Out by Hankster

Out
by: Hankster

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I stood in front of the ten story high rise, and hesitated. I don’t know why I hesitated. I wanted very much to go in and take the elevator to the fifth floor, to Apartment 5C. After all it was only a little sex I was after. For God’s sake, I thought, I’m forty two years old. I’m no virgin. Why am I shaking like this?

Well, technically, I just lied. I am a virgin. It’s nothing like the forty year old virgin, no sir. I have fucked so many women since I was seventeen that I have completely lost count. By the time I got married at twenty-seven, I had experienced enough casual sex to know that I wanted to be faithful to my wife. In fact, I had been faithful until this moment, and I could still turn and run. I wanted desperately to bolt back to my car, but I wanted to experience the forbidden fruit even more. My feet started walking toward the building. I opened the front door and entered the lobby. My heart was beating erratically. I was angry at my anxiety.

You see I have a little secret. And that was the cause of all my fears.

My name is Walt Digby. Of course in school I was often called Walt Disney. I really didn’t care, but sometimes the kids overdid it. My first sexual encounter was in high school with Beth Bolling. Beth was the school slut. She had done every athlete on every team the high school had. I was on the football team. It’s true I was a second stringer, but still I was a team member, and therefore I had the privilege of being on Beth’s to do list.

One day, shortly after my seventeenth birthday, Beth asked me to meet her in a park near the school. It was well wooded and had the reputation of being a trysting place. I knew what she wanted and I was shaking like the virginal leaf that I was. It took her about a nano second to pull me into a bushy area and tell me to take my clothes off. The dear girl handed me a lubricated condom and told me to go to work. Apparently there was to be no kissing and certainly no preliminaries. I was merely to be another notch on her gun, if you will.

I was hardly aroused so I tried to think erotic thoughts in an attempt to get an erection. Much to my shock and horror, I began to fantasize that my football coach, Mr. Hutchins, had a big fat cock up my ass, and was fucking me hard and noisily. I had no idea where that came from. I never had a homoerotic thought before that moment, but it worked. I got rock hard, put on the condom and entered Beth. I came after only a few strokes and Beth cursed me for my premature ejaculation. To make up for it, she made me go down on her and I started to tongue her clitoris. I found it revolting, but I kept on going. Suddenly, inexplicably, I imagined I was sucking Coach Hutchins cock. Now it was even bigger and fatter than I had pictured it before. Beth began to grind her hips as her moans got louder. She came twice before she pushed me off of her.

“Not bad for a beginner,” she said, and dressed as quickly as she had undressed. She disappeared before I had my jockey shorts back on, leaving me to ponder about my homosexual fantasies.

I didn’t have to ponder long. Every time I fucked a young woman after that, and every time I whacked off, I imagined that I was fucking some hot male stud. Sometimes it was someone I knew, and other times I just conjured up a visionary Adonis. Suspecting full well that I was probably gay, or at least bi-sexual, I allowed myself to marry. Why not? I had successfully overcome any homosexual tendencies I had by fucking women. The beautiful thing about sex with my wife was that instead of imagining I was fucking a man, I thought about enjoyable past sexual experiences I had with her, and I became easily aroused. I remained totally faithful to Marian (Maid Marian I called her) and my two kids, until this very day.

I got married fifteen years ago. Shortly after we settled into our first apartment, we got our first PC. I knew that there were gay porn sites and gay chat rooms on line, and when my wife wasn’t home I began to explore them. I was always a voyeur. When I was in a chat room, I would often get an IM from someone, but I never responded. I watched gay videos and perused nude photos of hot men posted on the internet. Over the years, my desire to have sex with a man grew exponentially. Then two weeks ago, I was in a chat room, M 4 M in Albany. Suddenly I got an IM from someone whose screen name was hotbear. I had a thing for bears. Beefy men with hairy chests turned me on.

hotbear: I just read your profile, sexy. I like your stats.

