“P” Is For the Peeping Pat
by: E Walk
(© 2009-2010 by the Author)
 

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Chapter 9  

Who’s He

I was finally able to concentrate on my writing after dinner as long as I didn’t look at Pat’s body.  He was reading some stupid book by Sloane Stephens when the guys started to straggle in.  Shawn started to complain, “Dads, I never realized that working was going to be this hard.  I think I should apply for disability.  My legs and arms are so sore from so much walking and carrying.  I probably won’t even be able to go to church in the morning.”

Don was laughing, “Don’t believe him, Dads.  We practically had nothing to do.  Shawn isn’t use to having money in his pocket.  He’s been playing with it all night and it’s weighing him down.”

I looked at the guys, “Travis, your uncles are going to be arriving on Tuesday evening, so it might be nice if you went with whoever picks them up, so they would feel welcome.”

 

Travis frowned, “Mr. Sloane, I’m still surprised that they are coming at the same time.  I’ll have Shane fill in for me if I’m scheduled to work.”

Shane, who had arrived with Nate and Mike, moaned, “Forget it, dude.  Haven’t you heard?  I got canned tonight for spilling soup on that fat man’s non existing lap.  I think he peed his pants and I got blamed for it.  Dads, I’ll probably never be able to get a job in this town.  I guess I should pack my bags and leave town.”

The other five guys were laughing at Shane’s antics.  Nate sputtered, “Dads, don’t believe the little creep.  He got more compliments than rest of us combined.  Mrs. Janowski is threatening to clone him.  He’s like the invisible serving machine.”

“Where is Ethan?”

Shane put his hands on his hips, “Just like a father; they always worry about their baby.  If you must know, they went to Teddy’s house to get Teddy some go to church clothes.  Of course, we have no idea what else they might be doing.  I’m going to bed; I’m exhausted.”

After Shane had departed, Nate commented, “Shane has been a bundle of nerves all day.  It’s as if he was running on an adrenalin high.”

I looked at the other guys, “Shane has known since last night about Don and Mike’s parents.  He took the call from the State Department at four this morning, so he’s got to be operating on empty.  We’ll explain more later.  I suggest that the rest of you get ready for bed as well, since you have worked longer today than you have in your young lives.  Sheriff Kincaid and I’ll wait for the other two guys to check in.”

I was sitting next to Pat on the sofa when Ethan and Teddy finally arrived, Ethan started, “Dad, Mrs. Conklin asked what she could bring tomorrow and I told her I had no idea what you were planning on having us cook.  We’re to call her in the morning and tell what to bring.  Teddy’s sisters were already complaining about having to come to a dumb picnic party for someone they don’t know.”

Teddy added, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  The three girls are prima donnas of the worst kind.  All they think about is me, me, me.”

I shook my head, “Guys, go to bed.  It’s been a long day.”

When everything was quiet, Pat and I went to the bedroom.  “Sheriff, being the Dads of all these boys ain’t going to be easy.  We’ll probably be walking around with walkers before we’re forty.”

When Pat and I went downstairs in the morning, Shane was complaining, “Guys, if you’re going to have a midnight snack, that’s fine.  But could you at least put your things away and clean up your mess?”

I looked at Shane, “What’s the problem now, Shane?”

Shane pointed, “Look at this mess.  When I came into the kitchen this morning, there was jelly and peanut butter all over the place.  The person who had a snack hadn’t even closed the bread and it’s going to be stale.”

I watched as Shane cleaned up the mess.  Shane issued an ultimatum, “Guys, I may be the youngest, but I refuse to be your slave.   From now on, you people can clean up your own friggin’ messes.”

Shane turned and walked out of the kitchen saying, “You people can fix your own breakfasts.”

I started to stand and Pat stopped me, “Steve, let him go sulk.  He’ll be fine shortly, but I think someone owes Shane an apology for leaving the kitchen in such a mess.”

I looked at the other seven guys and they all had blank looks on their faces.  Nate spoke for them, “Sheriff Kincaid, I don’t think it was any of us who did this.  It must have been either you or Dad who made the mess.  Sheriff Kincaid, go talk to Shane and explain that it was probably the ghosts of the cabin who did it.  We’ll fix a light breakfast since Maylin will we be expecting us for our usual Sunday outing after church.”

Ethan asked, “What should we tell Ted’s parents to bring?”

“Tell them to bring some French bread since we’re having shish kebabs, rice pilaf and a tossed salad.  The meat is marinating for the kebabs and the vegetables have been precooked

We finally made it to church.  After church, I talked to the Senior Pastor, Dr. Flanagan, “Pastor Flanagan, my nephews and I need to talk to you about a Memorial Service for their parents.  When would be the best time for us to meet with you?”

“Steve, let’s go to my office and see if we can find a suitable time to meet.  My schedule is rather open this week.”

We went to his office and arranged for Don and Mike and me to meet with him at ten o’clock on Tuesday morning, since I would hopefully have more ducks in line by then.”

