Later Is Good

By: Gene Hemings
(© 2011 by the author)
Editor: Ken King

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Some background to this story can be found in my previous stories, also posted here on Tickie Stories. In order to help make this story flow without you wondering what or why something is talked about in this story, the previous stories were used to lay some groundwork.

The questions and plots of my stories involve the search for why we want sex when we still hardly know what life is about. Some of us, it seems, are on a quest to learn things we know are not acceptable to adults.

This is a true and continuing story.                                      

*******************

For fifty-three years, I rejected what I desired most for my life because I was afraid of being labeled as a queer or gay! I'm going to tell you about what it took for me to suck a dick, and why. I wanted this more than any human being could ever want something in their whole lifetime! Why do we have to wait so long for what we desire the most?

And yet, it is better to be late than not ever finding out if you actually do want it or like it!

The year was 1996. I was now fifty-three years old and had never experienced true one-on-one sex with a guy, except for goofing around with my one really close school buddy. There was also a blow job from a stranger when I was eighteen. I received a blow job from a stranger, but was not allowed to reciprocate or touch him!  (NOTE:  That story is posted here on Tickie Stories as well, and is entitled  Teenage Stupidity.)

My buddy was only one month younger than myself. This part of the story happened when we were both foreteen years old! He and I were best friends, from the ages of ten to eighteen. We were always together until he joined the Army at eighteen. When he came home from the service we carried on somewhat like we did before he went into the Army, although our jobs and girlfriends hampered things a little after his return.

As time went on we kind of drifted apart, though, as my new interests were not to his liking. Plus, I was not into getting drunk every night, just so we could hang out together.

If the Army taught him anything at all, they taught him how to drink beer! The really sad part of his drinking was that after one swallow of beer, he had to keep going until he passed out! He could not stop himself from becoming a true alcoholic. I wish I could have helped him through it, but he did not want help.

Soon after I stopped hanging out with him, he found a girl he liked well enough to marry.

But when we were young, we found sex was a very good thing to talk about and experiment with. As someone once said, "The fascination never ends!" He and his older brother introduced me to jerking off in sixth grade. Jerking off was the only thing we did most of the time. And I do mean most of the time! We jacked off together as often as we could and as many times as we could fit into a day. We both were fascinated by the feelings we got from reaching a climax of pure, white cum!

We did try sucking each other's dicks, when we were about fourteen, but never really did the true suck. We did not totally trust each other to not tell our friends we had sucked the other's dick. We kissed and put our lips only on each other's cock, but we went no further than that.

Oh, how I wish I could go back on this part of my life! I would suck him to completion anyway. I now believe we would have sucked each other to completion if only one of us had led the way. I was usually the one to go first with the things we were always going to do. He would suggest things and I would take the lead from that point on.

He was very shy around strangers and I spoke up when he would clam up! Afterwards he would say he just could not talk to strangers, and he was glad I took the lead for both of us. Even though I wanted to suck him really badly, however, I drew the line at going first!

I was just not going to let him say about me, "Gene is the cocksucker of the neighborhood!"  My paranoia had already started to set in at 14.

Also, if he had backed out on his turn to suck me, I was screwed, and then outed to the world!

It was fascinating how our dicks looked like twins. Everything about them was exactly the same--size and girth. Of course we measured each other and to be sure we measured ourselves as well! We finally agreed they were identical! We often talked about how hard and stiff our cocks could be. We told ourselves we could drive nails with them because they were so hard! We could get them to almost touch our stomachs when we were standing up and they were pulsating with every heartbeat. Oh, to be young and dumb, and full of cum, once more before I die!

Time seems to move fast when you don't want it to.

Eventually his drinking, our jobs as well as other interests started to separate us. Today, we talk once in a while, but we live in different states and some 1500 miles apart. But we are still friends.

In 1970, we were both around thirty-five years old and married, and I got him a job at the same car dealership I worked at for some six years. We were both mechanics there. He stayed, while I moved on to another job. 

He became a father about five years before I did. His two kids were a few years older than mine. Now he has five to my two.

I don't know why we never talked about our younger days when we worked together. Looking back, I wonder if it was because we both were afraid to talk about it, or if we were somehow embarrassed by it.

If I ever get the opportunity to discuss those old times with him, I'm going to lead our conversation to those old days and all the fun we had together. Perhaps we could finish what we both had started.

