A Gay Alphabet by Anel Viz

A Gay Alphabet for Children Eighteen and Over

(and handy reference for gay authors)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

A is for abs. "Abs" is short for "abdominals", the muscles that hold in your sagging gut. Some men go to the gym almost every day to exercise their abs so they will have a flat, firm, rippled stomach, which makes them exceedingly attractive to other men. A winning smile, broad shoulders, a thin trail of hair leading down to the crotch, a tight bubble butt, and a big dick also help.

[Other useful words that begin with A which you may want to add to your vocabulary: aaaah!, AC/DC, active partner, activist, adult bookstore, adult entertainment, AIDS cocktail, all-male review, amyl nitrate, anal, anal beads, androgyny, anus, armpits, around the world, arousal, arse, Asian, asshole, and available.]

B is for bottom. In gay parlance, "bottom" is not a vectorial term. Though most often used in reference to anal sex, a man can bottom in almost any act of lovemaking, and tops may also bottom. It connotes neither relative physical position nor status; it is a question of attitude. The essence of bottoming lies in abandoning one's body to another man. A bottom wants to be used for his top's pleasure, while a good top will seek to use his bottom to give him pleasure beyond endurance. When two men fuck, the fellow bottoming (who may be the top) experiences the more intense physical ecstasy. Bottoms rule!

[Other useful words that begin with B which you may want to add to your vocabulary: B&D, back alley, back door, backrub, backside, ball-buster, balls, bareback, bathhouse, bear, bed, beat off, beefcake, behind, bend over, bi, biceps, bi-curious, biker, bitch, bite, Black, blowjob, blue balls, bodily fluids, bondage, boner, bootlicker, boots, boxers, boyfriend, boy pussy, boy toy, briefs, bubble butt, bugger, bull nuts, bullocks, buns, bush, butch, butt, buttfuck, buttocks, and buttplug.]

C is for circle jerk. A circle jerk is a group of naked men sitting in a circle, each one pleasuring the guy next to him (usually on the right) by providing manual stimulation to his private parts. He accomplishes this by holding the dude's well-oiled penis in his fist and rubbing it up and down until he cums. Someone else will be doing him at the same time. Some circle jerkers like to turn it into a contest to see who will cum first. Only very rarely do all the participants cum at the same time.

[Other useful words that begin with C which you may want to add to your vocabulary: casual sex, catamite, catty, centimeters, chains, chaps, chat up, cheeks, cheese, chemistry, cherry, chicken, Cialis, circumcision, cleft, closet, clubbing, cock, cock ring, cocksucker, cock teaser, collar, colon, come-on, commitment, compatible, condom, corona, crack, cream, cross-dresser, crotch, cruise, cum, and cum shot.]

D is for diva. A diva, from the Latin word for goddess, is any person, male or female, who expects and/or demands to be worshipped, such as rock stars, opera singers, and selfish, stuck-up queens who think they're shit on a shingle. Gay divas are usually, but not always bottoms, and like to attract attention by prancing around and affecting such feminine mannerisms as limp wrists, a swaying gait, brightly colored clothes that reveal shaved legs, chests and armpits, and loud, high-pitched voices that speak in a vocabulary all their own. In return they expect to be sucked up to and pampered. They're relatively harmless, except when they turn catty (see above).

[Other useful words that begin with D which you may want to add to your vocabulary: daddy, daisy chain, dalliance, dangle, dark room, date, deep throat, deltoids, dick, dilated, dildo, dink, discharge, discipline, disco, docking, doggie style, domestic partners, domination, don't ask don't tell, dork, douche, drag queen, drip, drop-dead gorgeous, and dungeon.]

E is for erection. A blood-engorged penis is called an erection because it stands up straight and tall and proud. Many men's penises do not so much stand up as stick out, but the organ has risen and no longer just dangles between his legs, so the word fits. An erect penis is noticeably larger than a limp one, and is also quite rigid and ready to penetrate your favorite orifice. Males commonly get erections both before and after puberty. They may occur as a result of direct or indirect sexual stimulation, or they may occur spontaneously, which sometimes causes embarrassment, or they may not occur at all, which also causes embarrassment. A dick has a mind of its own.

