Carnival Tales

By: Brian Holliday
(© 2009-2010 by the author)
Editor: Rockhunter

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Part 6
CAVEMEN

It didn’t look like much from the outside – just a rocky crevice barely noticeable behind some thorny shrubs. But if you’re a young boy, curious and without many playmates, exploring the great outdoors can be a major source of entertainment.

My dads, (yeah, I meant dads, plural), didn’t worry about me too much. I was pretty self sufficient at eight years old. I could stay gone for most of the day and as long as I was back at camp by dark they didn’t get mad.

I knew what they were worried about, but personally I wouldn’t have minded meeting up with something that wanted to eat me. I had my own ideas about who would be eaten.

Anyway, the crack in the rocks was something that definitely needed investigation. I was big for my age, and I could barely squeeze behind the small boulder to get a closer view of the dark space I could feel just waiting for me. Once inside, it didn’t take long for my eyes to adjust. It was maybe twenty feet by thirty, with a side passage that led to an alcove. The floor was dirt with a few big rocks that would make a good fire ring, I thought – my practical mind already making itself at home. I heard a trickle and, sure enough, there was a warm spring near the alcove’s back wall. It didn’t smell too sulphery, I thought, sticking my fingers in for a taste. Experimentally, I dug into the mud under the flow, being quickly rewarded with a fair-sized rock basin that loose dirt had covered over time. It filled as I watched, then the little stream again moved on its way out a crack in the farthest wall.

In less than an hour I sat back on my knees and looked around, pleased with my new home. A small fire was burning in the circle of rocks and a large brushy branch made a door to block the cave’s entrance. I felt snug and warm – completely at home. I thought I would bring an old blanket and maybe a dish or two from camp – some things no one would miss.