I now feel we both were gay and kept hiding it from ourselves and each other. I know that now that I'm close to the end of my life. I have nothing really to lose by telling him I went over to the "dark side." Then he might admit to me he has sucked dicks, too, over his lifetime! We all hide things from everyone--even ourselves. Everybody has a few skeletons in their closet!

I know I thought about cocks and nothing else almost all day long every day of my youth and adult life. I still do, to this day!

And after my buddy and I had sort of tried it at foreteen years old, I knew in my heart that someday I was going to suck another guy's dick. I just hoped I did not die before doing it. Just when and where it would it happen, I had no idea. The sooner the better, I always told myself.

I was infatuated by a dick whenever I saw one.

Why are gay guys like that? Who knows why it takes us so long to admit we are gay or bi, and really want a guy instead of covering up our lives with trying to be married and raise kids to keep everyone fooled and off our asses.

I, too, got married just to prove I was not gay. So much for that! It proved nothing! I only hurt my wife by what I had done when she found out about my true desires!  We now have over forty-two years of marriage so far. I'm sixty-eight now, and it seems our marriage will withstand my encounters. My wife is the greatest person in my life, we still love each other.

Still, there is no sex between us; she just does not turn me on sexually and I can't complete an orgasm for either of us. I go soft after a few minutes and that is frustrating for both of us! For my own sexual gratification, I need a cock to satisfy my desires. I still go from semi-hard to hard when I'm with a guy.

So, I have to ask, why are some wives willing to accept our infidelities, as my wife has? Still, she will not let me play around since she found out I like dick back in 2005. She is afraid I'll get AIDS or something else. Now I am very discreet about my man-to-man encounters, hoping she will not catch me again.

Yet, other wives want a divorce.  Thank goodness there are choices made by each of us that resolve things in ways that only a husband and wife can, so we can all go on with our lives.

I think my situation is the exception. Whatever gets us through the night, I'm told! She must have her reasons for sticking with me, knowing I'm gay.

Of course through the years I was accused of being gay many times by some of my co-workers and some recently met acquaintances. I must give off some signal of my leanings toward gay. On that, I constantly tried to figure out what I did or said that gave me away to some of the guys I worked with.

But I always denied being bisexual or gay, which for me it seemed to stop the talk and statements. I'm sure that to themselves, they thought otherwise, and that the continued to believe I really was gay. 

I think these acquaintances were waiting for someone to tell them they knew the truth about me, and someone had caught me red handed. That could not have happened, though, because it had not yet happened for me either!

Looking back, I know that somehow I gave off that gay look or displayed some gay mannerisms. But, for the life of me, I could not explain what I was doing to out myself in some way to my fellow workers. Still, I denied it to everyone who asked about it.

Mostly, I doubt that most people and close friends I have known through the years, knew or even cared if I was bi or gay. Or, perhaps they liked me well enough to look past what might be on the other side of door number three.

Perhaps some of those that asked me, had their own gaydar working and were bi themselves. Yet I was not smart enough to challenge them and see, perhaps, where it could or would lead. Paranoid still!

If these conversations of gay people were in the accompaniment of other guys, I would clam up and feign gays were bad. I was always trying to get out of the conversation about gay people. That kind of conversation alone could not happen with me without the fear of divulging I somehow might be gay. 

If the conversation was too intense, and I said the wrong thing, I might have accidentally outed myself. So, I would try not to engage in talk about gays for fear of being branded as gay myself or cause them to question anything. I feared my actions or mannerisms would out me. Also, I was known by so many people as a sports star throughout our area. I had to protect myself from them thinking I was gay.

I must say this, I never was a gay basher. I tried to mind my own business always, although I did dislike the really feminine types.     I see no reason for a guy to act so feminine and dainty, and use that falsetto voice when speaking. I can not stand to be near that type. They can be whatever they want to be, just take me away from that scene.

I became an A.S.M.E. Certified Mechanic, and felt that was proof I was not gay. I thought all mechanics were straight. We use all excuses to keep ourselves free of guilt. I eventually realized, however, that there are gays in all walks of life! This I learned after fifty years of living. 

Even after I had male-to-male sex for my first time, I still wondered who was gay when I looked at them. I guess I am a slow learner about some things. Dumb me! Or, was it that I was too paranoid to see what I needed to learn?

