He turned to see Matt standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

“Jesus man,” he said, “you scared the hell out of me.  Why aren’t you at work?”

“I’ll explain, but I need some advice from you.”

“Go talk to your father,” Jim said unkindly, “and please don’t sneak up on me like that again.  If I had a gun on me, you could very well be dead.”

“Sorry,” Matt said.  “Anyway this is something I can’t talk to my dad about. 

Jim continued to dry himself paying particular attention to his cock and balls. Even though Matt had spent plenty of time in men’s locker rooms, he was surprised to find himself somewhat aroused. 

“OK, shoot!”  Jim said.

Matt cleared his throat and hesitated before speaking.  Then he blurted out his whole story as quickly as he could, not giving Jim a chance to interrupt him.  “My dad fired me a couple of days ago for being a jack ass and a first class fuck up.  This morning I got a job as an editor of a new magazine about to be launched.   It’s a gay magazine and I let my boss think I was gay.  I need you to teach me some buzz words and to teach me how to act.  Please.  I’m scared to death.  I really need that job.”

“What the hell makes you think that I am gay?” Jim asked angrily.  Matt grew frightened.  Could I have been mistaken? He wondered.

“I found those gay magazines in your bathroom.”

“What the fuck were you doing in my bathroom?   You had no right.  I should kick you out of my apartment right now.”  That put a silencer on Matt.  “What do you want of me?” Jim continued his rant.  “Do you think I can teach you to be gay?”

“Your ad read full access to the rest of the apartment,” Matt said in a vain attempt to excuse his actions.  Jim stared at Matt with a look that said how could you be so stupid?    To Matt it wasn’t a wrongful act.  In his constant literal state of mind, he did have access to the whole apartment.

Ignoring all else, Matt gave Jim his puppy dog look and begged, “Please Jim, I can’t lose this job.  I just can’t.”

Jim weakened.  He was dry now, but he remained naked.  He sat down on the bed next to Matt.  “What are you afraid of?” he asked.

Encouraged by Jim’s actions and his question, Matt answered.  “My boss has already come on to me.  How do I let him know that I am not interested?  How do I let any gay man know that I’m not interested, without actually saying that I’m straight?”

Jim broke out laughing.  “Tell him that your boy friend is a big tough cop and he’d kill any guy who tried to get you into bed with him.”

Matt took Jim seriously.  “What if he says what your boyfriend doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.”

“Then you say, with a frown on your face, but I would know.”

“But what can I do so that he doesn’t start to wonder if I am really gay?”  Matt asked in all sincerity.

“Invite him to some gay bar for dinner and drinks, and to meet your lover.  I’ll go with you and I’ll gush all over you.”

“You’d do that for me?” Matt asked, and forgetting Jim’s naked state, he wrapped his arms around Jim and hugged him.

“Are you coming on to me?” Jim asked jokingly.  Matt turned crimson and unraveled himself.

“Hey man,” Jim suddenly sat bolt upright, “I’ve got a great idea.  We caught the perp we were staking out.  He was trying to rob a liquor store in broad daylight so I’m free tonight and until Monday morning.  How would you like to go out with me tonight and get a feel for the gay life style?”

Matt looked very dubious, but Jim said, “You wanted help and advice, didn’t you?  Here’s a really good opportunity.”

“Why not?”  Matt answered.  If anyone dares come on to me, I’ll just tell them that you have a gun and might kill them.”  He laughed to show Jim that he was kidding.

“OK.  Great,” Jim said.  “I’ll put some clothes on, and you dress more casually.  Show off your cute little ass, and we’ll have dinner at my favorite gay bar and restaurant.  It’s my treat.  After dinner we’ll hang out awhile for a drink or two, and I’ll introduce you to some of my friends.”

Matt’s stomach was hosting a slew of butterflies, but he smiled bravely and said, “You’re on!”

***

They were having a pre-dinner cocktail at the bar, when Matt got the shock of his life.  He heard someone calling his name.  Walking toward him was his boss, Mark Wells.  Quickly he whispered in Jim’s ear. “This isn’t make-believe.  This is real.  My boss is coming over.”  Both men glanced over at Mark as he approached the bar.  Matt introduced Jim as his room mate.  He remembered that he wanted to lead Mark on, and he had told Mark that Jim and he were not a couple.

The seat next to Jim was empty and Mark sat down.  “Let me buy you a drink,” Jim said.  “It’s the least I can do for you for giving Matt such a great job.  I just know you won’t be sorry.”  Actually he had intended to refer to Matt as his honey, but when Matt introduced him as his room mate, he was wise enough not to alter their scenario.  When the drink came, Mark and Jim toasted Matt and wished him every success.  After that Matt might just as well have come alone to this place.  Jim and Mark turned to each other and started gabbing without let up.  Matt noticed that they each had placed a hand on the other’s knee.  He was very, very uncomfortable.  To make matters worse, Jim asked Mark to have dinner with them and to be a part of their celebration.  The only good thing was that no other patrons of the restaurant attempted to make his acquaintance while he was being ignored by Mark and Jim.

