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My name is Brian Hargrove. I was eighteen when I graduated from high school and joined the Army. Since early childhood I knew I was gay, but had never acted on my sexual cravings for other guys. I was too shy, too introspective, too scared to get involved. Although I was always masculine acting, I had the feeling the others at school suspected I was gay, especially since I was never known to make out with a girl. I dated for appearances sake in an effort to keep my parents unaware. But I was always uncomfortable, and I was never able to brag truthfully that I was into fucking girls, as my friends were fond of doing. In fact, I'd never fucked anyone. The closest I ever came to any kind of sexual activity with someone else were the few times my friends talked me into joining their circle-jerks. I loved those times because it gave me a chance to see other guys naked and jerking off. Otherwise, it was always just me and my fantasies as I masturbated every night.

My parents had expected me to take advantage of a college scholarship I'd received, but I wanted more than anything to get away from school and my friends, at least for a while. And joining the Army is what I chose to do. I did well in Basic Training and was able to come to terms with the abuse I and the others suffered at the hands of the drill sergeants and the particularly harsh commander of that basic training unit, Lieutenant Jake Cramer. I developed a strength of mind, much to my own surprise, and was able to get through it all with little difficulty.

During one of the final weeks of training, we were all given a three-day pass one weekend and allowed to go into town. For some reason, I didn't want to go with the others. I knew they were all interested only in spending their weekend whoring around and getting drunk. Instead, that first night, I just went over to the PX where I could be alone and enjoy a few beers. It was a crummy temporary building. Actually, it was nothing more than a shack, rather depressing in a way. But it would be a chance for me to be alone and away from all the hectic goings-on during training.

Just as I had ordered a second beer, I was stunned to look up and see Lieutenant Cramer walk in. He was still in uniform, but with his tie loosened. As much as I despised the man, I'd always found him handsome. Classically handsome with large brown eyes and dark brown hair. His lips were full and his cheeks were indented with deep dimples. There was a gentle curve to his patrician nose. I'd been told he was only twenty-eight years old.

When I saw him approaching, I stood up in reflex. "Good evening, Sir."

"Sit down," he said. "We're not playing Army tonight."

I was stunned when Cramer sat down across the table. I'd been led to believe that fraternization between officers and enlisted men was frowned upon.

"Why aren't you in town, Hargrove, with the rest of the men," he said, "instead of looking like you've got no friends."

"I just wanted to be alone for a change and have a few beers in peace and quiet."

Cramer ordered a beer and chug-a-lugged the whole mug, following it with a long rolling belch. "I couldn't stand sitting around in my room over at the BOQ any longer. I was about to go ape shit."

I watched him attack his second mug of beer. He seemed so different, sad and depressed looking. "I thought you lived with you wife in town, sir. I didn't know you had a room at the BOQ."

Cramer hiccupped. "I did live with my wife in town, but now I'm staying on Base. I walked out on the bitch a couple nights ago."

"I'm sorry." It was all I could think to say.

"Don't be sorry," he said. "She's a whore. I should have left her long ago."

I couldn't believe he was telling me this. "A whore?"

"Listen, Hargrove, don't get yourself tangled up with any of these fucking bitch whores. They're all fucking sluts. All women are fucking sluts."

"I'll remember that, sir."

"I knew she'd been fucking some other cocksucker, but couldn't prove it. Then the other night, I walked in on her and found her in my bed with two other fuck heads, two majors, sucking them both off. The rotten bitch whore."

"Sir, maybe you shouldn't be telling me all this. It's a personal thing and I think . . . ."

"Shit, I don't care who knows it. Let the whole fucking camp go over there and screw her fucking cunt. Her fucking ass cunt's so big and wide open, you could drive a truck into it."

"But . . . ."

"Listen, Hargrove. I've got to tell somebody. You're a good man, Hargrove. I like you. You're the best trainee we have in this unit. You do what you're told and you do it good. I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you."