At age 50, I found the computer and the Internet. I heard from my friends that had computers, that there were tons of sites directed to all kinds of sex and pictures of naked people. There were even videos you could watch, with full sexual content! This pornography was starting to arouse my desires for sucking a dick for real, instead of my wet dreams we all have. I could not get enough of the computer porn! Looking at Internet pictures of cocks turned me on a lot. That led to more searching for many other kinds of gay things.

I discovered the gay chat rooms behind my wife's back, and it was there that I was introduced to a whole new world and culture.

Naturally, I did not want my wife to know I was bi or leaning towards gay at that time or ever. Yet I somehow think she suspected it all along, even before she caught me, and finally confronted me one afternoon.  She asked me point blank, "Are you gay?" Of course, I denied it as I always had to others.

Her question came after she had somehow seen where I had been on the Internet. But I still denied it. And I thought the subject was over and I had convinced her I was straight. I found out later, she was just getting things in order for our showdown at a later date. Wives are like that! We know it, too, but tell ourselves we are smarter! Like hell we are!

On those gay categorized chat room sites, I was able to chat honestly about my desire to suck a cock. I could talk honestly about that desire, because the other guy had no way of finding out who I was or ratting me out to my friends.

As I said, I was even afraid to talk one on one with guys I had met in person that I suspected of being gay. I always tried to end our conversations quickly. I always thought if someone saw me talking to a gay guy, that meant I had to be gay as well.

I was a truly paranoid homosexual.  

Because I was known so well in my area, I just could not get discovered or be outed.  Anywhere I went, I knew someone there. I met people 1500 miles away that I knew at Disney World while on vacation.

It always scared me when people seemed to know me, yet I did not know them. I finally found out during our conversations, by asking them, "How do you know me?" They admitted they had never met me before, they just knew who I was. That was very scary in my mind. I knew that just one little slip-up and my whole world would shatter.  I had to keep my secret at all costs. To this day I have not been found out that I know of.

I did still like pussy until I sucked my first cock at fifty-three years old, yet now I don't want a woman for sex. 

Again, why is that?

I had always hoped when I was young to meet someone that was bisexual like myself, if only he would admit he was bi or gay when we were alone in a conversation. Oh, how much easier my life would have been earlier in my life if I had met another bi or gay guy when I was a teenager! But I was never lucky until the Internet came along. The Internet has changed a lot of lives in the short time it has been around.

I finally found a thirty-eight year old, totally gay guy.  We were on a gay chat line, and he lived alone about fifteen miles away. I hoped the distance would keep anyone from finding out I was gay, when I finally went to visit him. As I now knew in my heart I was gay or bi, I really see no difference in the two labels. After meeting my chat friend, it was obvious my new chat friend was gay.   

Just one sentence from his mouth, combined with all of his mannerisms, told you he was gay! He was like reading a billboard.

It was not safe going into or out of his home, yet I did, daylight or dark of night.  Still I was afraid someone might see me and know me and for sure they knew that he was gay. Even where he lived I had friends or people that knew me in that area.

We agreed that I’d be going to his house and see if I really was interested in sucking cock. He knew I was a newbie and had never sucked a dick, I had told him in the chat room I was new to this. He offered me that first opportunity to find my true self, and answer the question... was I gay or not?

Upon meeting him, I was thrilled by his handsome looks and body. He was my height and a lot thinner, and a great kisser, with dark wavy hair. We chatted on his downstairs sofa for a while talking about guy sex, and just what had I done in my past to lead me down this road at fifty-three years old. 

Of course I was hard right away, which he could see as we sat there talking. He asked, "Could we kiss, or is that something you cannot handle?"

I replied, "Of course we can kiss. I love to kiss!"

We started kissing and fondling each for a few minutes on his couch and I was really enjoying it. I was also getting hornier by the minute.

Then he said, "Lets get comfortable upstairs in my bedroom."

I was very nervous, yet also ready for this to finally happen. This was going to be my first dick to suck!

I was amazed he was so casual and comfortable to be with.  I was totally surprised by the feelings of ease I had with him. It turned out to be nothing like I had been fearing or dreading. 

Upstairs, we got undressed and lay side by side kissing and feeling each other's cocks. Then he started kissing my neck, and then moved to my tits, sucking each tit and making me horny and excited. He then went down my stomach slowly to my navel as he stuck his tongue in it. It was such an awesome feeling to be with this man for my first real and honest time. I hope that every guy's first time would be as great as mine was!

