You Ainít Santa Claus
by: E Walk
(© 2009 by the Author)
The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the
author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
Oh, What A Night
As Dan and I were leaving, the four guys were in the game room with the four animals. I called down to them, "Guys, we're leaving now."
Ryan called back, "Goodbye Dads, don't worry; we'll be good. Have a good time."
When we got to the big house, everyone who was going was ready to depart. Ian and Tessa decided not to go. Ian explained, "I think someone should be here just in case something should happen somewhere on the spread. Besides, Tessa and I have been to The Golden Nuggets several times."
That made the carpool arrangements easy. The parents were going to ride in Dad Thornton's car and Dan and I were going to ride with George and Bruce. Dan was sitting in the back, next to Bruce in his wheelchair, and I was sitting in the front passenger's seat.
We were talking and I mentioned, "Dan and I were just talking while we were taking care of a few things, and we wondered ifÖ"
Dan interrupted. "You mean you were wondering."
"Okay, so I was wondering if the two of you make love?"
George started to laugh, "Guys, I hate to have to be the person to inform you, but your sons' uncle is a sex fiend and would spend his life in bed if he could."
Bruce started to laugh, "Don't believe him, guys, it's George who won't allow me to sleep more than two hours at a time. In answer to your question, Kirk. Yes, we make love. We just need to be a little more innovative than most couples because of my disabilities."
He continued, "It took me a long time to realize that I needed to get on with my life. If it hadn't been for George showing me the way, I would probably still be in a care facility. He prefers to stay out of the spotlight though, because of something that happened earlier in his life."
George resumed, "To put it grossly, I knocked up a young woman in my senior year of high school. We knew we didn't love each other, so we chose not to get married. By that time, I had already realized that I was gay. My parents disowned me when they found out what had happened."
"I now have a very handsome son who is fourteen. He reminds me of Shawn in many ways. His mother subsequently got married to a wonderful man. My son's mother and stepfather and I have an arrangement so that I am his uncle and I go see him every couple months. We have agreed that when Jacob turns 18 we'll inform him that Iím his father. It will be up to him to decide what he wants to do, after that."
The conversation was cut short because we arrived at the club. We made our way into the crowded club and were shown to a table for twenty people. We were the first of our group to arrive. We were soon joined by the Beltons and the Hollands. I made the introductions because I had previously met all of them.
Bruce introduced the rest of the people as they arrived. Everyone was seated and Dad leaned over, "I think I'm in trouble."
"What's wrong, Dad?"
Dad motioned to a table across the room.
I looked at the people at the table, "That can't be Mr. Creswell, but it sure looks him."
Dad nodded that , "It's him and he happens to be the President of our Board of Trustees at the church back home. He'll probably have me fired if he sees me."
Bruce had heard the conversation, "Stan, you should be proactive rather than reactive. Go talk to him to let him know that you saw him."
Dad sputtered, "But he's not with his wife. I don't recognize any of the people at his table."
Bruce started to laugh, "All the more reason for you to go let him know that you saw him here. Take Kirk with you and talk to him. Think of it as reverse blackmail."
George looked at us, "That sounds like a good idea to me."
Dad and I walked to the table where Mr. Creswell was sitting and Dad started, "Norm, I'm surprised to see you here. Where Joanie?"
The man turned red, "She decided to stay with the nieces and nephews. Why are you here, Reverend Richter?"
"We came to see some of the young people who work for my son and his family, perform. You remember Kirk, don't you?"
Mr. Creswell stood and I shook his hand. He volunteered, "We're here to see my nephew perform as well."
I commented, "I know at least six of the young men who are performing tonight. Who is your nephew?"
"His name is Larry Smith. He's a student at the university. You probably wouldn't know him."
"Oh, but I do. He delivered some furniture to our house, yesterday and he was in one of my classes last semester. It was nice talking to you. We need to get back to our table. The show is about to begin."
We made it back to our table just in time, because the emcee came out and started his spiel.
Bruce leaned over to us and whispered, "I haven't had the opportunity to see the first couple perform, but my manager tells me they are very good."
The first two performers were Jeremy and Larry from the furniture delivery episode yesterday. They were indeed very good. The second set of performers were John Winston and Bill Murphy. They did a totally different routine than they had the last time that we had seen them, and I was watching to see how their parents would react when people started to put money in their briefs.
Bruce leaned over to us, "These next two acts draw the biggest response from the audience. Your sons know all four of the young men."