I patted the rock wall affectionately. Sometimes a fellow needed his own place – and this was mine.

~~~~~~

I smiled. Years had gone by and it was still mine. To the best of my knowledge and sense of smell, no one else had been in this cave but me, not even mice. Maybe my scent kept out the little furries, and the bush growing out front made the entrance all but invisible to prying human eyes.

I snugged the blanket tighter around my shoulders. It wasn’t cold in the cave but, outside, snow continued to fall. I listened to the winds’ whining and watched it move the tarp that hung over the cave entrance and fan the flames of the little fire that was roasting the spitted, unlucky rabbit. I was seldom ever really cold, but the blanket felt sort of comforting somehow, like a hug.

It was so very quiet here, nothing like the bustling noisy carnival camp. I could hear little more than wind, the snap of flames consuming a drop of rabbit fat, a faint bubbling from the warm spring that kept the cave’s interior well above freezing, and outside, the hushing feather-soft fall of snow.

It almost never snowed in this part of the country, even in the winter months. That was why we picked this area for our wintering ground, why we came back almost every year. Maybe this storm was just a fluke, and warm weather would return soon. I’d have to ask the old Professor when I got back to camp. Besides running a popular and profitable ‘medicine show’, he always seemed to know about the weather.

I sighed, reaching over to turn the rabbit a little. I missed my friends at the camp, but sometimes I just needed to be by myself. The cave was a perfect place for that. I’d long since made ‘improvements’, which included taking a pinch bar to the obstructing boulder so the entrance would accommodate my grown-up body.

Belonging to a carnival was not a bad way to live, especially for someone who looked the way I do. I couldn’t remember how many times I’d heard the story of how my parents found me – left in a basket, literally, on the doorstep of their caravan - a tiny newborn, mewling piteously, and covered head-to-foot in downy baby fur.

The fur had matured along with the rest of me, becoming a short golden-brown coat that lay close to my body except when I was excited or afraid. Then it fluffed out like any cats’. I scratched one pointed ear. Mine were larger and set higher on my head than most people’s. I was different in other ways too; the pupils of my yellowish eyes were more slits than round.

Having fur sometimes made wearing the clothes my parents had insisted on rather uncomfortable. Still, I’d gotten used to wearing clothes, and most all the other trappings of ‘civilization’.

It wasn’t so bad, being different. A lot of people who lived and worked at the carnival were different. And my parents had loved and accepted me on sight - something many ‘normal’ kids didn’t have.

Now, at eighteen, my body was strong and muscular without my working at it. I didn’t have to shave my facial hair like most men, because it never grew beyond a certain point - just shed out once in a while. Besides, it matched the rest of me. As far as work, I helped manage a carnival where I also appeared as one of the sideshow attractions.

Life was good.

I pinched the thigh meat on the rabbit… it was almost done. Licking my fingers, I moved it a little farther from the coals to finish. When, as a kid, I’d hunted and caught my very first rabbit, I’d joyously and unthinkingly eaten it at once – raw. I had to smile, remembering how my folks had taken on when I came back to camp covered with blood. They’d calmed down some when they realized it wasn’t my own.

Sometimes I still ate things raw - squirrels and mice and rabbits - ignoring common warnings that the tasty little beasts might carry some kind of disease. Privately, I didn’t think anything like that would bother me. At least it hadn’t so far. Funny thing - rebellion aside - the meat always tasted better when it was cooked.

I froze as a sharp cry shattered the virtual silence. Instinctively, I knew the sound was made by a human male. Without thinking, I threw off the blanket and went out into the darkness. Echoes in my ears told me which way to go. I couldn’t really see anything, though the snow seemed to have an odd light of its own.

I listened carefully, and then ran, relying on my acute senses to avoid rocks and branches, until I had to stop and listen again. This time, the sound I heard was not a cry, but a groan. In only a few paces I found him, crumpled face down, the wet snow already sticking to his worn jacket. I knew I had to get him back to the cave and the fire quickly. His weight seemed like nothing as I slung him over my shoulder.

I eased him through the narrow entrance as carefully as I could, laid him on my blanket and stripped off his soggy jacket. I wrapped the blanket tightly around his body and went to put more wood on the fire. His oilskin pack had fallen from his shoulder outside, but I quickly retrieved and searched it, finding another dry blanket inside which I draped over him as well.

Then, sitting back on my heels at last, I looked at him. I could see that he was breathing and he shivered slightly… but how was he injured? I knew no more medicine than anyone else who lived without regular doctoring. I could care for cuts and bruises, and even simple broken bones. With luck, he wouldn’t have anything worse than that.

His narrow face looked pale, made paler by the darkness of his longish curly hair, thick brows and eyelashes.  As I touched him, I couldn’t ignore the contrast of his fine skin with my rough, hairy hand.

I shook off that familiar brief melancholy about my ‘difference’ and carefully undressed him for a closer examination. There were only a few small scratches on his face and hands, the blood already drying and brown. I was moved to lick the wounds in the way I often tended my own, but I fought it. My parents had always encouraged me to trust my instincts, but I tried to act as civilized as I could, not doing anything that might make me seem more like an animal, especially around strangers. Not that the unconscious man would see me if I did decide to lick him.

I ignored his scratches for now, and looked closer. There was a large bruise on the pale skin of one shoulder and another on his hip, but the worst injury was to his right calf and ankle. Both were turning blood dark and swelling badly when I carefully removed his boot. Gently, I took the joint in my hands and flexed it. He moaned, but didn’t come awake as he might have at the excruciating pain of a break. It looked like a bad sprain.  My mind quickly ran to thoughts of supportive wrappings and healing compresses. The secret to his unconsciousness was hidden in the curls behind one ear - a ‘goose egg’ of a nasty size and tenderness. He must have hit his head when he fell. I was glad to note that the skull underneath felt solid, unbroken.

He was so quiet. Except for his shallow breathing, I might have wondered if he was alive. He hadn’t awakened, even with all my jostling him around. I didn’t even know what color his eyes were.