He moved slowly down my abdomen, licking and kissing a trail down to my cock. Gently taking my cock in his lips and licking the huge amounts of pre-cum from the head of my dick, he said to me, "It tastes very sweet and good!" I make plenty of pre-cum when I'm excited.

He put his mouth so gently over my dick it was as if he was afraid of hurting me. The feelings I got from him were so good, and so much better to know a guy was at last sucking my cock instead of a woman.

I was in total shock about how much better a guy could suck my dick than my wife and a few other girls when I was a young man before marriage. After getting married, I never had sex with another woman.

He sold me on cocksucking right then and there! I was ready to try this for myself. I now had to ask him if I could suck his cock. He had not offered it to me. I had no idea how this was going to change my life or if it would, after I tried it. But I knew the time was here before me, and that really, this was the true reason I was here with him, to suck his dick--anyone's dick--before I died. It did not matter who he was really, as long as he had a swinging cock. I had to try it!

He then had this to say to me. "Look, if you're not comfortable doing this, I won't mind at all if you don't suck me!" He was saying, "Most gay guys love to give head whether they get it in return is not important."

I said, "No, I came here to try it and I’d like to get started and try it for real!"

Why was he trying to hold me back, I wondered to myself. "Please let me suck your dick" was all my mind could think at that moment. I knew I was not leaving his house until I had sucked his dick. And if I did not really like a cock after all, this can and might be my first and last!  Then I could at last move on in my life and stop thinking about sucking dick.

Again he said, "Look, if you end up liking this, you will probably be in divorce court within two years, as this lifestyle is hard on marriages." He professed that he knew of others this had happened to.

I guess being gay from birth, and meeting a lot of older guys like myself for his sex partners, he must have had some insight to guys and cocksucking. Now, today, I'm not so sure he was right about his way of thinking.

I thought to myself that I had seldom been getting any sex from my wife for quite a few years now, and this was exactly why I was here with him. Why would I stop now?

I do blame my wife, for actually driving me to explore this gay side of my newfound life of suckin' dick! Had she been cooperative in the bedroom, I doubt I would have pursued looking for a guy for sex or had the time for the Internet.  As I've said I was very scared all along of someone finding I was gay... scared enough to continue in my dreams and thoughts like I had for fifty-three years of my life! 

******************* 

Looking at dicks on the Internet had now gotten me pretty horny and longing to try sucking a cock. Somehow, I thought guy sex was easier to manage, because who really suspects guys just hanging out together?

Getting involved with another woman for sex, can and will eventually get us caught by our wives or girl friends. They can tell when we are cheating on them. How? Who knows!  I feel my wife suspected me of liking cock from early in our relationship. Why then, did she marry me? Was it because we shared the same sport her father and brother were in for many years? I was also very popular, as I said before. So was she willing to overlook the possibility I might be gay?

After getting married, I was not into getting laid by another woman because I felt that was adultery, even though I had been propositioned quite a few times over the years by women. Mostly, they attempted to pick me up because of my popularity, and somewhat because of my stature in the area. Still, I refused their offers. That went against my religion. Why was it I thought guy sex was not adultery?

As we all know, slipping around will be found out quickly by our wives anyway.  And my wife also knew some of these women that were hitting on me.

Somehow I felt guy sex was safe and easier to cope with all the way around.  

*******************

I now told him I was ready to face whatever came about and he offered his cock to me. I looked at it kissed it gently on the head and then licked it up and down the shaft. I was amazed at the firm yet soft great taste a dick can have. I swallowed it as far as I could before gagging a little, and when I came up I worked my tongue around the head to savor the best pre-cum flavor I had ever knew existed. I swallowed his dick over and over, as it seemed I could not get enough of this soft yet hard cock, and the feelings and tastes were so good. Licking his balls and putting each one in my mouth was such a turn on within my new adventure. Everything he had done to me minutes before I was now trying to duplicate with him, and I was trying to repeat all of this on his body and cock.

Feeling the touch and the pressure points on our bodies was exciting for my first time, but the next thing he did to me, sent me soaring to a totally new high.

I was treated to the best rimming that I could imagine. Previously, I had only seen this depicted on the Internet. I was on cloud nine by his mouth and tongue action on my asshole. I did not want to leave him after that, as I was in love with my first rim job. I knew I had been missing something special, a sensation that took me over the top with a new found sexual desire.

What a treat, but the pleasure also caused me to think about the loss over the previous years of my life. I was now getting pissed off at myself for what I had missed.