Cramer was now working on his fourth mug of beer. He was leaning over and supporting himself with his arms splayed across the table. I could tell he was really hurting over his wife's actions, and I had to fight the urge to reach over and hug him. He was no longer talking to me as officer to enlisted man. We were just two guys with our own problems. He was talking freely about his, but I was saying nothing about my own. I wanted to tell him I understood and that I loved him. My God, how I loved him at that moment. Earlier that day, I hated him, but now I wanted him in my arms more than I've ever wanted anything.

"The fucking whore bitch." His eyes were closed and it looked as though he could hardly hold his head from dropping to the table. "That cocksucking slut bitch."

"Sir, I . . . ."

"Don't call me sir, Hargrove." He was babbling now. "I'm just plain Jake Cramer, the world's biggest fucking ass fool." He raised his head up and looked at me. His eyes were red and watery. "My cock's as good as any. I could fuck that slut's cunt as good as any fucking Major can."

"I'm sure you . . . ."

"I'm pissy ass drunk, Hargrove. I better get back to the BOQ." Cramer tried to stand, but he fell back in his chair. "Shit. I can't make it."

I stood up and walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Sir, you've got to get back to your room. You can hold on to me as we walk. It's not very far."

I helped Cramer to his feet and put his arm over my shoulder.

"Hargrove, you're a good man." His voice was slurred. "I like you. You're the best we have in this Army. We need more like you."

We struggled across the parade ground to the BOQ and into his room.

"Sir, I'll leave you here. Enlisted men aren't allowed in here."

"Shit, man, you're not just an enlisted man. You're Brian Hargrove. My good buddy, Brian."

Cramer threw himself full-length on his bed. "Come here, Brian, and sit on the side of the bed and talk to me. You're a good man. I like you."

"I know, sir. You've told me. I think you should get out of your uniform before you go to sleep." I was beginning to feel feverish at the thought I might see him without his clothes.

Cramer tried to sit up and tugged hard his shirt, snapping off one of the buttons. "Shit, I can't."

"Let me help you, sir." He didn't fight me as I unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. He just lay there looking at me as I took off his shoes and socks. I reached under him and lifted his hips just enough where I could slip his pants down. All the while, I was thinking I shouldn't be doing this. If someone were to catch me in that room, I'd be in deep trouble. I couldn't take my eyes off the gentle curve of his leg muscles, covered with a soft dusting of light brown hair. I wanted to bury my face in the soft swirls of hair on his chest. But I made no move that would indicate to him I wanted his body.

All that remained were his jockey shorts, under which was a clearly delineated soft penis and the definite outline of two balls. I wanted to remove his shorts, but I knew that most guys sleep in their underwear. He tugged clumsily at the band of his shorts and then let his hand fall to the side.

"Do you want to get out of those?" I said.

A slight shrug of his shoulders indicated he didn't care. I very slowly put both hands on the sides of the band and carefully pulled them down while I watched his eyes to see how he would react. He made no move to stop me. Suddenly appearing was a large bush of dark pubic hair that extended almost from hip to hip, with a very heavy line of black hair extending up to his navel. His circumcised penis was still soft but long enough to lie lazily over to the side on his thigh. As I lowered his shorts, I felt on my hands the erotic feel of the soft hair on his legs. I could feel my own hard penis throbbing inside my shorts.

When I finished, I got up and hung his clothes neatly over the back of a chair. Looking back at him, I saw him staring at me.

"Come here and sit down," he said almost incoherently. "Talk to me. You're a good man, Brian. I like you."

"I know, sir."

"Nobody likes me. You know that? Nobody like me."

"I don't believe that."

"Everyone hates me. My fucking wife hates me. Everyone I work with hates me. All you guys in the unit hate me."

"I don't hate you, sir."

Cramer looked as though he had tears in his eyes. Then with a pleading expression in his eyes, he said, "Would you lie down next to me for a little while? You're like a friend . . . Brian. I need to feel close to you. Do you understand?

"Yes, sir." I slowly lowered myself down on the bed next to him. He rolled to his side facing me and moved his arm over on my chest. I could feel him holding on to me tightly. I felt as though I was burning up with a fever. My longing for him was almost more than I could bear. I felt his hand moving up to my neck and then my cheek.

