A Place in My Heart

By: B W
(© 2013 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 7
The Truth Shall Set You Free.  

Jordan’s first reaction was to jump back and prepare to defend himself, until he saw who was there.  He was not only upset about what happened to Brian, but he was also tense about proclaiming his sexual orientation in front of the student body, so he felt he needed to be ready to defend himself.  He didn’t want to be caught unprepared, in case I had been someone who meant to harm him. 

When he realized I was the one who had spoken to him, Jordan still didn’t know what to expect, especially since our falling out.  In an attempt to reassure him that I meant no harm, I slowly reached out and drew his body against my chest, so I could wrap my arms tightly around him.  After several seconds in this embrace, I felt his body gradually begin to relax and then he moved his arms up and wrapped them around me too.  After holding him and sobbing into each other’s shoulder for a brief time, I found the courage and the voice to speak.

“Let’s go somewhere quiet and talk.  We need to find an empty classroom where we can be alone,” I suggested. 

He nodded his head and then followed me down the corridor, until we reached a small room that was used by tutors for one-on-one sessions.  We entered and I closed and locked the door behind me, before I hugged him for a second time.

“I’m sorry Jordan,” I apologized, although I knew it wasn’t enough after everything I’d done.  “I realized that I’ve treated you like shit and you didn’t deserve it.  I’m really very sorry for being so stupid.”

“Are you only saying this just because of what happened to Brian?” Jordan challenged, and he had every reason to mistrust my motives.

“No, although I deserved that,” I answered.  “I think I would have been coming to see you over the next few days anyway.  What happened to Brian may have been the catalyst that caused me to act a little sooner, but I’ve discovered some things about myself and knew I’d have to talk to you about them sooner or later.” 

He looked up at me and studied my face.  I knew he was wondering what revelation I was about to disclose to him.

“You see, Jordan, I’ve been missing you a lot, an awful lot,” I confessed.  “You pop into my head at some of the damnedest times and most awkward moments.  You don’t know what anguish you’ve been causing me.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he offered, although I didn’t know at first if he was being sincere or sarcastic. 

“Damn.  You’re not the one who should be feeling sorry,” I countered, taking the chance he was being sincere.  “It wasn’t you that hurt me.  I was the one who caused the pain.  I was the one who hurt you.  This was entirely my fault.  I’m the problem here, not you.  I just didn’t know how to deal with my own feelings.  I’ve loved you for so long that I just didn’t know how to stop.  I couldn’t stop.  I didn’t want to stop.”

“I thought you did,” Jordan shot back. 

“Touché.  Yes, I’m sure you probably thought I’d stopped loving you, but I didn’t.  Even though I tried to be angry and did my best to stay away from you, I couldn’t stop loving you.  Jordan, we were still brothers and soulmates.  How can I ever make it up to you for the hell I’ve put you through?”

“You don’t have to.  Trust me, I know how you’re feeling,” he announced.  “I did the same thing to Brian and saw the same hurt in his eyes when I pushed him away that I felt in my heart when you dismissed me.  I even thought about suicide before Brian did, so I should have seen it coming.  I should have been able to stop him.”

“You thought about what?”  I screamed. 

I was shocked by what he’d just said, so I searched Jordan’s face to see if I’d heard him correctly.  Did he just say that he had considered suicide?  Had I hurt him that much?  Was I as big an asshole as the upperclassmen who’d destroyed Brian’s life?

“Before I met Brian, I had considered killing myself too,” Jordan reiterated.  “I loved you so much that I couldn’t bear to have you hate me like you did.  I tried everything to get close to you again, but you wouldn’t even speak to me.  I was beyond despair, so suicide seemed like the only way I could free myself from the pain I was feeling.  I was just about ready to follow through with that idea when I met Brian.  Brian gave me a little hope, at least enough hope to continue.  He saved my life, but I was too busy or too scared to save his.  God, how could I let him down like that?”

I could feel his pain, so I guess I had my answer.  I truly was that big of an asshole and nearly drove my life-long friend, my best friend in the world, to the point where he might have killed himself.  How could I have been so heartless, so stupid and so blind?  I would never have been able to forgive myself if he had gone through with it, because I would have known I had been the one who drove him to it.  I reached out, took Jordan into my arms and squeezed him for all I was worth.  I just had to hold him and couldn’t let him go.  Lovingly, Jordan reached his arms around me and began to caress me as well.