[Other useful words that begin with E which you may want to add to your vocabulary: eat out, ecstasy, edible body paint, eggs, ejaculate, electrolysis, endowment, enema, engorged, entrapment, erectile tissue, erogenous zone, erotica, escort service, exhibitionist, experience, and eye candy.]

F is for fetish. A fetish is an object which is not in itself sexual on which some people (called fetishists) get off. Some fetishists require the physical presence of the object in order to get off and others can get off just by thinking about it, but most just get off on it and have to clean it up when they finish. The fetish may be any part of the body from feet to haircuts, or an article of clothing, such as a boot or a glove or underwear, or a particular fabric, like silk or leather, a feather, or something quite random (a doorknob, for example), or even an odor or a color.

[Other useful words that begin with F which you may want to add to your vocabulary: face fuck, fag, faggot, fag hag, family jewels, fantasy, fellatio, fem, fimosis, finger fuck, first time, fisting, fixation, flaccid, flamer, flasher, flex, fling, flip-flop, fondle, fool around, foreskin, foursome, French, frig, frottage, fruitcake, fruit loop, fuck, fuck buddy, full frontal nudity, fur, furry handcuffs, and futter.]

G is for gay-dar. Gay-dar is the sixth sense some homosexuals claim to have by which they recognize one another and which thus enables them to seek out sexual contacts without inadvertently propositioning straight people. The number of gay men who get beaten up or arrested every day for soliciting suggests that this ability is rare, if it exists at all. Please be discreet.

[Other useful words that begin with G which you may want to add to your vocabulary: game, gang bang, gag reflex, gay, gay baiting, gay bar, gay-bashing, gay-friendly, gender bender, gender roles, genitalia, get it up, get off, glans, give head, GLBT, glory hole, go down, golden shower, go-go dancer, gonads, grab, grease, Greek love, groin, grope, group sex, grovel, grower, g-spot, g-string, and gym.]

H is for handjob. A handjob is just a less fancy term for manual masturbation. You may give yourself a handjob, but it's much more fun when someone else gives you one or to give one to someone else. Most men just pump up and down on a cock and get it over with quickly, but there is an infinite variety of pleasurable strokes that prolong the process and deserve looking into. The Body Electric School of Massage has given each one a cute name, but they're all just handjobs. Proper lubrication is highly recommended.

[Other useful words that begin with H which you may want to add to your vocabulary: hairy, handcuffs, hankie, harder!, hard-on, head, heat, he-man, hemorrhoids, hepatitis C, herpes, Hershey Highway, he-she, hit on, high-risk, HIV, hole, homoerotic, homophobia, homosexual, hook up, horny, hot, hottie, hot tub, huge, hump, hung, hunk, humiliation, and hustler.]

I is for inches. This is the standard measurement for a penis in the United States. Usually only the erect penis is measured, though nothing prevents you from measuring a flaccid one. Unless otherwise specified, the inches refer to the length from where it joins the abdomen at its base to the tippy-tip, but on occasion the girth of the shaft (called "thick" or "around") or even the head may also given. The average penis measures 5 to 6 inches when erect, and that is quite adequate for most purposes. (Modeling is an example of a purpose for which it is probably not adequate.) Anything above that is considered impressive, and anything above 9½ is downright extraordinary.

[Other useful words that begin with I which you may want to add to your vocabulary: idol, immune deficiency, in deep, inflatable doll, insertive, interfemoral fuck, Internet, inter-racial, intimacy, intimate apparel, and invert.]

J is for jackoff buddy. Jackoff buddies are men who jack off together on a regular or semi-regular basis. I suppose they enjoy the company, since they usually go no further than getting naked and jacking off side by side without touching each other. Since they don't touch each other it goes without saying that jacking off is as far as they go. If they went further they'd be called fuck buddies (see above). Most often they are casual acquaintances who get together for no other purpose, but friends may also be jackoff buddies. Sometimes a group of jackoff buddies gets together for a jackoff party, which may take place in someone's home, a motel room or a jackoff club, and at which they are more likely to engage in a greater variety of sexual activities than as a couple. (Go figure.) Many men who have jackoff buddies consider themselves straight. Hah!

