How I Got Caught

By: Gene Hemings
(© 2011 by the author)
Editor: Ken King

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

This is a true story. There are no names, to protect both of us! I am still in the closet at 68 years old.  

After my true story titled "My Best Time," I mentioned at the end of the story about the fact that I never got to see my Asian friend again. I loved this guy and I still do, yet the love for my wife of 42 years is still strong also. We all have love in many ways and with many people. It is just degrees of love that separate all the loves we have for our families and friends. Losing any one of our loves becomes hard to bear.

As I said in story number one, "Why Am I Gay?" it really is a shame how old age and time steals our youth and vigor, plus many other things about our health. I now have cancer to add to all the other old fart stuff.

I was in my mind always a homosexual, even though I was afraid to admit it--not just to others, but even to myself. I thought of boys' dicks and how good they looked when I got just a glimpse of them, and on longer looks it started me dreaming of touching their dicks and wanting to suck them.

Why is or was this happening to me, I asked myself often.  Or to be honest, I questioned my desire to look at cocks, every time I had the chance. Even as a little boy, I somehow knew and sensed this was wrong. At a young and tender age, I really don't remember anyone telling me it was wrong to look at other boys' dicks until I was eight or nine.

So just how is it for me, and I'm sure lots of other guys? We know boys' dicks are not to be looked at, no matter how or when that opportunity strikes.

My memory goes as far back as when I was probably two and a half to three years old. My wife and friends think I'm weird because I can remember things so far back.

I remember at the age of five going to take a piss with other boys in the bathrooms or urinals, yet I was the only boy looking at the other boys' dicks. Why? Why weren't they looking at mine or other boys? Of course there were some that looked, but not that many compared to those who did not look. How was it they were not as interested as I was in looking?

Still, I was probably eight or nine years old when I got scolded by the other boys for being caught looking at someone's cock. That first time I got caught let me know it was wrong.  Of course after that, I became aware of the fact I needed to be discreet and nonchalant as I stole my looks. 

And as I mentioned, it was about that age of nine that I saw my first uncut penis. After that I was just mesmerized by that type of penis look. Today I really prefer cut dicks.

I started trying harder to see if a guy was cut or uncut. And I wanted so badly to look at or touch an uncut cock, or any cock for that matter, and in the flesh. Just how was I ever going to do this? I kept thinking to myself, "Please let it happen," yet it was years before it did. Honestly, from the age of nine, I spent half of my waking hours thinking about some particular guy I thought was good looking, or any guy's dick I was around. I looked more at a guy's crotch than in his eyes. Maybe this was why I was asked by some guys, "Are you gay?"

"No," I said, always denying my sexual preference to all that questioned me. To this day, I feel those thoughts were my undoing in my educational performance. I always got C's and D's throughout my years of schooling. My concentration was really on cock, not schooling. My favorite subject was spelling and I was better at it than most. I think that was because I loved to read books. Reading helps us learn words and their meanings, plus you learn the spelling of those words. And you learn how words are used in paragraphs to make things flow for the reader. I say this here, but I know I still am not good or great at what I just wrote to you here. But all of us have "spell check," which I try to use every time I write something.

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To get back to my story here, I did my best to see what cocks I could spy without getting caught looking. I was about twelve when things really changed for the better for me. I had met a really good friend in my fifth grade class. We were truly closer than my one and only brother was to me. He and I became almost inseparable.

He had a lot of siblings, eleven or so. As a result, we had a lot of time to play together. His mother and mine were glad to have us out of the house--one less person to bitch at or watch. 

My buddy's older brother taught us how to jack off. That was really my first and only close up look at other boys' dicks. I was now in heaven. Well, of course my buddy and I talked about sex more than we ever did before our group jerk offs. I think he and I were really oversexed, but under learned. We jerked ourselves and each other after we discovered how good it felt. Neither of us was afraid to touch the others' cock.