The next two performers were dressed as Zorro and started to cavort around the stage with their fake swords, or at least I hoped they were fake. As Brandon and Will ended their routine, they were down to their flesh colored bikini briefs that left nothing to the imagination. By the time they departed from the stage, their briefs were so full that they looked as if they had gained at least twenty pounds and it was all in the pubic area.
The emcee came on, "I always wondered what Zorro would look like without clothes, and now I know. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to get ready for the moment you've been waiting for. Here are Father Time and Baby New Year."
Vince came staggering onto the stage dressed as Father Time and Alex came crawling onto the stage as a baby sucking on a bottle. Their routine was ingenious and they had it timed perfectly so that they were finally down to just their skimpy swimsuits at exactly midnight when the lights started to flash and confetti began to fall and the noise makers sounded.
I was feeling sorry for Vince and Alex. I figured they wouldn't be getting anything stuffed into their briefs because everyone was celebrating the arrival of the New Year. Boy was I wrong. No wonder they could afford a white Corvette.
I was surprised when all of the eight guys brought chairs and sat down at the table with us. Brandon put $1212.00 down in front of Dan and me. "Here's the first month's rent in advance. By the way, does this include a condominium fee or is that extra?
Dan shook his head no, "You are safe for another five years there. We paid for a five year package deal in September because it would save a bundle in the long run. The company is responsible for lawns, the exterior of the building and the snow removal."
Will grinned, "Well at least we will only have to worry about our parents properties."
Ginger Belton came to talk to us. "Kirk and Dan, I can see why the guys have become attached to your family. I'm relieved that their relationship and how they have been making their extra money has finally surfaced. In fact, I think all of the parents are relieved. I was talking to Alex's mother and she is so relieved that he isn't into drugs or prostituting his body."
As we were leaving The Golden Nuggets, I heard two young men talking. This is the third year that I have come here for the New Year's bash and this is by far the best yet."
As we were riding home, Bruce told us, "The manager said that this was probably the best night we have ever had. Of course, the last four entertainers that we saw tonight are the best that we have. I have restricted them from working more than one or two nights a week. But most of them come a lot of evenings to watch the other performers to get ideas and practice new routines. I thought that Brandon and Will's routine tonight was exceptionally clever. I was almost afraid that they were going to cut each other's briefs off."
When we arrived at Belle Monte, we went in to visit with my parents. I looked at them, "So, what did you think of the show tonight?"
My staid Dad answered, "Well, I learned that the male body can be a beautiful sight."
My Mother was caught by surprise, "Stan, you're a man of the cloth and shouldn't be talking like that."
"Mary, all I was saying was that women have been showing their bodies off on the Miss whatever pageants for years. What the guys did tonight is no worse than that."
Dan's mother commented, "As most of you know, I'm an aficionado of ballet. The young men tonight could give some of the touring professionals' lessons on how to properly entertain people."
Bruce looked at his watch, "People, it's after one o'clock. I suggest that we go to bed. Tessa is going to have a brunch ready for ten in the morning, since the Richters and the Thorntons have said they are going to be leaving tomorrow,"
My Dad chuckled, "I need to get home in time to revise my message for Sunday."
Dan and I hugged everyone goodnight. When we arrived at the Little House, there were four sleeping young men in the sleeping bags in front of the fireplace, with the puppies and the kittens. The animals looked up at us, but didn't move from where they were. Dan and I went to our bedroom as quietly as we could, so we wouldn't awaken the boys. I made sure that we closed the door and we shed all of clothes and crawled into bed after brushing our teeth.
Again that was the wrong thing to do, because the next morning there was a knock on the bedroom door, I sat up and called, "Come in."
That was the wrong thing to do because two teenage boys in nothing but their briefs followed by two younger boys carrying food entered. Shane spoke for them, "Your sons wanted to serve you a light breakfast in bed to hold you until the brunch at ten o'clock. You might want to go to the bathroom before you eat."
I needed to go to the bathroom bad, so I crawled out of bed even though I was naked as did Dan. We heard Ryan say, "See, we told you they wouldn't have any clothes on."
When we came out of the bathroom, we put on some briefs. Shane commented, "The scenery was much more interesting without the briefs."
The guys handed us the breakfast trays and Nathan admonished us, "Don't yell at us if we don't pick up our clothes. This room's a mess. I guess I need to call Viola Swamp and report you."
When Dan and I were ready for the day, we took our breakfast in bed dishes to the kitchen and we saw the four guys in the yard with the two puppies and two kittens. They had put ropes on their collars and would only let them go so far. We went out to see what was happening.