[Other useful words that begin with J which you may want to add to your vocabulary: Jacuzzi, jack (or jerk) off, jackhammer, jail bait, jism, jock, jockstrap, john, jollies, joystick, and jumping someone's bones.]

K is for kink. Kink is a more or less meaningless term, since it may be applied to such a wide variety of sexual practices. Anything involving pain or fetishism or animals is invariably labeled kinky, but in fact anything out of the ordinary may be called kinky, and since few people restrict their sexual activities to the ordinary (though many claim to), the word essentially covers virtually every sexual act imaginable, including abstinence. On the other hand, most people who engage in kink would be insulted if you told them that there was nothing kinky about what they do.

[Other useful words that begin with K which you may want to add to your vocabulary: Kama Sutra, kick-ass sex, kiddie porn, kiss, and K-Y.]

L is for load. The amount of ejaculate a man shoots is called his load. Its standard measurement is cubic centimeters, but few people bother. They know by experience what constitutes a big load. The load generally decreases in size with each successive orgasm and may be deposited either in the mouth, anus or hand, or on the face, back, butt, chest or stomach, or in a condom, or on the floor (if you're indoors). You have probably seen traces someone's load on the partition of a lavatory stall sometime during your life. Deposited in the mouth it may be swallowed or spit out, and deposited anywhere else it may be licked up, except in the anus or a condom. (But if you're going to suck it out of the condom, why bother using one in the first place?)

[Other useful words that begin with L which you may want to add to your vocabulary: labyrinth, lap dance, larger than average, lascivious, latent, Latino, lav, leather, Leviticus, Levitra, lick, lift your legs, lingerie, lips, live sex show, locker room, loins, loo, loop, lovemaking, lover, LTR, lube, Lucky Pierre, and lust.]

M is for multiple partners. A man who has had sexual contact with more than one other person is said to have had multiple partners. This is the rule, rather than the exception. A man who at any given period of time has sexual contact with more than one person is said to have multiple partners. One might think that a man who is engaged in sexual contact with many partners all at the same time is said to be having multiple partners, but this is not the case. A man whose life style consists in having multiple partners is said to be a stud or a slut. That is a value judgment. The main disadvantage of multiple partners is the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease and possible loneliness in one's old age. Its principal advantage is variety and acquiring a reputation as a slut or a stud. Men in monogamous relationships who eschew multiple partners get to bareback and swallow cum in relative safety, a distinct advantage.

[Other useful words that begin with M which you may want to add to your vocabulary: macho, make him beg, male bonding, male prostitute, man, manhandle, man handle, manhole, masochist, massage, master, masturbate, meat, merchandise, mind games, misdemeanor, moan, model, molestation, moon, more!, Mr. Right, muscles, and mushroom head.]

N is for nipples. Some men have very sensitive nipples. Many pierce them. They like them licked, sucked on and bitten, tweaked and twisted, pinched and pulled, and say the pain and pleasure shoot down an invisible thread directly to their balls and that the sensation is exquisite. Their nipples harden and stand up like little penises. Any man's nipples will respond to gentle rubbing in this way, thought the man himself may feel only mild pleasure. There are few things as annoying as having one's nipples mauled if they are not sensitive. Some men with extremely sensitive nipples have trouble understanding that.

[Other useful words that begin with N which you may want to add to your vocabulary: naked, narcissism, naughty, navel, nude beach, nuts, and nut sack.]

O is for outing. The act of making another person's homosexuality public is known as outing. Some gay activists believe that the more men are out, the easier life will become for all homosexuals. However, many men have valid reasons for remaining in the closet, so most people feel it is inconsiderate to out anyone other than practicing homosexuals parading as homophobes and similar hypocrites.

[Other useful words that begin with O which you may want to add to your vocabulary: obscenity, offensive, oh!, oh God!, oh my!, onanism, one-night stand, oral sex, orgy, orientation, orifice, and ow!]

P is for precum. Precum is the clear, sweet-tasting, lubricating fluid many men secrete when aroused. It may contain a few sperm, but you needn't worry about that. Contrary to popular opinion, however, while it is just a dribble compared to the quantity of a man's spooge, the precum of HIV-positive men contains a higher concentration of the virus and has been known to infect men who lap it up, especially those with gum disease.]