Wondering why that irrelevancy should come into my mind, I yielded to the temptation to lick the scratches on his face and hands, running my tongue first over his long fingers and then tasting the slightly salty skin of his face and neck. I licked the swelling on his head, too, smoothing his soft hair, even though the skin wasn’t broken there. When I stopped, rough tongue still extended, his blue eyes were watching me.

To my surprise I saw no fear in his expression, as was often present when I met someone for the first time. All I could honestly see was curiosity. He smiled faintly, and suddenly his body broke into more violent shivers. I realized that I had left him lying on top of the blanket clothed only in his undershorts. As I moved quickly to pull the blanket back over him, he spoke.

“I…I’m cold.” His voice was tenor, tight and shaky.

“I’ll build up the fire and get you something hot to drink,” I said quickly, wanting to reassure him of my good intentions. “Do you hurt anywhere else besides your leg and head?” I could have missed internal injuries.

He winced, moving his bad leg a little and bringing a hand up to the swelling on his skull. “Ouch! I guess not, but that’s bad enough. What happened? I was walking through this damned snow and then I slipped on something…” He hesitated. “That’s all I remember.”

I tucked the blankets in around him, wishing I had another. “You must have fallen on some rocks. I heard you yell and, when I found you, I brought you back here.” He looked past me at the rocky ceiling, then closed his eyes.

I went and put water on to boil for coffee. Was it OK to drink a stimulant after a head injury? I couldn’t remember. I did know that I should stir in plenty of sugar to help with possible shock. He lay quiet, shifting only occasionally to try and find some comfort, his body continuing to tremble from time to time.

“Thanks for rescuing me. I didn’t think anyone else was out here. I was on my way to Centerville to look for a job. I guess it was dumb of me to cut through the woods.” His eyes opened to look at me, again not judging, only wondering. “I’m Steven.” He held out a hand from under the blanket. I took it. It was chilly, but his grip was firm.

“I’m Tommy.” That small exchange seemed to satisfy us both. The coffee was hot, and I lifted his shoulders and steadied his hand as he drank the strong, sweet brew.

“Thanks.” It didn’t take long for Steven to empty the cup. His cheeks, at least, were pinker with the hot liquid inside him. The rabbit lay well done and forgotten beside the fire. I offered him some, but he only yawned.

“Sorry, guess I need rest more than food.” He smiled sleepily, relaxed in my company. For some reason I felt enormously pleased. His eyes closed again and he slept – an occasional shiver still running through his body.

I built up the fire until it blazed fiercely, flames almost threatening the rock ceiling, belatedly remembering that I shouldn’t let him sleep too long in case he had a concussion. I hadn’t checked his pupils, either. Well – I’d check them in a little while. I picked at the meat, not hungry now myself, but not willing to waste it, either. All I had to eat besides the rabbit was a few cans of food I kept in stock and some fresh bread I’d brought with me. The rabbit was tasty, but I feasted more on the sight of Steven, safely sleeping. What if I hadn’t heard his cry? Would a normal human have heard it? Maybe I had discovered something good about being different.

After an hour or so by my internal clock, I woke him, gently touching his uninjured shoulder. His eyelids fluttered as he finally focused on my face.

“Tommy? I thought maybe I was dreaming… but you’re real after all.” His lips curved in a smile. I smiled back, careful, as always, not to show too many teeth.

“Steven, I’m sorry I had to wake you – but you might have a concussion. I need to look at your eyes.”

He nodded his head, then winced. “Sure, whatever you think.” I knelt beside him and gently held each eyelid open, checking the size of his pupils. Both seemed the same, which meant that he was probably OK. I smiled encouragingly.

“Your eyes look fine. You can go back to sleep if you want.” He smiled too, his eyes already closing. I yawned, reminding myself of how late it must be. Snow was still coming down outside and only a few inches of clear space remained around the cave entrance. That was no problem though – there were several fissures in the ceiling that allowed smoke to escape – they would also allow fresh air to come in.

I stood up, still watching him. What if I fell asleep and he needed me? What if he was too weak to call out? I had never been totally responsible for another person before. What if I did something wrong?

He had never stopped shivering. To my distress, I noticed that it seemed to be happening more often. Was he going into shock? That alone could be deadly.

What could I do? I had no more blankets. They wouldn’t help anyway. Blankets were for keeping you warm, not making you warm. And Steven was cold - inside. I stared, shifting from foot to foot, worrying, until his eyes opened.

“Can’t sleep, Tommy – I’m c-c-cold!” he said, a touch of fear in his voice.

I knelt to put more wood on the fire, it was all I could think of, but he stopped me with a hand on my arm.

“The b-blanket…” His teeth chattered and my heart clenched.

“I don’t have another blanket, I’m sorry!”

He shook his head, then grimaced. “N-no, I mean, will you share it with me – share your body heat – then we would both be warm.” I wasn’t cold, but I had once read a story of someone who fell through ice being saved by his friend wrapping them both up together. Maybe it was a good idea.

I nodded, kneeling next to him, reluctant to uncover him even long enough for me to slip in. My clothes were still damp from my excursions outside. Being next to them would only chill him further. I stood up again, removing my jacket, shirt, and pants and laying them next to his clothes to dry. That left me in old-fashioned short summer woolies. Steven was looking up at me - staring, really. I wondered if the sight of my furry body was repellent to him. But he didn’t look away as I quickly knelt, lifted the blanket, and slipped in next to him.

“Thanks,” he breathed. “You’re warm!” With care, I turned him away from me, onto his side. That would take the weight off most of his injuries. He cuddled back against me. I could feel how chilled his skin was, in spite of the coffee and the fire. He felt even cooler than most ‘normal’ humans seemed to me. I had often thought that my body’s thermostat must be set a little higher than most folks’. I was glad for it, now.

I put my arm over him, careful not to touch any place that was hurt. He sighed. After a minute or two, his shivering stopped completely and his breathing slowed. I was glad he could sleep, but I didn’t want to move now, for fear of disturbing him. My nose was pressed into his hair and, under all the dirt and sweat and leftover fear smells was something that was - essence of Steven. I breathed it in - tasting his scent on my tongue. I hadn’t been this close to another person since I outgrew sleeping with my dads. I knew I would never forget it.

I was tired, but it was a long time before I fell asleep.