Even at this older age, there were many things I had not known or experienced--such as what pre-cum tasted like. I never thought of tasting my own pre-cum. Was I (or am I?) a prude?  Maybe! I guess I had not been part of a conversation with the guys about how cum or pre-cum tastes.

My wife hated blowing me for the half minute she did do it. So, of course she said nothing about that taste either. She was always worried I would cum in her mouth. Heaven forbid she taste a little cum! I tasted her pussy juice every time I ate her box--and I liked it too! 

*******************

I was new to this dick suckin', for sure. I started really enjoying another man's dick and his sweet tasting pre-cum. The soft yet hard feel of a cock in my mouth was something I had missed for too many years.

With this encounter, I now knew I was a totally confirmed cocksucker for life. My new thirty-eight-year-old chat friend and myself exchanged blow jobs for quite a while. Finally, I let him cum in my mouth as I sucked him hard and fast, wanting him to cum to completion in my mouth and not on my face. I had, and needed, to taste his cum for my first time.

He warned me it was coming, and he came quite a load. He told me not to swallow it. But he was too late; I already had swallowed his load. I loved the taste of his pure white cum. Yes, it has a taste that is different, yet I love it.

Now to me, nothing is better than pre-cum and good white cum, except perhaps for rimming, which I only did with one guy about seven years later.

But after my new chat friend rimmed me, I knew I was someday going to try giving a guy that same thrill! But I could not return a rim job at this time. My first rim was going to be some ways off.

My fears of what comes out of that hole are gross and smell really bad to me. I needed a safe and really clean guy to try it with. I needed time to get my thoughts together. But that will be another story for a later time. 

My friend and I met many times after this and eventually we fucked each other. But for some reason, it hurt me to get fucked more than it made me feel good. 

I love to get fucked now, so it must have been something between the two of us that just didn’t go right. 

The taste and feel of another man's body next to you is so different from the tender feelings one gets with a woman. Still, I now prefer a man. The feelings I get making love to a cock is the best sex I have ever had.  Why is this, and who really understands and knows that answer?

Of course a shrink might be able to tell us. He can tell us lots of things, but I believe gays, are simply born this way, and that our brains can never be re-wired to suit some dick of a doctor that thinks he can change us. As the old saying goes, "Money talks and bullshit walks!" Many doctors are in it for the money you provide for their telling you, "You can be converted to heterosexual." Bullshit! I believe we can never remove that desire for same sex gay leanings.

Yes, most of us are born "normal" and are heterosexual, but even a lot of those would like to try the gay side at least once before they die. However, many of them just do not have the balls to go forward and put it in their bucket list. Any and almost everything in life is worth a try at least once before we die! I have always believed that.

*******************

I decided I needed to be or appear to be heterosexual and to pursue girls when I was eighteen years old. I loved looking at beautiful girls. I had many girlfriends and loved pussy enough to want to get married, even though I secretly wanted cock.

I also loved to eat pussy when I was young. The taste and smell turned me on, even when it smelled like fish. My wife loved it when I ate her pussy, but she was not into blowing me for more than a minute. However, I loved the smell of my wife's pussy. 

******************* 

After this chat friend that took me into the true world of sucking dick, however, I knew I was now in love with cocks!

We enjoyed many encounters over a few years until I found on our last tryst together that he was getting into drugs, and that scared me. Once I discovered that, I stopped seeing him. I also found out he had lost his job, and now he had a few guys living with him for rent money. The guys had never been there in the past when I visited him. His looks and demeanor also changed quite drastically. Drugs seem to do that to people. I guess drugs age them faster, or it at least appears to be harder on a person's body.

I feel sorry for guys that need drugs to put the real world out of their lives. It never works, but they think otherwise until it hits them on the head and they start thinking straight. Some, however, never learn the bad effects that it has on them, and they continue on that self-destructive path.

As for me, I just feel less safe having sex with druggies, thinking who they may have slept with just to get money for drugs. Losing a job never helps a situation either.  

I’m not a prude about drugs, as I know a lot of guys into that scene. I try not to judge them, nor do I particularly care that they do what they do.  I feel it is their right to do whatever they want to themselves. I have simply told drug users I know for them not to expect me to join them, or for them to even be around me when they are doing them.

Those people and I still get along very well still to this day. They respect me for never talking about it with them or telling others about their use of drugs.

I hope this story rings true and makes sense to you.

Posted: 10/07/11