Before answering I clicked on hotbear’s profile. If he wasn’t lying, he was just my age, hairy body, a seven inch cut cock, brown hair, blue eyes, 5’10”, 195 lbs., a place to “entertain,” loved sucking, rimming and fucking in both directions. I don’t know what possessed me, but for the first time ever, I decided to answer the IM.

easyrider: Your profile is much like mine

hotbear: I know. That’s why I wrote to you. I’m in Albany, NY. Are you?

easyrider: I’m from Albany also

hotbear: I’d like to get acquainted, but I hate IMing. Would it be OK to E Mail you?

easyrider: No problem. I’d like that

hotbear: You’ll hear from me

Hotbear signed off and I found myself literally shaking like a feather. Was it going to happen? After twenty-six years of lurid fantasizing, was it really going to happen? I hardly dared hope, but the next time I opened my E Mail there was a note from hotbear. It was long and chatty.

He was an audiologist, divorced for about five years, father of two teen age sons, loved being single, and loved entertaining men, the more the merrier. On and on he went. He loved Italian and Chinese cuisine but hated sushi. He couldn’t abide the thought of eating raw fish. He loved theater, especially musical comedy, classical music, and opera. He considered Albany to be a cultural wasteland, and often went to New York for theater weekends, and to enjoy the gay bars. He asked if I might consider going there with him one weekend. He also revealed his name: Ronald Naismith. He gave me his phone number and said to please call if I liked what he had written.

Hell yes, I did indeed. The man liked everything I liked, and I would love to go to New York with him if I could ever get away. To top it all off, he sent me a picture, fully dressed. He impressed me with the fact that he was too classy to send me a nude picture first time out. He was a handsome rugged looking dude. I could very definitely go for him.

I answered immediately telling him that I was married and I would call him on Tuesday evening when my wife played bridge. I asked him please not to call me. I told him that I taught Math at SUNY Albany, and had two teen age sons just like he did. I told him where I lived and asked where he lived and asked if we were far apart.

There followed three weeks of back and forth E Mails and telephone calls. I gave him my name, my profession, my home and office address, and an awful lot of personal information about me and my family. Ron had been honest with me and I was just as honest with him. We began to write lurid descriptions of what we would do to each other when we met. Now he felt it appropriate to send me a nude picture. WOW! I whacked off constantly to his picture and his letters and avoided sex with my wife. I wanted to be with him so badly, I could think of nothing else. I became distracted while lecturing to my classes. Several times I had to turn to the chalk board and write something just to hide my tenting trousers. I was constantly on edge, and our letters and phone calls got hotter and hotter.

Finally, when I thought I would go insane, we made up a time to meet at his apartment. I told my wife that I had some heavy research to do, and I would be at the university library all day Saturday. I had always been a model husband and she bought my story without question.

And so here it was Saturday morning, and I was about to knock on Ron Naismith’s door. My knees were buckling and my whole body was shaking. I could still turn and run, but instead I knocked on his door.

The door opened a crack and I could see a brown head of hair. An arm reached out and pulled me into the room. The other arm quickly closed and bolted the door. There stood Ron, naked as a jay bird, cock erect, and every bit as big as his profile and his picture had promised. His tool was throbbing and seemed to be bobbing up and down. He threw his arms around me and shocked me by kissing me. His tongue forced my lips open and we started French kissing. I had never kissed a man before, but I got caught up in the passion quickly enough, and my cock started to surge against my briefs, begging for release. I was pressed against him and involuntarily I started dry humping his willing body. Our cocks were humping together.

Ron pulled away and he started to undo my belt buckle. I was anxious to get naked, and I pulled down my zipper, so that when the buckle was undone my pants slipped down to my ankles. I kicked off my loafers and stepped out of my trousers. Ron immediately fell to his knees and he started chewing gently on my cut cock through my briefs. He took hold of the waist band with his teeth and slowly started to tug down my underwear using only his teeth. That made me wild with desire. I wanted to help, but thought better of it. While he was playing with my cock, I quickly removed my shirt. Now, when finally my briefs were down to my ankles, I was as naked as he was. I kicked off my briefs and took off my socks. Ron dragged me to his bedroom, and threw me roughly on his bed.