"I've never had friends," he murmured. "But you're like a friend, aren't you? I feel so close to you."

"Yes . . . Jake . . . I am your friend." I took a chance calling him by his first name.

"Your skin is so soft, Brian. You're a gentle person. I can tell. No one's ever been gentle with me . . . except you."

His hand was now on my arm, moving it very lightly over my skin up under my short sleeve.

"Brian, I like you because no one has ever been so nice to me. There's something about the softness of your skin that makes me want to be close to you. I've never felt this before."

My mind was spinning in all directions, and I blurted out, "Do you want me to take off my shirt?"

He nodded.

I sat up and removed my shirt and, at the same time, took a chance and loosened my belt and unzipped my pants. When I laid back down, he rolled close to me again and pressed his cheek against my chest.

"Thank you, Brian. Feeling close to you like this is something I've never felt before. There's something about you that makes me want to be close to you."

I slowly rolled over on my side facing him and brought my hand over to his back and down over his firm ass cheeks. I could feel him pulling himself closer to me as I did that. His eyes were closed, but our lips were only a fraction of an inch apart. I wondered if I were to touch his lips with mine, would he pull away. I did it very lightly, but he didn't pull away. I even ran my tongue over his lips, and he still didn't pull away. But he simply said again, "I feel so close to you."

Now feeling a little more brave, I moved one hand down over his stomach between us and through his bush until I felt his penis. It was as hard as steel. As we lay still, the thought came to me that he didn't know what was going on, what we were doing. He was drunk. Maybe in his drunken haze he thought I was a woman. I hoped he wouldn't remember any of this the next day. If he did, he'd punish me and have me expelled from the Army. But my mind was blurred by a sexual frenzy for this man, the first man I had ever touched in this way.

Then he said, "I'm pretty hard, aren't I?

I knew he could feel my fingers on his penis.

He opened his eyes and looked into mine, only a couple of inches away. "Are you hard, too, Brian? Do you feel like I do? You are so kind and so gentle. Do you have this special feeling like I have? Do you like being close to me as much as I like being close to you?"

"Yes, Jake, I do like being close to you. And, yes, I'm hard, too."

Cramer suddenly reached down into my open pants and ran his fingers over my penis and balls. "I like the feeling I have for you. It's a very strange feeling, but a wonderful one. Do you have the same feeling?"

"Yes, I do," I said as I quickly raised my hips and pulled down both my pants and my Jockey shorts.

Cramer cast his eyes over the full length of my naked body. "I like this. I like this more than anything else. I've never felt like this before. I just feel so good."

I brought my lips close to his and we kissed deeply, slashing at each other's tongues.

Once again, he said, "I've never felt like this before. You are so . . . ."

He didn't finish his sentence before we were again kissing deeply. He then moved his head down over my chest and stomach, kissing and licking it.

"Your skin is so soft. So gentle."

I was suddenly conscious of his lips and tongue on the head of my penis. I said, "Would you like me to do that, too?"

"Yes."

I quickly turned around into a 69 position and took his penis into my mouth. My mind was whirling. I was sucking the penis of my commanding officer, this beautiful man who had found in me something more wonderful than he'd ever known. I was very close to cumming and was afraid he would be shocked and hate it if I were to cum into his mouth.

"Jake, I'm pretty close to cumming."

He only nodded his head as he continued to suck. Then I let it go, as I felt my sperm surging up my shaft sending powerful volleys into his mouth. At that moment, his penis enlarged in my mouth and beat against my tongue with every shot of sperm. We lay there with each other's penises in our mouths for several minutes. I wondered whether or not he swallowed my semen, as I had his.

Soon, he pulled off and lay quietly. He had obviously swallowed it. I was afraid to move. Now that he had had his orgasm, would he regret everything we had done? Would he come to the full realization that he had had a homosexual encounter? As an officer, having a gay sexual relationship with an enlisted man who was under his charge?

We lay there still for a very long time. Then he said in a very soft voice, "I love you, Brian. I've never felt like this before."

I turned around to face him, and we kissed deeply. I sat up and said, "I love you, too, Jake. I love you so much."

