Spammer by Anel Viz

“Spammer”

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

(Author’s note: In keeping with the theme of Internet spam, I have not given the main character of this story a name.)

3. Kiss and Make Up

He came back.

For over a week they went on having lunch together in the cafeteria, their conversation made up of disconnected bits and pieces, avoiding anything that might lead to what was weighing on their minds. Then one day as they were getting ready to leave the plant Norm said, “I just don’t feel comfortable going on like this. Let’s go for coffee somewhere and have it out.”

“Will that give us enough time? We have some pretty heavy stuff to cover. Let’s make it a date instead. Say Saturday afternoon – an early movie and dinner afterwards?”

“OK then. We’ll make it Saturday.”

By the time the date had ended they’d settled nothing, they hadn’t so much a broached the subject. They couldn’t talk about it at the restaurant. All the people sitting around where they could hear them made private conversation impossible.

“Look, it’s still early. How about you come over to my place and we talk about it there?”

“I know what will happen if we go to your place.”

“It could. But if it does, at least we could talk about. Before, or after.”

He looked inquiringly at Norm, studied his face. It was an open book, but not that easy to read, a of uncertainty and determination, of apprehension, and also, he thought, desire, a desire he was trying as hard as he could not to feel.

“We’ll go.”

This time he was consenting; he wouldn’t have to throw himself on him. He could take it slowly, but it would happen. Norm had said it would.

The front door led directly into the kitchen. They stood there, Norm looking very nervous, as if he half expected to be attacked, not knowing where to begin.

If he started ripping his clothes off they’d have sex, but probably for the last time, and he wanted Norm for a lover. “OK,” he said, “I’ll be totally honest. I won’t pretend I didn’t have ulterior motives when I asked you over last time, but I never meant to force you. You started the fight.”

“I’m sorry. What’s gonna happen with your teeth?”

“I’ve been to the dentist. He’ll be putting in implants sometime next week. That’s neither here nor there. I didn’t do it just to get back at you. I wanted to; I’d been thinking about it for years. But when I asked you over I was only hoping it would happen, nothing more. What do you have to say?”

“First of all, that I’m not your secret admirer. I’ve never sent you any emails. I almost did, after it happened, but I didn’t know what to write. There was too much to say, and my thoughts were all confused.”

“You can say it now. It won’t matter if it comes out all muddled.”

Norm took a deep breath. “Shit, man, do you know how much you hurt me?” There were tears in his eyes. “I don’t mean physically. That didn’t hurt, or at least not much. A little when you put it in me, but then... It was worse when you made me suck you. I thought you were my friend, and all the time you were just getting me ready to let you fuck me.”

He was crying now. He put his arms around him and held him gently. “I’m so, so sorry. I am your friend. I want us to go on being friends.”

“Me too, even when it was happening, and when it was over. And I was so ashamed. Not just losing the fight, but you rubbing it in like that.” He sniffed and gave a weak smile. “I don’t mean your dick.”

“I know.”

“You lured me here.”

“Not really. As I said, I was only hoping we’d have sex.”

“I don’t think I’d’ve minded if it weren’t so...”

“Degrading?”

“Yeah, that. But I never thought of you that way, and when it hit me it came as a shock. I guess I overreacted. I really am sorry about those teeth.”

“Forget the teeth. We need to talk about the sex. And now?”

“I liked it. It, not being made to do it; I hated that. But I lied when I told you I didn’t.”

“And that’s one reason you’re here. You want to do it again, don’t you?”

“Want’s not the right word. I’m sure there is one, but want ain’t it.”

“Agree?”

“Yeah, but without wanting to agree.”

“I understand. I can remember being your age and not wanting to agree to what I was.”

He was calm now. “I’m not sure I am... what you are.”

“Gay.”

He nodded.

“But you don’t mind that I’m gay.”

“No. I just don’t want people to find out.”

“That makes two us.”

They laughed.

“So what do we do now?” Norm asked.

“We do it again, but not like last time. In the bedroom, both of us willing, neither of us angry. Make love.”

“What’s that gonna accomplish? Won’t we be right back where we started?”

“I hope not. For one, know we’ll know.”

“Know what?”

“If having sex together is something we both want. If you’re gay or bi or just wanted – are agreeing – to do it again to please me or to find out what it’s like when you’re not fighting it inside, when you don’t feel used.”

“You promised we’d be honest. Say: ‘When you’re not being molested.’”

“You’re right. And this time I mean to focus on your pleasure as well as mine. Shall we go to the bedroom? Kiss and make up?”

Posted: 09/12/08