I was on my back and he lay atop my writhing body. We were kissing passionately, but suddenly he pulled away and started slithering down my body. My eyes were tight shut and I jumped when he inserted his tongue into one of my ears. He tickled that ear with the tip of his tongue and then started to nibble on my neck. I wondered how I could explain a hickey if he gave me one, but I was so lost in the moment, that I decided not to worry about it until I had to.

From my neck, he worked his way to my nipples and started suckling them in turn. Why had I not known before how erogenous a man’s nipples were? I thought that was reserved only for women. I was so worked up, I began to rub my hands gently up and down his back. The great amount of hair on his back was very sensual to me and I got even more worked up. I could only reach halfway down his ass cheeks, but for the first time I heard Ron moaning in delight. He moved further down and now he was darting his tongue in and out my belly button. I had to gasp to catch my breath. This was beyond all my fantasies, beyond my wildest dreams. He could have only one further destination going south and that was my genital area. I moaned loudly in anticipation, but I got a big surprise.

He bypassed my pubes, cock, and balls altogether and started licking up and down the insides of my legs. The area closest to my balls was the most erotic of course, but this was all a big tease, and I was a bit unhappy with Ron at that moment. I had no choice, however, but to go along with it. The final straw was when he began to lick my feet and each of my ten toes individually. The man was driving me insane. Then when I was certain he had to go to my cock, he surprised me again. He made me turn over onto my belly and he mounted me. I could feel his stiff cock find its way into my crack and he started dry humping my ass.

I wanted him to fuck me, but I thought, Please don’t fuck me until you have gone down on me and sucked my cock. But I said nothing. He repeated the process of slithering down my body. This time when he was finished tickling my ears with his tongue, he slid right down to my ass. He kissed both cheeks and sucked all over them. He separated my cheeks with his hands and I could feel cool air attack my hole. When I felt his tongue start to lick up and down my entire crack, I actually whimpered. His tongue stopped at the hole and I could feel him trying to enter me with the tip. I realized then that I was crying. I had never had sex so intense, so gratifying, so satisfying, as I was having at that moment. I could not wait to reciprocate and give Ron the same joy, but first and foremost, I was praying that he wouldn’t fuck me just then.

My prayers were answered. He rolled me back over, and this time he went for the part of me he had bypassed before. He took my balls into his hand and started to knead them gently. He bent over and started kissing and licking them. My tears were increasing. I was ashamed but I couldn’t help myself. At the exact moment that I felt I could not bear anymore teasing he began to lick up and down the under shaft of my cock. When he reached the top, he skirted his tongue gently around my cockhead. I could feel the familiar sensation of a great orgasm building in my legs and working its way up to my balls, which were beginning to constrict. I was about to yell that I was cumming when suddenly Ron engulfed my cock in his mouth. Obviously I didn’t have to say anything. His lips covered his teeth and he pumped them gently up and down my tool. His tongue was sliding up and down the underside of my cock as his saliva dripped from his mouth, wetting my groin.

When I exploded, I literally saw stars. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that this was the most intense orgasm that I had ever had since my first one at eleven years old. My buddy, who was a year older than I, showed me how to whack off one day, and that was when I decided that whacking off was the answer to why God created man.

Ron held me in his mouth until I began to soften. Then he lay fully on top of me and began to kiss me. He was sharing my cum with me. I was unprepared for it, but I quickly recovered and enjoyed the moment.

“Well my little virgin, what did you think?” Ron asked me as he snuggled close and pressed his hard cock against my thigh.

“I was wondering,” I answered, “why the hell I waited so long. Why the hell was I so scared?”

“I used to think like that when I was married,” Ron said. “After my first time, I knew that there was no going back. Have you got the guts to make the transition?”

I grew silent. I never thought about any transition. I figured I could see men on the side. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Lots of guys stay married and play around on the side. If you want to do that, great, but find yourself other married men. No single gay man is going to put up with a part time lover, who is always looking at his watch, and constantly cancelling dates because something came up with the wife and kids.”

Ron was right of course. I had never thought that far ahead. I didn’t know what to say so I mumbled in his ear, “I’d like to go down on you now. I’ve been waiting for this for a very long time.”

“No,” he said emphatically. “You’re the virgin and it’s your day, or maybe I should say days. Next time I’ll let you fuck me, and the third time we get together I’ll let you suck me off and the fourth time I’ll fuck you. You see Wally, I really like you. I’m very attracted to you, and this is my way of making sure I’ll see you again. It’s kind of like Scheherazade and The Thousand and One nights. You had a good time, didn’t you? You do want to see me again, don’t you?”

I felt a shiver run through me. I didn’t like the way Ron asked that. It sounded ominous, even threatening. The truth, however, was that I did want to see him again, and experience the full range of male to male sex. Today was only the tip of the iceberg.

“Of course I want more,” I said, and I reached over and kissed him. He held me tight and we began a sword fight with our tongues.

“Good,” he said. “The last guy I really fell in love with, got second thoughts. He went home and E Mailed me that he couldn’t see me anymore because he wanted to preserve his marriage and his way of life. He admitted that he would never reach sexual gratification with his wife as he had with me, but he was willing to accept it.”

“That must have hurt,” I said. As I said it the little bit of fear I had felt before returned.

“Oh, it hurt all right. I waited until the next day when I knew he would be at work, and I called his house. His wife answered, and I told her what a faggot son of a bitch she was married to. She didn’t believe me at first so I described the size of his uncut prick, and the little mole he had in his pubic area. I described how he sucked my cock and how I slipped my cock up his ass. That’s when she hung up on me, but I fixed his goose. I waited a couple of days, and I called his office. They told me that he had taken a leave of absence. That made me feel really good.” Ron started to laugh. “You would never do that to me Wally, would you?”

I was shaking and I started to get out of bed. “Of course not,” I said. “I gotta pee and then I’ve got to get on home.”

“No way,” Ron said. “You told me that you had all day. Let’s have lunch together before you go. It’ll make us feel like we’re an old married couple instead of a quickie trick.”

All I could think of was getting home and never seeing Ron again. He had probably ruined me for all men in the future, but at that moment in time, I didn’t care.

“Sure,” I said. “Lunch will be great, the icing on the cake.” I grinned broadly at Ron, hoping not to betray my true feelings. On the way out of the building, I told him that I had a phobia about elevators and preferred to walk up and down the five flights. In reality, I wanted to avoid security cameras. He said that it was good exercise and he joined me. We had lunch together, and I should have been nominated for an academy award. I smiled and squeezed his knee and thanked him over and over for the masterful introduction he gave me into the gay world. I assured him several times that he had given me the best sex I had ever had in my life, all the while I was quaking at the possibility that he might out me if I upset him. I was also thinking that I had told him one truth at least. It was the best sex I had ever had in my life and it was only a hint of what was to come. I was scared, true, but I wanted more, and I thought I could play along with him for whatever time it took for me to experience everything with him.

I took out my appointment book, and said, “My last class on Tuesday ends at 5 PM. It’s the latest I teach, so I usually see students to answer their questions and discuss their problems after class that evening. I don’t have dinner at home and I usually get home very late. It happens to be my wife’s bridge night as I told you. How about I don’t see students this week, and I give you my whole evening?”

Ron smiled and squeezed my hand. “You know what I said about part timers and clock watching,” he said. “I really don’t like it. But you’re fresh, and I can put up with it. By the time I’m through with your instructions, you’ll be begging me to let you live with me and you’ll be leaving your wife.”

When he said that, he must have seen me turn white, but I kept my composure. “That’s an enticing idea.” I said. “We’ll see.”

It was at that moment that I knew that when Ron had allowed me to experience everything he had in mind, there was only one thing left for me to do.

I HAD TO SILENCE RON NAISMITH!

******

I had an upset stomach all day Sunday and Monday. On the one hand, I couldn’t wait to fuck Ron as he had promised. On the other hand, I was scared to death of him outing me to my family, my friends and my colleagues. He already knew where I lived, where I worked, and my phone number. If I didn’t show up on Tuesday, he could ruin me. I decided to play along with him, and I stuck to my guns concerning retiring Ron from civilized society.

I had been very discreet. Nobody in the world was aware that I even knew Ron Naismith. I intended to keep it that way. On Tuesday evening I parked several blocks from his apartment building and walked over. As I walked through his parking lot and entered the lobby, I made sure to keep my head down so as not to be picked up by security cameras if there were any. Once again, I opted not to take the elevator, but walked up the five flights. Before knocking on his door, I made sure that I had regained my breath.

Once again he greeted me in the nude. For the moment I forgot my fears and I was consumed with lust. I didn’t wait for Ron to undress me. I shed my clothes as fast as I could and then we wrapped up in each other’s arms and kissed passionately.

“So do I get to fuck you tonight?” I asked expectantly.

“Absolutely, but I made us some dinner. Let’s eat first.” Dinner turned out to be tuna fish salad sandwiches and coffee. Needless to say, I had no appetite, but I ate just the same.

After dinner, I helped him put everything in the dish washer, and we went into his bedroom. We lay down on his bed facing each other and hunkered close. We began to kiss and fondle each other’s cocks. When we were both good and hard, Ron rolled over on his back and placed a pillow under his butt.

“You’ll find condoms and lube in my bedside table,” he said. “Take them out of the drawer.” I did as commanded.

“We’re going to use plenty of lube, but the condoms are up to you. I don’t care one way or another. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m clean.”

I thought about it for awhile. I didn’t know if I would ever have sex with a man again after I dispatched Ron, and I didn’t want to cheat myself. “I think I’ll go commando,” I said. Ron smiled at me and kissed me. I think he liked my decision.

He instructed me on how to fill his ass hole with lube and how to spread it with at least two fingers inside of him. He told me to ream and stretch his ass so as to get it ready to receive me. Actually I didn’t know there was that much preparation to it, and I was grateful for the instructions. When Ron was certain that his ass was prepared, he told me to lube my cock generously and place my head at his hole. He raised his legs and I clearly saw his well greased tunnel. Hungrily I started my entry. I was expecting a lot of resistance, but I slipped in rather easily. When I was all the way in, I distinctly felt Ron constrict his muscles and tighten up around my throbbing tool. Without moving inside of him, I relaxed my body until I was lying on top of him. I could feel his hard cock probing my abdomen.

My lips found his and we started to kiss. I got more and more passionate. He pulled his mouth away and made some guttural sound which I took to be my go ahead signal. I began to pump inside him, gently at first. My only thought was that my wife’s vagina was nowhere as tight, nor did it feel nearly as good. Ron began to thrust with me as I began to pump in and out of him. He began to make little moaning noises which heightened my lust.

“Harder, harder,” he began to mumble and I started pumping harder and harder. Suddenly I stopped.

“Why did you stop?” he asked.

“I don’t want to cum yet and I’m almost there.”

“Cum, baby, cum,” he said. “You’ll have a million goes at it in the future. Let yourself shoot.”

I was so lost in trying not to cum, I missed the significance of what he said. I began pumping slowly again.

“No,” Ron actually yelled. “Pump hard.” I had to obey him.

Seconds later I was shooting stream after stream of hot cum up his ass. Ron was whinnying like a horse. I collapsed on top of him and whispered in his ear, “I love you, babe.” I didn’t even realize that I had said that. I always uttered it automatically to my wife after I came inside of her. I didn’t mean it with her, and I didn’t mean it with Ron, but I said it nevertheless.

I lay on top of him as we kissed, until my softening rod fell out of him. Then I started to disengage myself from his sexy, hairy body. As I lifted myself up, I heard swishing noises and I felt a little stuck. I hadn’t realized that Ron had cum and his juice had spread between us. I rolled over on my back so that we were lying side by side. I took his hand and muttered, “God, Ron that was so wonderful. I can’t thank you enough.”

“Lovers don’t have to thank each other,” he answered, and he rolled over to resume kissing me. “By the way,” he added, “I love you too.” Again I thought nothing of it. That’s what people said to each other after they fucked. Wasn’t it?

I wanted more that night, but Ron reminded me of his Scheherazade principle. He wouldn’t let me reciprocate in any way. We agreed to meet again next Saturday. I said I would try to give him the whole day, and I asked if I could call him anywhere when I was alone in my office. He gave me his cell phone number and said to call between twelve and one any day, if I had the opportunity.

When I said that I had to leave, he scoffed. “Part time lover,” he sneered. I wasn’t sure if he was mocking me or being facetious. I didn’t like it either way. No matter, for the next few days, I lost some of the fears I had, and I could think only of our next session of love making.

Nonetheless, I took the same precautions when entering his building and his apartment. I arrived before 9 AM on Saturday. All morning long he allowed me to make love to him. I tasted a man’s cock for the first time. I sucked it as he had instructed me and I slobbered up his precum. I wouldn’t let him cum. I wanted him to shoot up my ass.

“Don’t you want to taste my cum?” he asked.

“I’ve tasted my own often enough,” I answered. “Besides there will be a million other times,” I said, mimicking his own words. “I’d so much rather get fucked.”

Ron prepared my ass with three greasy fingers. He reamed and stretched until he felt I was ready. When at last he entered me, the pain was more than I could bear and I screamed out. I wanted him to pull out, but instead he pushed all the way in. I almost passed out from the pain. When he was all the way in, Ron lay perfectly still. The pain disappeared almost as quickly as it had begun. He started gently pumping and I started gently thrusting. At some point, I can’t tell you when, he began to hit my prostate with each thrust. That did it. Now it was I who was yelling, “Harder, harder, please!”

When his cum squirted up my ass, I had the weirdest feeling. I felt like I was being fulfilled; it was like a vital missing piece of me was being put back into my body. I grabbed him and started kissing him profusely. I still feared what he could do to me, but I had to admit, I needed him to complete my life. I didn’t care to start analyzing my emotions at that time. I just enjoyed the moment and once again I whispered. “I love you.”

“Did you mean it when you said there will be a million other times?” he asked. I didn’t answer him.

We went out for lunch. When we got back to his apartment, we spent the rest of the day making love. We sucked cock, rimmed ass, and fucked each other yet again. I never dreamed that I could be so aroused, and cum so many times in so short a span of time. When finally it was time for me to leave, Ron smiled. “Part timer,” he chuckled. Only this time he said it with affection and I wasn’t frightened.

As I was about to leave, he said, “You will be back on Tuesday, won’t you? You know I could ruin you if you stand me up.” I should have been frightened again, but strangely, I wasn’t.

I ran my palm down his cheek. “I’ll be back, my darling,” I said. “If you truly love me, as I am beginning to love you, you won’t ruin me. I could never forgive you for that. Let me make the transition you want me to make, in my own way and in my own time.” I leaned over to kiss him and was shocked to see a tear rolling down his cheek.

“Of course, love,” he said. “Just please come back to me.”

Driving home, things turned weird. All the love and the lust I had felt just moments before began to leave me. I realized that there was very little difference between leaving my wife and coming out, and Ron outing me. I didn’t think I would have a problem at work. Half the professors at the university were gay. I knew that some were even sleeping with male students. My fear was that of hurting my wife and my two very straight sons. I didn’t think I could do that to them, and I renewed my resolve to do away with Ron. The problem I had now was that I had fallen hopelessly in love with him.

******

For the next few weeks I saw Ron as often as possible. Sometimes we had dinner out. He seemed to get a feeling of domesticity when we did. On Saturdays we sometimes had lunch out. Other Saturdays, we made love all day without eating. I needed him to fulfill my sexual needs, of course, but I was also taking the opportunity to study his habits, so that I would know the exact moment to dispatch him.

If only he could accept what I could give him instead of demanding a full time lover to live with him. I didn’t want to eliminate him from my life, but his demands left me no choice. I also knew that I couldn’t wait too long because he was getting more insistent as his patience was wearing thin. The more he pushed me, the more I knew I had to render him powerless to ruin my life. The problem was that with each new sexual encounter, I wanted him more. In fact, I loved him more.

I always fucked him while he lay on his back. From the moment I entered him, he kept his eyes closed. Even after I rolled off him to lie at his side and to catch my breath, he kept his eyes closed. I wondered what beautiful visions he was conjuring up. One Tuesday evening after I came, I told him that I was dying of thirst and wanted to get a drink of water. I asked if he wanted anything. “Yes,” he said. “Don’t take long.”