During dinner several of Jim’s friends and a few of Mark’s friends came over to their table to say hello.  The dinner went well with most of the conversation being dominated by Jim and Mark.  Jim insisted on picking up the tab for the three of them.  After dinner they went back to the bar for an after dinner drink.  Suddenly loud disco music started blaring through hidden loud speakers and a number of coupled men went onto the dance floor and started gyrating.  A few even stripped off their muscle shirts.  Matt was appalled and aroused at the same time.  Suddenly Mark grabbed Jim’s hand and dragged him onto the dance floor.  Matt smiled as he watched the two of them.  Neither one could dance worth a dime, but they were trying hard.

When they returned to the bar, Matt laughed.  “One of you dance with me when they start the next number,” Matt said.  “I want you to see what real dancing is like.  The music started and Matt dragged Jim out for a dance.  Jim just swayed back and forth while Matt gyrated his ass sexily across the dance floor.  He had more than one stud noticing him. 

On the way back to the bar, Jim whispered in Matt’s ear, “Mark’s coming home with me tonight so please don’t barge into my bedroom.  It’s off limits when I’m entertaining.”  Matt looked at Jim in disbelief.  The thought of the two men doing “things” together grossed him out, but at the same time he felt extremely jealous.  He didn’t even know if he was jealous of Jim or Mark.  He did know that he was extremely confused.

Part Two

Mark followed Jim and Matt home in his car and parked in a guest parking spot.  They rode the elevator in silence, but Matt saw Jim and Mark smiling at each other occasionally.  It annoyed him that those exchanged smiles actually bothered him.  Why should he care?  What did it mean to him after all?

“Very nice apartment you have here,” Mark said when he came in. 

“The nicest thing in my apartment is my bedroom,” Jim told Mark, and he literally pushed him inside, leaving Matt to gawk after them as he stood with his mouth open in the living room.  Jim closed the bedroom door.  When Matt had come home that afternoon, both Jim’s bedroom and bathroom doors were open.  It didn’t take any imagination to know what was going on.  Still, Matt wondered just how two guys actually had sex.

He went into his bedroom and left his door open.  He stripped to his boxers, got ready for bed, and slipped under the covers.  His curious ears strained to hear any kind of noises coming from Jim’s room.  His efforts were rewarded.  He began to hear moaning and slight screeching sounds coming from both men equally.  Matt thought that it was disgusting, so why was he fully erect?  Before he knew it, he had removed his boxers and he was masturbating to the sounds emanating from Jim’s bedroom.

He went into his bathroom to clean up, and when he came out, the light was on in the kitchen.  He looked into the kitchen and there were his two new friends standing naked and drinking some coke.  Mark was cut like Jim, but his cock was a little smaller.  It was semi-erect and Matt had to turn away to keep from staring.  Jim had not given Matt’s secret away so Mark asked casually, “Would you like to join us, Matt?  There’s plenty of room in the bed.”  Jim had to turn away so that Mark would not see him laughing.

“No thanks,” Matt said angrily.  “I’ve just taken care of myself.”  He could not figure out why he was so upset.  Two faggots fucking meant nothing to him.  Jim and Mark put their empty glasses in the dishwasher.  Mark grabbed hold of Jim’s cock and led him back to Jim’s bedroom.  They didn’t bother to close the door.  Matt turned, went back to his room, and this time he shut his door.

Mark was in no hurry to leave the next morning.  In fact he stayed that day and until late Sunday.  Apparently Jim and Mark intended to have a weekend of sex and Matt was totally uncomfortable.  He called a girl friend and took off.  He spent Saturday and most of Sunday fucking her, and returned home on Sunday just as Mark was leaving.

“See ya tomorrow,” Mark grinned at Matt as he left.  He started to leave, but he turned back and said, “Thanks for introducing me to Jim.  I think we have something going here.”  Matt became insanely jealous, but he couldn’t fathom why.  True, Jim was his landlord, and Mark was his boss, but neither meant anything to him sexually.

Matt closed the door behind Mark.  He found Jim sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee.  As usual Jim was naked.

“I’m so glad you’re a guy and I don’t have to scurry to cover up.  It’s also nice that you’re straight.  I know you won’t get aroused by my fantastic body,” Jim said grinning.

Matt had the good sense to laugh.  “Well, if I was gay, I think you’d be my type,” Matt said.

“Wow, flattery will get you everything,” Jim said.  “Thanks for introducing me to Mark.  He’s just my type.  Would you like some coffee?  There’s plenty left?”

“Don’t mind if I do.  I could use a cup.  I’m just going to wash up.  I’ll be right back,” Matt answered.  He went into his room and to Jim’s surprise he closed the door.  Minutes later he came out and it was Jim’s turn to stare.  Matt was butt naked.  He was about six feet tall.  He had strawberry blond hair, hazel eyes, and a lean muscular body.  He was uncut and six flaccid inches dangled in front of his balls.