After a fun meal at Maylin’s, we made our way to the lake.  The guys weren’t interested in doing anything else.  I figured that they would want to stay in town and visit with some friends.

After getting properly attired, since it was just the ten of us.  Pat and I went into the kitchen to start to make the kebabs.  We were greeted by a mess, “Guys, please come into the kitchen.”

When Shane entered the kitchen, he stopped, “Holy Cow, there must be a ghost in this house.  Not only that, it’s a slob.  Look, there’s milk on the floor and the counter.  What did it eat this time?”

I looked at the eight guys, “There’s someone in the area and I’m guessing that the person isn’t very old.  Go see if you find the person.  You might need to put on some shorts and shoes so you can fan out.  The Sheriff and I will start fixing the kebabs as soon as we cleanup the mess.”

We watched as the guys went out the front door.  They had been gone about twenty minutes when Shane came in the deck door with a kicking, screaming boy whom I guessed to be six or seven.  Let me go, you prick, or I’ll bite you.”

Shane opened his mouth and showed his teeth, “You bite me and I’ll bite your ear off.”

The young boy all of a sudden stopped when he saw Pat and me standing there without any clothes, “Why aren’t those men wearing any clothes?”

“Because that’s the way we dress around here.  Get out of those clothes so you can’t run away and we can wash them.”

Shane shed his clothes, “Come on, we’re going to get you a bath; you’re filthy.  Dads, you need to let the other guys know that I found the criminal who’s been stealing our food.”

I put on my shorts and went to see if I could locate the other guys.  I didn’t see them, so I opened the van and started to honk the horn.  The guys heard the horn and started to return to the house.  “The criminal is now having a bath under the direction of Shane.”

When the seven guys and I were walking into the house, we heard Shane saying, “Look, kid, if you don’t do what I say, I’ll get my Dad to arrest you for stealing.”

 

“Your Dad can’t arrest me.  I didn’t do nothing.”

“Yes he can.  He’s the Sheriff and he saw how you spilled milk all over the place and I’ll go get the box of cereal and bag of cookies you stole and we’ll take your fingerprints.  We need to help fix dinner. Get that stool so you can go to work.  Dads, what do you want me and the criminal to do?”

The boy looked at Pat, “Are you really the Sheriff?”

“Yep.”

“Please don’t arrest me, Sheriff.  I only took a little bit to eat because I was hungry.”

Pat stooped down, “I won’t arrest you if you tell me your name and why you’re out here in the woods by yourself.”

“My name Tommy and I runned away because I didn’t like the people that I was living with.  They were mean to us.”

Shane knelt down, “Tommy, who were you living with and why do you say they were mean.”

“I lived in this big house with about twenty other boys and the people were always yelling and saying they was going to whip us if we didn’t do what we were supposed to do.”

All of the guys were listening and Nathan asked.  “Tommy, where was this big house and how did you get way out here if you runned away?”

“The house was in the big town.  I climbed out the window last night and started to try to find someplace to go.  I heard people talking and I got into a car and this is where it brought me.  I slept in the car last night.”

Teddy had a funny look on his face, “Tommy, which car did you come here in?”

Tommy looked at the guys, “The one that you were driving with Ethan, why were you guys kissing each other?”

Ethan and Teddy started to blush.  Shane giggled, “Tommy, did they do anything else.”

Tommy shook his head, no, “Ethan said something about taking care of business later whatever that meant.”

Both Ethan and Ted were holding their breaths.  I decided to take them off the hot seat.  “Sheriff, I think you need to call your office to see if Tommy has been reported missing.  Ted, why don’t you call your Dad and tell him what’s happening to see if his office has any reports of Tommy being reported missing.”

“We need to get cracking on fixing things for dinner.  Nate and Ethan, help Shane and Tommy make the kebabs.  Don and Mike, why don’t you make the tossed salad.  Shawn and Travis, why don’t you get the tables and chairs that are in the shed and set them up on the deck and we’ll eat out there.”

I was finishing the rice pilaf when Pat returned, “We have no reports of any missing children.  What do you need me to do?”

I looked around to see if Teddy had surfaced.  He was just returning, “I’m sorry it took so long but Dad had to call all the precincts to see if Tommy had been reported and there are no reports of any missing children in Lincoln at this time.”

I patted Tommy on the shoulder, “It looks as if you’re stuck here with all of us guys bossing you around.  Teddy, do your parents drink wine?” 

Teddy nodded, “Yes, they’ll probably have a glass or two, but they are not big drinkers.”

Everything was ready to go and I looked around.  Okay, men, we need to get ready for mixed company.  Ethan, give Tommy a tee shirt to wear until his clothes are dry.  Nate and Don are you picking up your dates or are they driving here?”

Nate answered, “We told them we’d pick them up at five.”

Shane asked, “Teddy, how old are your sisters anyway?”

Teddy shrugged his shoulders, “I think Lisa is 15, Beth is 13 and Tammy just turned seven.  They all think they’re princesses and keep ordering me around.  That’s why it's so nice to be able to get out of the house.”