I went into the kitchen and ran the water. As it ran, I opened the knife drawer and quietly removed one of the largest bread cutting knives. I wrapped my hand around it and ran into the bedroom. I am sure that Ron did not know what hit him because I plunged the knife into his throat so that he could not cry out, and he died instantly. I could not believe that I had really done it. I was cold and shaking like a leaf. I was glad to see that all the blood he shed was on the bed sheets. None of it had spurted onto the floor or the walls, like the gory scenes one often saw in the movies.

Suddenly I was freezing cold. I needed to dress, but my hand was bloody. “Out, out damned spot,” kept running through my brain. I felt like I was in the middle of a Shakespearian drama. “The deed is done and cannot be undone!”

I went to the kitchen sink and washed the knife and my hands until there was no sign of blood. I wiped the knife dry and placed it back in the drawer. I used the dish towel as a glove, and put the knife at the bottom of the drawer, covering it with the other knives. I went back into the bedroom and tried not to look at the corpse, but curiosity got the best of me. Ron’s eyes were closed. He looked very peaceful.

I got dressed and removed a small screwdriver from my hip pocket. I had placed it there for the sole purpose of doing what I was about to do. I unscrewed Ron’s computer and removed the hard drive. I wiped the computer down with the towel to remove any finger prints.

I went through Ron’s pants pockets and found his address book in his hip pocket. I took it out and put it in mine. I went to his cell phone and deleted my name from the phone log as well as all incoming and outgoing calls. I did the same with his land line, and then I went through the apartment wiping down door handles, drawer handles and anything else that I might have touched. I even got out the dust buster and vacuumed up any loose hairs I found lying on the bed or the floors. I emptied the contents of the dust buster into a plastic bag and put the hard drive and telephone book in the bag as well.

When I was satisfied that the apartment was clean of any of my fingerprints, I picked up the plastic bag and opened the front door with the towel. I peeked out. There was nobody in the hall. As soon as I was in the hallway, I wrapped the bag in the towel and ran down the hall without fear. I already knew that the only security cameras in the building were in the elevator. I walked down the stairs, and when I was sure that the lobby was clear, I left the building.

I drove home and stopped at an alleyway that I had previously scoped out. There were two huge dumpsters in the alley. I parked up the street and walked back to the alley. Once I was out of sight, I stomped on the hard drive. It shattered easily, but I smashed it until it was pulverized. I threw the towel and the plastic bag into one of the dumpsters. I removed some plastic garbage bags from the other dumpster and threw them on top of my plastic bag.

When I got home I was shaking with fear. I was extremely grateful that my wife was not home yet. I went into a hot shower and damn near scalded myself trying to cleanse myself. When she got home I pretended to be asleep.

I had been so careful. I was sure that I had committed the perfect crime, but I was arrested less than a week later. You see my wife had begun to suspect my infidelity because I avoided sex with her so often. She had gone to the university library one Saturday, and when I wasn’t there, she hired a detective to follow me on Saturdays and Tuesday evenings. The detective had plenty of pictures of me walking through Ron’s parking lot and entering his building. He had pictures of the two of us having lunch and one dinner together. He had even retrieved the plastic bag from the dumpster after I left the alley.

I received a fifty year sentence which was as good as life to me. I could be paroled after thirty years. The only reason I didn’t get the death penalty is that my lawyer was able to convince the jury that Ron was blackmailing me with threats of exposure. That got me some sympathy, and I suspected that at least one member of the jury was married and secretly gay.

How much better off I would have been to have left my wife to go and live with Ron, or even to have let him out me. My wife divorced me, my family won’t speak to me, and my friends have disappeared from sight. I only have one friend left, and we have never met.

One day I got a letter from a fellow named Jay Castle. He told me that Ron had outed him to his wife and ruined his life. He thanked me for what I had done, and asked what he could do for me.

We began writing back and forth, and we have fallen in love through our letters. We are going to meet this Saturday for the first time, and we are both very excited about it. I am entitled to one conjugal visit a month. If everything goes well between us when he visits, and if Jay consents, I am going to put his name in to be my conjugal visitor. After all Ron instructed both of us in male to male sex, so it should be a very good match.

Posted: 10/01/10