“Wow, and again, wow!” Jim mumbled.

Sensing Jim’s discomfort, Matt said, “If you want to parade around nude, I can do it, also.”

“I know and I like it that way,” Jim said.  “The difference is that I’m gay and your fabulous body is turning me on.  Unfortunately my fabulous body does nothing for you.  Dammit, I should have rented to a gay boy.  Look.”  Jim pointed to his cock which was now standing at attention.  Then he got up and poured a cup of coffee for Matt.  As he did so his hard cock was only inches from Matt’s face.

“After two days of love making, you can still get hard.  I gotta admire you,” Matt said.  “Anyway, I thought that you and Mark had gotten something started.  How come I’m arousing you?”

“Don’t misunderstand, straight boy; Mark is hot and he’s available.  He makes the perfect fuck buddy.  I like him a lot.  I really do, but I like you a lot more.  Unfortunately, you are unavailable.  I’m healthy and I like a lot of sex.  I take it when and where it’s available.  I hope that doesn’t sound too callous to you.”

“Not at all,” Matt answered.  “I feel the same way.  I am the same way.

“Good,” Jim said.  “I’m glad we laid it out on the table, and I hope we can be friends.”

“There’s no question about that.  I’ve never had a friend before that I could talk to so candidly.  You’re easy to talk to, and it seems I can tell you anything without holding back.  I appreciate that.”

They sipped their coffee in relative silence after that, and occasionally they smiled at each other.

“Good luck tomorrow at your first day of work.  I know you’ll be very successful,” Jim said in order to break the silence.  “I’ve got a normal day and should be home by six.”

“I’ll buy a couple of steaks and some veggies and make dinner for us,” Matt said grinning at Jim.

“Gee, I’m sorry, Jim said.  “I’m going out for dinner.  Mark and I have a date.  I’ll probably go to his place after dinner so you’ll have the apartment all to yourself.”  Matt became sad suddenly.  He was looking forward to spending a quiet evening at home with Jim.  This was a complete turn around from his party boy style.  He did not like what was happening to him.  Worse, he couldn’t explain it.

***

Matt entered the Glitter office a good hour earlier than was necessary, and was pleased to find Mark there.  The two men embraced and without thinking they kissed chastely on the mouth.  Matt was shocked at himself.  It actually felt good.

Mark introduced Matt to the staff and they spent a good part of the day orienting Matt.   Matt actually loved what was happening to him, and he was shocked when the staff began to leave.  It was past six o’clock.  The day had flown by.  He and Jennie, the receptionist, were the last to leave and they shared the elevator together. 

Damn, she’s hot, Matt thought.  It’s going to be hard to keep myself from coming on to her.

Damn, he’s handsome, Jennie thought.  Why the hell does he have to be gay?

I could ask her if she would like to have an after-work drink.  That would be innocent enough, Matt thought.  That’s a great idea, but I’ll wait another day or two.

Matt stopped at a Subway on the way home and had dinner.  He knew that Mark and Jim were going out.  He wondered who he could call, and get together with for the evening, and then he decided that he could use a quiet evening at home.  His first day at Glitter had been exciting enough.  When he got home he got undressed and hopped into bed naked.  He felt really good.  A quiet evening at home wasn’t a bad idea after all.  He fell asleep with his bedroom door open.  Why not?  Nobody was home, nor was Jim likely to be coming home anytime soon.

At about 10 PM, he woke and had to pee.  He was amazed that he had fallen asleep so early.  After using the bathroom, he glanced at Jim’s room.  Jim’s door was open and he wasn’t home yet.  Matt’s room had a small TV and a VCR/DVD player.  He looked around for the remote controls and didn’t see any.  He would have to ask Jim about that.  For now, he turned on the TV manually.  As it began to glow brightly, he checked the VCR/DVD.  There was a DVD in it and Matt decided to play it out of curiosity.  The disk started at the beginning with lots of warnings about a lot of nonsense.  As the opening credits came on screen, Matt realized that he was about to see a gay porn film.  He jumped up to eject the disk, but then stopped himself.  He had never seen a gay porn film and he was curious.  He rationalized that it was OK for him to watch it because it might help him in his play acting at work.

At first he was revolted by the action on the screen.  He wanted to eject the disk, but once again he stopped himself.  Little by little, his disgust began to wane.  He realized that what he was watching was really hot.  It might not be his cup of tea, but what the faggots were doing to each other on screen was arousing him.  He wondered what it would feel like to fuck someone through the back door.  He had never done it.  He began to masturbate without even realizing what he was doing.  During the course of the film, he came twice.  When it was over, he got out of bed, shut the DVD player and the TV, cleaned himself off, and went back to bed.  He fell asleep minutes before Jim came home.  He began to dream about making love to Jim as the men had done in the film.