[Other useful words that begin with P which you may want to add to your vocabulary: package, paddle, pansy, partner, passing, passive, pecker, pecs, pederast, pedophile, pee slit, pelvic tilt, penetration, penile enhancement, penile insert, penile shrinkage, perineum, pervert, peter, pheromones, phone sex, physique, picture exchange, pickup, piercing, pig, piss, pizzle, play around, plow, PNP, pole, poof, pop a nut, poppers, pork, porn, porn flick, porn star, positions, post-coital depression, posterior, potty mouth, pound, predator, premature ejaculation, prick, pride, Prince Albert, private party, probe, prolapsed, promiscuous, prophylactic, prostate, prowl, pubes, pucker, pull out, and pussy boy (not the same as "boy pussy".]

Q is for queer. Once (and still) a derogatory term for male homosexuals, "queer" had been adopted by the gay community along with "faggot" as a self-deprecating in-word, an expression of defiance in the face of homophobic oppression. "Gay" is the preferred term, and may be used a noun or an adjective. "Faggot" is most often used as a noun, and "queer" more often as an adjective, as in "queer theory", which is no less esoteric and pretentious than any other school of literary criticism. "Queer" may also be used as a verb.

[Other useful words that begin with Q which you may want to add to your vocabulary: queen, and quickie.]

R is for rimming. Cleanliness is of paramount important in rimming, which consists in pleasuring another man by licking and nibbling and kissing and sucking on his pucker. Often the tip of the tongue, sometimes a bit more, is inserted into the anus for a taste of tunnel. Rimming may effectively dilate an asshole that you plan to fuck and also provides some lubrication. It sounds icky, but it's fabulous for both parties.

[Other useful words that begin with R which you may want to add to your vocabulary: rainbow, raincoat, ream, rear-ended, receptive partner, rectum, relationship, relax and enjoy, rent boy, restraints, retrovirus, ride, rod, role play, roommate, root, rope, rosebud, rubber, and rut.]

S is for sodomy. Any homosexual act or bestiality qualifies as sodomy, but most often the term refers to anal sex, performed bareback or wearing a condom. Anal self-stimulation with a toy or household object is also considered sodomy. Many heterosexuals believe that all gay men sodomize one another, but that is not at all the case, though many gays hold that a good fuck in the ass is one of life's greatest pleasures and the ultimate intimacy. The compiler of this lexicon heartily concurs. Try it; you'll like it.

[Other useful words that begin with S which you may want to add to your vocabulary: S&M, sadism, safe sex, same-sex marriage, sandwich, santorum, satyr, sauna, scat, score, screw, scrotum, scumbag, scuzz, seduction, self-abuse, semen, seropositive, sex slave, sexual advances, sexual contact, sexual encounter, sexual identity, sexual orientation, sexual preference, shaft, shag, shaved, sheath, she-male, shoot, shower (2 words, not homonyms), significant other, simultaneous ejaculation, sissy, sixpack, sixty-nine, size queen, skid marks, skin flick, sling, slut, smegma, smooth, snowballing, sore, spanking, sperm, sphincter, spooge, spread eagle, spread 'em!, spunk, spurt, staff, STD, steam bath, stiffy, sting, Stonewall, streaking, stud, studly, stud muffin, suck, support group, swallow, swap, sweat, swinger, swish, and switch hitter.]

T is for tearoom. No tea is served in a tearoom. Neither are crumpets. "Tea" merely stands of the letter T, as in toilet. Tearooms are public lavatories, the scene of casual sex between males. They are often unsavory places, seldom meticulously clean, and all too often unsafe. Men may loiter at the urinals eyeing each other as they stroke their meat to show off the merchandise or sit in one of the stalls and tap their foot to signal availability to the person in the stall next to them. The partitions between the stalls often come equipped with a glory hole. Some men bring each other off in tearooms, in which case it's always a quickie; others prefer to go somewhere safe for their quickie; still others pick someone up and go home with him, in which case it's usually a one-night stand. Hustlers also frequent tearooms.