There he lay, his beautiful naked body stretched out in front of me. As he closed his eyes, I caressed his entire body with my fingers, and sometimes with my lips and tongue. He moaned softly. The feel and taste of his skin and the soft hair on his body made me almost want to cry. I had never been in love before, and I had never known what it would be like. I'd fantasized about it when I masturbated, but never really knew until that night.

I brought the sheet and a light blanket up over him and got dressed. As I went for the door, I looked back at his sleeping face. It was then that I really started to cry. I was deeply in love for the first time. As I walked back to the barracks, I realized that he and I would have to face each other again when training resumed in a few days. How could I bear having such a beautiful experience marred by the angry reaction he would have over what we did that night. He would blame me for having taken advantage of him when he was drunk. He would hate me . . . Jake Cramer, the only man I've ever loved. It was late, but I lay awake until dawn, remembering the feel of his body pressed against mine.

I didn't see Jake again until training resumed the following Monday. I was dressed to go out on a training exercise, when I received word that Lieutenant Cramer wished to see me in his office. When I arrived, he was very serious and told me to sit down.

"Brian, about what happened the other night."

"Yes, sir."

Now looking a little uncomfortable, Jake began to fiddle with some papers on his desk. "I don't know how you felt about that, but I apologize if you were at all embarrassed over it. It was probably not something the two of us should have done from a protocol standpoint."

"Sir, I'm not embarrassed at all. Perhaps what happened was my fault. If it appeared that I was taking advantage of you . . . you know, when you were having to deal with the problems with your wife . . . ."

"No, no. You didn't take advantage of me. Please be assured of that. What happened that night changed my life, Brian. Does that surprise you?"

"Not really. I could tell it was the first time you . . . I mean . . . you'd never before . . . ."

"You're right." Jake rose from his desk and came around to take a chair next to Brian. "I never before understood what it would be like to be close to someone as kind and gentle as you . . . and might I say, as loving as you."

"Oh, sir . . . ."

"You can drop the Sir while we're alone together."

"You told me you loved me. Do you remember? And I told you I loved you. And I meant it. It was also my first time being with someone in that way."

Jake put his hand on mine. "I do love you, Brian. I don't fully understand what's happened to me. I feel as though I never knew myself. I feel as though someone else has entered my body." Jake got up and returned to his desk. "I'm going to start divorce proceedings this afternoon. There's one other thing I want to apologize for. I was very angry and hurt over my wife's infidelities, but I shouldn't have gotten drunk and spouted out all that bad language. I hope you didn't think lesser of me for that."

"Well, sir . . . Jake, if you hadn't done that, you and I may never have had our lives changed that night. Please don't feel that I think lesser of you. I've fallen in love with you. We're both human beings who needed that to happen."

"You'll be graduating from basic training the end of next week. I plan to take several days off and go to the beach where I've reserved a hotel room. As the best trainee I've ever met, I want to grant you a pass to come with me and stay with me at the motel. I'd like us to get to know each other better, now that I know what I want."

"What you want?"

"Yes, I now know what I want. And it's not the fucking bitch slut, or any other woman. I love you, Brian, and I want to be with you. I want to talk about the future. Our future."

That feverish wave of heat spread through my body again. I could hardly believe this was happening. It was all beyond my wildest fantasies.

We did indeed spend four romantic days at the beach when we came to learn about each other's mind and body intimately. After that I was reassigned to a different location, and we corresponded daily with each other. After my term of enlistment was over, and Jake's time in the service had expired, we were reunited. I went on to college, earning several degrees, and later became a syndicated freelance writer for several newspapers and magazines. Jake also went back to school and became a stock broker. We lived together for many years, every day as much in love as we had been when I first met that lonely lieutenant. Our lives were changed forever after that fateful night.

Jake Cramer, my one and only greatest love, passed away at the age of seventy-five. One night in the hospital when he knew he was dying, he took my hand and said, "I will always be with you, Brian. When I'm gone, you can relive our life together every night in your jack-off fantasies." I tried to smile, but my throat was choked. He was right. He has indeed always been with me, still providing me with the most beautiful masturbation fantasies anyone could ever have.