Nathan looked at us, "We're trying to teach the animals that they can only go so far."
Dan frowned, "Guys, we need to go to a pet store and get them some leashes that only let them go so far. We should probably buy some healthy treats to reward them when they've been good. We need to get ready to go to brunch."
Ryan looked at us, "Okay Dad, you critters heard our Dad. We need to go to the big house. If you mess in the house, we'll barricade you in the sun room and you won't be able to sleep with us anymore."
We were finishing our brunch and my Dad announced, "We need to be leaving."
Nate jumped up, "You can't leave yet, we have to get the eggs for you to take home. Shawn, can you take me so I can pick some fresh eggs for our Grandparents while Ryan and Shane help with the dishes."
Shawn and Nathan disappeared and everyone was laughing.
Shawn and Nathan arrived in a golf mobile. We were to find out that Nate and Ryan owned three of them. Nate was holding four dozen eggs when he climbed out of the golf mobile. He handed two dozen two each set of parents. Me and Shawn just picked these, so they're good and fresh. We didn't even wash them, but they're not too dirty."
As the parents were getting ready to depart, Ryan wanted to know, "You're coming back aren't you."
My Mother answered, we'll be back as soon as we can, but you need to come to see us, next."
Ryan was very serious, "Grandma, I don't know how we can get away. We have puppies, kittens and horses that we need to take care of. We'll come as soon as we have someone who will take care of the animals."
We were waving goodbye to both sets of parents when a phone chimed. Everyone looked around to see who had a phone since most of us didn't.
George pulled out his phone, "This is George Masters."
He must have hit the speaker activation when he answered. We heard a voice, "Dad, come get me. Why have you people been lying to me all this time?"
George asked, "Jacob, is that you?"
The voice sounded like it was crying, "Yes it's me. How many other sons do you have? Please come get me, and I mean now. I'm scared and I'm here by myself."
George was shaking, "Could someone please drive me to see Jacob?"
Dan pointed to me, "Kirk, take George to see Jacob. We'll take care of the animals"
I drove George to where he directed me and when I parked, he looked at me, "Kirk, please come with me. I think that Jacob might be a very angry person right now."
We didn't even have a chance to ring the doorbell before it opened and a defiant young man was almost screaming, "You son of a bitch, why couldn't you have told me that you were my father, instead of pretending that you were my uncle."
I tried to relieve the tension, "Jacob, I'm Kirk Richter. Why don't we go sit down and discuss what's happened without everyone in the neighborhood hearing what is being said."
Jacob looked at George, "Who is this man anyway? Is he your boyfriend? I know you're queer. I've known it for a long time. I heard Mother and Dad talking about it. I don't understand why you couldn't tell me you that you were my real Dad."
George hugged Jacob, "Son, we were trying to make your life as easy as possible. We were going to tell you when you turned eighteen. But could you please not refer to me as being queer. I may be gay but I'm not queer. Dr. Richter is not my boyfriend. He has his own partner and two wonderful sons. I have my partner who is now at Belle Monte."
Jacob asked, "What the hell is Belle Monte?"
I stood, "Jacob, if you are going to be around our sons, I would request that you refrain from using vulgar language. We'll take you to Belle Monte so you can see what it is, after you get a couple of changes of clothes; make sure they are suitable for being on a farm."
Jacob left and returned with a duffel bag, He explained, "I just threw in some old things."
I was driving but I could see Jacob in the back seat, "Jacob, what made you decide that Mr. M asters was your father?"
"My mother and stepfather are visiting Grandpa and Grandma Bates with my step brothers and sisters. I couldn't go because I have to do something in church on Sunday. Anyway, Mr. Bates called me last night and asked me to open the safe in the den because he needed some information. I found what he wanted, but I also found my birth certificate. At first I didn't think too much about it, but this morning I looked at it again and I realized what it was saying,"
The conversation was interrupted by us arriving at Belle Monte. Jacob looked out the window, "Holy shit! Somebody has to be rich."
I turned around, "Pardon me, what did you say?"
Holy Moly! Somebody has to be rich."
To be continued...
Editor's Notes: Yes, indeed, I am certain that E Walk has contracted the infamous AAKD. In case you don't know, that stands for Add A Kid Disease. I'm afraid that there is absolutely no cure for this malady, but with proper care, we all get to meet some really wonderful kids.
It was very nice to see that the parents were not upset at the guys for working at the Golden Nuggets. I think it is going to be a lot of fun to see what happens next time, and to see what Jacob thinks of Belle Monte and everyone there.
Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher