Atonement by Hankster

Atonement

by: Hankster

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Billy Love:

My name is William Love, but everyone calls me Billy. I got a guy into real bad trouble a few years back. I cared for him, and I didn’t want to hurt him, but I had to save my own skin. The man ended up in prison for ten years. I found out much later that he was paroled after six years, and he’s out there somewhere. I need to find him and seek his forgiveness, but I don’t know how to find him or where to start my search.

The man, let’s call him George, is, I mean was, a professional person. He was married and had two kids at the time of his arrest. While in prison his kids got married and he became a grandfather. He had been a good husband, a very good father, and an excellent provider for his family. Unfortunately, he had one little problem. He was hot for young boys. I hate to say it or even use the word, but he was a pedophile. I don’t give a hoot about that. You never met a kinder, more caring, and more compassionate individual than George.

I met him in a chat room on the internet. He told me that he was fifty so I figured he was closer to sixty. I know how these chat rooms work. I looked older than my fourteen years at the time, and I told him that I was sixteen. We chatted for a time and then we agreed to Email each other. For over a month we wrote. Our letters got more and more passionate and more and more graphic as we described what we would like to do to each other.

At last we had an opportunity to call each other. When I heard his voice, I fell in love with him. It was a kind and seductive voice. The voice told me what the body would do to me when at last we would meet. We called often, and I would whack off constantly during our telephone calls. At night I would hear his voice in my head and whack off again. I assure you I was in love. George was the only one in the world who knew I was gay, and that fact alone made him my only friend.

Then I got the Email from him that changed my life and George’s as well. He told me that as soon as school let out, his wife was going out of state with his kids to visit her parents for two weeks. He would be all alone in his house. He asked if I could get away during that time and he would pick me up somewhere and take me home. There we could do all the things we had spoken about. My lust was boundless and I readily agreed.

The first evening that I knew he would be alone, I called him. I told him where he could pick me up the next day if he could get out of work. He assured me that he would be there. I got to the bus stop where we agreed he would pick me up, and I sat down on the bench watching bus after bus go by. I had arrived way too early. Finally, there he was. He pulled up to the bus stop and I hopped into the car.

Once I was in and the seat belt was fastened, he said to me, “You’re beautiful.”

I was already in love with George. He actually did look closer to fifty than sixty. His hair was salt and pepper but mostly pepper. His blue eyes were soft and loving. His body was lean and from what I could tell he appeared to be very muscular. He reached over and put his hand on my thigh. “Thank you for coming with me,” he said. I remained silent.

He drove his car directly into his garage and we did not emerge until the overhead door was fully closed. We went directly to his bedroom. We were both too anxious to bother with preliminaries. George began to undress slowly, but I just about ripped off my clothes. George stood facing me naked for a moment and I wanted to swoon. Not only was he the body beautiful, but his now erect cock was about seven inches of circumcised glory. I was uncut and I couldn’t wait to feel what a cut cock felt like.

He threw the bed sheets off the bed and we both lay down. He wrapped me in his arms and began to kiss me. I wanted to grab his cock, but it was out of reach. George was kissing me all over, and was getting closer and closer to my cock. This was going to be my first blow job and I trembled all over. Then there it was. His warm, moist mouth enveloped my not quite mature five incher. “Ahhhhhhh,” I moaned. I was in paradise. I could feel my orgasm starting in my toes and working its way to my groin.

“Please stop,” I begged. “I don’t want to cum yet. I want to taste you.” George pulled away and I lunged on to his prick.

“Easy buster,” he begged. “I like it soft and gentle.” I sucked George’s cock for what seemed like forever, but I know it was only a few minutes. Cock tasted as good as I knew it would. George was writhing and bucking his body and I knew he was enjoying it. I didn’t want him to cum yet. I had other plans.

I stopped giving him head and asked him to please fuck me.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“It’s all I ever fantasize about,” I assured him.

George reached into the drawer of his bedside table and took out a condom and a tube of KY Jelly. He had me lie on my stomach as he inserted a generous amount of lube into my ass. As his fingers stretched and massaged me he wanted to know if he was hurting me.

“God no,” I said. “This feels wonderful, but please, I want the real thing. George slipped on the condom and then lubed his sheathed cock. He told me to straddle him and sit on his cock. He was afraid his weight would hurt me in any other position.

The excess lube had done a good job. As I sat down on him, his prick entered me. I let myself go down slowly, enjoying every sensation. All of a sudden I realized that I could go down no more and we smiled at each other. I wanted to die with the joy and the ecstasy of the moment. I could feel something being caressed in my ass which kind of made me want to pee. After a while the feeling got stronger and without too much warning I ejaculated all over George’s chest. I knew that I had an orgasm, but it wasn’t as good as when my cock was being stimulated by my hand or George’s lips, as I was to learn.