“I’m sorry, Jordan.  I’m so damn sorry,” I whispered.  “Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?  Will you ever be able to forget the loneliness and the pain that I’ve caused you?  I love you, Jordan.  I always have and always will.  I’ll never leave you again and promise I’ll never do anything to harm you, ever.  If those assholes come after you, then they’ll have to go through me first.  I’ll die before I let you suffer any more than you already have at my expense.”

Jordan was squeezing me so tightly that I thought he might fracture my ribs.  He was sobbing now and his tears soaked both of our shirts, so I pushed him gently away and lifted his head.  He looked at me with that same pained expression that I remembered seeing before, the night I walked out on him.

Slowly, I moved my face toward his and tenderly let my lips brush against his.  He seemed unsure as to whether he should allow this or if he should pull away from me, but he stayed put and didn’t back away.  Tenderly, but insistently, I pushed my tongue against his mouth and his lips opened slightly and allowed my tongue enter.  I kissed him with a greater need and a greater urgency than I have ever kissed anyone before in my life.  I needed him and I loved him.  I had tried to hide it for too long, but now I needed to give in to my feelings.  We were two halves that made up the same whole and I could no longer live without him.  We kissed for several minutes, before I pulled back.

“Jordan, I don’t yet know if I’m gay or bisexual,” I admitted.  “All I know is that I love you and can’t live without you.  If you can live with that and if you can accept this reality, then I want you to be my best friend again.”

Jordan didn’t say a word in response.  Instead, he started to kiss me as passionately as I’d just kissed him.  After several intense and wonderful minutes, he broke the kiss and answered me. 

“Tony, as long as I can be with you… be near you, then I’ll accept any terms you offer,” he agreed.  “I’ve been so lost and so alone since we had our fight.  I know my dad and Justin love me, but my life just wasn’t complete and had no meaning without you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  I’ve prayed for months that we could, shall I say, kiss and make up.”

We both started to chuckle with his little joke and I drew him tightly against me once more.  I’ve never been more alive or fulfilled than I was at that moment.

“Come on, bud, we’ve got someplace to go,” I intimated. 

“Where?” he wanted to know. 

“We’re going to the office and check out of this dump for the rest of the day,” I announced.  “We’re going to tell them that we’re too overcome by everything that has happened and need to leave, so we can deal with the situation on our own.  Let them think it’s about Brian, if they want, because we’ll tell them we’ll be attending the funeral too.  They don’t need to know, not yet, that the situation we have to deal with today is just between us.  We’re going to your house, so we can spend some quality time together.  We both have missed it and we both desperately need it.  Are you game?”

“Definitely, most definitely,” he concurred.  “Lead on, Mc Duff.”

Jordan and I went to the office and told them our story.  We didn’t give the secretary a chance to protest or get in touch with the principal, because we flew out of the office and through the main entrance of the school.  We then walked the entire way to Jordan’s house, happier than we’d been in a very long time.  Of course, there was no one home when we arrived, so I gave Jordan a wink, grabbed his hand and dragged him off to his bedroom.  For safety sake, I locked the door behind us.

“You know, Mr. Orator,” I began, “that after your little public grandstanding in school today, you’re going to have to tell your father and brother that you’re gay.”

“I’ve already done that.  I told them yesterday,” he confirmed.  “I figured if I was going to tell everyone else at school, then I had to tell them first.”

“How did they take it?” I wondered. 

“They were actually both pretty cool about it,” Jordan replied.  “It didn’t seem to bother them at all.  Justin approached me later and told me he’d guessed that was what our little falling out was about.  In fact, he said he was thinking about talking to you about it either today or tomorrow.  He’s been missing you too and was willing to do anything to get us back together.”

“Damn.  I love that little shit as well.  He’s a good kid and a damn fine brother… to both of us,” I acknowledged. 

“Yes, he is,” Jordan agreed. 

“Did you know he cornered me about this before?” I asked, since I wondered if Justin had shared this tidbit of information with Jordan. 

“Yeah, I saw you two talking that day after the football game and asked him about it later,” Jordan replied, “but Justin wouldn’t tell me what he’d talked to you about.  Afterward, though, he tried to get me to tell him what we fought about.  I wouldn’t or couldn’t do it then.  I just wasn’t ready to get into it with him too.  I take it you didn’t tell him either.”

“I told him that some day I might, but I couldn’t just then,” I explained.  “He was really concerned about both of us though, so I guess I’ll have to talk to him soon and make up for treating him so badly as well.  Come on, I didn’t come here to talk.  I came here for some action.”

“Tony, you don’t have to do this for me,” Jordan stated, with a look of panic on his face. 

I’m sure he was thinking about the night I left so abruptly, after he’d kissed me and proclaimed his love, so now he was worried it might happen again.  I knew I had to ease his fears and doubts.  

“I’m not doing this for you, bud.  This time I’m doing it for both of us,” I reasoned. 

“But I thought you didn’t what to do this gay shit any more,” he countered, looking concerned. 

I knew he was afraid I might walk away again, but this time wouldn’t return. 

“That’s what I said, but I said it because I was afraid that I was liking what we were doing far too much for me to be comfortable with it,” I confessed.  “Like I said earlier, I don’t know if I gay or bi, but either way I can still make love to you.  Not only can I, but now I definitely want to.”

Jordan started crying again, as he pulled me against him.  I could tell this was what he’d been praying for and that it meant everything to him to hear me offer to do this. 

“I love you, you big jock,” he whispered in my ear, “and I’ll make love with you or to you, anytime you want.”

“I do have to tell you something first though, Jordan,” I said, since I felt I had to confess.  “In fact, you’ll probably get a good laugh out of this one.  You might know that I’ve been seeing Amber Jones.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you with her,” he confirmed. 

“Well, we made out a lot and, well, I even fucked her,” I admitted. 

“And you think this is going to make me feel better or laugh?” Jordan challenged, while looking at me very strangely. 

“Not that part, but there’s more,” I explained.  “The more I looked at her and the more things I did with her, the more she reminded me of you.  She could really be your twin sister.  You’ve got a lot of the same features, you have very similar personalities and you’re both very athletic.  No matter what she did, however, I ended up seeing you.  I think that’s why I started going out with her.”

“Because she looked like me?” Jordan repeated, with his eyes bulging from their sockets. 

“Not only looked like you, but I wanted her to be you,” I confessed.  “When we kissed, I compared her to you.  When I ate her out, I compared her taste to yours.  When I fucked her, I compared it to when we did it together.  No matter what we did, I compared her to you and you always won out.  I thought all the things you and I had done together were far better than what she and I did together.  That’s what I meant when I said that I’d been thinking about you a lot and often at the damnedest times.”

“That is funny.  I always won, huh?” Jordan reiterated, as he let his competitive nature show through again.  “I was always better at things and beat her out, huh?”

“Always,” I confirmed.  “Let that stroke your competitive ego.”  We both chuckled.  “Come on, dude.  I need a taste of that better action again.  I hope my memory didn’t embellish the truth.”

“You bastard.  I’ll show you that, if anything, your mind most likely forgot how good it could actually be,” he teased.  “I’ll make you totally forget all about her.”

Hurriedly, we undressed each other, like two cannibals at a picnic.  Soon, our mouths were locked together, as we sought to renew those wondrous feelings that had been denied for far too long.  Slowly, we worked our way down each other’s torso and reacquainted ourselves with the body we had each longed to hold.  I took charge of the situation, because I’d been the one who created this whole mess in the first place, so I owed Jordan the best apology I could possibly work upon his angelic form. 

Now that we were both naked and had finished kissing, I pushed Jordan back, onto the bed.  I then started to lick my way down his chest and stopped briefly, so I could give a little special attention to both nipples and his navel, before I dropped down to that perfect cock, which I’d missed so much.  I tasted every square centimeter of his boyhood and savored the smell and flavor of his youthfulness.  Then, I swallowed that marvelous entrée and sucked on his cock with a vigor that would make up for all of those blowjobs we’d missed out on.  After several minutes of this frantic activity, Jordan erupted in such a powerful orgasm that I thought both of our heads might explode, but that was just the start of our wondrous afternoon. 

After I had finished with him, then Jordan returned the favor.  He took hardly any time at all in recovering from his orgasm and then he reached out for my dick.  He took a hold of it and then tenderly began to mop the entire surface with his marvelously stimulating tongue, before he let my rod slide completely down his throat. 

