Spammer by Anel Viz

“Spammer”

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(Author’s note: In keeping with the theme of Internet spam, I have not given the main character of this story a name.)

10. School

They’d lived together almost four years; Norm would soon be turning twenty-two. Some people at work were wondering how long they’d remain roommates.

“Haven’t you saved up enough to get a place of your own?” Barney asked. “How long do you intend to impose on a friend’s hospitality.”

“He’s not imposing on me. There’s plenty of room for both, and I like having company. You’re married. You don’t know what it’s like living alone.”

“Do too. The wife threw me out for two weeks once after we had a big fight over some stupid thing or other.”

“Not the same. Two weeks is nothing. It wasn’t the loneliness that was bothering you, it was your marriage.”

“You’d think Norm would want to be independent,” Gus said. “Or have you converted him to the joys of being a bachelor?”

“I got the money,” Norm said, “just not quite enough. I’m saving up to go back to school.”

That was true. They’d set their sights on Norm going for a four-year degree. They’d looked over the options, and decided on Winona State. Rochester wouldn’t work out because of the high cost of living and because the U was overenrolled. He couldn’t be sure of getting into the classes he wanted and would have trouble finishing in four years.

“You could do it now if you want,” Francine said, “with the Hormel scholarship. Get a room in the dorms, a cheap meal plan...”

“They ain’t that cheap, Francine, and I can’t see myself in the dorms after having a place of my own.”

“You could commute. How far a drive is it?”

“With the price of gas what it is? To do it that way I’d have to save up another three years, and by then I’d be too old to take advantage of the scholarship. As is I won’t have it for my senior year.”

“That means you’re starting in the fall.”

“Yeah, it was supposed to be a surprise, but I’ve given notice already.”

“So when’s the party?” Gus wanted to know.

“In August, right before I leave. I got myself a studio near campus already, but I’ll have to stay in motel till the end of the month.”

Acceptance to a college evidently put your name on all sorts of lists, for Norm’s spam filter picked up a veritable deluge of unsolicited offers of credit cards, debt consolidation, investment opportunities, student loans, ways to support yourself by working on a pauper’s commission in your spare time, schemes to get rich quick, life insurance, car insurance, timeshares in Mexico for spring break, magazines that probably didn’t exist, free diplomas from schools that may not have exited either, commencement paraphernalia, cheap textbooks, calculators that could do everything except fart, and the fashions sure to hit it big on American campuses in the coming year.

“I gotta get myself a new email,” he said.

“How about the addy you set up to entrap Joel. Have you even looked at it since then?”

But the spammers had already found that one too.

He left for orientation in late August. It took him less than a day to realize it was a waste of time and he could have spared himself the price of a motel and the time away from his boyfriend, so he came back to wait for classes to begin. At the end of his first week of school, he took the bus to Austin so the two of them could drive back to Winona together to get him set up in his apartment.

As a first-year student, he’d got saddled with an eight-o’clock class, which cut short their weekends. Getting up before dawn Monday morning to drive one hundred miles didn’t work. Starting spring semester he made a point of arranging his schedule with his first class no earlier than ten so they’d have Sunday night together as well.

It was reason enough for Norm to scrap the idea of majoring in Computer Science, where they tended to schedule courses early. He signed up for business major, then changed it to a minor with a major in Communications, with an eye to getting a job in some kind of public relations. Austin is a relatively small town and Hormel its major industry, but he felt sure of finding employment there if his qualifications were broad enough.

Every now and then Norm stayed in Winona over the weekend to study for a test or finish a paper. He always called to let him know he wasn’t coming. It didn’t happen often; most of their weekends they had together. Norm seldom dropped in on his family when he came to Austin. His father considered going to college a waste of time and money, and wouldn’t stop harping on it, however patiently Norm reminded him that it wasn’t his time or his money. He’d get in late Friday evening to a special dinner waiting for him – vegetarian, of course – and they’d linger over it, chatting, exchanging news, then clear the table, wash up, go to bed, and make love. They usually didn’t leave the apartment all weekend so nobody would know how often Norm came back. That he came back for Christmas, spring break, and summer vacation was only to be expected. Why pay for an apartment when you don’t have to?

Posted: 10/31/08