~~~~~

I woke to grey daylight and a warm body pressed against my chest. Steven’s breathing still had the steady, slow rhythm of sleep, but he squirmed a bit now and then, probably from the discomfort of his hurts. His movements made me conscious of my own body -cradling his, arms around him – one had found its way beneath his head. My knees were pressed against the backs of his legs – and my hard cock throbbed against his butt.

It took a real act of will not to leap away from him at once. I had heard other men talk about their sexual feelings, and many said they woke up hard every morning, but I never had. I had decided that it must be just part of being me. Maybe I didn’t feel sexual like others did because I couldn’t reproduce. That was fine with me. From what guys said about their relationships with women, I thought sex was probably more trouble than it was worth. There had been times that I curiously experimented with my body, trying things that others said felt good, and – with enough effort – my parts seemed to work, the same as any man’s. But the end result was never as pleasant as the ecstasy they bragged about so, after a few times, I seldom bothered.

It wasn’t that I was worried I might be gay – I knew all about gay from living with my dads – it was just that I wasn’t used to thinking of myself as sexual in any way. It was true that I hadn’t shared a bed with anyone since I’d gone through my own version of puberty – the usual growth spurt and voice changing combined with a completely new coat of fur – but, was sleeping with another being all it took to stimulate me? What was I supposed to do about it? And Steven – I couldn’t let him wake up and find me like this!

I somehow managed to get out from under the blanket, moving as slowly as I could, acutely conscious of every time some part of me brushed against some part of Steven. I knew he would wake up soon, and I was desperate to be decently dressed before I had to confront him. I had just finished buttoning my pants when he rolled gingerly onto his back, his eyes finding me at once.

“Good morning.” He smiled, wincing a little as he rubbed the back of his head. In spite of my tension, I couldn’t help but smile back.

“How are you feeling?”

He sighed, lifting his head to look around. “Better, I think. Say, I never asked, but what is this place? Do you live here?”

I shook my head, feeling a little better myself. The ordinary conversation made my physical feelings of a few minutes before seem like a dream. My cock was shrinking. It was probably all just a weird coincidence.

“This is my cave.” I gestured around the space. “My hideaway. I meant only to spend one night here, but the storm caught me. Then you came along.” I smiled again, just realizing it myself. “I’ve never shared this place with anyone before.”

“I’m sorry if I intruded on your privacy – I sure didn’t mean to.” He smiled too, his blue eyes lighting up when I returned it.

“No, I’m glad you’re here – and I’m glad I found you.”

He shivered. “Brr! me, too.”

I was alarmed. “Are you still cold? Let me build up the fire. Your clothes should be dry by now.” If he was still chilled he might have a fever. That could be serious. He stopped me with a gesture.

“No, no, I’m really not cold at all – it’s actually pretty warm in here. It’s kind of humid, too – and is that sulfur I smell?”

“Yeah, there’s a warm spring in the back.” I pointed with my chin. “It’s drinkable too – at least, I’ve gotten used to it.”

He nodded, then looked down at the dirt floor. “Umm… I really hate to be more of a bother, but I really have to piss, and I don’t know how I can manage it by myself.” He gestured vaguely toward his ankle, then looked up at me hopefully.

I felt stupid for not thinking about meeting such a basic necessity. I fumbled around in my supplies, finally bringing him a large bowl to use in private while I went to the back of the cave to take care of a similar need.

After emptying the bowl, I toasted up some bread for breakfast, on a stick held over the fire. When it was hot, I smeared it with bacon grease. That and more coffee would have to be enough.

Steven ate ravenously, which I thought a very good sign. His clothes were dry, and I helped him into his shirt. His ankle was still purple/black and even more swollen than it had been the night before. Some snow, wrapped in a rag, made a nice cold pack for it.

After a while of that, I ripped up a towel and bound his ankle as best I could, then propped him up a little so he could look around. By that time we were both hungry again.

I scanned my meager store of canned stuff – pork and beans, peaches, potted meat - nothing looked appetizing. Then I had an idea.

With an anticipatory smile I walked back to Steven. “I’m going out for a bit. Keep the fire up, OK?” I placed a bundle of sticks where he could reach them.

He looked at me with a mixture of surprise and alarm. “Where are you going? Where is there to go in this stuff?” He gestured toward the cave entrance, choked with drifts of white.

I smiled again – this time forgetting and showing my teeth. The sight didn’t seem to bother him, though. “I’m going hunting.”

“What – out there? What if you don’t come back? I can’t very well rescue you!”

I sobered. What would he do if I didn’t come back? He had every right to worry about that. Without thinking, I squeezed his shoulder gently. “This isn’t the first time I’ve hunted in snow, Steven.” I caught his eyes. “I’ll be back in less than an hour – I promise.”

He rested his head briefly against my hand, then sat up resolutely. “OK – I’m sure you wouldn’t risk your life on purpose. But I don’t mind beans - really.”

I laughed. “You may still have to eat them – but let me at least look around a little, OK?”

He nodded and I put my jacket on and eased my way out the cave mouth and into the drifts. I could see my breath, like a cloud in front of me, but the snow seemed to be slowing. The fresh air felt good in my throat, and I ran a little, pulling my legs out of the deeper snow, just to stretch muscles stiff from inaction.