As he rocked up and down on my penis, I could feel how much love he was putting into this intimate act.  His tongue and lips gradually lifted me to new heights and I was so excited about being with him again and benefiting from his expert touch that my loins were engulfed in a five-alarm fire and I was nearly ready to shot.  It only took a few more dives on my throbbing mast before my sprinkler system went off and covered Jordan’s throat with a generous coating of my frothy treat.  Jordan swallowed it eagerly to help douse his own fires and soon we were back under control.  The raging infernos that had once consumed us were now mostly extinguished and currently only glowing embers in our internal fireplaces. 

After taking a short breather and getting drinks, I realized that neither of us was completely satisfied or sated.  After we returned to Jordan’s bedroom, I made him an offer I didn’t think he’d be able to refuse.

“I know you’ve always wanted my butt and I let you have it once, but I’m ready for you to take it again,” I offered.  “If you want it, then you’d better find your baby oil quick and start lubing me up, unless you want to miss out on this opportunity.”

Jordan flew off of the bed and grabbed the small bottle from his nightstand, before he bounded back on the mattress next to me.  He then rolled me over quickly, as he pushed my chest onto the mattress and pulled my hips into the air.  Within seconds, his hand was all slicked up and he was once again stretching my tight chute.   When I suggested I was ready, Jordan oiled up his own pole, hopped up behind me and was poised to ender. 

Jordan had grown even more since the first time we had done this, so I was a little concerned about his increased girth.  I wasn’t about to back out on my offer though and prepared to endure any amount of pain to please him.  He was very gentle though, as he worked the head of his cock into my body and I only felt a brief bolt of pain when that happened.  I winced slightly and he stopped suddenly, so when I looked at him, it was easy to note the look of concern on his face. 

“I’m fine, it’s just that you’re a little bigger than I remembered,” I acknowledged.  “Keep going, because I think I’ve now adjusted to the new and improved Jordan. 

He grinned at my little joke and assurance that I was all right, so he continued to enter me.  He gradually inched his way inside, until he was fully embedded in my bowels and I felt fuller than I have ever felt before.  He was stretching me to my limits, so I asked him to give me a few seconds to adapt first, and then I gave him the signal to begin his assault.

He started slowly at first, as he thrust and withdrew in long strokes and enjoyed the feeling of his large member being stroked by the tight grip of my smooth, wet lining.  He continued at that slow pace for as long as he could, but then he felt the need to drive into me faster and harder, as he began to feel his juices starting to boil.  His pace continued to quicken until he was pounding my backside like a car piston whose engine was redlining. 

I found myself enjoying this ride as much as Jordan, but then I became aware it was suddenly over, when Jordan made his final thrust and filled me with a creamy center.  He collapsed on top of me, once his nuts were empty, and we stayed like that for a couple of minutes, until his penis eventually deflated and slid from my butt.  Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming emptiness and devastating sense of loss, as if everything in the world had instantly disappeared.  I assumed this feeling must be vaguely similar to a woman experiencing postpartum depression after giving birth, and even though his dick hadn’t been in me nearly that long, I still missed it tremendously.  When I told Jordan about this feeling, he merely laughed, as he looked at my face.

“For a guy who didn’t want to do this any more and who severed our relationship over it, you sure have done an about-face,” he teased.  “It just strikes me funny that you’d be the one to miss it after we finished.  I mean I knew I’d miss having my penis being in you, but I never would have believed that you’d miss it too.”

We laughed about this a little while longer, before Jordan was urging me to make love to him.  After we were both greased up, I returned the favor and rode him as lovingly as I could.  I did my best to make up for all of those lost opportunities and all the pain I had caused him, as I made sweet, sweet love to that tight, satiny chute.  That afternoon, I experienced something more powerful and far greater than the birth of the universe.  What we enjoyed was the rebirth of our friendship and recommitment of our deep love for each other, a love that would last until the end of time.  It was a new beginning, a second chance at happiness, and I promised then and there that I would never squander the numerous possibilities that were now offered to me.