When my orgasm came, my asshole contracted and that put George over the hill. He came screaming so loud, he scared me. The amount of my spunk on his chest was negligible compared to what he was spurting into the condom. The warm fluid escaped from the condom and filled me up, triggering some unknown force in me, and I came again.

After that, we stayed in bed for about an hour, fondling and cuddling and nipping each other’s nipples and licking our cocks. At last we got up and showered together continuing our play in the shower. Reluctantly, George drove me home, dropping me off a couple of blocks from my house.

George:

The joy I felt making love to Billy the first time cannot be described in words. It was an emotional, nay a spiritual, event. I couldn’t wait for our next encounter which would take place two days after our first meeting. I could think of nothing else other than making love to Billy. I was totally useless at work.

I won’t go into details, but our second encounter was even more glorious than the first. We lost ourselves in such lust that nothing we did was taboo. Billy nearly swooned in his ecstasy. As for me, it was the best sex I ever had in my whole life.

It was the day after our second encounter that I got an Email from Billy telling me when we could meet again. He failed to mention where, but I assumed at the same bus stop and didn’t think that was strange at all. It was the rest of the letter that somehow disturbed me. It didn’t sound like Billy at all. He didn’t use the same erotic language I had grown used to. His descriptions of what he wanted us to do together were lurid and dirty. I was surprised but unfortunately, I wasn’t alert enough. I jokingly wrote back, “Hey watch your language. A kid your age should not be talking that way.”

I approached the bus stop at the appointed hour and was disappointed that Billy was not there. I pulled up a little in front of the bus stop assuming that Billy was a little late. Before I knew what hit me two burly, massive guys jumped into my car. One drew a gun and told me to step out of the vehicle. He leaned me up against the car and frisked me. Then he read me my rights and handcuffed me.

William Love, Sr.:

I was suspicious of my son’s behavior for a long time, but the last few weeks were especially troubling. He was neglecting his schoolwork and his chores around the house. My first thought was that he was on drugs, but soon I realized that he spent all his time in his bedroom and I could hear his PC keyboard clacking away. My suspicions changed from drugs to something even worse.

Since Billy was twelve, I kind of knew that he was gay. I never asked questions, figuring he would tell me in his own time. I practiced over and over in my head how I would tell him that I loved him no matter what, and would always be his support. So far he had not come out to me and his mother or to any one else as far as I knew.

One afternoon he disappeared from the house and then it happened again two days later. I called some of his friends and could not reach him. My suspicions had become fears. I never thought I would do it, and I felt very guilty about it, but I went to his room and turned on his computer. I had been the one to set up his system and get him on line. I prayed that he had not changed the password we had set up together, ‘welovejr.’

The password was still good and I went right to his Email. In the old mail category there were dozens of Emails from someone named George. In the sent mail category were all my son’s replies. I was shocked and appalled at the filth I was reading. A man of fifty had arranged a rendez-vous with my fourteen year old son. I immediately called the police. Two plain clothes cops were at the house in fifteen minutes.

When Billy came home at last, they began to question him in my presence and in my wife’s.

Billy Love:

I was scared shitless. I didn’t dare admit that I wanted sex with George as badly as he did, maybe even more, so I lied. I told the police that he promised me money to help him run some errands for him and to do some work around his house. When he got me to his house, he forced himself on me, and I was just now able to get away from him. I realize now that it didn’t matter what I said. Once having admitted that we had sex, George was a goner even if I had told the police that I had seduced him. Statutory rape is statutory rape no matter who does what to whom. Maybe if I had denied having sex at all, he might have been saved. I still don’t know.

The police and my dad went to my computer and sent George a lurid Email setting up our next appointment. I went into the bathroom and cried and cried.

George:

The police drove to my house in my car, armed with a search warrant. All I could think was thank God my wife isn’t home and thank God the police are in plain clothes, should any neighbors be outside. They went to my computer, disconnected it and confiscated it as evidence. Unfortunately, it was full of nude pictures of underage boys. There was full frontal nudity in all of them and some showed boys having sex together, and other pictures showed the boys having sex with older men.

There was no denying the evidence and Billy’s testimony that I had raped him. The newspapers were full of the story and my picture was all over the pages. I pleaded guilty to spare Billy and my family the further disgrace of a trial. My wife filed for divorce immediately, but when my children grew to maturity, they were wise enough to realize that I had a sickness, and they resumed some limited relationship with me so long as I remained in therapy.

In prison, I was given therapy several times a week to help me kick my addiction. I made very few friends there because I was a pariah, due to the nature of my crime. Only once did someone come up to me in a friendly manner. He admitted that he was gay and in the closet. He told me that although he didn’t approve of pedophilia, he would certainly do it if a young boy seduced him into sex. I rewarded him with a blow job. After that he stayed away from me.