I liked Steven. In spite of his injuries, he was a pleasant companion. And he liked me! I could still feel his face as he leaned it against my hand. Why had he done that?

~~~~~~

The grouse that flew up from under a snow-covered shrub was not quick enough to rise above my jump. And the nest she had been trying to protect was easy to find. The six small eggs would be an extra treat.

I almost skipped through the drifts on the way back to the cave.

Steven was glad to see me and suitably awed with my hunting prowess. He insisted on being the one to pluck the bird and we worked together companionably. It wasn’t long before the grouse was spitted and roasting, well stuffed with a mixture of herbs, eggs, and bread, the skin rubbed with a bacon rind for flavor.

I noticed Steven glancing toward the back of the cave, and it wasn’t long before he asked. “Uh, Tommy, is there somewhere in here that I could…you know?” He looked at me meaningfully. The drain for the runoff from the spring made a great washbasin and a decent privy if you didn’t want to, or couldn’t, go outside. And I could see in his eyes that a bowl wouldn’t work well for this particular personal need.

I half carried him to the back of the cave while he did his best to help by hopping on his good leg. It made me think that carving some crutches wouldn’t be a bad idea. I left him in relative privacy, knowing I’d hear him as soon as he called.

But I didn’t hear much for a while, and then what I heard was splashing. Had he fallen in the pool? It wasn’t very deep, but… I turned the grouse, which was sizzling merrily over the coals, and went back to check. Peeking discreetly around the last turn I saw that Steven had removed all his clothes, including the makeshift wrappings on his ankle, and had immersed as much of himself as he could in the warm water. I kept a bar of soap there for washing clothes or me, and he was happily applying it to his armpits, one at a time. As I watched, unseen for now, he started to hum something under his breath. I couldn’t pick up the tune.

I grinned. I, myself, liked to be clean – cleaner than most people, some said. Even with my built-in fur coat, it felt good to bathe a couple times a week, even in winter. I could pretty much dry off just by shaking. Steven looked so happy that I was tempted just to back away and leave him to his bath, but he looked up and smiled into my eyes – which gave me an unexpected jolt in my groin.

I sucked in a breath. He looked at me strangely, but when I managed a smile he went back to lathering.

“This is great, Tommy. When I saw the soap, I couldn’t resist.”

I couldn’t really see anything of his private areas, but the rest of him was there on display. His body wasn’t bulging with a carnival strong man’s muscles, but he was built well – perfectly proportioned with not much fat. His hair - clean now – was a dark chestnut brown, curling a little around his pale neck. His skin, especially where the sun never touched, was so light it was almost translucent. I could see fine blue traceries of veins just under the skin.

I knew I was staring, but I didn’t seem to have much choice. He began to hum again, perfectly at ease while naked and wet with a stranger - me - watching. Would he still be so comfortable if he knew what was running through my mind?

My pants were too tight. I shifted position, but it didn’t help. I wanted to touch his skin – help with his bath maybe, but more than that. I wanted to touch every part of him with my hands, and then again with my tongue. Whatever dormant sexuality I hadn’t known I possessed was fully awake now. I’d never felt like this before.

When I was growing up, girls - and then women - had turned away from anything but friendship with me, not that I’d pressed any of them for more. But guys hadn’t interested me either. A couple of my dads’ younger friends had expressed a little interest, but I’d ignored them. I just didn’t care. Why was I reacting now? And why with a guy who was probably only being nice because he was grateful to me for rescuing him – someone who would be on his way as soon as the storm broke - and was probably straight as a plumb bob anyway!

I found I was angry - angry with myself, mostly - but also at fate, or whatever, for letting this happen to me. I had been content as I was – a little lonely sometimes, sure – but content. In a rush I was beginning to understand why people did all the dumb things they did for sex and love. I guess I had always felt a little superior to everyone who had such a weakness.

All my life, I’d never cried – maybe I couldn’t cry – but I wished now that I could. Crying was supposed to be a release of emotions, and the frustration I felt made me want to hit something. Breathing fast, I turned away from the sight of all that pale wet skin, leaning my back against the rough solid rock wall.

It was OK, I reasoned, swallowing past the lump in my throat. The snow would stop, I would help Steven get into town, or even go for help and let someone else send a car for him, or something. Either way, this would be over soon. He would be gone, and I could go back to being alone, the way I always had been.

“Tommy?” I took a deep, slow breath and moved back into his line of vision.

“Yeah, Steven.” He looked at me quizzically, then smiled.

“I got in here, and now I can’t seem to get out. Could you give me a hand?”

I closed my eyes and clamped down on my feelings so hard I winced. I wasn’t going to embarrass Steven or myself in the little time we had left to spend together. He was hurt, and I was responsible for him - that was all there was to it. I walked over to him, looking determinedly up, not down, and offered my arm. He grabbed on and stood up, balancing on his good leg as I handed him a flour sack towel. Then I moved away and he leaned against the wall.

“If you’re OK, I’ll go check on dinner.” My voice sounded funny, even in my own ears, but Steven just cheerfully nodded as I walked back to the fire.

The young grouse was about done and smelled good, except that I wasn’t hungry anymore. Yeah, he’d be leaving soon – and I’d never see him again. I was sitting on my heels, idly poking the fire with a twig when I heard a thump and a muffled cry.

I made it to Steven in a heartbeat, yet he had already rolled to his knees and was trying to stand.

“I’m OK, Tommy – just lost my balance for a minute. Dumb, huh?” He was smiling that great smile of his, but my heart was still in my throat. Jesus, I’d just left him back there and now he’d fallen again – what kind of a person was I? Ignoring his protests, I picked him up, towel and all, and didn’t put him down until we were back in front of the fire. Then I placed him carefully on the bedroll and bent to examine him thoroughly, head to toe. I couldn’t find any new injuries except maybe another small bruise on his hip. Finally, I sat back with a sigh.

“Geez, Tommy, I said I was all right – what are you so upset about?” Wordless, I handed him his shirt and watched while he buttoned it.

“I shouldn’t have left you, I’m sorry.” I felt so confused I didn’t know what else to say, but he reached out for my hand and grabbed it before I could pull it away.

“C’mon – it’s nothing. Besides, I’m with you now, not outside and alone. I wasn’t worried about getting hurt. I just slid down onto my butt.” His eyes were so perfectly sky-blue. I tried to smile, then turned to get the roasted grouse.

“Are you hungry, Steven?” I pulled a leg off the bird and handed it to him. All I had to do was act normal for another day or so and it would be over.