We rested for a while and got dressed again before Justin came home.  He was shocked when he saw me there, and then he began to laugh.  It seemed that he had just come from my house, where he’d been looking for me.  He had gone there to confront me and had waited for nearly an hour before giving up.  I hugged him fiercely and thanked him for trying to bring me back to my senses, both now and way back when. 

Justin never asked how or why we made up, because he was just happy that we had.  I told him I loved him too and then he told both of us the same thing.  He said the house had been very empty and extremely lonely for quite some time, because we had both been gone for far too long – me in body and Jordan in spirit.  He said he already felt a thousand times better than he had during that entire period of his life, so I apologized again for the sorrow I had caused him.  I also assured him he would never have to worry about it happening ever again.

I then asked him what he thought of his big brothers little performance at the assembly, and Justin said he hadn’t seen it, because the middle school kids weren’t allowed to go.  He said he heard later that his big brother had been awesome when he stood up to all of those creeps, so I confirmed what the others had told him.  I also assured him that he would have been very proud of Jordan, had he been there.  I also promised he wouldn’t have to worry about Jordan being attacked either, because if any of those creeps came after him, they’d have to go through me first.  Justin corrected me and said those idiots would have to go through US first and we all laughed at that.

Justin then asked if I was gay too, so I explained to him the same way I had told his brother earlier, that I wasn’t sure if I was gay or bi.  He nodded his head in understanding and then announced that he thought he was at least bi as well.

“You know, Tony,” Justin began, “I’ve wanted to attack your body too, ever since the night you held both of us in your arms after our mom died.  I realized that night how much I really loved you, but it was also when I knew I was attracted to you as well and wanted to do stuff, sex stuff, with you too.  I hope my big brother doesn’t mind sharing and that you’ve got enough love in you to handle both of us.”

We all laughed and I gave Justin a quick kiss, which I think surprised him.  It wasn’t a passionate kiss, as I’d exchanged with his brother, but it was slightly more than an affectionate kiss that someone might give a relative.  After I did that, I pulled back slightly and spoke. 

“Justin, I definitely love you, and I will until the day I die, but I’m not sure I can give you the type of love you want,” I clarified.  “I’m willing to help you in any way I can and you’ll always be my little bro, but I’m not sure I can love you the same way I love your brother.” 

We discussed this a little longer and I think Justin eventually understood.  He knew I loved him like a brother and would do almost anything else for him, but I wasn’t ready to include him in on the sexual aspect of our relationship and I didn’t think Jordan was ready to do that either.  Now that this had been sorted out, we all hugged each other dearly and then started talking some more, when Dad K entered the front door.  He looked at me and blinked his eyes, almost as if he couldn’t believe I was actually there, and then he nearly jogged over to where I was standing, lifted me off of the ground, squeezed all the air from my lungs and swung my body around in a circle, as if I were merely a rag doll. 

“Where the hell have you been?” he nearly shouted.  “We’ve all missed you terribly.”

“I’m sorry.  I was being very selfish and extremely inconsiderate, but I promise all of you that I’ll never let that happen again,” I offered, as an apology. 

“Tony, I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time how much I appreciated what you did for the boys after their mother died,” Dad K stated next.  “Justin told me about everything you did for them over those few days and he even explained that you had to take them to the toilet, showered with each of them and even dressed them for the calling hours and funeral.  He said you slept between the two of them as well and that you held them all night long, as you attempted to take away their pain.  You were a great friend then and I trust you still are, but I want you to know that we all appreciate everything you did. 

“I wasn’t more than a little out of it after Joan died,” Dad K continued, “and I’m not sure either of them would have been able to deal with the situation as well as they did if you hadn’t been there for them.  You have my, no you have our deepest thanks and I want you to know that you’ll always be a part of this family.  This will always be your home, if only your second home, but we will be here for you, if you should ever need us.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said looking up into his face, so that I could see his reaction.  “I’ll do everything I know how to make you all proud of me too.  If you don’t mind, I’m going to call my parents and let them know I’ll be staying here for the night.  I’ll ask my dad to drop off my clothes when he gets the chance, because I don’t even want to leave long enough to go pick up what I need.”

We all smiled and then hugged each other, but we also had a wonderful evening together.  That night, all three of us boys slept together in Jordan’s bed, just as we had done that night after their mother had passed away.  I was reunited with my family and safe in the arms of my two loving brothers.

To be continued...

Posted: 08/xx/13