[Other useful words that begin with T which you may want to add to your vocabulary: T-cells, talking dirty, tattoo, tease, testicles, testosterone, thick, third leg, thong, threeway, tight end, tit play, toilet talk, tongue, tongue bath, tonsil tickle, tool, top, toys, trade, trannie, transgender, trash, treasure trail, treat, trick, troll, tumescent, turn-on, twink, two dads, and two-timing.]

U is for uncut. A man who still has his foreskin is said to be uncut. Those who are cut may have had their foreskin removed for religious, aesthetic, hygienic or medical reasons, or just in order to look like everyone else in countries where circumcision is widely practiced. Only very rarely have they had any say in the matter. Some maintain that a cut penis is easier to keep clean, which is not quite accurate. They would do better to say that an uncut penis gets dirty more quickly. Others assert that circumcision affects penile sensitivity, and I have heard both cut and uncut vaunted as more exquisitely pleasured or pleasuring. Many make a big thing about being uncut, but you can find a foreskin on any size penis.

[Other useful words that begin with U which you may want to add to your vocabulary: underage, underneath, underwear, uniform, up, and urethra.]

V is for Viagra. Viagra is the brand name of a little, blue, diamond-shaped pill that restores potency to men suffering from erectile dysfunction. (See also Cialis and Levitra.) This miracle drug does not produce the erection, but allows the man to get and maintain one in conjunction with appropriate (or inappropriate) sexual stimulation. Its effectiveness lasts four hours or more. The manufacturers of Viagra and similar products feel obliged to warn the public that such medications do not protect against STDs. Can anyone really be that stupid?

[Other useful words that begin with V which you may want to add to your vocabulary: vacuum pump, vanilla, vasectomy, venereal, versatile, vibrator, vice squad, video booth, viral load, virgin, and voyeur.]

W is for WOW. Wow is the word that results when the letter W is tattooed on each buttock of a person who bottoms for an extremely vigorous top too much and too often for his own good. As an English word, it is an exclamation of appreciation or surprise. For example, a person who saw a W tattooed on the ass cheeks of a bottom who's overdone it would probably say "Wow!"

[Other useful words that begin with W which you may want to add to your vocabulary: wad, wank, water sports, waxing, webcam, weenie peeking, wee-wee, weirdo, wet dream, whipping, wiener, willie, woody, work over, and work-out.]

X is for x-rated. An x-rating means that some uptight bastard has decided that something is unsuitable for people under legal age (18 in most states in the USA). In theory, this is because of its violent or adult (a euphemism for sexual) content, but they let the most brutal, gory stuff by with an R, while "adult" can mean something as innocent as nudity or a few dirty words. Let's face it – those fuckers think it's unsuitable for everyone and would ban it entirely if they had their way.

[Other useful words that begin with X which you may want to add to your vocabulary: XXX, and any E-word in ex- (i.e., x-hibitionism, x-perience, x-stasy).]

Y is for Y-chromosome. The proverb says that "Clothes make the man." Our bigoted society thinks that what makes a man is his sexual orientation, or his ability to stand up for himself or just to get it up, or his talent for fixing things around the house, or his love of sports, or even his favorite beer. Many gays think that liking to get your jollies on top and affecting a macho swagger make the difference. That's all nonsense. Every man has an X-chromosome, inherited from his mother, and a Y-chromosome, inherited from his father. Had he inherited an X-chromosome from both, she would be a woman. But he didn't.

[Other useful words that begin with Y which you may want to add to your vocabulary: yes!, and YMCA.]

Z is for zipper . A zipper is a sliding mechanism used to close garments, pouches, etc. The ease which one can open and close it makes it particularly well-adapted for the fly of a man's trousers, allowing him to whip it out in seconds and tuck it safely away at need. On the other hand, if you get your dick caught in a zipper, it hurts! The much slower buttons have the advantage of prolonging the excitement of undressing someone or being undressed by him. Snaps, which open almost as quickly as a zipper but take longer to close, make no sense to me at all, at least not for a fly.

[I can think of no other useful words that begin with Z which you may want to add to your vocabulary.]

Posted: 06/22/07