~~~~~~

There were only bones left, and the fire was nothing but coals, making the cave dim and shadowy. I was exhausted. I never knew that emotions could make you so tired. Steven yawned, wiping his greasy hands on his pants. That got me started yawning, and we both smiled. Tonight was probably the last night we’d be stuck here – all we had to do was sleep through it, then tomorrow I’d try to get back to my camp for help.

But I was curious about something. I’d been wondering ever since I found him and I didn’t think I could sleep without asking. “Steven, you don’t seem to be afraid of me, are you?”

His eyes opened wide. “No, why should I be? You helped me, Tommy, and you’ve been nothing but kind to me. Why do you ask?”

It seemed perfectly clear to me. “Because I’m a… monster, a beast… a freak.”

Steven laughed, reaching out to put a hand on my arm. “Tommy, I’ve seen monsters, four-legged and two-legged, and you’re not one of them. Sure, you look a little different, but so what? I like your looks, they make you interesting… special. And how many people would have gone out into a blizzard to look for me? That makes you special too.” He squeezed my arm before letting go.

My face got hot, but Steven couldn’t see it, under my fur. I still didn’t understand, but I was glad I had asked.

I knew I’d be OK sleeping in just my clothes next to the fire, but Steven had other plans.

“Sharing the bedding worked fine last night, didn’t it Tommy? Don’t know when I’ve ever been so warm and comfortable.” He lifted one corner of the blanket and looked at me expectantly. Maybe it was only a rationalization, but I couldn’t think of a single reason not to get in next to him. So I did. This time I turned away from him, and soon I could feel his butt touching mine. He sighed deeply and after a bit I heard his breathing slow in sleep. I watched the shadows for a while, then the day caught up with me and I slept too.

~~~~~~

I woke early. The dreams I couldn’t remember still seemed disturbing. I knew even before I tried to stretch that Steven and I were in the same position as we had been the morning before – and that I was in the same condition too… hard. My arm was around Steven again, and his scent was my whole world. My cock moved by itself against the hairless roundness of his butt. It felt so good that I gasped.

“You can put it in if you want.” Steven’s voice was soft, but I couldn’t have been more startled. I jumped backwards, my ass leaving the bedding for the cold stone floor. Before I could make good on my getaway Steven reached out for me.

“Tommy, what’s the matter?” His warm hand was on my shoulder, pulling me back toward him. “I know you want to.” He smiled.

I couldn’t move. “Steven, I…I can’t.”

His head tilted quizzically. “Why not? I’ve been wanting you to ever since I first woke up yesterday morning.”

I was sure I wasn’t hearing right. “You – want me to…to…?”

“Yeah, ‘course I do – I like you, Tommy.” Another smile. “It’s cold out there, get back over here under the covers.” His arms drew me in until we were touching - face to face this time – closer, until I could feel what had to be his erection touching mine. I shivered, swallowing hard as Steven pulled us as close as we could be. Slowly he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against mine.

I didn’t know what to do or how to react – I was frozen. Everything I’d been thinking was changed. He wanted me, too! Now, what did I do about it?

He pulled back, blue eyes appraising me. “Tommy, what’s wrong? Don’t you want me?” His lip trembled.

Oh, God – I couldn’t let him think that! It was time for the truth.

“Steven… I…I… It’ just that I never have – with anyone.”

His eyes widened, wondering. He smiled again. “Then, let me be your first.”

I had almost forgotten my cock, but it hadn’t forgotten where it was, or what it wanted. Instinctively, my hips moved forward, rubbing me against Steven’s belly. It felt so good – better than anything I could remember.

This time, when Steven pressed his lips to mine, I felt them – felt their softness and tasted their warmth. I growled, low in my throat.

Steven was bringing out the beast in me – the beast that I’d been denying most of my life. But this part of the beast was one I never knew existed until now. Was this something I could live with?

I’d seen people kiss – my dads and other couples around the carnival, but I hadn’t imagined how it would feel or what might go on beyond a simple pressing of lips. So, when Steven’s tongue slipped into my mouth, I bit down in surprise.