As things always seem to go so slowly when you're young, we could not wait to be alone and jerk our chickens! My buddy and I spent years together jacking off, or so it seemed. We often talked and joked about the amount of time we spent jacking off together.

But it was the tent sleepovers that are to this day some of my favorite remembrances. This was when I finally told myself I was truly a gay person. I just was not ever going to out myself to the world. Back in the fifties it was not cool to be gay!

In our tent sleepovers we jerked our chicken heads off until they were sore and tender. Cumload after cumload, as many times as we could or had time for! I know I'm not alone talking about this kind of sex play with other boys. We usually keep it to our close friends and neighborhood buddies or our brothers, though I never once told my brother about jacking. We were not close at all.

But the best thing my buddy and I ever did together was the time we both tried sucking the others' dick.  

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  If you haven't read my story "Why Am I Gay?", which describes the tent sleepovers, please read it now, as it describes that scene in more detail. 

The feel, the taste, the softness yet hardness of sucking cock was just out of this world for me! I finally knew in my heart I was gay. I would not admit it to my buddy, though. I trusted him, but not so much that I was sure he would not out me if he was not as gay like me.  But to me, you're gay no matter what you may want to call yourself if you like dicks!

Some people like to say, "Oh, I'm bi not gay!" No, you're gay; but you just happen to like pussy, too!

I think from what I'm now learning at the ripe old age of 68, that guys who suck cock after their wives have died, say from cancer or something else, they get right into more dick sucking than pussy fucking. WHY? Because dicks are cleaner, not smelly, and much more fun. And we know what we want for our sex together.  Plus, guys are far less trouble than bitches could ever be! Women cost a hell of a lot more to keep up and keep them happy, and I don't mean money wise! You need to be a mind reader to keep them happy. Guys can move on down the road without so much as a "Fuck you, I'm outta here!" We don't get pregnant and need all that friggin' moral support just so we can get our rocks off! 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Again, if you have read my stories preceding this one, you might know more of how I think. Now, back to the story ... 

After getting my true real taste of dick, when I was 53 years old, I finally admitted to myself "I AM GAY!" I only wish I had sucked my buddy's dick when we were young. Perhaps I never would have gotten married and fucked up my wife's life with me by her side! She could have had a true heterosexual guy instead of gay ass me!

So finally, at 53, I did everything I could to find a real regular fuck buddy. This turned into sucking many dicks. I'd hate to even try to count the amount of guys my mouth has been around. Of this I am somewhat ashamed, because every new dick is a potential deliverer of a disease. Yet, I keep trying to find that buddy that lives next door that is just like me, and wants a safe quickie. I think I may be getting close. I can only hope!

When I came to Florida and found that so much of the state is filled with gays, I was now again in heaven. That was how I first happened upon the Orlando Club. That was where I eventually met the guy that started my wife looking into what I was doing and finally discovering my gay side.

She was in another state and I was required to call home to her every day, which was a pain in the ass. I was here in Florida to prove to her we could afford to live here. She thought that we could not afford the lower wages paid to Florida workers. Well, when I started seeing my Asian friend, it became harder to call her. This started the wheels turning in her head.

One night, just as my Asian friend and I had left the club together, I got a cell phone call from her asking me to take her out to eat. I said, "WHAT?" 

"Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm at the airport! Come and pick me up!" she said. I was about an hour from the airport, but I said, "Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."

She immediately suspected I was with another woman. We talked and talked and she kept asking questions as we ate our meal in the restaurant. She asked questions I knew I would someday have to answer truthfully, but on that night I tried to calm her down. However, I am, and always have been, a bad liar. Sure, I did my best at trying to cover my tracks with my Asian friend, but she knew something was not right. She made it clear she wanted me back home with her, not here in Florida!

I told her, "Look, I love this weather here, and I hate the cold and snowy north!" I somehow made it clear I was going to stay in Florida no matter what she did. I said, "You're welcome to move here with me, but I'm not going back up north."