When Jim came home, he saw that Matt’s door was open.  He peeked in to make sure that his student was all right.  There was enough light from the hallway to give Jim a clear view.  Matt was lying on top of covers.  He was spread eagle and his cock was at full mast.  If only Jim knew that Matt was dreaming of him.

Jim stood transfixed in the doorway.   True, he stared at his naked tenant with lust, but his heart was so filled with love for the boy that he began to cry, and he had to make a hasty retreat.

***

In the morning after Matt showered, shaved and dressed, he went into the kitchen to find that Jim had made breakfast for both of them.  He was still naked of course.  He had prepared bacon, eggs, and toasted bagels.  Matt was overwhelmed.

“This wasn’t necessary,” he said.  “You shouldn’t have done it.”

“My pleasure!”  Jim smiled at Matt.  “You can get up a little earlier tomorrow and return the favor.” 

“I’d like that,” Matt said, and he meant it.  “How did your date go with Mark?”

“Mark’s a great guy,” Jim said.  “He makes a perfect fuck buddy, but he’s a playboy, and I’m looking for something else.”

“What?” Matt asked.  He was really curious and more than interested.

“A companion, someone to share my life with, and someone I can love and be loved by forever.  Maybe it’s too much to ask for, but it’s my dream.”

“It’s a good dream,” Matt said.  “Don’t give up on it.”  The conversation was making Matt uncomfortable.  It was rare for him to have a serious conversation with anyone, and certainly never about gay sex.  He turned his eyes to his coffee cup and the room grew silent. 

Finally Matt asked, “When will you see Mark again?”

“We haven’t set another date.  Maybe this weekend if we are both available.”  Matt couldn’t figure out why he was suddenly elated.

“Have you got any plans for the weekend?” Jim asked.
 

“Not really,” Matt said.  “Maybe we could have dinner out together one evening.”  Shit and shit again.  Matt wondered why he said that.  He actually acted like he was asking Jim out on a date.  He wanted to crawl under a rock.

But Jim smiled broadly at him and said, “I’d like that very much.”  Matt’s anger at himself left him and he smiled right back.

Matt was very busy at work for the next few days.  He and Mark hardly spoke, and certainly Mark didn’t come on to him.  The busier Matt got, the more he enjoyed his work.  He was amazed at himself, and very happy.  Mark was more than pleased with Matt’s performance. 

The staff usually ordered sandwiches for lunch from a nearby deli.  They were much too busy to take time to go out.  On Friday, while having their sandwiches in a small area of the office set aside for coffee and eating, Mark remarked casually that he was going to Marco Island for the weekend with a buddy.  Matt’s heart leaped.  There would be no date with Jim.  He hoped Jim had not made any other dates, and that he had not forgotten that the two of them were booked for dinner one evening over the weekend.

He and Jennie closed the office Friday evening, and while going down in the elevator with her he remembered that he had never asked her for an after work drink.  Friday evening would be perfect, but Matt wanted to get home in case this was the night Jim wanted to have dinner with him.  He wondered what the fuck was wrong with him, and he renewed his vow to ask Jennie out for a drink one evening soon.  As they left the elevator, they wished each other a good weekend, and Matt could not get home soon enough.

When he opened the front door, he was greeted by some very wonderful culinary aromas.  Jim was in the kitchen, naked.

“I decided to make us dinner,” Jim said.  “It’s cozier and cheaper than going out.  I’ve put up two steaks with sweet potatoes.  If you want to go clubbing after dinner, I’m all for it.  Straight bar or gay bar?” he asked laughing. 

Matt didn’t answer.  When he heard Jim’s laugh, he wanted to run over and hug the naked man.  This was sheer madness.  He told himself that he should pack up and move out, but something deep within him told him that he and Jim were going to room together for a long time.

“I want to get comfortable,” Matt said.   He ran into his bedroom where he stripped naked.  This time he left the door open.  He washed up and came back to the kitchen. 

“That’s the way I like to see you,” Jim said.  Then he realized that he was acting inappropriately and muttered, “I’m sorry, Matt.  Please don’t get the wrong idea.”

“No sweat,” Matt said.  “I’m getting to like seeing you this way, also.”  Matt couldn’t fathom what was happening.  He didn’t comprehend that the room was filling with sexual tension.  Jim was feeling it, too, but he was doing his best to control himself.

Just to break the silence he said, “I was looking for a new DVD I bought a few weeks ago, and then I remembered that my ex-tenant borrowed it.  She got turned on by male films.  It’s in your room.  I’ll get it after dinner, if you don’t mind,”

“I know,” Matt answered.  “I watched it.”

Jim was shocked.  “Sorry,” he said.  “I didn’t mean for you to see any of that stuff.  I had forgotten all about it.”

“No sweat,” Matt said again.  It was becoming his favorite expression after each of Jim’s apologies.  “I actually found it hot, and I jerked off watching it.”