I was paroled after serving six year’s of a ten year term. I could not move away from my home area because the court appointed a parole officer for me, and set up mandatory group therapy sessions once a week. I was stuck having to return to a community which had shunned, condemned and hated me. I rented an apartment in a senior community approved by my parole officer.

I could have a computer but no access to the internet. I was unable to secure a job, and sustained myself with help from my ex wife (over her new husband’s objections) and from my children. Shortly after getting out of prison I began to receive some social security and that helped me a lot. If I found myself near a young boy, I distanced myself immediately. I could only hope that when my parole was finished, and my restrictions were removed, I could lead a more normal life and find some employment somewhere.

Not a day passed that I did not think about Billy. I had long since forgiven him for lying about our relationship. I would have gone to jail no matter what he said. He had to protect himself from his parents and I understood his anguish. Somehow the time passed and I survived. My parole came to an end and I became an “ex con.”

I was able to go on the internet and I even got a job processing accounts payable in a big manufacturing plant. I continued my therapy sessions, but now I had a new therapist, and had to pay for my own therapy. I began to participate in events in the gay community, and made gay friends of my own age. Happily for me, I discovered that I could enjoy sex fully with older men. I still occasionally yearned to have sex with young boys, but now I had no trouble fighting the urge. I was getting better.

Billy Love:

I did not begin looking for George for ten years. Parole had never occurred to me and I assumed that he would serve out his sentence. My parents kept me so shielded from him that I had no idea what prison he was in. Even if I knew, I certainly could not write him, and for sure, I could not visit him.

I tried to find him on the internet, but his old screen name no longer existed. My dad had been transferred to a distant city, and we had moved away years ago. On my next vacation from work, I went home, presumably to visit an old school chum. I searched every phone book, of every community in the area, and found five men with his name. None of them were my George. Then I tried calling information for all these communities and I actually found him. There was a sixth man in the area with that name, who had chosen not to be listed in the phone book, but who was all right with being listed with information. I could only guess that he wanted to make it hard to find him.

My fingers shook when I punched in George’s number. I had waited until evening to call, hoping he would be home from work, if he was working. George picked up on the second ring. Somehow I had expected him to sound old and tired, a beaten man. I was so wrong. A cheery, youthful, upbeat sounding voice said, “Hello, whoever you are.” It was my old George sounding none the worse for wear. My heart swelled for love of him and I prayed that he could forgive me.

George:

I had tried forever to put Billy out of my mind, but he was constantly there. When I picked up the phone and heard his sweet voice, the room began to spin and I almost fainted. Fortunately there was a chair near the phone and I collapsed into it.

“Billy? Billy?” was all I could manage to say.

“Yes,” he said, “it’s me. I need to see you, George, please. Don’t say no. I need to beg you to forgive me. I was so young and I said all those dreadful things.”

“Hush, hush,” I said. “I never blamed you so there is nothing to forgive. Billy, my love, I’m afraid to see you. I have worked so hard to cure myself of my illness, I’d be afraid of ruining ten years of therapy.”

Billy began to laugh. “George, you foolish man. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m twenty-four years old and I’ll be twenty-five next month. I’m an adult, thank you very much, and I insist on seeing you. Please don’t say no.”

I thought for a moment and I knew that I wanted to see him, even hold him, but I convinced myself that I could avoid any sexual contact between us so I gave in. I gave him my address and directions to my apartment from where he told me he was. I figured he would arrive in half an hour. I busied myself straightening out the apartment and making my bed. I didn’t want it to look like the bed was ready for sex. When the doorbell rang, I got dizzy again.

I let him into the apartment and could not get over what a handsome young man he had grown into. We embraced, but I turned my face when he tried to kiss me. I could see his disappointment.

“I’m making some coffee for us. Would you like some cake with it or some toast?”

“Just coffee, thanks,” Billy said.

We sat down at each end of the sofa. I screwed up my courage and called upon all my reserves, and I said to him, “Billy, this isn’t right. We shouldn’t be alone together. Even if this meeting is innocent, your father would probably come after me with a shot gun. Please go away. Find some virile young stud your own age. I’m on medications to diminish my libido, and I’m not much of a man any more. You don’t need half an aging guy. Go away, please.” I started to cry and Billy put his arms around me.

“Listen to me, George,” he said. I came out to my parents shortly after you went to prison and they were great about it. They told me they knew all along and loved me just the same. That gave me the courage to tell them the truth about us. I told them that every word I wrote to you was designed to seduce you and that you never raped me. I admitted that I had begged you to love me in that way and you had given in reluctantly. I confessed that I could never stop loving you and that when I was able I was going to find you and beg your forgiveness. They still felt that what you did was wrong, but they understood why I would want to ask you to forgive me.”