Well, she left after a few days' stay, but we kept in close touch by phone every day after she left. Almost forty years together is not easy to erase. To be honest, we always got along really well. We rarely had bad arguments like a lot of our friends seemed to. We looked happy and we pretty much were happy together. However, my true desire was to be with my Asian friend.

It was her denying me her pussy that sent me looking for relief. The Internet provided the source of me getting further into my desire for dick! If the Internet was not available, I believe in my heart I probably would never have sucked another dick as long as I lived.

She finally told me she would move to Florida with me, but I needed to come back home to help get our house sold and put things in order for our move. I said, "Fine, I'll be there in a few weeks."

Needless to say, I was going to miss my Asian friend while I was back home. After I returned home, I talked to my friend on my cell phone outside our house. Every time she saw me on the phone she damn near ran to my side just so she could listen to my conversations. In response, I would hang up quickly with him.

A few days later she invited me to go out for lunch. As we were coming home, she asked me to just ride around so we could talk. I said okay.

She questioned me about my phone calls and why I ended them soon after she got close. She asked me for my phone, and I gave it to her. She asked, "Who is this name, who is that coded name?" I tried lying, but she saw right through my lies.

She said my wallet fell off the dresser and a bunch of stuff fell out. I knew this was a lie, because my wallet was never on the floor with things lying about. Of course, she denied looking through my wallet on purpose. The questions were too close to reality for it to be otherwise.

Finally, she asked me point blank, "Is there another woman in your life? I just don't like the things I'm finding."

I said, "No way would another woman be any part of my life!"

She said, "Well, who is it your talking to but then hang up when I show up?"

My love for my Asian friend and my missing him by now was just too much for me to keep inside my mind.

I blurted out, "I'm gay! I love to suck dick and have my dick sucked by another guy!"

She asked who it was. I told her about him. I was ready to tell the whole world I was gay and move to Florida to be with my Asian friend.

Then I offered her everything we owned to get out of the marriage, with the exception of one vehicle and my clothes. She was not about to give up on me, though. I was stunned by the fact she was not willing to give me a divorce. She suggested  I go through counseling. She told me it would get me past my love for dicks.

I told her I was not giving up my gay lover in Orlando!

Of course that brought on more bawling and tears, but I stood my ground about that.

I told her, "Look, no matter what, I will not see a counselor. To me, no matter how you try to deny you like dick, you will never correct that way of your life." And I believe that. Oh, you can try, but you will never convince yourself to be straight heterosexual. How can you take away something you have had in your life as far back as when you were really young? It will rear its head from time to time and haunt your breathing moments until the day you die! I could not change my ideals any more than I could refuse to piss!

So, somehow we decided to stay together. We moved to Florida together as I do still have a love for her. It is just not a sexual love anymore. She was so good with me. As she tried to save our marriage, she did things that were out of the ordinary for her. She tried to fuck my brains out, and she even sucked my dick, and she had made it clear before when she stated it was nasty doing that to me! She tried things on me when we were having sex that I had no idea she even knew about. But eventually I could not get my dick hard or keep it hard for a long enough period to satisfy either of us. The desire and spark for sex was gone between us, and so far it has not returned.

Why? I truly wish I knew. I could have the best of two worlds now. But as I saw how much she loved me and wanted us to be together, I decided to give up my Asian buddy. I just cannot hurt her any more with her knowing who he is.

I had the best sex with him that I had with any guy I was ever with intimately. I love him, yet he told me before my wife and I moved to Florida, he was not into loving me for any more than our sex together. So in hindsight, the way things have unfolded these past seven years proved to be a Godsend!

My wife and I are still together.

I still long to have my Asian buddy for my own, but I can't kidnap him and cage him like a pet! He is too nice and such a really good guy!  

I told him many times how good I felt when we were together. But the thing I want most for him is just for him to be happy in his life.

And if he doesn't love me, how could we both be happy?

Posted: 11/04/11