“No shit!” Jim exclaimed.  Then with a laugh, he said, “Maybe you and I can watch a male porn film sometime.  It would be fun to jack off together.  I haven’t done that since I was a kid.” 

“Me either,” Matt said.  “It would be kind of daring, don’t you think?”

The room grew silent again until Jim asked, “So do you want to go to a gay bar or a straight bar after dinner?”

Matt thought about it for a long time and he was making Jim nervous.  Finally he answered, “I think I’d like to stay home and watch a male film with you.”  After he said it, he wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, but he knew that deep inside he was hoping something would happen between them.  He was more confused than ever.

Jim did not hesitate.  He took that last remark as an open invitation to make love to the object of his adoration.  He stood up and approached Matt, who then stood up, also.  Jim put his arms around Matt and held him tight.  They could each feel their erections pushing against each other.  Jim wanted desperately to kiss Matt, but he was afraid that he would repulse the novice.

“I don’t think we need the film,” Jim whispered in Matt’s ear.  Matt nodded and Jim threw caution away.  He leaned down and kissed Matt on the lips.  Matt recalled the pleasant feeling he got when Mark kissed him and he yielded gladly to Jim’s boldness.  In fact, he kissed back and parted his lips.  Their kiss became more passionate.

“I fell in love with you, the minute you walked into the apartment,” Jim told Matt.

“I didn’t realize that two men could love each other.  I always thought it was only pure sex between them.  I began to have desires for you almost immediately after I moved in.  I didn’t realize what was happening at first.  Then when you and Mark dated I became so jealous, and I didn’t know why.”

They smiled at each other and Jim steered Matt toward his bedroom.  Matt wanted this to happen, but inside he was shaking like a leaf.  It wasn’t something that came naturally to him, but he wanted to be intimate with Jim and he couldn’t explain it.  He didn’t think he was gay, nor that this incident would have consequences.  His thinking was as it had always been.  Do it now and have fun.  Don’t even think about tomorrow.  How could he know then how much he had fallen in love with Jim and how much the man would mean to him in the future?  All he could think about now was the sex.  His cock was throbbing and he needed to be taken care of.

Matt was lying on his back on Jim’s bed.  From some great distance he heard Jim say, “I don’t want you to do anything, especially anything that would gross you out.  Let me do all the work.”  Somehow that relieved him.  He didn’t know what Jim was going to do to him, but he knew that he could not ever reciprocate; at least he didn’t think he ever would or could.

Jim was lying atop Matt in a missionary position.  Matt was amazed.  He hardly felt Jim’s weight at all.  Jim began to kiss him and he forced Matt’s lips open with his tongue.  The two men began to tongue each other, and to his delight, Matt found himself enjoying every minute, and getting more and more turned on.  He tried to imagine what it would be like to do this to Jennie, but he couldn’t hold a clear image of her in his head.  She kept turning back to being Jim.  Once he tried to picture Mark doing this to him, with similar results.  Mark just kept on reverting back to being Jim.  Matt gave up trying to fantasize that he was making love to any one else but Jim, and he was fine with it.

Jim began to move down Matt’s body.  Jim’s lips and tongue caressed every part of Matt’s upper body.  When Jim began to suckle and nip at Matt’s nipples, the lad almost hit the ceiling.  He had no idea that a man’s nipples were so erogenous.  All he could do was lie there and enjoy the new experience.  By the time Jim reached Matt’s balls and he began sucking them and teasing Matt’s cock, Matt was twisting and moaning.  Finally he could stand it no longer and he whispered loud enough for Jim to hear, “If I don’t cum soon, I’ll explode.”

Jim began to lick the underside of Matt’s cock and when Matt gave out a little screech, he took the boy’s cock in his mouth and sucked him to a climax that Matt had never before experienced.  It brought the boy to tears, and he sobbed loudly as Jim swallowed all of Matt’s cum.

When both men calmed down a bit, Jim crawled back up Matt’s body and they began to kiss again.  Matt could taste his own cum, and he began to get hard again. 

When finally he stopped crying, and he could breathe again, Matt said, “Wow, I never would have dreamed.  Thank you Jim, thank you!  I’m overwhelmed.”

“Please,” Jim said, “there’s no need to thank me.  I love you.”  Jim turned over and lay side by side with Matt.  He took Matt’s hand and promptly fell asleep.  Matt could not fall asleep so quickly.  He pondered Jim’s admission of love for a long time.  Before falling asleep he thought that he could not remember a time being happier or more content with his life.  At the same time he shuddered at the thought of taking Jim’s cock in his mouth or his ass, as much as he cared for him.  He wasn’t ready to admit that he loved a man.