Not much… I caught myself right away, but still a drop or two of his blood was there on my tongue. My balls clenched hard, sending shocks through my spine to my whole body, spinning my brain into overdrive. My cock jerked, spurting over and over, harder and faster than it ever had before. With a growl from my throat that was half a groan, the hot wetness spread between us.

Mindless, I wanted to suck in more of his blood’s coppery sweetness, sink my teeth into the tender flesh of Steven’s shoulder, but I pushed myself away from him, not stopping until my back hit the rough rock wall, every muscle quivering with shame. No, I couldn’t live with this. Not at all.

Steven was staring at me, slowly bringing a finger up to touch his tongue. He didn’t seem afraid to see the red smear. That fear was all mine.

I had to get out of there, get away from him. I leaped to my feet, pushed aside the tarp, and was outside, running heavily through thick snow. Behind me I heard Steven call my name. I ran faster.

I crashed through brush and bumped into trees that showered me with a chilling, heavy whiteness. I ran until my breath caught in my throat and a hot pain tore at my side. I ran until my foot caught a buried root and I hit the slushy wet ground with a thud. I lay gasping, more spent that ever before in my life.

The monster I’d always denied had been revealed. He had waited until my guard was down, then he had consumed me, and now he was the one in control. I could think of nothing to do but die.

My single garment hung in shreds. I ripped it from me with a gesture. Why should I wear clothes? I wasn’t human.

I had thought I felt something for Steven, but only humans had tender feelings. He had trusted me and I had repaid him with savagery. I couldn’t go back to the cave, I couldn’t even go back to my camp. I’d never be able to face my parents. I didn’t want them to know that they’d succored a monster, loved him and raised him as their own - human child.

But – what about Steven? Without me he was alone.

I felt pulled in two. I had rescued him, he was my responsibility. There was only enough food in the cave to last a couple of days. He could starve before his leg was healed. He couldn’t get back to civilization on his own and no one else knew the location of my cave. I’d always gone to special pains to keep it a secret.

I tried to think of some way to make it all work out, but my brain was sluggish. I kept thinking of the taste of Steven’s blood, the feel of his skin, and the thing between my legs hardened again, even though it was still sticky with the remnants of its last emission.

Shocked, I looked down and then away. The snow’s dazzle filled my head and I let it lead me into a long bright tunnel.

~~~~~~

It was the scent that brought me back - acrid and musky. I hadn’t smelled it often, but I knew it now. Bear. We’d had a specimen with the carnival once, back when I was just a youngster. A big lazy boar, we’d kept him well fed and most of the time he’d just lay there, his black coat thick and dull, nose twitching at any hint of food. Until the day I brought him an apple and the yellow teeth in that wide mouth nearly took my hand off. Pa had sold him to a drummer soon after, cage and all. I still had the scar on my wrist. It was hard to see through my fur, but I could feel the ridge of it.

Bears should be hibernating now, especially with the snow. But some did their sleeping in shallow earthen nests. You heard stories about travelers who ventured off the beaten path, only to stumble across a sleeping bear. But you seldom heard those stories from the travelers themselves….

Bears, especially black bears, weren’t man eaters. Most were scavengers with a taste for berries, roots, and sometimes fish. But a bear would take anything that came its way. There was food in the cave, and Steven was injured – easy prey.

A rusty growl raised the hackles on my neck and shoulders. Did it come from the direction of the cave?

My nose told me the way.

I slowed at the sight. Coal black, with long shaggy fur, he stood almost six feet tall on his hind legs. The monster was leaning his body against the rock entrance of the cave, extending one five-clawed arm into the opening and trying to follow it with a long, narrow snout. Deep throated grunts carried on the wind. As I moved closer, his head drew back and a fist-sized rock flew past it. Undaunted, or perhaps intrigued, the bear reached in again, snagging the canvas tarp and dragging it out to sniff with his mobile nose. Could he squeeze through the entrance?