“That’s all well and good,” I told him, “but I’m older than your father. I could almost be your grandfather. Your parents would never approve such a relationship. I know I wouldn’t.”

Nothing more was said after that, and we drank our coffee in silence. Finally I said, “Billy I love you and I always will, but I want you to go home now.” I wrote my Email address on a piece of paper. “Here’s my Email address. I’d love for you to stay in touch with me and let me know what’s happening in your life, but we can never be more than friends now.”

Billy sighed in resignation. He stood, we embraced, and he left. I cried for days after that, but I was proud that I had resisted sex with him. About a week later, I got a nice newsy Email from him. He was dating two different guys and couldn’t make up his mind which relationship he wanted to pursue. I wrote back and advised him to enjoy both men. He was very young and had plenty of time to settle down with Mr. Right. I myself had not married until I was in my thirties.

After that we exchanged about two Emails a week. Our friendly relationship began to develop into my being a mentor and a tutor, and Billy was my student. W even called each other occasionally and could chat like two old friends. The only thing I feared asking Billy was if his parents knew about our platonic relationship. I didn’t really want to know that.

Two years after Billy’s visit, I got the following letter from him:

Dear George:

About a year ago, a new guy came to work for my firm in my department. David and I became instant friends. We started to do everything together, dinners, movies, sporting events, etc. One day it occurred to me that neither of us had a girl friend, so I tactfully asked him one evening, over a bowl of pasta, if he was a friend of Dorothy. He almost choked on his pasta. When he recovered, he said, ‘Yes you big oaf. Are you?’ Neither of us could believe how dumb we had been, and decided to make up for lost bed time that very night. We haven’t slept apart since. On the first of next month we are moving into a new apartment together. I know you will be happy to hear that we are in a committed relationship. I told him about you and the anguish I caused you, and we have agreed to visit you one day so you two guys can meet each other. Be happy for me, dear George. I love you very much.

We continued our pen pal relationship and even David joined in. I couldn’t be happier for them and for me. About six months after Billy told me about David, I was pleased to send them the following Email.

Dear Billy and David:

Good news! I hope you will agree. A couple of months ago, I was invited to a small dinner party. There were only ten of us including me, and I knew eight of the nine other people there. The tenth man (sounds like a theater production) was introduced as a newcomer to our community. He had just retired and was an old friend of our host. Since we were the only two singles there (everyone else was coupled) we naturally gravitated to each other. Guys, we really hit it off. By the end of the evening, we had exchanged telephone numbers, home addresses and Email addresses. When I got home that evening, I heard my telephone ringing as I walked into my apartment. It was Mark from the party. We talked far into the night and agreed to meet for lunch the next day.

We talked so much at that lunch, that it turned into a three hour affair. As we got up to leave, Mark said, ‘Please come home with me.’ I nodded and followed him home in my car. When we got to his place, I insisted on talking to him before anything else happened. I told him about my ‘illness’ and about what happened to you and me, Billy. I told him how hard I had worked to overcome my illness and that I was still working hard at it. I also told him how we had developed a wonderful friendship and had forgiven each other for a past we could not reverse.

I must say he was a bit taken aback, but in the end he embraced me and he kissed me and he said. ‘Let me help you continue to improve. Let’s put your past behind us and look to the future.’ After that we made love in the afternoon and as often as possible. As soon as my lease is up, we are moving in together. We would be so pleased if you and David could visit us at the first opportunity so that we can all get to know each other. All my love, George.

Billy Love:

Dear friends George and Mark:

David and I could not be happier for you. After all, we know the joy of being in a stable, happy and committed relationship. We have looked at our calendars and we are both going to take our vacations the first two weeks of July. Do you have room for a visit from two old friends? Hugs and kisses, Billy.

George:

I read Billy’s Email and I felt a surge of emotion. I knew that I had committed a terrible crime, but I was successfully suppressing those terrible urges that I had once suffered from. Of course, constant love making with Mark was sure helping me a lot.

One day I said to Mark, “I’m a lucky guy. I have you; I have paid a terrible price for a terrible crime; I am certain I could fight off the urge if ever confronted with it. Thanks to you, I’m happy, at last.”

Mark put his arms around me and kissed me on the lips. “I may have helped you along, but your victory is all from your own efforts. I know how hard it is to fight an addiction. I’m very proud of you and I love you very much. Billy forgave you, and it sounds to me like his parents might even forgive you some day. I am certain God has forgiven you also.

“Now if you still have an uncontrollable urge to have sex, or better yet, to make love, our bed is available.” That got us both laughing and we went to our bedroom, hand in hand.

Posted: 02/20/09