Matt woke up a few hours later and he was totally shocked.  His head was resting on Jim’s chest and his hand was caressing Jim’s cock.  Fortunately Jim was sound asleep and Matt pulled away from him, but they remained lying side by side.  Matt’s brain was working overtime.  How many times would Jim be willing to “service” him without his doing something nice for Jim?  He didn’t think he could do anything sexual to Jim, but he felt he owed Jim something. It was his duty and his obligation.

Tentatively he reached down and found Jim’s cock again.  It was flaccid.  He began to finger it and he was surprised at how nice it felt in his hand.  The cock he was fondling began to grow bigger and harder in his hand, and it aroused him in a way that he had not known before.  Jim stirred, but did not wake.  Matt was aware that Jim was getting close to a climax.  He could tell from the way Jim’s cock  felt just like his own cock felt before ejaculation.  Jim began to squirm and suddenly he spouted heavy globs of cum.  It went all over his belly and all over Matt’s hand.  Matt froze.  He wasn’t sure what to do now.  Then he heard Jim whisper, “That was a very good start, love, a very good start.”  He rolled over on top of Matt again as his essence sloshed between them.  They kissed long, hard and passionately.

After a long while, Matt asked, “Is it possible to become gay just like that or was I always gay and didn’t know it?”

“That’s hard to say,” Jim answered.  You needed to meet me and we needed to fall in love.  That’s the only thing that really matters in life.”

“What do you mean,” Matt asked for clarification. 

“I mean that the only thing important in life is that you find your soul mate, your one true love, and allow yourself to love that person no matter what. The gender of that soul mate is totally of no importance to man or God.”

“That’s a beautiful thought,” Matt said, “but I don’t think I can ever go down on you the way you went down on me.   I am so sorry, Jim.”

“Don’t be sorry, love,” Jim said.  You just made a very good start.  I’ve got all the patience in the world.  Besides, you haven’t fucked me yet.  The wonder of that act will send your soul to new heights.”

Matt kissed Jim and said, “Promises, promises,” as they both fell asleep again.

When they woke up in the morning they were wrapped up in each other’s arms.  Jim disengaged himself and got up to pee.  He came back to bed with condoms and lube.  When Matt awoke, Jim handed him a condom and the KY Jelly.  Matt looked at the wrapped condom and remembered past glorious encounters with women.  Before he washed, brushed his teeth or peed, he put on the condom and lubed it generously.  Jim took the tube of lube from Matt and greased his ass.  Matt watched.  He was slightly revolted at seeing what Jim was doing , but his lust took over.

Jim lay down on his back and raised his legs.  Matt instinctively took the missionary position, and Jim wrapped his legs around his young lover’s back.

“Now,” Jim whispered, and Matt entered him effortlessly.  He had never felt so tight and hot an opening.  Matt cried out in sheer delight.

“Aah!” Jim yelped.  “That feels so wonderful.  Fuck me Matt and never stop.” 

Matt started to pump hard.  He was able to delay his climax twice by stopping in time, but finally he was forced to let loose and he filled the condom to overflowing.  A lot of his semen was forced out of the artificial sheathe.  He lay on top of Jim, unable to move until he heard Jim crying.

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked.  “Did I hurt you.”

“You could never physically hurt me,” Jim said.  “I’m crying because I love you so much that it hurts in my soul.”  He buried his face in Matt’s shoulder, and he could not stop crying. 

Matt tried hard, but he could not say, “I love you, too.”  Over the next few weeks, Jim serviced Matt constantly, but Matt could not bring himself to do anything more than jack Jim off.  Jim remained patient, and held firmly to the belief that Matt loved him, even if he couldn’t say it, and that he would come around sooner or later.  In the meantime Jim’s love was enough for both of them.  During that time neither man slept with anybody else.  Occasionally Matt thought of Jennie, but he no longer desired her.

Part Three

The distribution of the first issue of Glitter was limited to the State of Florida, from Key West to the south and to Jacksonville and Tallahassee to the north and west.  It hit the news stands on the last day of the month, also marking Matt’s one month anniversary with Jim and Mark.  That night, Matt and Jim, and Mark and his current boyfriend, went out to celebrate.  It did not escape Mark’s attention how much Jim and Matt were in love.  He suspected it when they first met, but he was certain now.  For the first time in his life he hoped that soon he would find the love of his life.  He had become close friends with the pair of them, and he was envious of their love.  He had no idea that Matt was not reciprocating in the bedroom.  Neither of the two men had confided in him.  If he knew, he would have given Matt a good tongue lashing.

The first Saturday morning after Glitter hit the news stands, there was a sharp and very loud knock on Jim’s door.  Matt jumped out of Jim’s bed and ran to his room to put something on.  Jim pulled on a pair of gym shorts and ran to answer the door.  A man Jim didn’t know, was standing there.  He was gaping at Jim’s near nakedness with awe.  Jim possessed an awesome body.

“Yes?” Jim asked.  “Can I help you?”

The stranger stuck out his hand.  “I’m Timothy Brady,” he said, “Matt’s father.”