Fear tried to find its way into my veins, but I pushed it down. Scanning the mud and slush, I spied a large rock, picked it up, brought it back above my shoulder, and let fly. The bear grunted at the sudden pain in his broad back.  Encouraged, I selected another and threw it, this time striking his head and hearing a louder outraged growl.

The bear turned away from the cave, casting around for my scent. When he caught it, he dropped to all fours and started to run - but towards me, not away. Before I could think I was hit by 300 pounds of bear.

The weight knocked me down, pinning me flat, almost taking my breath. Those big blunt claws raked down my side, but scraped away little but fur. The long jaw opened on rows of sharp incisors and big, bone breaking molars – I could see because they were right in front of my face. I grasped the muzzle with both hands, clamping it shut again. Flailing, I turned us to the side and brought my knees up into his belly. He ‘ooffed’ and pulled back. I took the moment and stood, looking for a weapon and wishing desperately for my bowie knife. The bear shook his flat head, gave me a look from his beady eyes - and turned to lumber away.

I watched for a few seconds, then went into the cave. Steven was waiting.

“Jesus, Tommy! Jesus!” he almost sobbed. Without me knowing, I was kneeling down, holding him, his face pressed to my furry shoulder.

“Are you all right?” he asked. “I would have killed it if I’d only had a gun! Is it gone? Will it come back? Jesus!”

“I’m all right. I think he’s gone, Steven. Bears don’t like to fight unless they have to. I reckon that one was just grouchy from hunger.”

Steven sighed, his body sinking boneless against me. “Thanks, Tommy,” he breathed. “Thanks again.”

I pulled gently away when I could, worried he was in danger still – not from the bear, but from me. I looked at myself. I was still naked but, with my fur, that didn’t mean much. You couldn’t see skin except on my palms. Even my male organ had retreated into its sheath… ashamed, like the rest of me. My body trembled, but I stopped it.

I raked the coals together with a green stick, added tinder and blew until it caught. When there was a flame I hung a pot of water over it. I thought we both could use some coffee.

I could sense his eyes on me. He had to be feeling something – disgust was my bet. My skin crawled with shame, but I wouldn’t try to hide from Steven. He had already seen me at my worst. I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t, not even when I handed him the steaming mug. But I had to say something.

“Steven, I know I can’t make up for what I did, but I am so sorry…”

I almost dropped the coffee when I felt a hand on my arm.

“Tommy, I know you’re upset. I knew that when you ran out of the cave, though I didn’t know why. I’d really appreciate it if you’d talk to me, but for God’s sake, don’t apologize! You’ve saved my life twice now. What is there to apologize for?”

I had to drag my eyes around to look at him. “I know you’re grateful, but that isn’t enough to make up for what I’ve done to you. I’ll never forgive myself for savaging you, for using you for my lust. I’m nothing but an animal, I…“ And he was in my arms, holding on tight, patting my back, and then my head as it fell onto his shoulder, cradling me as I heaved big dry sobs that wrenched painful moans out of my chest.

“Baby,” he said, softly, over and over again. “It’s all right, baby.”

~~~~~~

When I woke up, I was covered with a blanket, Steven was under it next to me, and we were both naked. He was propped up on an elbow, looking down at me with those big blue eyes and smiling. “Hullo, sleepyhead. That bear didn’t come back to call, so I didn’t have to wake you.” With one hand he stroked my face. “I like watching and listening to you sleep.” He grinned. “You don’t snore, you purr.”

I had to piss something awful, but I didn’t want to move. I felt like I could look at his face forever. But I couldn’t let things rest. “Steven,” I said softly, “I bit you. Didn’t it hurt?”

He stuck out his tongue, but there were no marks that I could see, and from the comical grimace on his face, he couldn’t see it at all. “Sure.” He sucked his tongue back in with a slurp. “It hurt a little for a second, but I didn’t really notice until you pulled away. Lovemaking is like that. You bite a little, but nobody minds because they’re so excited.”

My mouth opened, but I couldn’t make anything come out. Lovemaking? People bit during lovemaking? Then Steven’s lips covered mine… and then he showed me.

In the end, we had to get up and go to the back of the cave to pee - which was not easy, because my organ was hard and pointing straight up my belly again by that time. It was a good thing the basin of the spring was so large because I finally had to get on all fours to let go. Steven would probably have laughed louder except for the fact that he was in almost the same predicament.

~~~~~~

Making love with Steven was just right. I learned how to kiss without biting, unless I meant to, and I learned that I liked the feel of Steven’s cock in my mouth as much as when he swallowed mine. He told me about the gland inside a man, and I saw what it could do when he came without touching himself – just from me moving inside him. He’s promised to show me how it feels, the next time.

The snow is almost melted now, and Steven’s ankle is much better. With the crutches I cut, he should be able to walk back to camp tomorrow.

I think my dads will be happy when I bring Steven back. The carnival can always use another roustabout, and my trailer is big enough for two.

End Part 6

Posted: 03/05/10