Shane giggled, “I guess it’s rather hard to have any privacy when they’re around.”

Tommy was complaining, “Shane, tell the dryer to hurry up.  I feel like a girl with this shirt on.  I don’t want anybody to see me like this.”

I looked at Pat, “I think your youngest son is going to have a shadow for as long as Tommy is here.”

Pat put his arm around me, “I wish we knew more about Tommy.”

“Shane will find out the story.  I’ll call Mrs. Hood tomorrow and see what we should do.  We can’t become too attached.  Why does everything have to happen at the same time?  I’m concerned because Don and Mike have shown no real emotion about the loss of their parents and I know for a fact that they were close to both of them.”

“What’s going to happen when Travis’ uncles arrive?  There are so many unknowns right now.”

Our discussion was interrupted by the arrival of Shane and Tommy; Tommy looked at Pat and me.  “Misters, what do you want me to call you?  I know you aren’t my Dads, but can you make it so I can stay here and don’t have to go back to that big house?”

I leaned down and hugged Tommy, “Tommy, we’ll see what’s going to happen tomorrow.  Let’s just have a good time tonight, while we can.”

Tommy hugged me so hard that I thought he was going to choke me, “Please, Dad Steve, make it so I can stay here.  Dad Pat, you aren’t going to arrest me for taking the food, are you?”

“No Tommy, I’m not going to arrest you.”

I looked at Shane and he was feigning his innocence and was looking around the ceiling to keep from laughing.  He was saved by the sound of the doorbell.  “Come on, Sir Thomas, we’re in charge of greeting the guests.”

Shane and Tommy returned with Grandma Kincaid who was carrying a card and Shane was carrying a big sheet cake that said Happy Birthday Travis.  After she hugged Pat and me she turned her attention to Tommy, “How long have you been here, Tommy?  Are these people being nice to you?”

Tommy pointed to Shane, “He captured me this afternoon and everyone has been mean to me, in a nice way.”

Mrs. Kincaid frowned, “Patrick, it seems that you have some explaining to do.”

After everyone had arrived, Pat was making sure that everyone was taken care of.  I was cooking and I watched as Mike, Shane and Tommy played mouse and cat games with Teddy’s three sisters.  Chief Conklin came to where I was cooking the shish kebabs, “Okay, Steve, we surrender.  Now that your people have absconded with our four children.  What are you going to do about it?”

I laughed, “Why whatever do you mean, Chief Conklin?  My boys would nevah do such a thang?”

“Sloane, don’t play games with me?  You know and I know that your son and my son are shacking up.  Look at our three innocent daughters being seduced by three of your boys.  They threatened on the way here that they weren’t going to talk to anyone.  I’ll say this for you, you sure do have a handsome stable.  Teddy told us about Don and Mike’s parents and how you found Tommy.  You’re going to run out of room for everyone to sleep.”

“We already have.   Please inform everyone that dinner is ready.”

The meal went well with everyone sitting in age groups.  Everyone was laughing, so that was a good sign.  Travis was a little overwhelmed when he got his cards with gift cards since we didn’t know what he needed or wanted.

When the Conklins were leaving, the three daughters came up to me and thanked us for inviting them they said they had had a wonderful time.  Mrs. Conklin was laughing as she came to thank me, “These young men are snake charmers.  Don’t let them get away.  I can hardly wait to hear what the girls have to say when we get home.  Please don’t let Teddy get hurt.”

After Nate and Don departed with their dates, everyone shed their clothes faster than a rattlesnake striking a moving target.  The seven remaining guys were in the kitchen taking care of the cleanup when Shane and Tommy came to where Pat and I were sitting.  Shane looked at us, “Dads, Tommy wants to know what’s going to happen to him?”

“Guys, I’m going to call Mrs. Hood, tomorrow and tell her what’s happening.  If I don’t, I could wind up in jail.  I honestly haven’t the foggiest idea what’s going to happen.  But I can assure you that we won’t let Tommy be hurt.”

Tommy started to cry, “Why can’t you make them let you be my daddy like Dad Pat is Shane and Shawn’s daddy.  Don’t you like me?”

 

Talk about another kick in the groin, I pulled Tommy onto my lap even though I was naked, “Tommy, I would love to have you be my son, but I can’t just make it happen.  A lot of people will need to decide if I would be a good daddy for you.  You might decide you don’t even like us.”

“Daddy, please try.”

Tommy kissed both Pat and me, as he was leaving; I looked at Pat, “This is all your fault.  If you hadn’t been spying on us, none of this would have ever happened.”

“Sure, blame me.  I’ll just have to punish you in bed tonight.”

“Promises, promises.”

To be continued...

Editor's Notes:  I knew there was going to be a kid show up, when the missing food, or mess caused by food, turned out to be peanut butter and jelly.  Tommy seems to be a nice kid. 

I really do think it is time for them to get a bigger place.  I wonder if it is cheaper by the dozen.

I can hardly wait to see Travis' two uncles.  Maybe we will meet them in the next chapter.  Let's hope so.

Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher

Posted: 12/03/10