Jim smiled and beckoned Tim in.  “This is so wonderful of you to visit us.  Matt never stops talking about you (lie) and I have been looking forward to meeting you.”  Just then Matt came out of his bedroom.

He had feared this day.  His father would realize that he was editor of a gay magazine.  He would think he was gay, and admonish him for not telling him.  He might say it was OK with him, or he might disown him.  If he did, Matt vowed to deny being gay.

“Dad,” Matt said, “what a wonderful surprise.”  Before he could say anything else, Tim threw his arms around his son.

“I’m so proud of you,” he said with a slight sob in his voice.  “If you edited this magazine, you did a great job.  It’s as professional as any I’ve ever seen.  I never thought I’d live to see this day.”  He looked at Jim.  “Isn’t it great, Jim?” he asked.  Jim nodded.  He was grinning from ear to ear.

“How could you not tell me that you were gay,” Tim asked.  Matt panicked.  “Not that I give a damn or that it could possibly matter to me,” Tim added.  This was Matt’s moment of truth.  Jim waited expectantly.  He couldn’t breathe.

Matt laughed.  “I’m not gay, Dad.  The magazine is gay.  In fact I’m dating our receptionist, Jennie.”

Jim slumped, losing a foot of his stature.  Matt had just hit him with a sledge hammer.  For a moment he stood staring at Matt, unable to move.

“Well, you and Jennie are invited to a celebration dinner tonight, and I won’t take no for an answer,” Tim said.  Then as an afterthought, he looked at Jim and said, “You’re invited also, Jim.  Please come.”

“Thank you for asking, but I’m busy tonight.”  Jim glared at Matt, and ran into his bedroom.  He slammed his door shut.

“Get dressed,” Tim said.  “I’ll take you and Jim to breakfast.”

Matt was dying inside.  “Not this morning,” he said.  “Dinner tonight is enough.  Jim and I will take a rain check.”  He couldn’t wait to let his father out of the apartment and he ran to Jim’s door only to find it locked.  Matt wanted to die.

“Please,” he yelled, “open the door.  “I can explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain,” Jim yelled through the door.  “You’re a fucking loser and I have been wasting my time loving you.”  There, he said it.  He told Matt that he was a loser.  It had been awhile since he had been accused like that.  Jim didn’t know it, but he had just placed a knife in Matt’s heart.

“Please come out.  Let’s talk.  Don’t shut me out,” Matt begged.

There’s nothing to talk about,” Jim continued to yell though the door.  “I thought you loved me, or at least I hoped you did.  I can see now it was all one-sided.  I think you should find another apartment.  You can afford it now.”

“I swear,” Matt protested, “I’ll leave.  I’ll get out of your life, if that’s what you really want, but just please come out so we can talk face to face.”  There was a long silence.  Both men were sobbing when Jim opened the door and stepped into the living room, Matt went to embrace him, but Jim pulled away.  Matt sobbed harder.  Jim sat down on an easy chair and Matt sat down on the sofa.

“Here’s the thing,” Matt tried to explain between sobs.  “I’m pretty sure I love you emotionally, but not sexually.  I just can’t bring myself to go down on you or to let you fuck me.  I don’t think that I am really gay.  At the same time I can’t bear the thought of living without you.”

Jim looked at Matt incredulously.  After thinking a long time about what Matt said, Jim asked, “How do you really feel about Jennie?”

“She’s hot.  The moment I laid eyes on her, I wanted to fuck her, but I don’t love her.  I love you.  It’s so crazy I can’t explain it or figure it out.”  Matt put his head in his hands.  “I wish I was dead,” he proclaimed.

“No!  Don’t ever wish that,” Jim shouted.  “If you were dead, I’d die along with you.  I’d want to be buried in the same box.”

Matt only sobbed louder.

“Listen to me,” Jim said as he regained his self control.  “Call Jennie and take her to dinner tonight.  Use all your charms to get into her pants if you still want to.  If you don’t come home tonight, I’ll know that you slept with Jennie.  We’ll part ways and I’ll get over it some day.  If you do come home, don’t go to your room.  Please come to my room and sleep with me. 

“There’s something I guess I never made clear to you, so let me tell you a little secret right now.  If you really love a guy, then taking his cock in your mouth or in your ass is not revolting or disgusting. It’s heavenly.  Not only do your bodies connect and blend into one, but your souls unite also.  What can be more wonderful or intimate than that?”

“I hear what you are saying, but I just can’t seem to jump over the line.  Tonight I’ll do what you say, and let’s see what happens,” Matt mused.

He called Jennie at home.  Her father answered and asked who was calling.  He heard Jennie’s father telling her who was on the line, and he heard her screech.  “Matt,” she said, “this is such a surprise.  What can I do for you?”

“Well, if you’re free, I’d sure like to take you to dinner with me tonight.”  There was no answer.  Matt couldn’t even hear Jennie breathe.

“But I thought..,” she finally started to say.

“I’m not that way,” he replied quickly so that she wouldn’t say it out loud.

“I was just going out with a bunch of friends tonight,” she said.  “It would be great to go out with you instead.  I’d rather.”

“My folks are making dinner at home to celebrate the first issue of Glitter.  Will that be OK with you?”

Immediately Jennie realized that Matt was not out to his parents, and she was to be his cover for the evening.  Strangely she didn’t care, nor did she get angry.  She was crazy about Matt, and she liked him so much that she didn’t mind doing this for him, even if he was gay, and nothing would ever come of this date.  She would make it her gift to him for launching Glitter.

“Yes,” she said, “that will be fine.”

They made arrangements for what time he would come around to pick her up.  Then he asked Jim if he would drive him to a car rental office, and Jim said he could borrow his car.  “After all,” Jim rationalized, “I ain’t goin’ nowhere tonight.”  He was in deadly fear of tonight’s outcome.  For his part, Matt was just too confused to think beyond the moment, like in the old days.

That night Jim lay in his bed.  He tried to watch TV, but he couldn’t concentrate.  He watched the early news at ten, and recognized some of his buddies in the various news stories in which the police were involved.  When the news ended, he tried to watch one of the late night shows, but he kept drifting in and out of sleep.  Finally he gave up.  He shut the TV and cried himself to sleep.

***

Matt picked Jennie up at five thirty.  She looked beautiful.  He remembered the first time he saw her, and how he swore to himself that he would get her into bed with him.  He still wanted it to happen, and he became more confused than ever.  He needed to talk to Jim about it, but Jim wasn’t here and it was out of the question.  In fact, Jim was the last person in the world he could talk to.  The thought of that saddened him.  He tried to brighten up and not be such bad company.  Surely Jennie would notice his despondency if he didn’t perk up.

Matt’s folks fawned over Jennie.  She was the most beautiful girl they had ever seen Matt date.  They couldn’t believe how Matt had changed.  He had a beautiful girl friend, a place of his own, and most important, he had a responsible job.  No, not a job, a position.

During dinner, Matt tried to treat Jennie as if they were dating, even like friends with benefits.  He let his hands wander, and once in a while he got a little too bold.  He was getting aroused just as he used to with women.  Oh Jim, I am so sorry for you.

This just confused Jennie, but she was enjoying his touch and his caresses, and she decided not to question his motives.  If he wanted her, she would definitely sleep with him, even if it was only once.

Matt thought the evening at his parents’ house would never end, but at last it did.  He said his farewells with hugs and kisses, and with his parents begging to see more of Jennie.  It was sheer torture.

They sat in front of Jennie’s house in Jim’s car.  Matt decided to do what was expected of him.  He put his hand around Jennie’s shoulder and pulled her toward him.  Happily, she did not resist and soon their lips met.  They kissed with open mouths.

He wanted Jennie.  He wanted her badly.  He wanted to be all straight again.  But instead of starting to make love to Jennie, he found himself making love to Jim.  It was Jim he was kissing and fondling.  It was Jim who was squirming and not Jennie.  He was aroused and he knew he could satisfy Jennie.  The old Matt would have given into his lust and avoided any thoughts of the consequences.  The new Matt pulled away from her.

“I can’t do this,” he said.  “I’m so sorry, Jennie, but I love Jim.”  Tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks. 

Jennie wiped his tears away.  “I know,” she said.  “I knew how much the two of you loved each other the first time I saw you both together.  He’s all you ever talk about at work, when you aren’t talking about business.”

“It seems everybody knows I love him but me,” Matt said still crying.

“I’m disappointed of course,” Jennie said.  “You are one hot number.”

“How would you like to meet my big brother?” Matt said.  “Not only is he better looking than I am, but he has a higher paying job.”

“I’d like that a lot, “Jennie smiled.  “Set it up, OK?”  She jumped out of the car and waved at Matt as she ran to her front door.

Matt waited until she was safely inside, and he headed home.

***

Jim was sleeping soundly and he began to dream. 

He was lying naked and spread eagle in his bed.  Someone started to play with his cock and it felt so good.  Whoever it was had a velvet touch.  He got really hard and that’s when the person began to run his tongue up and down his cock.  That felt even better.  He strained to see who was being so good to him, but the person’s face was just out of his field of vision.  The person took his cock in his mouth.  It was amazing that he was able to swallow the whole thing.  He felt an orgasm coming on and he let it happen.  The person swallowed the whole thing and slithered up Jim’s body.  He began to kiss Jim, and Jim could taste his own residual semen as he began to awaken.

“Matt,” he said.  “Matt,” he repeated over and over.

“Shh,” Matt said, “go back to sleep.”

“You came home,” the macho cop cried like a baby.

“Of course I did,” Matt said.  “I love you, I will always love you, and I’ll always come home to you.  Let’s go to sleep now.  I’m very tired.” 

Posted: 07/01/11